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Citrus Harvest Devastation in California Blamed on Nefarious Zionist Plot

Citrus Harvest Devastation in California Blamed on Nefarious Zionist Plot

Propagandists develop Jaffa Oranges conspiracy theory.

by Rick Frank

(JEWLARIOUS SATIRE)

In the wake of last month's arctic blast that all but decimated the California citrus crop to the tune of 1 billion dollars and counting, Arab leaders across the globe are pointing the finger at none other than Israel and their God.

"It is a known fact that the Jews did this," said Ibrahim Ahmed Zin at a hastily organized press conference. Zin is a well known author of the bestselling book, "The Jew Did It: When in Doubt, Blame the Jews! (Doublespeak Press). "This is no natural phenomena as the Zionist media would like the world to believe. Look closely -- who benefits directly from this devastation: Israel and their Jaffa Oranges. Obviously the Mossad is behind this plot to deny the Palestinian people of their natural right to live in a free and democratic totalitarian state."

Meanwhile, in Israel, Jaffa Oranges spokesman Rafi "Gingi" Mitztov had this to say in rebuttal, "The orange accusations are just another anti-Semitic canard trudged up by Arab propagandists and we are thankful that the American administration is behind our government in this conflict. We in turn are behind them, and are ready to assist them with all of their orange needs in these troubled times. I would like to add that if there are any nations that are interested in buying oranges in bulk, we can arrange for a special discount...in these trying times. We will not be undersold!"

When asked whether or not the so-called "chill" was a Mossad plot to boost Jaffa Orange profits, Mitztov responded curtly, "I am sorry, it is against the law for an Israeli citizen to give information about our intelligence agency to the media, oranges or not. I am permitted to say this however: Israel will not be the first to introduce nuclear weapons into the region."

While Zin offers no real evidence to support his claim other than the coincidence that the words "Jews" and "juice" sound similar when spoken quickly, his accusations have encouraged other conspiracy theorists to jump on the ever expanding "blame the Jews" bandwagon. Doublespeak Press is planning to release several volumes connecting the Jews to the sub-par skiing season in Europe, the poor reception on cellular telephones and soggy breakfast cereals. The governments of Egypt and Saudi Arabia have simultaneously pre-ordered 100,000 copies, and demanded that the books be burned.

Published: February 3, 2007


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Visitor Comments: 4

(4) Ron Ostrander, February 17, 2007 9:22 PM

Great stuff. But what about the prune conspiracy?

The only reason you have this orange plot is to cover your plot to capture Santa Claus.

(3) Dovid, February 6, 2007 1:09 AM

The following would also be funny if it were a joke!

The following article from the The Jerusalem Post would also be funny if it were a joke!

Feb. 5, 2007

Top Iran cleric: Zionists preventing Muslim unity

Iran's top spiritual leader, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, said on Monday that the Zionist regime was preventing unity in the Muslim world.

During a meeting with Pakistani President Parvez Musharraf, Khamenei added that the State of Israel was set up by "arrogant forces" with the aim of starting a dispute between the Islamic nations.

"Any plan for the Middle East will succeed only if [we] put an end to the American intervention and the Zionist crimes," Khamenei said.

(2) Anonymous, February 5, 2007 1:29 PM

To the point.

Jewish humor is the best!

(1) Mary, February 4, 2007 5:52 PM

as seen on a website

I read a website where a contributor always expresses himself sarcastically as "Blame it on the Jooooooooooos."

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