Jimmy Carter and Khaled Meshal Wed in Secret Damascus Ceremony
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Jimmy Carter and Khaled Meshal Wed in Secret Damascus Ceremony

Jimmy Carter and Khaled Meshal Wed in Secret Damascus Ceremony

Carter: "I married the political wing of the movement, not the terrorist wing."

by

JEWLARIOUS SATIRE -- In a celebrity wedding to end all celebrity weddings, former US President, Jimmy Carter, and current leader of the terrorist movement Hamas, Khaled Meshal , "tied the knot" in a star-studded, secret ceremony in Damascus's historic Our Mosque of the Holy Dictator. Guests tell Jewlarious (which paid $1M for exclusive rights to the story and accompanying photos) that Carter was "beaming," as he walked down the aisle in his black Giorgio Armani tuxedo and that Meshal looked slightly nervous as he wore a white Vera Wang gown, strapped with explosives. Janine Garafola, a guest of Meshal's commented, "Khalid looked exquisite dressed entirely in white, except for his hands which were stained red with blood." For his own part, Meshal commented, "I could have been nervous, but with Jimmy, such a good friend of Hamas, at my side, I started to feel so at ease."

 

Meshal looked slightly nervous as he wore a white Vera Wang gown, strapped with explosives.

 

The wedding of "J-Khal," as the media has taken to calling this celebrity couple, truly was an unexpected event. President Carter told Jewlarious, "I have been sympathetic to Hamas for many years, but, at this stage in my life, I never thought that I would fall head-over-heels in love." Weeks ago, on a visit to Damascus, Carter and Meshal met across a mine-swept field. The two had dinner, jointly declared Israel to be an illegitimate aggressor nation and then danced the night away. The rest, as they say, is history. Meshal commented, "Ever since Rosalyn died, I just haven't seen Jimmy this happy." When Jewlarious informed Meshal that Rosalyn Carter is still alive, Meshal remarked, "Really? Nothing a suicide bomber can't take care of. Who wants seventy… no eighty virgins!"

Israeli intelligence reported and high-ranking Hamas sources confirm that guests included Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, Mohammar Khaddaffi and Jane Fonda. Mahmud Ahmenadinajad served as the couple's flower girl. Guests walked away from the wedding with gift bags which included Jimmy Choo's, Godiva Chocolates and a Kassam II Rocket among other baubles– valued at $2MM. Regardless of their high-profile wedding, Meshal and Carter claim to be "just like any other couple" and have been asking for their privacy since their nuptials. According to Meshal, the two have been "keeping it real," waking up late and walking to a Damascus Starbucks or driving there in their brand-new Prius.

 

Published: April 28, 2008


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Visitor Comments: 14

(14) Nechama, August 13, 2008 11:43 AM

Truly Jewlarious!! I couldn't stop laughing!! This article should get a reward. I just wish this were true. Jimmy deserves to have a spouse like Meshal. Let them take care of each other.

(13) Jerry, May 12, 2008 8:06 PM

Hamas?

I thought hamas is what jews in the mideast dip their bread into, you know like guacamole or salsa.

(12) Nuclear Cowboy, May 2, 2008 3:10 PM

Family Resemblance

I think they are related.
Check out the nose.

(11) Mike, May 2, 2008 9:15 AM

Jimmy Carter-who pays him now?

All american Presidents are more or les monkeys who play and dance after some One's music. Who pays Jimmy this time with what reason? Mike

(10) Jimmy D. DuBose, May 1, 2008 10:19 PM

Carter was always a peanut Brain when he did not see flying saucers

Carter never was good at being a Govenor or President and I think he ate to many peanuts and lost al his gray matter. He does not believe what the bible says about honoring the Jews so now He has to answer to a higher power.
Oh yes I thing he should no longer be called an American because his actions dishonor all the Americans that have died in Irac. GOD BLESS ISRAEL AND AMERICA

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