My memory is turning into a soft boiled egg.
In my travels I’ve met many types of Jews who’ve invited me – or not invited me – for Shabbat. Let me introduce you to some of them.
“Bitsy dahling! Whatever did you mean when you called Alistair a shmendrick while yachting?!”
We teachers give you tests primarily because we hate you. There, I said it.
“You might be happier in portly,” the suit salesman told me. What exactly does that mean?
Taking my 4 young children to a British castle… probably not a good idea.
Imagine reading this: September 11, 2001 – 18 Saudi Nationals Die in Tragic Plane Accidents.
If someone steals my identity, this is what he’s going to find.
Apple is making an aggressive play for the Jewish cell phone market. Goodbye Siri, hello Shira.
Have you ever tried to keep a secret in a close-knit Jewish community? I tried, and it doesn’t work.
Shul maintenance guy: you’re fired.
Hillary isn’t the only one who has had problems with email. Check out these Jews who wish they’d destroyed their email servers.
If I could go through labor and a C-section to have you, you can drive me to Walgreen’s and explain why my mouse doesn’t work.
The summer’s not over yet which means you still have time to perfect that lawn. Here are my tips.
10. UN weapons inspectors miss more action than professional wresting referees.
My dentist is like Vladimir Putin, but with less warmth. My teeth are his little KGB prisoners.
Superstitious people are everywhere. Whatever you do, don’t give them the evil eye.
Can someone please come up with a better alternative than letting kids wear glasses? They’re expensive, delicate and made out of glass!
Going on a family vacation this summer? If you want your children to still love you when you return, read this.
Jewlarious is looking for contributors. Here are my 10 tips. Whether you want them or not.
From an Orthodox all-girls high school to a secular British University. In two words: culture shock.
You should get one of those Medic Alert thingies so you don’t lie on the floor screaming.
I was never really good at meeting new people. After all, what’s the point?
Jews feel guilty if we don’t complain; Gentiles feel guilty for making a fuss.
Believe it or not, Jews don’t have a monopoly on guilt.
I’m terrible at sports, but my team always wins. They play their best to compensate for me.
His last name ends with “man.” That's also why we think Superman is Jewish.
Why won’t my son introduce me to his girlfriend? I’m sure she’ll love me unless I hate her first.
Who needs 80 million pictures of themselves?
Aunt Esther is coming. First step: freak out. Next step: get to work!
My son, Daniel, came home with a gerbil the other day. These kids pick up the weirdest things in school.
#2 – It will mean more airtime for CNN’s Wolf Blitzer.
A sit down interview with the world famous doll who turned 56, and who, it may come as a surprise to many, is Jewish.
After all of these years of Jews eating Chinese, Chinese decide to return the favor.
Q: I’m cleaning out my kitchen, and I found two slices of frozen pizza. Should I split up the two slices among my 8 kids, or go to the store and buy MORE pizza so no one will feel left out?
What do Angela Merkel, Ayatollah Khamenei, Vladamir Putin, Kim Jong-Un and Stephen Harper really think of Benjamin Netanyahu?
My advice and witticisms on apparel and appearance.
From what I told my son about his new apartment to my cousin who wants to maximize an all-you-can-eat breakfast buffet.
I am afraid of public speaking, which doesn’t help my career as a part-time standup comedian.
Jon Stewart has won 19 Emmy Awards. I am ready to win 19 Emmy Awards, given the chance.
Purim is the holy holiday of candy – allow me to prepare you.
Men whatever you do, never tell your wife that her clothes look, or her food tastes “fine.”
Men and women think we speak the same language. We don’t.