Crash Course in Texting for Parents
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Crash Course in Texting for Parents

Crash Course in Texting for Parents

Did your parents ever speak another language so you wouldn’t understand? Well it’s happening again, but this time, your kids are the culprits.

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When we Boomer Jewish Parents (BJPs) were young we generally spoke the same language as our parents. Of course they had the upper hand when switching to Yiddish when necessary, saying: “Sha … not in front of the kinder.”

What raw power they had to talk about “Sha” things.

Well, in two generations our kinder have turned the proverbial tables. And we still don’t understand, which gives credence to the saying: “Grandparents and grandchildren adore each other because they’ve got a common enemy: us.”

Our children are using mysterious gizmos so tiny, we can’t even see, never mind understand them. Remember when a phone was a phone? We said, “I need a phone.” The salesperson said: “Wall or table and what color?” Boom. Done.

PIR -- Parents in room; POS – Parents over Shoulder; P911 – Parent alert.

Then, my son took me to one of those stores. The ones with the iPods, iPads, Palm pilots, Blackberries, and apps. And with magazines with headlines proclaiming: “Apple releases iAd Producer 2.1 with third-gen iPad while investigating third-gen iPad Wi-Fi issues.” That makes sense.

Using these evil devices our children are now talking “sha” things they don’t want us to know, making plans, telling jokes and exploding – in their code. It’s called “texting.”

Lesson 1: “Theirs” –The P’s

Here are a few text codes we JBP should wise up to.

PAW/PRW - Parents are watching; PIR -- Parents in room; POS – Parents over Shoulder; PAL – Parents are listening; NP -- Nosy parents; MOS – Mom over shoulder; KPC -- Keeping parents clueless; CD9 -- parents are around; P911 – Parent alert.

They have a whole thesaurus of mystery numbers, symbols, and abbreviations to keep us out. This is, of course why we need a code of our very own.

Lesson 2: Typical Examples for use in Texting “Them,” The Kinder

THEM: Any of the above “P’s”

US: AIR: ALREADY IN ROOM. 2 BAD.

US: BUM: BEHIND YOU MAMALA

US: I C U: I SEE YOU

US: IHT: I HEARD THAT

US: WACHA: WE HAVE A CLUE, HA!

US: WAW: WE’RE ALWAYS WATCHING

US: WEL: WE ARE LISTENING

THEM: PM (private message)

US: TWUT: THAT’S WHAT YOU THINK

THEM: BTW (between you and me)

US: ALOUD: AND ALL OF US, DARLING

THEM: BOOMS (Bored out of my skull)

US: BUFAS: “BORED?! YOU FAILED ALGEBRA! STUDY!

US: DDS: DIRTY DISHES SOLUTION

US: LOWS: LAWN OVERGROWN W/WEEDS SOLUTION

THEM: 4ever (forever)/ BFF (best friends forever)

US: FUSSEH: FOREVER? YOU SWITCH SHOES EVERY HOUR

THEM: ETA (Estimated time of arrival)

US: TAK5 TIME ARRIVAL KITCHEN: 5 MINUTES

THEM: TTYL (Talk to you later)

US: NUW: NO U WON’T

THEM: IANAC: (I am not a crook)

US: HALT: HE’S A LIAR TATELEH

THEM: TM (trust me)

US: WRAY? WE RAISED A YUTZ?

THEM: SHCOON (shoot hot coffee out of nose)

US: TISAFE? FOR THIS I SPENT A FORTUNE ON EDUCATION?

Lesson 3: “Your General Codes” With your JYAs (Jewish Young Adults)

BHB8: BE HOME BY EIGHT

BUN: BUTTON YOUR NECK

CAD: CALL ALREADY DARLING

CFL: IT COMES FROM LOVE

CL2M: CAN’T LIE TO MAMA

DOW: DADDY ON WAY

DUL: DEAL W/YOU LATER

DWW: DRIVING WHILE WORRYING

ETA5: ESTIMATED TIME ARRIVAL FIVE MINUTES

FIGD: FINALLY I’M GETTING DETAILS

GIMYL: GRANDCHILDREN IN MY LIFETIME?

HAB: HE’S A BUM

HEN4u HE’S NOT FOR YOU!

IMBD: I MIGHT BE DEAD

LUB: LEFT YOU BAGELS.

LOCOK2: LOCAL COLLEGE OK, TOO.

MOWN: MAKING OUT WILL NOW

NMI: I’M NOT MIXING IN

POW: PARAMEDICS ON WAY (DON’T WORORY. I’LL BE FINE)

PUBS: PROMISE YOU’LL BRING SWEATER

SAB: SHE’S A BUMMERKEH

SHEN4u: SHE’S NOT FOR YOU!

SIP: STORM IN PACIFIC (COME GET HEAVY RAINCOAT)

SUS : STAND UP STRAIGHT

UGH: YOU’RE GIVING ME HEARTBURN

UM? U MESHUGGE?

WEJW: WE JUST WANT … (FOR EXAMPLE) YOU TO BE HAPPY/TO FIND SOMEONE/TO GET AN EDUCATION/GET A LIFE

WBP: WAITING BY PHONE

YAMB: YOU ARE MY BUSINESS

Lesson 4: “Your Codes with Friends and Adult Family

BIG?: “BENIGN” IS GOOD?

BM?: BRING MANISHEWITZ?

CILS: CADDY IN LAKE. SHA!

CAT: CHEAPER AT TARGET

CUS: CLEANING UP SHMUTZ

CYCL: CALL YOUR COUSIN THE LAWYER

DDD: DAUGHTER DATING DOCTOR

EAK: ENOUGH ALREADY WITH THE KVETCHING

EEF? EATING ENOUGH FIBER?

F4L: FEELING FOR LUMPS

GGMA: “GOLDEN GIRLS” MARATHON ALERT

JUT: JUST USUAL TSOURIS

HHG: HUSBAND HAS GOUT!

HBI : HER BRISKET? INEDIBLE

HMUG: HOW MUCH ARE YOU GIVING?

ISCOW?: IS SHE A CHAYA OR WHAT?

L4EBS: LATE FOR EARLY BIRD SPECIAL

LAR: LATKES AREN’T ROUGHAGE?

REPUSH: REMEMBER, THEY CAN PUT US IN A HOME

INK: I’M NOT KVETCHING.

REGARM: READING GLASSES R MISSING. (CALL!)

SJP: YOU KNOW A SINGLE JEWISH PROFESSIONAL?

SLOA : “SCHINDLER’S LIST” ON AGAIN

TG4L: THANK GOD FOR LIPITOR

PACT: PAINTERS ARE COMING TOMORROW

WAS: WHO’S A SNOOKI?

YA: YENTA ALERT/ YUTZ ALERT

And for anyone, anytime:

OVIM: OY VEY IZ MIR

Published: July 14, 2012


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Visitor Comments: 8

(7) Lisa, November 3, 2013 2:05 PM

LI

Love It !!

(6) sara, September 29, 2012 5:19 PM

!!!: love these lots!

(5) Chaiah Schwab, July 31, 2012 5:26 AM

OMG! LOL for real!

This was honestly "LOL"! Thank you so much, it's so healthy to have a belly laugh whenever possible!

(4) Anonymous, July 26, 2012 2:31 PM

A lot of these "real clever" ones had the wrong letters

(3) Phil Petz, July 20, 2012 8:40 AM

Marnie Strikes Again

That took a great deal of work! Clever, humorous and very timely.

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