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The Office: The Lost Purim Episode

The Office: The Lost Purim Episode

The script of NBC's hit comedy that the Network doesn't want you to see.

by

The Office (in Shushan)

Michael (to camera)
"Some people wonder how it is they ended up at Dunder Mifflin, but not me, I think of it more like destiny."

Michael sitting at his desk calls Valerie on speakerphone.

Michael
"Valerie, I asked you to come in here 20 minutes ago, we have a memo to draft"

Valerie sitting at the receptionist desk reading People magazine hangs up and ignores him continuing to polish her nails.

Dwight enters Michael's office.

Dwight
"I would not stand for that kind of insolence Michael. She continually disrespects you and this office with her attitude and behavior."

Michael
"Come to think of it, she hasn't been giving me any of my messages of or answering any of my requests lately."

Dwight
"As your number 2, I suggest you fire her and Jim, they offer nothing to this office and are insubordinate."

Michael raises himself from the desk and walks out to the reception where Valerie is putting on her coat. Dwight follows him.

Michael
"Valerie"

Valerie
"I quit, I can't stand it here any more. Answer your own phone."

Michael
"You can't quit, because you're fired. I'm firing you!"

Valerie shrugs and walks away.

Michael
"I'm going to hire someone smarter, faster, more agile and better looking."

Dwight
"You should hold a beauty contest job audition to fill the position."

Jim (to camera)
The beauty contest job audition was a tad unorthodox but you've got to give it to Pam coming away with the big win.

Jim is making copies when Dwight approaches him.

Dwight
"Jim, I need the copier... please make way."

Jim
"I'll been done in a couple of minutes."

Dwight
"As Michael's number 2, I demand you cease and desist what you are doing and allow me to make my copies."

Jim looks at the camera with a "can you believe this" look.

Jim
"Ah no, you're going to have to get in line and wait your turn."

Jim points to Kevin who has just gotten in line behind him.

Dwight
"Jim I think you dropped that paper clip, why don't you kneel down to pick it up."

Jim
"That's not my paper clip."

Dwight
"Still why don't you kneel down and pick it up."

Jim
"I don't want to."

Kevin
"Jim, are you done photo copying your hand?"

Dwight looks at the pile of photo copies of Jim's hand.

Jim
"Yeah that will about do it."

Jim collects his papers and walks away. Kevin proceeds to make copies.

Dwight to camera
"As the second in command I like to take a hands-on approach to the office. I consider myself Michael's enforcer and problem solver. Jim is a problem and I am going to solve him. Case in point -– the paperclips. Why wouldn't he just bow down... [coughs and says] to me... and pick them up?"

Break room – Jim is just getting up from lunch as Kevin and Andy enter.

Jim
"Hey guys."

Kevin and Andy
"Hey."

Kevin and Andy take a seat as Jim leaves. Just after exiting Jim realizes he left an apple behind and is about to re-enter the room but pauses by the door.

Andy
"I'm telling you our plan is fool proof."

Kevin
"We send a poison pen email complaining to corporate about Michael. He gets fired and then they make you the head of the office."

Andy
"Yes, and I will make you my number 2."

Kevin
"What about Dwight?"

Andy
"I will take care of Shrute."

Kevin
"And my band?"

Andy
"Okay, they can play at all of the company parties... but only if my banjo is in?"

Kevin
"Deal."

Jim tip toes away from the break room, leaving his apple behind.

Jim is talking with Pam at her desk.

Pam
"So you told Michael?"

Jim
"I had too. The hardest part was finding the right time. Dwight won't leave his side."

Pam
"I can picture Andy but wow Kevin, I'm shocked."

wight approaches them.

Dwight
"See what happens to people who disobey."

Security escorts Kevin and Andy from the office.

Jim (to camera)
"Michael might be strange but he's a better boss then Andy or Dwight."

Michael is pacing in his office.

Michael
"Dwight, come in here please."

Dwight runs over.

Michael
"I want to boost morale, I want people to know how much I care, how much they should appreciate me, how great of a boss I am. I want to reward someone in the office. How do you think I should reward them?"

Dwight
"You should promote the person; give them a new title, raise and an office."

Michael
"I was thinking of something big but that would last for a day."

Dwight
"You should make them king for the day and give them a crown to wear, along with a robe and a scepter so that everyone in the office will see how much you appreciate them."

Michael
"That is not a bad idea."

Next Day:

Michael comes out of his office holding his bathrobe, a Burger King crown and a huge lollipop.

Michael
"Everyone can I have your attention please."

Michael
"Someone in this office has gone above and beyond in their dedication to me and this office. As a reward for their dedication and devotion I would like to make this person King for the Day."

Dwight straightens his tie and buttons his jacket.

Michael
"Without further ado I present you our King for the Day. Drum roll please."

Michael makes the drum roll sound.

Michael
"Dwight can you come up here and help me."

Dwight stands up smiling, thinking he is going to be named King, but Michael continues with the drum roll sound.

Michael
"Jim."

Jim shocked looks around and smiles at Pam as he stands.

Dwight fumes.

Jim
"Michael, why thank you."

Michael hands Dwight the robe and lollipop so that Dwight can place the crown on Jim.

Michael
"Thank you. Dwight help put on the robe."

Dwight helps Jim into the robe and reluctantly releases the lollipop.

Published: February 24, 2007


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Visitor Comments: 4

(4) Yossi, June 18, 2007 1:50 AM

This script sounds quite familiar.. Dosen't IT!

(3) Qreak, March 2, 2007 12:10 PM

Brilliant! Clearly written by a professional. Izzy, need a producer? Contact me!

(2) JMS, February 27, 2007 1:29 PM

If only the original BBC series had been like this...

(1) Barb, February 26, 2007 11:55 AM

Delightful! Well-written and entertaining!!!

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