Funny Stuff
Funny Passover Jokes
5 min read
5 min read
The best of the Goyish vs Jewish 2011 Mini Day-to-Day Calendar.
Dig... if you live in New York or any other big city you are Jewish. It doesn’t matter if you are Catholic. If you live in New York you are Jewish. If you live in Butte, Montana, you are going to be goyish even if you are Jewish. – Lenny Bruce
A while back, we did a series on Jewish vs. Goyish (and vice versa). The difference? Simply, to most MOTs (Members of the Tribe), there are some things that “feel” Jewish (Jewish or not) while other things just “feel” Goyish, even if they’re Jewish. Why? The Hamish Factor (HF).
Since we ran the series, the concept has taken the world by storm! Or, more specifically, by calendar.
Since we ran the series, the concept, with expanded entries, has taken the world by storm. Or to be more specific, has become the Goyish vs. Jewish 2011 Mini Day-to-Day Calendar!
For your enjoyment, here are my picks for the best from the calendar with some little add-ons! (Oh, And for those who are offended by “stereotypes” and political incorrectness, I stand pelted with matzoh balls).
Jewish vs. Goyish
Queen Elizabeth I was Jewish | Queen Elizabeth II very Goyish |
Libraries are Jewish | Librarians are Goyish |
Tim Gunn is Jewish | Heidi Klum? Need we ask? |
The Antique Roadshow is Jewish | Inside This Old House is Goyish |
Your Texas neighbor ran over a dog: | |
“Quick! Call Uncle Hymie the vet!” is Jewish. | “Quick! Get a gun!” is Goyish. |
“Knots Landing,” and “The Windy Apple” were Jewish | Mayberry, and Hooterville? Please. Goyish |
Lo mein is Jewish | Chow mein is Goyish |
Morris the Cat is an MOT | Martin the Gecko is not |
“Feeling” a temperature is Jewish | Fancy thermometers? Goyish |
The Pillsbury Doughboy is Jewish | Betty Crocker is “white bread.” |
Fortune magazine is Jewish | Soldier of Fortune magazine is Goyish |
Golf is trying to be Jewish | Pro golf is mega-Goyish |
Ketchup is Jewish | Catsup is Goyish |
The Clintons are Jewishy | The Bushes are strictly Goyish |
Black and White Cookies are Jewish | Red and green cookies Goyish |
Hell’s Kitchen is Jewish | Hell’s Angels are, of course, Goyish |
Rebecca Howe on Cheers was Jewishy | Diane Chambers? Not. |
Leather is Jewish | Patent leather is Goyish |
Sara Lee and Entemann’s are Jewish | Little Debbie and SnackWells are Goyish |
Tending lawns is Jewish | “Yardwork” is Goyish |
Collecting mini hotel shampoos is very Jewish | Letting the family use them? Goyish! |
“Company” is Jewish | “Guests” are Goyish |
Goyish vs. Jewish
Jack LaLanne is pure Goyish | Richard Simmons is Jewish |
Sugar plums are Goyish | Dried prunes are Jewish |
“You’re cold. Put on a coat” is Goyish. | “I’m cold. Put on a coat” is Jewish |
Ginseng, Ginko Biloba, Carrot juice are Goyish | Alka Seltzer, Pepto Bismol, Prune juice are Jewish staples |
“Clean” to the naked eye is Goyish | “Clean” to the Mayo Clinic could be Jewish |
“I’ll look under the hood?” A Goyish remark | Where is the hood?” Pure Jewish-speak. |
“I told you no,” is Goyish | “I told you so, is Jewish |
A housekeeper is Goyish | A cleaning lady is Jewish |
DIYers (Do-it-Yourself) are Goyish | HLMers (Hire-Lawyer-Move) are Jewish |
Remembering to jot down your 2 p.m dental appointment on April 20th is Goyish. | Remembering the names of each Israelite who built the pyramids in bondage is Jewish. |
“It happens to everybody” is Goyish | “Why me, G-d!” is Jewish |
Goyish Food Groups: Grains, Fruits/Veggies, Meat, Dairy | Jewish: Kosher, Treif, Pareve, Chaloshes |
Planting sunflower seeds is Goyish | Eating sunflower seeds is Jewish |
Alton Brown is lovely, if Goyish | Emeril’s our boy |
“I don't deserve this award” is Goyish | “I don’t deserve bursitis either” is Jewish |
Waiting in line to get seated is Goyish | Waving in line to get seated is Jewish |
Picking a diet is Goyish | Picking from everyone’s plate and calling it a diet is Jewish |
Tiles are Goyish | Linoleum was Jewish |
Your child got a “C” in math: | |
Goyish: “He tried his best” | Jewish: “Call a tutor!” |
Tennis elbow is Goyish | Tennis bracelets are Jewish |
Canoe the boat is Goyish | Canoe the cologne is Jewish |
Cellulite is Goyish | “Dimples” are Jewish |
“I’m my brother’s keeper” is Goyish | “I’m my brother-in-law’s keeper” is Jewish |
Smarter Than a 5th Grader is Goyish | “My three-year-old is smarter than a 5th grader” is Jewish |
Mister Rogers was Goyish | Mister Wizard was Jewish |
Taking doggie bags of lobster and steak is Goyish | Taking doggie bags of 15 French Fries and half a roll is Jewish |
A hunter is Goyish | A furrier is Jewish |
Comin’ Through the Rye is Goyish | Comin’ with the marble rye? Us |
“Delicious” to describe your turkey is Goyish | “Delicious” to describe your toddler is Jewish |
Fusion is Goyish | Leftovers is Jewish |
To curse is Goyish (“Damn!”) |
To prophesize is Jewish (May the lice in your shirt marry the bedbugs in your mattress and may their offspring set up residence in your underwear.) |
“Uncle Sam Wants You” is Goyish | “Uncle Sam wants you – in his software business” is Jewish |
YMCA, the place, is Goyish | “YMCA,” the song, is Jewish |
“Ask” is Goyish | “Don’t ask!” is Jewish |
“Of the book” is Jewish | “By the book” is Goyish |
The “;” and “.” are Goyish | The “?” and “,”are Jewish |
The Goyish Vs. Jewish 2011 Mini Day-to-day Calendar is on sale now on Amazon or at your favorite book store.