Chasidic Israeli filmmaker Rama Burshtein’s new film tells the fascinating story of a Chassidic family in Tel Aviv – almost as fascinating as Rama Burshtein’s own story.
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Who among us doesn't love quizzes? Jews especially adore testing our knowledge, knowing our IQs, EQs, (never mind our Ps & Qs), then informing everyone that we (our mate, our kinder) are in the 99th percentile of ... everything (including the ability to put on 20 pounds at one Seder). Personally I'm a "fact" addict. I was not only a contestant (I have the mix master to prove it!), but later, wrote game shows, and two quiz books. So ... let's turn our attention to the "quizzical" world of Yiddish culture. Nu, give it a try already!
1. You're in an internet café reading the latest issue of Jewlarious. The person sitting next to you strikes up a conversation about websites,thereby "bagelling" you. Which did he likely do?
a) recommends you check out a hot new joke blog
b) recommends you check out Jewlarious.com
ANSWER: (b) First there was smoke, then Morse Code, and of course, traffic lights. Their job in life is to "signal": "STOP," "GO," "DITCH AHEAD" ... whatever. We Jews are tribal. Not that it matters, but some of us are more comfortable knowing we're talking to a Jew. For years we've fished like Ahab to find out, but now it's got a name: "bageling." (Although personally, I would've chosen "gefilting.")
2. "If grandma had wheels, she'd be a wagon," answers your best friend. Which might you have said to evoke this popular Yiddish saying?
a) "My girlfriend's so smart, she'll probably get all A's this semester. "
b) "My girlfriend's so smart, she should've gotten all A's – if only she weren't so lazy!"
ANSWER: (b) A favorite saying in my family, when said with just the right tone of dismissive contempt and a side of "big deal," the "victim" is yanked back to reality. If only's, could be's, maybe's? Forget it! IF ... it isn't, can't be, won't be, who cares? What is - is. Deal mamala.
3. You've invited a famous person to your Yom Kippur break fast. You told the celeb to bring along "mischpokhe." Who of the following was able to "farshtaist" (understand) best, and came with mischpokhe?"
a) Lauren Becall brought (reportedly) her cousin Shimon Peres..
b) Ex-Prez Bill Clinton brought Socks, the cat.
ANSWER: (a) "Mischpokhe" is family - but more. Like many Jews, in my family we considered anyone who came from the same town in Russia, or married a third cousin twice removed, "mischpokhe." A lot of us consider all Jews "mischpokhe." While pets are "family," the word only applies to humans. Now, that's some "mischpokhe" mazel!
4. Which Black U.S. VIP greeted Israel's Yitzhak Shamir in Yiddish, with the words "Men kent reden Yiddish" (We can speak Yiddish.)
a) Colin Powell
b) Condoleezza Rice
ANSWER: (a) The year? 1993. The place? Jerusalem. How does a Black U.S. V.I.P. stun an Israeli Prime Minister who's seen it all? Colin Powell did, when, as Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, he greeted Yitzhak Shamir in perfect Yiddish! As Shamir pulled himself together, the men chatted in Yiddish. Powell, born in 1937, grew up in the South Bronx which, during the 1950s was "Jewfull!" He worked for Sickser's baby equipment store from age 13 until his sophomore year at City College. Even as Secretary of State, never forgot Sicksers and Mamaloshen, the colorful second language he acquired. His family must be kvelling!
5. "Oy, look at that cellulite!" exclaims Chava, who notices with horror, that her WHICH is jiggling like Jell-O?
a) Pulkes
b) Pupik
ANSWER:From (a) "Pulkes" are plump thighs - on a chicken, yes, but also a person. "Pupik" is your belly-button. The Yiddish-Yinglish speaker can create with such a funny word. All my life I heard, "He's such a nudge, he worries whether a moth has a pupik," or "One pie you call dessert for twenty? In your pupik!" So, even if you're not a Yiddish maven, if you didn't know the difference, forgive me, but your brains are in your pupik.
6. Patricia, your non-Jewish neighbor tells you her daughter is pregnant with twins. You spit maybe twice (Poo! Poo!). Patricia correctly takes your 2-spit gesture to mean:
a) Twins are twice the tsouris!
b) May there be no evil eye!
ANSWER: (b) The ever-handy spit is one way superstitious Jews ward off the evil eye. No, I don't know why. Could be, as in the Wizard of Oz, water is a weapon, capable of melting all manner of monsters. My theory is "smell-melt." Spitting on a person after you've had a meal of herring "mit" onions ... not to mention our penchant for garlic, might not actually melt them, but could send them running. (Hey it works for vampires.)
7. Your 85-year-old zayde from Russia, plays poker once a week. A new man, Morris, joins the group and starts kvetching. Your zayde and Morris start arguing to the point of "cursing." Which is your zayde, who is a gentleman, more likely to say?
a) May you eat chopped egg with onion, pickled herring, gefilte fish, pastrami, latkes – and may you have an abscess in your tooth, so you scream in pain with every bite!
b) May you have ten gorgeous houses, each house with ten magnificent bedrooms, each bedroom filled with a special bed, and each night you should choose a different bed to sleep in - and may you scream from a massive heart attack and no one can find you!
ANSWER: (a) OK, true. Neither is exactly a blessing! And in both, there is the traditional "May you" prophecy that lulls the listener with good wishes, then quickly ruins the "good." The one subtle difference is the heart attack. A true gentleman might wish abscesses, choking, itching, insomnia, toothlessness, a perpetual running nose, onions growing from navels, small convulsions – even slight burns or holes from backing into a stove or pitchfork ... but a heart attack, cancer, tuberculosis, leukemia, are serious ... and a tad too realistic, even for the furious!
8. The Sheinbaums, world travelers, wanted an exotic Bar Mitzvah for their only son. All had to be Glatt Kosher. Which could they NOT serve at the reception?
a) Pigeon meat kabobs appetizer
b) Tiger meat kabobs appetizer
ANSWER: (b) Forget tigers and go for quail or even some locusts! To be kosher, land animals must have cloven hooves and chew their cud, while birds must not be birds of prey or scavengers - although kosher, personally, I'd skip the either appetizer … and wait for the main course – moose!
9. HARD. So many Yiddish words or those with Yiddish origins have entered our lexicon. Who doesn't know the meaning of klutz? Or nosh? Or yutz? Ah, but a word is making the rounds in TV, film, and books lately that sounds like Yiddish, looks like Yiddish, is mistaken for Yiddish but ... uh uh ... it's NOT Yiddish. Which is it? (No Googling allowed.)
a) Kochleffel
b) Kafuffle
ANSWER: (b) This word has been showing up in print lately - and stirring things up - which is, in fact, its meaning. According to Webster's New Millennium™ Dictionary of English "kafuffle" is defined as disorder, commotion; also written curfuffle, kerfuffle, gefuffle. It's origin? Gaelic! OK, here's where it gets interesting. "Kochleffel" means the same thing - one who stirs up trouble; gadabout, busy-body (Lit., a cooking ladle) - and IS Yiddish. But so far, "kochleffel" isn't making it into the Daily News. Go figure!
10. WARNING! CONTROVERSY AHEAD! The egg cream. This mmm-mmm so good confection, made popular in New York City, was "the" Yiddishe drink! This simple delight that consists of seltzer, milk, and Fox's chocolate syrup (no egg!) has become legendary and was served up at every Jewish-style candy or drug store. Ah, but the proper making of an egg cream (never mind its true origins) has caused much debate. So, I asked Stan Zimmerman, owner of the famed Sammy's Roumanian Steak House, on the Lower East Side of Manhattan, to settle it once and for all. OK, true. The debate will still continue, but this question is based upon his expertise. Which is at least one part of his recommended method?
a) Put chocolate Fox's U-Bet syrup in first!
b) Put the milk in first!
ANSWER: If for some reason, this is the first time you've heard of the magnificent egg cream, allow me to introduce you. INGREDIENTS: Seltzer (bottle only), Fox's U-Bet, whole milk. Add the milk first (an inch). Spritz seltzer almost to top and let sit three seconds, then add a little more seltzer. Pour syrup down center of glass to taste (about three to four ounces). Stir right, then left. After it homogenizes, it will separate, forming a clear base and white head ... oh, and drink! Oh ... and you can make it yourself IF, you follow these directions. Exactly. (Well OK, mostly exactly. But ... NEVER USE CLUB SODA OR ANYTHING BUT FOX'S!) You'll thank me for it later!
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loved it, reminded me of when I was very young and heard yiddish spoken all the time in new York....mis it!
(14)
Dvirah,
October 6, 2008 3:19 PM
Kafuffle
All right, so we lost this round...give someone else a chance!
(13)
M. Zabner,
October 1, 2008 11:30 PM
SUCH A SHANDA
(12)
Anne,
October 1, 2008 4:59 AM
fantastic...brings back memories
sounds just like my grandparents....love yiddishkite....more please....
(11)
Sol Steinmetz,
September 29, 2008 8:54 AM
You need a refresher course in Yiddish.
In no. 3, the verb is to FARSHTEY 'to understand" --not FARSHTEIST "you understand."
In #4, the sentence should be MIR KENEN REDN YIDISH --not "Men kent redn yiddish," which is just not Yiddish.
(10)
JERRY,
September 28, 2008 9:58 PM
very good
none but very funny
(9)
Manfred,
September 28, 2008 6:59 PM
How much do i get if mt questions are right
(8)
Joshua,
September 28, 2008 5:22 PM
Her knowledge must be encyclopaedic.
Brilliant. At least --- I got every on of them right.
(7)
bernice wenger,
September 28, 2008 4:36 PM
this was interesting
I would have preferred more Yiddish
(6)
Anonymous,
September 28, 2008 3:48 PM
great commentary
Thank you for your insightful commentary/
(5)
Samuel,
September 28, 2008 2:55 PM
Enjoyed the quizz-almost as much as you had presenting it!
Fun - informative and educational! Who could ask for anything more?
(4)
deanna saltzman,
September 28, 2008 12:53 PM
entertaining and witty
well done
(3)
Mort Trachtenberg,
September 28, 2008 11:54 AM
Stan Zimmerman is a schlemiel
If you really know egg creams (for 71 of my 74 years I do), you know that a white head on an egg cream is tasteless, you MUST mix the milk with the fox's to get the delicious chocolate foam.
(2)
Anonymous,
September 28, 2008 11:04 AM
nonsense
nonsense
(1)
David,
September 28, 2008 10:46 AM
ONly in New York. An egg cream is dairy and is not to be eaten with meat. An egg cream with a blintz, or with a bagel, lox, and cream cheese? Feh! A corn beef or tongue sandwich with a chocolate phosphate, (similar, but without the milk), like mannah!
Marnie Winston-Macauley, whose work has garnered her Emmy and Writer's Guild Best Writing nominations, is the author of the acclaimed “Yiddishe Mamas: The Truth About the Jewish Mother” and the award-winning "A Little Joy, A Little Oy” calendar. These, as well as her new Joy of Jewish Humor: 2013 Day-to-Day Calendar (available on pre-order) can be found on Amazon.com, other online calendar/book sites, as well as fine booksellers. Marnie is also a counselor on Liveperson.com and invites you to connect with her on Facebook.
Marnie Winston-Macauley is listed in The Full Wiki’s Top Jewish American Writers, living or dead. (She’s busy deciding which)
Chasidic Israeli filmmaker Rama Burshtein’s new film tells the fascinating story of a Chassidic family in Tel Aviv – almost as fascinating as Rama Burshtein’s own story.
Chasidic Israeli filmmaker Rama Burshtein’s new film tells the fascinating story of a Chassidic family in Tel Aviv – almost as fascinating as Rama Burshtein’s own story.
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(15) rusty, November 20, 2008 8:17 PM
very clever and funny
loved it, reminded me of when I was very young and heard yiddish spoken all the time in new York....mis it!
(14) Dvirah, October 6, 2008 3:19 PM
Kafuffle
All right, so we lost this round...give someone else a chance!
(13) M. Zabner, October 1, 2008 11:30 PM
SUCH A SHANDA
(12) Anne, October 1, 2008 4:59 AM
fantastic...brings back memories
sounds just like my grandparents....love yiddishkite....more please....
(11) Sol Steinmetz, September 29, 2008 8:54 AM
You need a refresher course in Yiddish. In no. 3, the verb is to FARSHTEY 'to understand" --not FARSHTEIST "you understand." In #4, the sentence should be MIR KENEN REDN YIDISH --not "Men kent redn yiddish," which is just not Yiddish.