Irving was not selectively separated for his alternative body image, but because of his ethical disorientation!” Got it? No? OK. “Irving was not fired for being fat but because he’s a liar!” The great PC news was the extinction of negative racial and religious pejoratives. The bad news? When we stretch the language more than Spandex – and come up with worse, yet. Is “little person” really more PC that “midget?” “Least Best” clearer that “Worst?” Or “metabolically different” superior to “dead?”
Face it! Yiddish and Yinglish, despite all its majesty, isn’t what I’d call “subtle.” Especially when describing “persons of flaw.” Most of us heard it from our mothers, fathers, and grandparents. Listen:
“That moron’s a shmeggege, his wife’s the biggest yenta in town, and their son is King of the Yutz’s.”
In under 20 words, my Bubbe Bella could annihilate not only people, but whole countries, all through the magic of Yiddish.
So, in the spirit of keeping Mama-loshen “Timelessly Relevant,” “Shared-Capable, and “A Linguistic Survivor,” I give you the POLITICALLY CORRECT YINGLISH DICTIONARY.
I hope you find it a Knowledge-Based Mitzvah!
THE POLITICALLY CORRECT YINGLISH DICTIONARY
| Baleboosteh: | One terrific housewife! Not a speck of dirt! |
| P.C. YINGLISH: | A Shmutz-Oppressor |
| USAGE: | “She’s some fantastic shmutz-oppressor! You could operate on her kitchen floor.” |
| Boychik: | A small male child. |
| P.C. YINGLISH: | Childchik (gender-free) |
| USAGE: | “Someday, little Hymie will grow from a childchick to a humanchik.” |
| Bupkes: | Nothing! Nada! A big zero! |
| P.C. YINGLISH | Negatively -Valued |
| USAGE: | “When he started playing the horses, they went from rich to negatively-valued!” |
| Bulvan: | A crude, rude ox! |
| PC YINGLISH: | Boorishly-Oriented |
| USAGE: | “My boorishly-oriented brother-in-law ripped off the “fridge” door to swig the milk.” |
| Chaim Yankel: | A mister nobody. |
| PC YINGLISH: | Differently-Interesting |
| USAGE: | “Exciting he’s not, but the way he blends in perfectly with the beige wallpaper makes him differently-interesting.” |
| Chaleria: | A tantrum thrower. |
| PC YINGLISH: | A Person With Difficult-to-Meet-Needs |
| USAGE: | “Not only does she have difficult-to-meet-needs, the last time she claimed her pastrami was fatty, it became a small police matter.” |
| Chazzer: | A pig. (Or a person who acts like one.) |
| PC YINGLISH: | Parasitically-Gifted |
| USAGE: | “He’s so parasitically-gifted he’ll take home your leftovers. |
| Chutzpah: | Gall. |
| P.C. YINGLISH: | Brazen-Enhancement |
| USAGE: | “That witch has so much brazen-enhancement, she brought her own chicken for Shabbos because, she told me, ‘yours is so raw, it’s still clucking!’” |
| Dreykop: | A swindler. |
| PC YINGLISH: | Emmes-Impaired |
| USAGE: | “Don’t buy real estate – or a used car from that emmes-impaired thief!” |
| Farmisht: | Confused; befuddled. |
| P.C. YINGLISH: | Directionally-Disoriented |
| USAGE: | “For Hannuka, you gave a person who is directionally-disoriented an archery set?! Are you meshugge? (See below.) |
| Gantseh Macher: | He thinks he’s a big shot. |
| PC YINGLISH: | A Non-empowered -Elitist |
| USAGE: | “He directed Fiddler for his shul, so suddenly this non-empowered-elitist think he’s Spielberg.” |
| Klutz: | Clumsy. |
| P.C. YINGLISH: | Spatially-Disadvantaged |
| USAGE: | “He’s so spatially-disadvantaged, he trips over sneakers–he’s wearing!” |
| Kvetch: | A chronic complainer. |
| P.C. YINGLISH: | Contentment-Challenged |
| USAGE: | “Sophie’s so contentment-challenged, her glass isn’t only half-empty—the other half doesn’t taste too good. |
| Luftmensch: | A perpetual dreamer. |
| P.C. YINGLISH: | A Person who Lives in an Alternative-Reality |
| USAGE: | “In his alternative-reality, he could be an Isaac Mizrahi, if only he could sew – and had taste.” |
| Mensch: | A person of substance! |
| P.C. YINGLISH: | Wensch (gender-free) |
| USAGE: | “Those Weinbergs are true Wenshes. I accidentally found out they donated a fortune anonymously to the shul building fund. |
| Meshugener: | Crazy. Nuts. Brays at the moon – or anything. |
| P.C. YINGLISH: | Creatively -Logical |
| USAGE: | “Who but Lulu would be creatively-logical enough to wear her underwear outside her dress?” |
| Mieskeit: | Ugly. |
| P.C. YINGLISH: | Uniquely-Attractive |
| USAGE: | “She has a wonderful ... personality – even if she’s uniquely-attractive.” |
| Nudnik: | A pest. A pain in the neck |
| P.C. YINGLISH: | Accomplished-Annoyer |
| USAGE: | “He’s such an accomplished-annoyer, he should hand out complimentary earplugs!” |
| Nuchshlepper: | A hanger-on. |
| P.C. YINGLISH: | Agreeably-Socially-Exploited |
| USAGE: | “OK, alright! Millie can come along. She’s so agreeably-social-exploited, she’ll pay for the gas and shlep the camping gear!” |
| Shikker: | A boozer. |
| P.C. YINGLISH: | Chemically-Compromised |
| USAGE: | “He could’ve held that sales job – if his boss hadn’t found him chemically-compromised over the cash register–every day.” |
| Shlimazel: | A luckless loser. |
| P.C. YINGLISH: | Mazel-Deprived |
| USAGE: | “Talk about mazel-deprived! He could’ve aced that job interview – if that sudden lightning storm hadn’t temporarily short-circuited his memory, causing him to forget his name ... and where he was going.” |
| (NOTE: Not only is he mazel-deprived, he spreads it to others, wrongly referred to as “shlemiels.” See below.) | |
| Shlump: | A sloppy, unkempt person. |
| P.C. YINGLISH: | Shmatte-Appeal |
| USAGE: | “Hetty has raised her shmatte-appeal to create a new fashion movement: ‘Super-Shlok.’” |
| Shmeggege:also: Shlemiel;Shmendrik; Zshlub | VIP losers, fools, and idiots who may also be lazy and unkempt. |
| P.C. YINGLISH: | Sense Non-Possessor |
| USAGE: | “That sense-non-possessor thought Tupak Shakur was a Jewish holiday.” |
| Shnorror: | Forever borrowing, taking advantage. What’s yours – is his. Or “should” be. |
| P.C. YINGLISH: | Non-Traditional Sharer |
| USAGE: | “My brother-in-law is such a non-traditional sharer, he moved in with us and I pay him rent! |
| Shtunk: | Smells, as in “bad!” |
| P.C. YINGLISH: | Aggressive-Nondiscretionary-Fragrance |
| USAGE: | “His aggressive-nondiscretionary-fragrance causes anyone within five miles to “nondiscretionally” faint.” |
| Tsoures: | “Trouble” with a Capital “T.” |
| P.C. YINGLISH: | Inconveniently Mazeled |
| USAGE: | “They were audited in April, in May, they found termites, their son enrolled in Hamburger U in June, and in July – the painters are coming! Are these people inconveniently mazeled or what?!” |
| Yenta: | She’s a big-mouthed gossip! |
| P.C. YINGLISH: | Yenthim (gender-free) |
| USAGE: | “Those Shmecklers saw the receipt and told the neighbors how much we paid for our new dining set! Are these two yenthim or what?!” |
| Yutz: | Clueless ditz. |
| P.C. YINGLISH | Socially-Suboptimal |
| USAGE: | “He may be socially-suboptimal, but at least he won’t hide it. Why? Because he’s a yutz!! |
(15) John , July 26, 2009
Very enjoyable
As a lover of words I find that adding Yiddish to English is like putting mustard and relish on your hot dog..Very interesting and zesty reading...Thank you..
(14) Nettie , July 23, 2009
Outlandishly clever
Can't wait to read your next outburst of wit and wisdom.
(13) ANON , July 22, 2009
"Gevaltig'!
This list is 'gevaltig'!
(12) J. Allan , July 22, 2009
Yiddish for matchmaker
"Shadchan" in the masculine
(11) Phil Peltz , July 21, 2009
Original - Best yet
Marns you have come up with a new and completely oroignal PC lexicography. Mazal Tov and keep up the GR8 work!!!