According to comedian Lenny Bruce, there are some things that make somebody Jewish or not Jewish: going to a country club – not Jewish, going to a country club that bans Jews – Jewish. But here, we are going to discuss what makes somebody a religious Jew. In other words, a Frum Jew.

Jeans – not frum, slacks – frum

Playing sports – not frum, playing sports in pants – frum

Skiing – not frum, going to a football game – not frum, owning a football team – frum, going to a football game with a baseball hat – ask your rabbi

Eating – very frum, fasting – not frum, fasting and then eating all three meals right at nightfall – frum

Talking – frum, woman talking to man – not frum

Rochester NY – not frum, Brooklyn NY – frum

Pizza – frum, pasta – not frum, falafel – not frum, cholant – frum, herring – very frum, gefillte fish – frum, fast food – not frum, deep fried food – frum

Refrigerator with a light that works – not frum, huge fridge – not frum, three freezers in basement and one in the garage – frum

Crock-pot – relatively frum, hot-plate – frum

Computer – not frum, watching movies on a computer – frum

Car – not frum, minivan – frum

Sheitels/wigs – frum, toupee – not frum

Snood – frum, beret or bandanna – not frum

Trips – not frum, visiting family for simcha/celebration – frum

Fluorescent lights – not frum, candelabra – frum

Hat – not frum, black hat – frum

Shopping – not frum, going to the Dollar Store or any store that has a lot of items that sell for a dollar or less – frum

Tin pans – frum, copper not frum

Baseball hat – frum, visor – not frum, baseball hat when shopping – frum, baseball hat with a suit – you understand Galus – very frum

Vacation – not frum, spending the summer not at your house – frum

house – not frum, bungalows – frum

Motel – frum, hotel – not frum, hotel for Pesach – frum,

Voting – not frum, complaining about the president or prime minister – frum

Board games – not frum, board games on Shabbos – frum

Music – not frum, music to lyrics from King David – frum, singing a song with no lyrics – very frum

Goatee – not frum, beard – frum

Eating food that was just cooked – not frum, eating leftovers – frum

Hiking – not frum, hiking in long slacks and a white shirt – frum

Camping – not frum, tents – not frum, tent of meeting – not frum, “Mikdash”/not using the word Tabernacle – frum

Heavy-frum, aerobics – frum, working out – not frum, walking – frum, walking in a group – very frum, walking slowly on Shabbat afternoon with hands behind the back – frum

Eating – frum, organic – not frum, saying ‘The Diet Starts Now’ at the end of a meal – frum

Sweating – frum, sweating from exercise – not frum, saying ‘Let’s get exercise’ and then going for a walk – frum

Mordechai Ben David – frum, Chaim David – not frum, Simon & Garfunkel – frum

Plastic dishware – frum, dishes – not frum, 3 sets of fine china for 15 people – very frum

Salad – not frum, vegetables ground up and mixed with oil – frum, potato kugel – very frum,

Singing – frum, musical talent – not frum

Vegetables – not frum, vegetables in soup – frum

Borscht and Shav – frum, sorrel leaves – not frum

Diet – not frum, healthy living – not frum, you should have health – frum

Telling somebody to be healthy – not frum, telling somebody to have long life – frum,

Saving a life – not frum, pikuach nefesh/saying it in Hebrew – frum

Shabbat Shalom – not frum, Good Shabbos – maybe frum, Gut Shabbis – frum

Catskills – frum, Poconos – frum, Mountains – frum, Flordia – frum, LA – not frum,

Antwerp-  frum, Golders Green – frum, Tel Aviv – not frum,

Bnei Brak – frum, Toronto – frum, Montreal – not frum,

Kosher – not frum, Glatt kosher – frum

Marriage at 30 – not frum, marriage at 18 – frum

Bonfire – not frum, bonfire to commemorate death of rabbi – frum, collecting wood – not frum, using all inanimate objects that are not wood for bonfire – frum

If you have any questions, I plan on putting out the Frum Dictionary soon. Dictionaries? Not frum.