"Dig... if you live in New York or any other big city you are Jewish. It doesn't matter if you are Catholic. If you live in New York you are Jewish. If you live in Butte, Montana, you are going to be goyish even if you are Jewish." – Lenny Bruce
Jewlarious has developed this hendy-dendy "Hemishing test" to see if you can spot Jewish vs. Goyish
Lenny Bruce started it, and David Kamp in his 1999 hysterical GQ article continued it, but face it, there are some things that "feel" Jewish – Jewish or not, while other things "feel" Goyish – even if they're Jewish. Why? Our theory is, that it has something to do with The Hamish Factor (HF), but we're not sure. So, to test our theory Jewlarious has developed this hendy-dendy "Hemishing test" to see if you can spot Jewish vs. Goyish. And by all means, feel free to add to it!
| JEWISH | VS. | GOYISH |
| Landscaping is Jewish | Gardening is Goyish |
| Bittersweet chocolate is Jewish | White chocolate is Goyish |
| The Simpsons are Jewish | King of the Hill is Goyish |
| Allergies are Jewish | Colds are Goyish |
| Monk and Columbo are Jewish | Steve McGarrett (Hawaii Five-O) and Joe Friday (Dragnet) are Goyish |
| Cucumbers are Jewish | Cucumber sandwiches are Goyish |
| Deal or No Deal is Jewish | The Price is Right is Goyish |
| Rachael Ray is Jewish | Martha Stewart is Goyish |
| Google is Jewish | Ask Jeeves is Goyish |
| Buffet is Jewish | Tapas is Goyish |
| Resorts are Jewish | Country clubs are Goyish |
| Ray Barone is Jewish | Doug Heffernan is Goyish |
| Heinz is Jewish | Hunts is Goyish |
| Golden Girls is Jewish | Desperate Housewives is Goyish |
| Diet Coke is Jewish | Diet Kool-Aid is Goyish |
| Rice pudding with raisons is Jewish | Jell-O with cling peaches hanging is Goyish |
| Mork is Jewish | Mindy is Goyish |
| Entemann's is Jewish | SnackWells is Goyish |
| Motorboats are Jewish | Sailboats are Goyish |
| Bloomingdale's is Jewish | Macy's is Goyish |
| Superman is Jewish | Lois Lane is Goyish |
| Seltzer is Jewish | Club soda is Goyish |
| Law and Order is Jewish | CSI is Goyish |
| Weight loss camps are Jewish | Wilderness camps are Goyish |
| Your Uncle in the Jewelry District is Jewish | Tiffany's is Goyish |
| The Tony Awards are Jewish | The Country Music Awards are Goyish |
| The Pillsbury Doughboy is Jewish | Mr. Clean is Goyish |
| Colin Powell is Jewish | Condoleezza Rice is Goyish |
| The Catskill Mountains are Jewish | Mountain climbing is Goyish |
| Peas are Jewish | Black-eyed Peas are Goyish |
| Capris are Jewish | Diesels are Goyish |
| Cinderella is Jewish | Snow White is Goyish |
| E-Bay is Jewish | The Home Shopping Network is Goyish |
| Survivor is Jewish | American Idol is Goyish |




(36) Will, February 26, 2013 4:01 PM
Monk is a Jewish Arab?
Remember, Monk is played by an Arab actor. So Tony Shalhoub is Jewish?
(35) Paul, July 26, 2012 2:34 AM
a few more for you...
Authenticity is Jewish. Faking authenticity, or awkwardly embracing it, is Goyish. Parody is Jewish. Ridicule is Goyish. A good Jew is learned. A good Goy is trained. The details are Jewish. The big picture is Goyish. Masculine traits in women are Goyish. Feminine traits in men are Jewish. Theory is Jewish. Practice is Goyish, law and medicine excepted. The present is Goyish. The future is Jewish. The past is as Jewish as anything can be.
(34) Paul, July 26, 2012 2:11 AM
The unexamined life is Goyish. The examined life is Jewish. Communication is Jewish. Miscommunication is Goyish, but when embraced (as in the work of Neil Simon), it becomes Jewish. Self-satisfaction is Jewish if it's a coping strategy, but Goyish if it's a way of life. Coping is Jewish. Sucking it up is Goyish.
(33) Occam's Tool, April 24, 2012 7:12 PM
The Ultimate Jewish Superhero
The Thing is Jewish. From Brooklyn, and the real, kosher article, who has said kaddish in the Comic Books (FOR REALS!). That settles the issue. By the way, bungee jumping was invented in New Zealand, which is definitely over the top Goyish.
(32) Jeremy Raskin, Chicago, January 16, 2012 8:49 PM
sandwiches, drugs & rock n roll
Subway is Jewish. Jimmy John's is Goyish. Marijuana is Jewish. Liquor is Goyish. EggBeaters are Jewish. Soy milk is Goyish. Nosejobs are Jewish. Breast implants are Goyish. Cows are Jewish. Horses are Goyish. Bungees are Jewish. ANY kind of rope is Goyish. France is Jewish. England is Goyish. Razors are Jewish. Electric shavers are Goyish. Muffins are Jewish. Biscuits are Goyish. Boxing is Jewish. Wrestling is Goyish.