10 Ways You Can Tell If Non-Jews Have Been Hanging Out with Jews

“Bitsy dahling! Whatever did you mean when you called Alistair a shmendrick while yachting?!”

Testing 1-2-3

We teachers give you tests primarily because we hate you. There, I said it.

A Tight Fit

“You might be happier in portly,” the suit salesman told me. What exactly does that mean?

Corridors and Catastrophes

Taking my 4 young children to a British castle… probably not a good idea.

10 Headlines Using Anti-Israel Double Standards

Imagine reading this: September 11, 2001 – 18 Saudi Nationals Die in Tragic Plane Accidents.

Bubbie’s Fairy Tales

My Bubbie’s take on Rapunzel.

The Identity Thief

If someone steals my identity, this is what he’s going to find.

It’s Not For You

It’s tough, being a work-at-home husband.

Meet Apple’s Jewish Siri, Shira

Apple is making an aggressive play for the Jewish cell phone market. Goodbye Siri, hello Shira.

Straight Trippin’

Some fun ideas to do with your family during Sukkot.

Secrets in the Shtetl

Have you ever tried to keep a secret in a close-knit Jewish community? I tried, and it doesn’t work.

The Historical Jewish Connection to Hillary Clinton’s Email Fiasco

Hillary isn’t the only one who has had problems with email. Check out these Jews who wish they’d destroyed their email servers.

What’s On Tap?

Bottled water companies are waging a war on tap water.

Advice from a Meshuggah Jewish Mom to Her Grown Son

If I could go through labor and a C-section to have you, you can drive me to Walgreen’s and explain why my mouse doesn’t work.

The Grass is Greener

The summer’s not over yet which means you still have time to perfect that lawn. Here are my tips.

10 Reasons Why the Iron Sheik is Against the Iran Nuclear Deal

10. UN weapons inspectors miss more action than professional wresting referees.

Notes from the Dentist’s Chair

My dentist is like Vladimir Putin, but with less warmth. My teeth are his little KGB prisoners.

They Call It Superstition

Superstitious people are everywhere. Whatever you do, don’t give them the evil eye.

Glasses Half Broken

Can someone please come up with a better alternative than letting kids wear glasses? They’re expensive, delicate and made out of glass!

10 Tips for Jewish Families to Get Along on Their Summer Vacations

Going on a family vacation this summer? If you want your children to still love you when you return, read this.

You Call that Funny?

Jewlarious is looking for contributors. Here are my 10 tips. Whether you want them or not.

Orthodoxy at University

From an Orthodox all-girls high school to a secular British University. In two words: culture shock.

“Hair” Apparent

I’ve updated my author photo. Curls and all.

More Advice from a Meshuggah Jewish Mom

You should get one of those Medic Alert thingies so you don’t lie on the floor screaming.

Meeting New People

I was never really good at meeting new people. After all, what’s the point?

Gentile Guilt Vs. Jewish Guilt II

Jews feel guilty if we don’t complain; Gentiles feel guilty for making a fuss.

Gentile Guilt Vs. Jewish Guilt

Believe it or not, Jews don’t have a monopoly on guilt.

Basket Case

I’m terrible at sports, but my team always wins. They play their best to compensate for me.

It’s All Jew You Know

Famous historical figures’ relationships with the Jews.

Top Ten Reasons People Mistake David Letterman for a Jew

His last name ends with “man.” That's also why we think Superman is Jewish.

Dating Advice from a Meshuggah Jewish Mom

Why won’t my son introduce me to his girlfriend? I’m sure she’ll love me unless I hate her first.

Selfies: Take a Look at Yourself

Who needs 80 million pictures of themselves?

How to Host the Perfect Jewish Family Gathering

Aunt Esther is coming. First step: freak out. Next step: get to work!

The Time My Family Got a Gerbil

My son, Daniel, came home with a gerbil the other day. These kids pick up the weirdest things in school.

10 Reasons Why the Nuclear Deal with Iran is a Bad Idea

#2 – It will mean more airtime for CNN’s Wolf Blitzer.

One on One with Barbie

A sit down interview with the world famous doll who turned 56, and who, it may come as a surprise to many, is Jewish.

Chinese Decide to Eat Jewish Food on Their Holidays

After all of these years of Jews eating Chinese, Chinese decide to return the favor.

Mordechai’s Mailbag: Answers to your Passover Questions

Q: I’m cleaning out my kitchen, and I found two slices of frozen pizza. Should I split up the two slices among my 8 kids, or go to the store and buy MORE pizza so no one will feel left out?

The Real Reasons World Leaders Are Upset about Netanyahu’s Victory

What do Angela Merkel, Ayatollah Khamenei, Vladamir Putin, Kim Jong-Un and Stephen Harper really think of Benjamin Netanyahu?

Advice from a Meshuggah Mom, Part 2

My advice and witticisms on apparel and appearance.

Advice from a Meshuggah Mom

From what I told my son about his new apartment to my cousin who wants to maximize an all-you-can-eat breakfast buffet.

Speak Up

I am afraid of public speaking, which doesn’t help my career as a part-time standup comedian.

The Delicious Deli Man

Are Jews really the worst customers in the world?

Purim Candy Field Guide

Purim is the holy holiday of candy – allow me to prepare you.

Top 10 Reasons Why I Should Replace Jon Stewart as the New Host of The Daily Show

Jon Stewart has won 19 Emmy Awards. I am ready to win 19 Emmy Awards, given the chance.

ManSpeak Vs. WomanSpeak 2

Men whatever you do, never tell your wife that her clothes look, or her food tastes “fine.”

ManSpeak Vs. WomanSpeak

Men and women think we speak the same language. We don’t.

Crash Course in Yiddish Texting, Part II

DMGK = Darf min gehn in kolledj or “for this I went to college”?!

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