JEWLARIOUS SATIRE -- The partnership of a maverick archeologist and a documentary filmmaker has unearthed what they believe is the grave of Yaakov Cuzinsky, better known as "Yankele the Butcher." Cuzinsky, who died in 1951, was buried in the Beth Emeth Jewish Cemetery in Manhattan's Lower East Side, and the film crew recently snuck in at night, removed his grave illegally, and took it back to their downtown studio for "further investigation."
"As you can see, there is a tremendous amount of evidence to support our monumental findings," said project leader Simon Moskowitz. "For starters, next to his casket we found the remnants of what was most likely a pastrami sandwich. I mean, who else would have pastrami lying beside his grave but a butcher? And as if that wasn't enough," Moskowitz continued, "we found a small piece of red cloth less than 50 feet away from the gravesite. Obviously this was once a part of Yankele's blood soaked butcher's apron. I mean, you don't have to be Sherlock Holmes to put these clues together!"
Moskowitz did not explain why he failed to cite the evidence that the tombstone where the body was unearthed read, "Here lays Yaakov Cuzinsky, beloved father, husband, and butcher, who could cut a rib roast like a samurai warrior."
For their part, the Cuzinsky family is outraged. "My dear grandfather was resting peacefully," said a visibly shaken Martin Cousins, a direct descendant of Cuzinsky, "when suddenly this so-called archeologist hangs him up for the world to see?! It's disgusting! It's like they are treating him like a piece of meat!"
As for Moskowitz and his film crew, they are sticking by their assertion that this could very well be the archeological find of the century. When confronted with recent reports about the possible finding of the ossuary of a famous historical figure, Jacobs responded flippantly, "Listen, for any new discovery to eclipse the interest and importance of Yankele the Butcher, the subject would basically have to walk on water. And what are the odds of that?"