How to best answer this question.

by Jeff Danis

While everyone else receives presents on Christmas, we Jews get questions.

People are curious about differences, and during this time of year not being a part of Christmas can definitely raise eyebrows. In high school, a friend’s father once asked me, “So Jeff, what do your people do on Christmas?” Apparently, this guy thought I was Moses. I felt like telling him the truth: like any good Jew, I eat Chinese food and go to the movies on Christmas. But I took the easy way out and just sort of mumbled that I don’t really do anything exciting.

Growing up, non-Jewish classmates looked at me with the same curiosity, like I was some sort of strange lab experiment, a boy who could never experience the joys of Christmas. I remember being asked, “I know both of your parents are Jewish, but you celebrate Christmas, right?” Yeah, absolutely, we celebrate Kwanzaa and Ramadan, too. We Jews just can’t say “no” to a good holiday.

I understand that there are inter-marriages where some Jews do in fact celebrate Chanukah and Christmas. There are also children with two Jewish parents who get a Christmas tree or "Chanukah bush." (Gevalt!) However, since I do not belong in either of these two categories, I had to explain that I do not celebrate Christmas in any shape or form. I don’t go Christmas caroling, I don’t sit on Santa’s lap, and I don’t put up lights… In short, I do not celebrate Christmas!

My older brother lives in the one safe haven from the Christmas barrage: Israel. He made aliyah years ago. My mother recently ran into a family friend who inquired about my brother and his life in Israel. “So is your son going to come home for Christmas?” she actually asked. Did someone spike the eggnog? Why would he fly halfway around the world for a holiday he has never celebrated?

I try to be patient with the annual round of Christmas questions I get. It just comes with the territory of being a Jew. I fight the urge to tell people that I’m taking part in high-stakes, big-money dreidel tournaments in Vegas or that I’m entering an all-you-can-eat latke tournament in Ohio. I don’t want to ruin anyone’s Christmas cheer, so I answer the questions posed to me. But the best answer is the two-word reply I gave to the woman who cuts my hair and asked me, “What are you doing for Christmas?”

“Being Jewish.”

Published: Thursday, December 17, 2009

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Visitor Comments: 49

(48) Anonymous, January 1, 2012 2:19 PM

8 days of presents instead of one

In the 50's I went to public school and all plays in our grade school included Chanukah as well as Christmas songs and stories. This led to debates as to which holiday was better. The Jewish children contended that Chanukah is better because it lasts 8 days and we can get presents all 8 days and eat special Chanukah foods all 8 days. Public places displayed Menorahs as well as Christmas trees.

(47) Steve Skeete, July 12, 2011 2:04 PM

It helps to understand

From most of the responses to this article one begins to see why religion can be so problematic. Indeed Jeff's tone seems to be one of annoyance and angst when it comes to Christmas and possibly Christianity. If this is true then I find it very sad. There are people of other faiths in this world and that is something we must all learn to live with. Where I live various faiths visit my home often. I welcome them, smile and thank them for coming. I tell them I appreciate their willingness to "share" their message with me, but respectfully, I am not interested. If it is a faith that is new to me, and I have the time, I may listen politely for a while to hear what it is all about before saying my "no thanks". Most of the time the person, if they have any manners, will also say a polite thank you and move on. The reason why I behave like this is because I have my own "faith" to "share" and I am happy when people are polite and respectful and not think I am some selfish fiend simply because I believe in God in a way that they don't or want to present an alternative way of viewing spiritual reality. To the question "what are you doing for Chanukah" my answer would be "nothing, I do not celebrate Chanukah." "What are you planning to do?" "Good for you"! And on the matter of superiority of "faiths" do not all faiths claim to be the One? What would be the point of of spending your life committed to some particular understanding of the Creator, if one did not feel that was The Way? Do not observant Jews believe or feel that Judaism is at least a "better" way of understanding the Creator?

elf, November 17, 2011 8:36 AM

response to Steve

This article, like most of Jewlarious, was a humorous look at an (almost) universally shared experience amongst Jews in America. How often have you been asked "What are you doing for Chanukah?" Perhaps the tone, and humour, would be clearer if you got the ive-never-seen-a-five-headed-goat-before look 30 times a day, every day, for a month (or two months now), when you say "nothing". This has nothing to do with "spiritual realities" or "superiority" or any of your block of questions. (Though, to answer very briefly, we as Jews aren't concerned about which way is "better". Judaism, unlike Christianity, holds that the righteous of all peoples have a place in what you would call "heaven", and in fact it' easier to be righteous if you're not Jewish... you only have 7 commandments. The questions aren't answerable as they are predicated on false premises, in the same way as the question "have you stopped beating your dog yet".) This article wasn't throwing down a gauntlet at anyone. It made us laugh at our aggravation. Thanks Jeff!

(46) Anonymous, December 27, 2010 4:04 PM

are you ready for Christmas?

I remember once discussing how many co-workers would ask "Are you ready for Christmas?" A friend suggested saying, "About as ready as I'm gonna be." I have used it ever since (not only for Christmas - but Halloween or any event I'm not involved with). Amazingly, it has never provoked any follow-up inquiries. It's not offensive and it works. Try it.

(45) Valerie, December 24, 2010 12:19 AM

Thanks for the laugh

As a Jew living in the bible belt, I've had all those questions and more. Thank you for the article. I laughed out loud! Our family tradition is movie and Chinese food too. Christmas is one of my favorite holidays as everyone else is busy and I have my children home. We spend the day as a family and love it.

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About the Author

Jeff Danis

Jeff Danis is a standup comic and writer in Los Angeles

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