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Kronk’s List: The Jewish Craigslist

Kronk’s List: The Jewish Craigslist

Two side-by-side elite cemetery plots in the Maimonides Memorial Cemetery in Beverly Hills, not far from Rodeo!

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Who doesn’t have a love/hate relationship with Craigslist? Personally, I find the variety of stuff and species relaxing to look through when going through the stress of deciding “Should I or Shouldn’t I” finish the last piece of (OK the whole) strudel.

Fascinating, but should I find something, say a bookcase, oy vey. First I have to make an appointment, then shlep. I’m no Magellan, so I usually have to go around Utah to find the house down the street. Finally I arrive. The case that looked in the picture like it came from Glick’s in person was more “Gluck’s.” Oh, and I forgot I had to hire an 18-wheeler and two Sumo wrestlers to move it.

Once I found a gorgeous photo of a pair of my shoes on the list that I figured a nasty visitor stole from me. More, she had the chutzpa to use her real name on the email.

That’s not to say I haven’t found bargains. One bargain guy, however, gave me counterfeit change. Let’s just say, the Justice Department is involved.

So aside from the trust issue, the “stuff,” isn’t, face it – for We Jews. When did you hear your rebbe ask for say, a Kawasaki ZX6 636 Wiring Harness, or “good as new batteries?” A re-made U-Haul engine?? An assortment of used tires?

Which is how I came upon Yidtown. It’s the newest “Jewish” Craigslist. So I called their macher, Ardy Zara, a lovely man, who explained to me that Yidtown is completely free with the goal of bringing Jews closer together. Plus, the way I figure, I won’t have to flip through any nativity scenes for sale.

So, I thought … what kinds of things would We Jews want to see, sell, and buy that truly reflects – us? After all, we were born with many special attributes. One, which has mutated over thousands of years, is our keen gene for shopping. True, it started from starvation and running, which required us to develop superior observational powers. “Look! There’s a berry.” We invented that.

I kept thinking and also searched Yidtown. I named mine Kronk’s List, so I shouldn’t plagiarize.

KRONK’S LIST: ALL
TOPIC: BUSINESS DIRECTORY

Shark Tank Partner! Looking for a not too busy Jewish genius in Miami to help me invent a thingy that when you press your keys, an antennae goes up on the top of your car so you can find your 1999 Caddy in the parking lot during The Early Bird. I supply the idea. You, get some of the gelt. It’s perfect for Shark Tank. luftmencher11347@gmail.com

TOPIC: TCHOTCHKES FOR SALE
Hanukkah Candles: A lot. Make Your Hanukkah Distinctive. Semi-used.

Last year, while on a tour of Israel, I was so overcome, I bought 36 boxes of authentic Israeli Hanukkah Candles. Who knew our next stop would be Kibbutz Tirat Tzvi, where, at 130 degrees, the Arctic Sea would become the Dead Sea in two minutes flat? The candles, nebuch, got a little bent. I tried one and it did mostly stand in a non-electric Menorah. In fact the effect is … like candles having a conversation. My husband isn’t a talker. So, I’ll let the 36 boxes go for half … five dollars a box.

TOPIC: RELIGIOUS ARTIFACTS
Bar Mitzvah Kippahs! For When Your Mazik Becomes a Man: Available: 150. Used.

Melvin and I are downsizing. We’re moving from a 2500 square foot in Riverdale to a tiny Bungalow in a Box in Spring Valley. We saw it on “Shtetls & Gardens” on the Jewish Channel. Meanwhile, we have to choose, toss, and decide. When we opened the room in which we raised our beloved son, we found 275 Bar Mitzvah kippahs. (He was very popular.) We measured the bungalow and we can keep 125 – if we don’t add a sink. We’re only asking $325 … so we can afford a tiny custom-made hidden medicine holder. (Note: Just tell guests the different names are a tribute to former Bar Mitzvahs boys. We Jews never forget!) MelSyl@nayfish.com.

Two Side-by-side Elite Cemetery Plots in the Maimonides Memorial Cemetery in Beverly Hills, not far from Rodeo!!

Mazel. My rotten is your good. The “get” came through. Shlomo and I are no longer a couple, nebuch. For Hanukkah last year my parents bought us two plots you can die from with everything included: Endowment care opening/closing, prime granite stone marker installation, outer burial container – you name it. You can. A nice place to visit, plus you’ll be the envy of all who knew you. Vilda7@chaya.com

TOPIC: POLITICAL CHAZZERAI
Clinton vs. Trump “None of The Above” Button. Very Rare. Used.

I can get my hands on another 500,000. Specify language. BernSand@Igiveup.com

TOPIC: THE KASHER KONNECTION: FOOD
Original Hydrox Unopened. New-ish. Year: 1999.

For those of you, like me, who would kill for a Hydrox over an Oreo, have I got for you! Hydroxophiles know the greatest cookie was discontinued in 1999 after Keebler bought … and then Kellogg came along. Oy, our cookie was resourced so many times, would you trust the new one that came out again 16 years later?? Would it have the tang, the not so sweet white stuff, the stiffness? Well I saved 15 boxes. OK, I ate 14. There’s one left. It could be the only one on the planet from 1999! (You may want to plate and hang, instead of eat it.) HymieDrox@keepsakecookies.com

TOPIC: JEWISH BOOKS AND CALENDARS BY MARNIE MACAULEY!

If you want the best in Jewish humor books and calendars I have just the thing(s). Mom’s … wait, Marnie Macauley’s books and calendars! She tells me they’re the funniest things I never read. Better, each one is personally autographed!! I have 150. New, opened only once so she could write the autograph. On Amazon, some are worth $2500, but most go at $60. I don’t know why. I’ll let the lot go for only $3000!! Marniesson@sentiment.com

January 21, 2017

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