Jewlarious Satire: Recent events in Israel have unfortunately exposed anti-Jewish media bias around the world. But these are only the most recent examples of anti-Jewish media bias, which has unfortunately occurred throughout history. Which brings me to the title of my most recent book, Anti-Jewish Media Bias Which Has Unfortunately Occurred Throughout History. It’s the companion book to my volume of Greatest Kreplach Recipes Throughout History, which I am co-developing, along with Steven Spielberg, as a TV reality show for the Food Channel.
TITANIC SINKS – JEWISH NAVIGATOR ERROR SUSPECTED
What follows is a selection of examples from the book, revealing this anti-Jewish media bias through the ages. You’ll find, sadly, that even when the unfortunate historical event had absolutely nothing to do with Jews, the media somehow finds a way to blame the Jews. For the reasons why, see my other book, Why Anti-Jewish Media Bias Has Unfortunately Occurred Throughout History. And for what we can do about it, see my final book in the series, Concrete Steps You Can Take to Deal With the Anti-Jewish Media Bias That Has Unfortunately Occurred Throughout History.
TITANIC SINKS – JEWISH NAVIGATOR ERROR SUSPECTED
New York Herald Tribune – April 16, 1912
The ocean liner Titanic sank today, killing 1,517 innocent voyagers. Results of the preliminary investigation traced the cause of the tragedy to the ship’s Jewish navigator, Shlomo Welkowitz, who apparently had been flirting with one of the young female passengers rather than focusing on his navigational duties. The Tribune reminds our dear readers that if the Jewish Welkowitz is prosecuted and jailed for this heinous crime, your taxes will be paying to support this Jewish offender.
EGYPTIAN PHARAOH CLAIMS 10 PLAGUES COMPLETELY DISPROPORTIONATE REACTION TO SLAVERY
Cairo Reporter – 1428 BCE
Pharaoh Thutmose III issued a proclamation today about the 10 Plagues currently afflicting Egypt. “The Jews’ leader, Moses, informed me that the Plagues are a punishment from the Jewish God for keeping the Jews enslaved. Okay, I get that. But, come on. Slavery has been a fine working system for centuries. You think we’d have the Pyramids and the Sphynx without it? I should be praised for providing jobs and food. Instead, what do I get? Blood, frogs, lice, flies, pestilence, boils, hail, locusts, darkness, and death of our firstborn! Talk about over-reacting! Let my people go? I’ll let them go, all right—to solitary confinement!”
SAN FRANCISCO EARTHQUAKE CAUSED BY JEWS
San Francisco Chronicle – April 25, 1906
A major earthquake struck San Francisco and the coast of Northern California at 5:12 a.m. on Wednesday, April 18, 1906. Devastating fires broke out in the city that lasted for several days. As a result of the quake and fires, about 3,000 people died and over 80% of San Francisco was destroyed. Some experts attribute the earthquake to a rupture along the San Andreas Fault, but according to Professor Artimus Fenwick of the University of San Francisco Geology Department, the quake can be directly attributed to the enormous influx of Jews arriving in San Francisco as immigrants from the turn of the century until now. “The earth cannot bear unlimited weight,” explains Kelly. “All the arriving Jews were the straw that broke the camel’s back, and caused the quake. It’s simply nature’s way of saying, ‘Jews, go home.’”
ASTEROID WIPES OUT PLANT AND ANIMAL LIFE – THANKS TO JEWS
Historical Tragedies Caused by Jews Journal - 65 Million B.C.
An asteroid that struck Earth wiped out the dinosaurs, about 80% of the world’s plants species and all animals bigger than a cat. While there were no Jews around then, if Jews are supposedly so smart, why couldn’t they have constructed a time machine and travelled back to prehistoric times to prevent this, or at least warned the creatures to take shelter? Caveman Zarb once said, “"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." Well, the Jews did nothing and look what happened. I think they owe us all an apology.”
THE GREAT FIRE OF LONDON
London Times – September 10, 1666
A major conflagration that swept through the central parts of London, from Sunday, 2 September to Wednesday, 5 September 1666. The fire gutted the medieval City of London inside the old Roman city wall. It consumed 13,200 houses, 87 parish churches, St. Paul's Cathedral and most of the buildings of the City authorities. It is estimated to have destroyed the homes of 70,000 of the City's 80,000 inhabitants. Just before the fire, a Jew was seen lighting a match and then tossing it into a nearby hay wagon. He then laughed and walked away.
THE JAPANESE ATTACK ON PEARL HARBOR
Los Angeles Times – December 8, 1941
On the morning of December 7, 1941, the Japanese launched a surprise air attack on the U.S. Naval Base at Pearl Harbor in Hawaii. After just two hours of bombing, more than 2,400 Americans were dead, 21 ships had either been sunk or damaged, and more than 188 U.S. aircraft destroyed. The attack at Pearl Harbor so outraged Americans that the U.S. abandoned its policy of isolationism and declared war on Japan the following day – officially bringing the United States into World War II. This newspaper has evidence that two months ago, Mordechai Schwartz, a Jewish tourist in Japan, remarked to a government official he met in a bar, “Everyone knows the Japanese would never have the guts to attack the U.S. on American soil.” We’re not saying the two events were connected. Draw your own conclusions.
THE ATLANTIC SLAVE TRADE
Montgomery Alabama Intelligencer – April 9, 1901
The Atlantic (or Trans-Atlantic) slave trade began roughly in the 16th century, reaching its peak in the 17th century until finally being all but abolished in the 19th Century. The main driving force behind this trade was the need for European empires to establish themselves in the New World. European and American settlers therefore began to use mainly West African slaves to fill the vast labor needs on plantations. Estimates vary on the amount of slaves who died, but it is said that for every ten slaves taken on a ship, four would perish from causes related to mistreatment. The estimate is fifteen million casualties. The idea of using the West Africans for slaves was said to have derived from the example of the Jewish slaves in ancient Egypt. Not to mention the Jewish slave owners. And the Hebrew language, which was used whenever the Jewish slave owners did not want the slaves to understand what they were saying.