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Jwitter

Jwitter

How to get Jewish followers on Twitter.

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Twitter has truly come of age for the Jewish people.

Where once there were hardly enough Jews on the micro-blogging network to form a minyan, today Members of the Tribe of every denomination and belief, ultra-orthodox as well as secular, rich as well as poor, and young as well as old all waste thousands of hours a day sitting in front of their computers foolishly tweeting away.

If you’re one of them, you’d probably like to learn how to increase your Jewish following. Well, look no further; all those Jewish people standing behind me are my Twitter followers! Even though there’s a few of them that are lawyers I’d much prefer to keep strictly in front of me!

To develop Jewish followers try “Guilt Following.”

If you heed the guidelines below, you’ll soon have more Jewish followers than Moses, without having to part the Red Sea. And if you actually can part the Red Sea, you might wind up with almost as many followers as the least popular of the Kardashians.

Guilt Following. To develop Jewish followers, you must first follow them, a practice referred to as Guilt Following because you’re hoping to guilt them into following you back. If they do not, it will be for one of the following reasons:

  1. You followed @Mel _Gibson497. Hopefully by accident.
  2. You followed @SaraKSilverman, who frankly just doesn’t need any of us.
  3. The person you followed is either (a) not Jewish or (b) totally impervious to guilt. If (b) is correct, (a) is almost certainly correct as well.

Content. On Twitter, Content is King.

That’s notwithstanding the fact that the person tweeting incessantly about Justin Bieber’s tattoo has enough followers to invade the nearest galaxy while the guy who tweets cogent and thoughtful concepts and ideas about solving the budget crisis can’t get @crudface99 to follow him.

To attract Jewish followers, however, you must provide Jewish-oriented tweets with insight and intelligence, such as:

  • While “thou shalt attend a motion picture and eat Chinese on Christmas” is more a guidance than a commandment, were we to add commandments, this would have to be either 614 or 615.
  • Why is this night different from all other nights? Because on this night when Elijah visits our home, Mom doesn’t complain that he should have called first!
  • Thou shalt honor thy father and mother but understand that this doth not require eating brisket more than once a week.

Abbreviations. With only 140 characters in which to get your message across and no ability to gesture with your hands, Jewish tweeting has no space to spare. Hence abbreviations are employed for oft-used familiar expressions, some of the most popular being:

  1. IMHO --- In my Hebrew opinion.
  2. LOL --- Latkes or Lox?
  3. SAHM --- Saul and Harry Mandelbaum
  4. LMAO --- Little mayo (on my sandwich)
  5. BTW --- By the waters (of Babylon)
  6. ROTFL --- a female character in Fiddler on the Roof

Hashtags. These are used to link together tweets with common themes so they can all be accessed together. Frequently used hashtags include:

    #canwetalk?

    #I’mkvelling

    #amkvetching

    #ButForYou,Only….

Emoticons. Emoticons are a couple of keystrokes of letters and punctuation which usually form a smiling face denoting an amused or happy response to something tweeted.

I rarely use emoticons because they seem to me to be Twitter’s version of a laugh track. But were I to use an emoticon to express laughter or happiness in my Jewish oriented tweets, it would look something like this:

: תי

For the Hebraically challenged, that is a colon followed by the Hebrew letters taf and yud. When pronounced together, you get “tie”, oh and then “colon.” Not sure what “tie-colon” means in Hebrew, but probably something .

And if you use our little friend “tie-colon,” you’ll be on your way to attracting all the Members of the Tribe on Twitter you’d ever want to meet. You’ll be a modern day Moses in no time.

Published: September 17, 2011


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Visitor Comments: 4

(2) Aunt Jemimah, September 26, 2011 3:10 AM

And risk becoming a twit?

Perry, you crack me up. With my luck, I'd probably be more of a modern day messes than Moses. I actually just bought a huge brisket for Yom Tov. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with it yet, but it should feed people for days. I'm not sure how many people in my family will like it though, it's not something we're used to. I also want it to stay moist, a dry brisket stinks. As far as twittering, at the risk of sounding like a twit, as an aunt of 30 plus nieces and nephews, B"H, in addition to my own kids, by the time I get around to everyone, I wouldn't be able to get any other work done. I'd become a real Yente. Seriously though, people put way too much personal info online and their is a danger of identity theft. It's not good to expose too much about yourself on those types of media. The consequences could be brutal. Then I'd have to tie one on! All the Best and a happy and healthy New Year.

Perry Block, September 27, 2011 2:55 AM

And risk becoming a twit?

Thanks for your comment, Aunt Jem ... what!? Okay, got past the name. Actually I agree with your comment about the time-consuming nature of tweeting. Obviously writers promoting their work spend a lot of time on Twitter doing just that. But if you're a regular Joe (or Jemima), and you are promoting nothing more than an advanced case of carpel tunnel syndrome and haven't left the house in three years for the tweeting, well, I'd look into it. I also agree that people tend to put too much personal information on line. I make it a point NEVER TO TWEET PERSONAL INFORMATION other than my social security number, because for some reason people seem to think it's funny. Thanks again for your comments and have a wonderful New Year!

(1) Gregory Landenburg, September 21, 2011 5:29 PM

Jews on Twitter

The piece was an excellent, tongue-in-cheek comment on today's "social" media. Seriously, we Jews do need to connect. As for myself, I'm disabled and can't get to Temple, so these mediums are meaningful in connecting with people of a like-mind. Thanks for you and AISH!

Perry Block, September 23, 2011 2:48 AM

Jews on Twitter

Thank you for your comment, Gregory. I agree that despite their excesses and possible abuse, social networks like Twitter provide the incredible opportunity for people of like and diverse interests to connect with others throughout the world they could never possibly have met before and share a bit of themselves. And IMHO (in my Hebrew opinion), that's a good thing!

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