In a long-range plan to boost his country's sagging tourist industry, Deputy Prime Minister Eli Yishai announced that Israel will bid to host the 6,000 World Summer Olympic Games (233 years from now on the Gregorian calendar). The government hopes that they've finally hit on a plan to inject much needed revenue into the local economy.
Prime Minister Olmert appeared at a press conference and made the announcement triumphantly. "Israel is not just a country for the Jewish People any longer. We now welcome all the athletes from around the world who are hopped up on steroids. Imagine, weightlifters from Romania jerking 1000 pounds above their heads while singing, ‘next year in Jerusalem.' It's so beautiful...I'm sorry..." Olmert then grabbed a tissue to wipe away what looked like tears.
Olmert's government was quickly put on the defensive when several religious parties threatened to force a national election unless the event was rescheduled earlier so as not to disrupt the coming of Messiah. Leading the opposition to stop the Israel Y6K Olympic Games is Orthodox MK and former Japanese restaurateur Rabbi Beni Hana, who explained that the Messiah must come by the Hebrew calendar year 6,000 (2,240 on the Gregorian calendar). "The two events at one time would create an unbearable amount of traffic in Israel," commented the Rabbi who had made Aliyah several years. "Have you driven in Israel lately? I mean, come on! It's impossible to get around now, and the Messiah's not even here yet. And another thing: if we keep giving away bits and pieces of our land for ‘peace,' where is everyone going to park?"
"If we keep giving away bits and pieces of our land for ‘peace,' where is everyone going to park?"
Rather than having money spent on constructing new Stadiums, Rabbi Hana would prefer his government allocate funds for education or health care. "What's a stadium anyway?" he asked. "An ode to the ancient Greeks who have long since disappeared...except for the guy outside the Jerusalem Gate who says his name is ‘Aristophanes'? And maybe triangles. Let's make something eternal -- like a museum dedicated to smoked salmon. It's a Jewish delicacy, and since God has promised that the Nation of Israel will last forever, that means lox will too!
Rabbi Hana also criticized the price of attending some Olympic matches was too high for ordinary Israelis. "$5.00 for a soda?" Hana wondered. "How can that possibly be worth it? Now, if you really want to see something special, stick around for Y6K! Now that's going to be a show. And it will be free!"