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Goyish vs. Jewish is Back

Goyish vs. Jewish is Back

The best of the Goyish vs Jewish 2011 Mini Day-to-Day Calendar.


Dig... if you live in New York or any other big city you are Jewish. It doesn’t matter if you are Catholic. If you live in New York you are Jewish. If you live in Butte, Montana, you are going to be goyish even if you are Jewish. – Lenny Bruce

A while back, we did a series on Jewish vs. Goyish (and vice versa). The difference? Simply, to most MOTs (Members of the Tribe), there are some things that “feel” Jewish (Jewish or not) while other things just “feel” Goyish, even if they’re Jewish. Why? The Hamish Factor (HF).

Since we ran the series, the concept has taken the world by storm! Or, more specifically, by calendar.

Since we ran the series, the concept, with expanded entries, has taken the world by storm. Or to be more specific, has become the Goyish vs. Jewish 2011 Mini Day-to-Day Calendar!

For your enjoyment, here are my picks for the best from the calendar with some little add-ons! (Oh, And for those who are offended by “stereotypes” and political incorrectness, I stand pelted with matzoh balls).

Jewish vs. Goyish

Queen Elizabeth I was Jewish Queen Elizabeth II very Goyish
Libraries are Jewish Librarians are Goyish
Tim Gunn is Jewish Heidi Klum? Need we ask?
The Antique Roadshow is Jewish Inside This Old House is Goyish
Your Texas neighbor ran over a dog:
“Quick! Call Uncle Hymie the vet!” is Jewish. “Quick! Get a gun!” is Goyish.
“Knots Landing,” and “The Windy Apple” were Jewish Mayberry, and Hooterville? Please. Goyish
Lo mein is Jewish Chow mein is Goyish
Morris the Cat is an MOT Martin the Gecko is not
“Feeling” a temperature is Jewish Fancy thermometers? Goyish
The Pillsbury Doughboy is Jewish Betty Crocker is “white bread.”
Fortune magazine is Jewish Soldier of Fortune magazine is Goyish
Golf is trying to be Jewish Pro golf is mega-Goyish
Ketchup is Jewish Catsup is Goyish
The Clintons are Jewishy The Bushes are strictly Goyish
Black and White Cookies are Jewish Red and green cookies Goyish
Hell’s Kitchen is Jewish Hell’s Angels are, of course, Goyish
Rebecca Howe on Cheers was Jewishy Diane Chambers? Not.
Leather is Jewish Patent leather is Goyish
Sara Lee and Entemann’s are Jewish Little Debbie and SnackWells are Goyish
Tending lawns is Jewish “Yardwork” is Goyish
Collecting mini hotel shampoos is very Jewish Letting the family use them? Goyish!
“Company” is Jewish “Guests” are Goyish

Goyish vs. Jewish

Jack LaLanne is pure Goyish Richard Simmons is Jewish
Sugar plums are Goyish Dried prunes are Jewish
“You’re cold. Put on a coat” is Goyish. I’m cold. Put on a coat” is Jewish
Ginseng, Ginko Biloba, Carrot juice are Goyish Alka Seltzer, Pepto Bismol, Prune juice are Jewish staples
“Clean” to the naked eye is Goyish “Clean” to the Mayo Clinic could be Jewish
“I’ll look under the hood?” A Goyish remark Where is the hood?” Pure Jewish-speak.
“I told you no,” is Goyish “I told you so, is Jewish
A housekeeper is Goyish A cleaning lady is Jewish
DIYers (Do-it-Yourself) are Goyish HLMers (Hire-Lawyer-Move) are Jewish
Remembering to jot down your 2 p.m dental appointment on April 20th is Goyish. Remembering the names of each Israelite who built the pyramids in bondage is Jewish.
“It happens to everybody” is Goyish “Why me, G-d!” is Jewish
Goyish Food Groups: Grains, Fruits/Veggies, Meat, Dairy Jewish: Kosher, Treif, Pareve, Chaloshes
Planting sunflower seeds is Goyish Eating sunflower seeds is Jewish
Alton Brown is lovely, if Goyish Emeril’s our boy
“I don't deserve this award” is Goyish “I don’t deserve bursitis either” is Jewish
Waiting in line to get seated is Goyish Waving in line to get seated is Jewish
Picking a diet is Goyish Picking from everyone’s plate and calling it a diet is Jewish
Tiles are Goyish Linoleum was Jewish
Your child got a “C” in math:
Goyish: “He tried his best” Jewish: “Call a tutor!”
Tennis elbow is Goyish Tennis bracelets are Jewish
Canoe the boat is Goyish Canoe the cologne is Jewish
Cellulite is Goyish “Dimples” are Jewish
“I’m my brother’s keeper” is Goyish “I’m my brother-in-law’s keeper” is Jewish
Smarter Than a 5th Grader is Goyish “My three-year-old is smarter than a 5th grader” is Jewish
Mister Rogers was Goyish Mister Wizard was Jewish
Taking doggie bags of lobster and steak is Goyish Taking doggie bags of 15 French Fries and half a roll is Jewish
A hunter is Goyish A furrier is Jewish
Comin’ Through the Rye is Goyish Comin’ with the marble rye? Us
“Delicious” to describe your turkey is Goyish “Delicious” to describe your toddler is Jewish
Fusion is Goyish Leftovers is Jewish
To curse is Goyish
To prophesize is Jewish
(May the lice in your shirt marry the bedbugs in your mattress and may their offspring set up residence in your underwear.)
“Uncle Sam Wants You” is Goyish “Uncle Sam wants you – in his software business” is Jewish
YMCA, the place, is Goyish “YMCA,” the song, is Jewish
“Ask” is Goyish Don’t ask!” is Jewish
“Of the book” is Jewish “By the book” is Goyish
The “;” and “.” are Goyish The “?” and “,”are Jewish


The Goyish Vs. Jewish 2011 Mini Day-to-day Calendar is on sale now on Amazon or at your favorite book store.

December 18, 2010

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The opinions expressed in the comment section are the personal views of the commenters. Comments are moderated, so please keep it civil.

Visitor Comments: 13

(13) Anonymous, January 4, 2018 5:43 PM

love your stuff

I see you have a few articles on the point of "Goyish vs. Jewish" under the heading of humor. What is amiss is mention of the great papa of this genre, Lenny Bruce, (A"H). You have to be in a certain age bracket to appreciate this. Even though he wasn't known for his religiosity, he identified himself as part of our culture. To give credit to the non-frum (or not-as-frum) Yidden who contributed to the world with whatever talents or skills they may have had is totally appropriate.

(12) Ana, March 27, 2014 5:34 PM

Way Too Funny

This is Really really Good.

(11) Anonymous, August 30, 2011 2:48 PM

Goyish vs Jewish: TV

Morticia Adams is Goyish....Lily Munster is Jewish

(10) Sue, December 31, 2010 5:56 PM

The Clintons are "Jewishy"?

You are right about the Bush family--but the Clintons are equally "goyish"--despite Chelsea's marriage. If that is what counted for the Clintons than thet Bush family may soon be equally "Jewishy."Lauren Bush(George H.W.'s granddaughter and George W's niece0 will soon marry Ralph Lauren's son.

(9) , December 28, 2010 7:13 PM

carrot juice

Carrot juice is goyish??? Is this why nearly every falafel stand in Israel has a juicer and a bin full of carrots?

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