JOAN OF MECCA
You know that increased security restrictions at airports are getting out of control when Joan Rivers isn’t allowed to fly for “security reasons.” But that’s just what happened. Rivers, known for being a loudmouthed comedienne was vacationing in Costa Rica and about to board a plane back to Newark when a Continental Airlines gate agent in Costa Rica prevented Rivers from flying because she found something suspicious in her passport which read “Joan Rosenberg, AKA Joan Rivers.” Rosenberg was her late husband’s last name, and strangely, it looks nothing like “Mohammed” or “Jihadi.” Rivers was of course flabbergasted although you couldn’t tell by the expression on her face – she always looks like that. Fortunately, a porter found pity on Rivers and asked his friend to drive her to the other major airport in Costa Rica – a 6 and a half hour drive. Wow. Costa Ricans must be very nice people. Either that, or the porter’s friend had never seen Joan’s act.
GOD AND APPLES
Is God a big Steve Jobs fan? Well if he wasn’t then he sure is now. Jobs, who heads Apple, an innovative computer device and design company, is famous for its iPods and iPhones among other gadgets that probably haunted some parents over this past Chanukah season. The iPhone allows computer developers to come up with their own applications for the device, and many thousands have done so. But none are as “holy” as the new iTalmud which contains the entire Talmud – on an iPhone. Just to get a picture of how large a document the Talmud is, if one were to learn one double-sided page of Talmud every day, it would take him seven and a half years to finish it. That’s a lot of apples!
The good people at Crowded Room developed the iTalmud not only as a repository for the Talmud itself, but as a learning tool as each page is synched to an audio class given by Rabbi Dovid Grossman of Los Angeles. But if you would rather attend a class in person, the iTalmud even has a tool that uses the built in GPS to find the nearest “Daf Yomi” class to your current location. How do you like them Apples?
Either Costa Ricas are extremely nice or the porter’s friend had never seen Joan’s act.
FED UP WITH FEDS
Haaretz is reporting that White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel recently told the Israeli consul in Los Angeles that the Obama administration is fed up with both Israel and the Palestinians. Apparently, he said that the Obama administration will reduce its involvement in the conflict, because the U.S. has other matters to deal with. This reminds me of the time I was being bullied at school by some guy who would steal my lunch. But then because my mom only packed health food like barley soup and soy nuts the bully got “fed up” with me and stopped taking my lunch. I was thankful that the bully moved on and was much better off, but then when I looked back at my lunch I realized that I was still left with a bunch of strange nuts.
The Israel Defense Force is denying that it trains its canine unit to sic when hearing the Jihadi battle cry “Allah Hu Akbar.” Are we missing something? Why is the IDF denying this story? Is this not an excellent idea?! Should we instead be training them to sic when they hear someone say “would you like extra humous with your falafel?” Now what if the world intelligence agencies (except for the Mossad of course) could train their analysts to “sic” themselves on Nigerian Muslims who have links to Al Qaeda and are traveling to Detroit with tickets they purchased in cash in the dead of winter with no luggage or even a jacket. Maybe the IDF dogs are on to something?