Gentile Guilt Vs. Jewish Guilt II

Jews feel guilty if we don’t complain; Gentiles feel guilty for making a fuss.

Gentile Guilt Vs. Jewish Guilt

Believe it or not, Jews don’t have a monopoly on guilt.

Basket Case

I’m terrible at sports, but my team always wins. They play their best to compensate for me.

It’s All Jew You Know

Famous historical figures’ relationships with the Jews.

Top Ten Reasons People Mistake David Letterman for a Jew

His last name ends with “man.” That's also why we think Superman is Jewish.

Dating Advice from a Meshuggah Jewish Mom

Why won’t my son introduce me to his girlfriend? I’m sure she’ll love me unless I hate her first.

Selfies: Take a Look at Yourself

Who needs 80 million pictures of themselves?

How to Host the Perfect Jewish Family Gathering

Aunt Esther is coming. First step: freak out. Next step: get to work!

The Time My Family Got a Gerbil

My son, Daniel, came home with a gerbil the other day. These kids pick up the weirdest things in school.

10 Reasons Why the Nuclear Deal with Iran is a Bad Idea

#2 – It will mean more airtime for CNN’s Wolf Blitzer.

One on One with Barbie

A sit down interview with the world famous doll who turned 56, and who, it may come as a surprise to many, is Jewish.

Chinese Decide to Eat Jewish Food on Their Holidays

After all of these years of Jews eating Chinese, Chinese decide to return the favor.

Mordechai’s Mailbag: Answers to your Passover Questions

Q: I’m cleaning out my kitchen, and I found two slices of frozen pizza. Should I split up the two slices among my 8 kids, or go to the store and buy MORE pizza so no one will feel left out?

The Real Reasons World Leaders Are Upset about Netanyahu’s Victory

What do Angela Merkel, Ayatollah Khamenei, Vladamir Putin, Kim Jong-Un and Stephen Harper really think of Benjamin Netanyahu?

Advice from a Meshuggah Mom, Part 2

My advice and witticisms on apparel and appearance.

Advice from a Meshuggah Mom

From what I told my son about his new apartment to my cousin who wants to maximize an all-you-can-eat breakfast buffet.

Speak Up

I am afraid of public speaking, which doesn’t help my career as a part-time standup comedian.

The Delicious Deli Man

Are Jews really the worst customers in the world?

Purim Candy Field Guide

Purim is the holy holiday of candy – allow me to prepare you.

Top 10 Reasons Why I Should Replace Jon Stewart as the New Host of The Daily Show

Jon Stewart has won 19 Emmy Awards. I am ready to win 19 Emmy Awards, given the chance.

ManSpeak Vs. WomanSpeak 2

Men whatever you do, never tell your wife that her clothes look, or her food tastes “fine.”

ManSpeak Vs. WomanSpeak

Men and women think we speak the same language. We don’t.

Crash Course in Yiddish Texting, Part II

DMGK = Darf min gehn in kolledj or “for this I went to college”?!

Flu-Like Symptoms

It’s flu-season and my kids are really starting to take advantage.

Crash Course in Yiddish Texting

Forget LOL” How about WAICL for “What am I, chopped liver”?

Type A Men and the Women Who Love Them

Why is it that when men get sick, even the manliest among them morph into sissies?

Under the Knife

I’m deaf and going in for surgery for a cochlear implant. Send kosher Chinese – please!

Saudi Arabia’s New Torture Techniques

Jewlarious has obtained a leaked document of alternate torture methods under discussion by the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia.

Back in Pain

I’ve got back pain so I guess that means mazal tov to me, I am old now.

Gefilte Tank: Part Two

Suze Essenfeld bought into the Krankheiter – a thermometer that tells you when you are not sick.

Judaic Hall of Marketing Shame

Least-successful Jewish celebrity-branded products like Paul Simon’s “I am a Sock.”

An Open letter to Kim Jung Un

Sony may be afraid of you, but Jewlarious is not.

The Differences Between Jewish and Non-Jewish New Year’s Resolutions

“Spend more time with family & friends.” Um… for 3500 Jews have been nailing this one.

If Christmas Songs were Written about Hanukkah

Many Christmas songs were written by Jews. If instead they wrote their songs for Hanukkah, this is what they’d look like.

Mordechai’s Chanukah Gift Guide

How about the Back-Scratch Shirt which comes with a grid on the back, like in battleship, so you can direct the scratcher to the specific itch with lightening precision.

Gefilte Tank

We Jews need our own “Shark Tank.” Meet “Gefilte Tank.”

5 Things Jews Shouldn’t Do at the Office Holiday Party

If you can’t sing, tell jokes, don’t make the office party your debut.

The 3000 Year Old Jewish Woman, Part 3

Meet Sylvia. She’s been around for 3000 years, the last 1200 of which with an enormous bunion. But does she complain? No.

5 Questions Not to Ask a Prospective Jewish Boss

“Listen, if this interview is going on much longer, can we at least bring in a nosh?”

The Return of the Grown-Up Kids

What’s better: empty nest or full house? I’m conflicted.

Through the Roof

Today’s topic: how to save on home-heating costs.

Confessions of a Clutterphile

I thought of going on one of those “Hoarding” reality shows, except they’d make me throw out my stuff. And my stuff is important.

The Angst of Online Grocery Shopping

Goodbye grocery store, hello newfound freedom!

Most Embarrassing Jewish Stories that Went Viral

Did you hear about the kosher deli owner who was thinking about becoming a vegan? Let’s just say it wasn’t great for business.

Ten Differences Between the Klinghoffer Opera Protests and the Danish Cartoon Protests

Klinghoffer protestors stopped by Zabar’s for rugelach 8 times in 3 hours.

Jewpers

We Jews love to laugh at ourselves. So let’s do that with some “Jewpers” – or Bloopers involving Jews.

Losing Sleep

When I go to sleep I’m out like a light. My wife though takes a bit longer and then blames me for it, like there’s a certain amount of sleep to go around, and I’m using all of it up.

10 Zingers Cut from Netanyahu’s Speeches

Did you hear Prime Minister Netanyahu’s Derek Jeter zinger during his UN speech? Here are 10 more zingers that didn’t make the cut.

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