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WouldJew Believe #7

WouldJew Believe #7

Outrageous, odd and fascinating Jewish facts like...a Yiddish word wins the National Scrabble Championship.

by

SCRABBLE SHMOOZING

The Date: July 29. The Place: Orlando, Florida. The Event: The 2008 National Scrabble Championship. The Winner: New Zealander, now residing in Malaysia, Nigel Richards, a 30-something engineer. The Prize: 25K. Final Score: Richards-412, Brian Cappelletto-401. The Hot Word: "Shuln," the plural of shul. Wait. Wha ... ? SOMEONE QUICK! GET THE DICTIONARY! THAT'S NOT ALLOWED. IT'S ... YIDDISH!

Wrong!

We all know that Yiddish and Yinglish have entered English lexicon, but you know you've "arrived" when Yiddish words are kosher in Scrabble. And many are! In addition to "shuln," shlep, shlub, shlumpy, shmaltz, shmo and shmooze are now acceptable in the Dean of word board games. So, next time you play, don't be a "shmo" ... a little "shmaltz" and "shmooze" can get you 25K, which in my book, is worth the shlep!

If you're a Scrabble "pro," , don't be a "shmo" ... a little "shmaltz" and "shmooze" can get you 25K.

"KOSHER" STEAM?

PROBLEM: You're at a Kosher resort calling Mama to describe the mmm-so-good fleishig (meat) – especially the brisket, and those "to die for" milchig (dairy) cheese blintzes, when, horrified, she stops you in mid-moan. "Wait! They were both on the same steam table?" she inquires. "Don't touch! The steam made everything treif (unkosher)!"

This was the steamy problem that faced Dov Zioni, and other Israeli engineers at the Institute for Science and Halakhah, where Jewish law is applied to technology. .

LOGIC: He used the "Dog test!" to determine first, that steam is food, in accordance with the Halachik criterion – "If dogs won't eat it, it's not food." Steam, of course, is condensed water which dogs drink. Hmmm. The challenge then, was "de-fooding" the H2O destined for the steam table. What then, turns the doggie palate off?

THE SOLUTION: Dov experimented and found it! Add a bissel pine oil to Rover's water bowl and his canine palate will howl in protest. Such steam then, is not food, and hence ... we have "kosher" steam!

BRITNEY REVEALED UNHEALED

Not a good time for Britney Spears. No kidding. The courts know it, producers know it, the ex knows it, her fans know it. Oh, and not only does she know it. She's "un"- proclaiming it. Not long ago she had a Hebrew healing tattoo removed. Originally inspired to "go ink" in 2004 by Madonna, the Kabbalah celeb queen, it seems Britney felt "hypocritical" sporting the tat given her less than healed life. Of course, had the troubled singer known that "tattoos" are "no-nos" for Jews, she would've "gotten" the fact that she shouldn't have gotten the thing in the first place, and wouldn't need yet another "healing" experience!

MASON THE MENSCH

Jackie Mason! Free associate, and I'll bet you the word "sensitive" is not among your top ten picks. So imagine my surprise when I first met the legendary comic 20 years ago and found that right below the Shmoozer lies a Mr. Sensitivity. Picture it. 1986. The Borscht belt stand-up, who took a hit from Ed Sullivan, was now himself, a hit – on Broadway -- with his "World According to Me." Interviewing him required only two things: 1.) Getting his attention; 2.) An addiction to corned beef. Because that's all you were getting ... "with a half-glass tea. You'll have half, I'll have half... there's plenty for two, nu?" I was making progress with number one. But number two? I love deli. My DNA has a D-gene. For deli. But my digestive system ... oy. I finally got him alone. We were meeting in his lobby on Park Avenue. Fency-dency and deli-free, right?

Interviewing Jackie Mason requires only two things: 1.) Getting his attention; and 2.) An addiction to corned beef.

Wrong. Jackie was jubilant. Guess what just opened that week across the street? My colon spasmed its disapproval.

As we walked in, two of the Israeli owners plotzed with joy. "Wait! A picture! Signed! For their wall!

Jackie and I sat. And ate. And ate. And ate some more. We had time. The owners were calling their partners in Brooklyn and Queens to come pose. Double oy.

By the time the black and white cookies came out, Jackie had taken no less than 25 pictures, and stopped by each table with a bissel shtick. Smiling and joking, he happily returned to the table.

"Pssst," he whispered. I leaned in closer. "Sha! Don't say. But the food here ... Khalushes (hideous)! Oy-oy-oy! Did you taste that corned beef?! Shhh! (Taste it? I had enough to feed all the Jews in Jersey.) That corned beef ... it could kill a person. Are they hearing? " he asked, waving at the owners who were still waiting for the troops from Queens and Brooklyn to arrive for a group shot. "I don't want they should hear. Oy ... you have more napkins?"

"For what?" I wondered. And then I noticed it. Despite all his flinging and flying, there was no food left on his plates! And then I saw it! After another friendly wave to the owners, I witnessed the most disgustingly caring event I had ever seen or were to see, by a celebrity.

In between the shmoozing, oohing, and ahhing, Jackie had taken bites out of everything ... then put the half-eaten morsels in napkins, which he deftly hid around the deli. .

Brooklyn and Queens arrived. "So how was the food?" the group asked eagerly. "Ai-ai-ai! I tell you honestly, there isn't a place in this deli I couldn't find a nosh!" he said enthusiastically, as he put his arms around the five Israeli owners for that final picture – and wished them great "Mazel!"

From that day forward, when I hear the name "Jackie Mason," the first thing I think of is that bissel taste of lousy corned beef – but the first word I think of is "Mensch."

Marnie Winston-Macauley is the author of Yiddishe Mamas: The Truth About the Jewish Mother" and the award-winning "A Little Joy, A Little Oy" 2008 calendar. Her 2009 calendar can be pre-ordered on Amazon.

Published: September 13, 2008


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Visitor Comments: 7

(7) Karyn Schwartz, September 27, 2008 7:37 PM

THANKS!

Love Scrabble, love Jackie! Perfect column! Love :) Karyn

(6) mrs. R, September 26, 2008 8:36 AM

scrabble and corned beef!! a "meichel"

I am and have been in love with Scrabble since forever, not as long as I've loved corned beef!!! This takes in both....Marnie, G-d Bless!!! Keep this going!!!!!

(5) Mrs. D, September 18, 2008 9:53 AM

Kashrus alert!!

THE Scrabble story was right down my alley, and i have a history of gainig points with everything from yenta to OY (imagine that with the Y on triple points)! THE Jackie Mason story - nice. As many know, he coulda beena Rabbi, following in his father's and brother's footsteps. This Deli story shows he still has a strong attachment to the compassionate ways of his mishpucha. Kol Hakavod. I AM CONCERNED, though, regarding the seemingly innocuous piece on the steam table. Bubbeleh, with all due respect, your mamaleh was gerecht (correct), with or without Pinesol! Whose worried about eating the treif steam? THe kashrus concern here is in the realm of HEAT: "Thou shalt not COOK the kid in its mother's milk" is the source. Any self-respecting and G-d fearing observant Jew would not go near a table offering steaming hot milk and dairy dishes side by side, and all the more nightmarish if they are sharing a source of heat - steam or dry makes gurnisht difference. The essential KAshrut of the ingredients becomes irrelevant. Another thing a caring Jew would do in such a case, would be to spread the word amongst the eaters there, to prevent as many as possible from stumbling in this special mitzva. THis person may also run and check out the supervisory staff to find out what is going on, and if they are representing themselves as Kosher, may even report them for this flagrant breech of standards. Based on those last two actions, I feel I also have to take the time to speak out. Whoever might read this and be interested in learning about the Laws of Kashrus, there are valid Rabbinical contacts and publications to inform you. Please do not take the lines out of a humor column as authority on Halacha. There, now I have warned the potential "eaters." Now, off to the kitchen where I hope to find somebody home: "yoo-hoo, Aish staff - anybody who reads articles to check if they are post-worthy around? I thought you are careful that the words expressed here at least do not contradict Halacha, as your name indeed stands behind the articles and people assume they can rely on you for accuracy..." Sorry, I don't mean to offend, but I'd love to see an Aish correction posted. I'll still continue to be one of your loyal readers.

(4) Mary, September 17, 2008 3:45 PM

Really funny and surprising

I never thought of Jackie Mason this way before. Really liked the upclose and personal scoop. I also like the other entries. Great column. Regards, Mary

(3) Lois Freimor, September 17, 2008 3:38 PM

FANTASTIC!

Loved the piece about Scrabble, as my husband and I are players. Always wanted to use "chutzpa" -- and especially, "yutz!" (The "z's in Yiddish could rack up a fortune in points.) Thanks for this great column. Always something of interest. Lois Freimor

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