When we Boomer Jewish Parents (BJPs) were young we generally spoke the same language as our parents. Of course they had the upper hand when switching to Yiddish when necessary, saying: “Sha … not in front of the kinder.”
What raw power they had to talk about “Sha” things.
Well, in two generations our kinder have turned the proverbial tables. And we still don’t understand, which gives credence to the saying: “Grandparents and grandchildren adore each other because they’ve got a common enemy: us.”
Our children are using mysterious gizmos so tiny, we can’t even see, never mind understand them. Remember when a phone was a phone? We said, “I need a phone.” The salesperson said: “Wall or table and what color?” Boom. Done.
PIR -- Parents in room; POS – Parents over Shoulder; P911 – Parent alert.
Then, my son took me to one of those stores. The ones with the iPods, iPads, Palm pilots, Blackberries, and apps. And with magazines with headlines proclaiming: “Apple releases iAd Producer 2.1 with third-gen iPad while investigating third-gen iPad Wi-Fi issues.” That makes sense.
Using these evil devices our children are now talking “sha” things they don’t want us to know, making plans, telling jokes and exploding – in their code. It’s called “texting.”
Lesson 1: “Theirs” –The P’s
Here are a few text codes we JBP should wise up to.
PAW/PRW - Parents are watching; PIR -- Parents in room; POS – Parents over Shoulder; PAL – Parents are listening; NP -- Nosy parents; MOS – Mom over shoulder; KPC -- Keeping parents clueless; CD9 -- parents are around; P911 – Parent alert.
They have a whole thesaurus of mystery numbers, symbols, and abbreviations to keep us out. This is, of course why we need a code of our very own.
Lesson 2: Typical Examples for use in Texting “Them,” The Kinder
THEM: Any of the above “P’s”
US: AIR: ALREADY IN ROOM. 2 BAD.
US: BUM: BEHIND YOU MAMALA
US: I C U: I SEE YOU
US: IHT: I HEARD THAT
US: WACHA: WE HAVE A CLUE, HA!
US: WAW: WE’RE ALWAYS WATCHING
US: WEL: WE ARE LISTENING
THEM: PM (private message)
US: TWUT: THAT’S WHAT YOU THINK
THEM: BTW (between you and me)
US: ALOUD: AND ALL OF US, DARLING
THEM: BOOMS (Bored out of my skull)
US: BUFAS: “BORED?! YOU FAILED ALGEBRA! STUDY!
US: DDS: DIRTY DISHES SOLUTION
US: LOWS: LAWN OVERGROWN W/WEEDS SOLUTION
THEM: 4ever (forever)/ BFF (best friends forever)
US: FUSSEH: FOREVER? YOU SWITCH SHOES EVERY HOUR
THEM: ETA (Estimated time of arrival)
US: TAK5 TIME ARRIVAL KITCHEN: 5 MINUTES
THEM: TTYL (Talk to you later)
US: NUW: NO U WON’T
THEM: IANAC: (I am not a crook)
US: HALT: HE’S A LIAR TATELEH
THEM: TM (trust me)
US: WRAY? WE RAISED A YUTZ?
THEM: SHCOON (shoot hot coffee out of nose)
US: TISAFE? FOR THIS I SPENT A FORTUNE ON EDUCATION?
Lesson 3: “Your General Codes” With your JYAs (Jewish Young Adults)
BHB8: BE HOME BY EIGHT
BUN: BUTTON YOUR NECK
CAD: CALL ALREADY DARLING
CFL: IT COMES FROM LOVE
CL2M: CAN’T LIE TO MAMA
DOW: DADDY ON WAY
DUL: DEAL W/YOU LATER
DWW: DRIVING WHILE WORRYING
ETA5: ESTIMATED TIME ARRIVAL FIVE MINUTES
FIGD: FINALLY I’M GETTING DETAILS
GIMYL: GRANDCHILDREN IN MY LIFETIME?
HAB: HE’S A BUM
HEN4u HE’S NOT FOR YOU!
IMBD: I MIGHT BE DEAD
LUB: LEFT YOU BAGELS.
LOCOK2: LOCAL COLLEGE OK, TOO.
MOWN: MAKING OUT WILL NOW
NMI: I’M NOT MIXING IN
POW: PARAMEDICS ON WAY (DON’T WORORY. I’LL BE FINE)
PUBS: PROMISE YOU’LL BRING SWEATER
SAB: SHE’S A BUMMERKEH
SHEN4u: SHE’S NOT FOR YOU!
SIP: STORM IN PACIFIC (COME GET HEAVY RAINCOAT)
SUS : STAND UP STRAIGHT
UGH: YOU’RE GIVING ME HEARTBURN
UM? U MESHUGGE?
WEJW: WE JUST WANT … (FOR EXAMPLE) YOU TO BE HAPPY/TO FIND SOMEONE/TO GET AN EDUCATION/GET A LIFE
WBP: WAITING BY PHONE
YAMB: YOU ARE MY BUSINESS
Lesson 4: “Your Codes with Friends and Adult Family
BIG?: “BENIGN” IS GOOD?
BM?: BRING MANISHEWITZ?
CILS: CADDY IN LAKE. SHA!
CAT: CHEAPER AT TARGET
CUS: CLEANING UP SHMUTZ
CYCL: CALL YOUR COUSIN THE LAWYER
DDD: DAUGHTER DATING DOCTOR
EAK: ENOUGH ALREADY WITH THE KVETCHING
EEF? EATING ENOUGH FIBER?
F4L: FEELING FOR LUMPS
GGMA: “GOLDEN GIRLS” MARATHON ALERT
JUT: JUST USUAL TSOURIS
HHG: HUSBAND HAS GOUT!
HBI : HER BRISKET? INEDIBLE
HMUG: HOW MUCH ARE YOU GIVING?
ISCOW?: IS SHE A CHAYA OR WHAT?
L4EBS: LATE FOR EARLY BIRD SPECIAL
LAR: LATKES AREN’T ROUGHAGE?
REPUSH: REMEMBER, THEY CAN PUT US IN A HOME
INK: I’M NOT KVETCHING.
REGARM: READING GLASSES R MISSING. (CALL!)
SJP: YOU KNOW A SINGLE JEWISH PROFESSIONAL?
SLOA : “SCHINDLER’S LIST” ON AGAIN
TG4L: THANK GOD FOR LIPITOR
PACT: PAINTERS ARE COMING TOMORROW
WAS: WHO’S A SNOOKI?
YA: YENTA ALERT/ YUTZ ALERT
And for anyone, anytime:
OVIM: OY VEY IZ MIR