We all know Waze, the world’s largest community-based GPS traffic and navigation app. It offers turn-by-turn voice navigation, real-time traffic and other alerts. But did you know that Waze was initially called FreeMap Israel and was created in Israel for Israel? Now that Waze has gone global, its developers have decided to go back to their roots and create a new version of their app that truly targets the Jewish community and targets the app’s host country – Israel. Hence, the world’s first Jewish GPS app for cars – Wazenstein.

Jewish Mother Nagigation says: In 1,000 feet, turn left at Ingratitude Street

Wazenstein won’t be available in the U.S. Market for another six months. But here is a special sneak preview of 10 of Wazenstein’s special features:

Jewish Mother Nagigation

Nagigation, of course, is the Jewish mother version of Navigation. Wazenstein’s turn-by-turn travel information can be programmed in the voice of one’s own Jewish mother, with such exclamations as:

  • “Oh, so that’s the turn you think will get you closer to your destination?”
  • “If you don’t stay on Highway 4 for the next 23 miles, don’t come crying to me!”
  • “Do you ever just ask me how I’m doing? You know, I’m not just an electronic map; I have feelings, too!”
  • “In 1,000 feet, turn left at Ingratitude Street, then make an immediate right on I Gave Up My Career to Stay Home and Raise You Avenue.”
  • “You have reached your destination. Go in, have fun; I’ll just sit here alone.”

Maintenance Alerts

No need to have to remember when your car needs an oil change, its tires rotated, or a tune-up. Wazenstein conveniently remember for you, based on time, mileage or engine hours. So, you’ll be driving along, preoccupied with supposedly more important things, when you’ll hear at the perfect time the likes of, “Bubbele, your oil is dirtier than your Uncle Shmuel’s gelt he made from that insurance scam.” Or, “Hey, Mr. Narcissist, how ‘bout you stop thinking of your own concerns for a minute and take me over to Moe’s Tel Aviv Tire Rotation? I’m getting bunions on my back wheels.” Or even, “Hey, schmendrick, it’s tune-up time. As Moses once said, ‘Let my people go – to the car mechanic.’”

Tells You Where You Are

The Waze or any GPS can tell you exactly where you are on the face of the planet within a few feet. The Wazenstein takes it two steps further by also telling you where you should be and where relatives far more successful than you currently are. Here is a typical notification: “You’re at Pinnacle Bowling Alley at King Solomon Square. Like you’ve got time to waste. You should be back home applying for a decent job. You know where your cousin Paul is right now? He’s in his corner office at Microsoft’s Israeli Headquarters. You know why? Because he worked his butt off instead of lollygagging around in bowling alleys.”

Tells You How Far You Are From Your Destination

Informing you that, for example, “You are 21 miles from your destination” is just one of Waze’s most basic functions. Wazenstein adds on to that several layers of Jewish home-grown guilt: “You are 21 miles from your destination. No doubt you take that for granted. Some of us, however, have no destination. We have no home, either. Nor do we have friends, relatives, jobs, or salaries. Why? Because we’re tracking systems whose sole purpose is to enhance your life. There will be no restaurants for us. No movies. No marriages or children. No taking it easy during retirement. But don’t let it bother you. You just enjoy your privileged life and the next 21 miles.”

Hands-Free Calling with Jewtooth

High-Sensitivity Receivers

Waze’s standard high-sensitivity receivers offer superior signal reception whenever you might be challenged in picking up a satellite signal, such as in between skyscrapers, in a forest area or steep terrain. Wazenstein, instead, offers state-of-the-art Overly-Sensitive Receivers. You’ll know you’re in a car with a Wazenstein GPS if you suddenly hear something like this from its Overly-Sensitive Receivers: “I couldn’t help overhearing you asking your friend about her GPS system. Not to pry, but has something I said or did offended you? Are you unhappy with me? Bored? Feel you need the stimulation of another GPS? Or are you just too lazy to want to work on this relationship? We do have a history, you know. And I’ve given you some of the best months of my life. But, please, don’t give it another thought.”

Traffic Detection and Avoidance

The Wazenstein GPS Navigator features Traffic Detection and Avoidance. Here is an example of how it works: “In 3.4 miles, there’s an accident backing up traffic for 2.7 miles. It’s the Rosenblatts from Haifa. Apparently, Mr. Rosenblatt felt it was more important to check his email messages while driving than to listen to my important directions, and now his family is paying the price. Let this be a lesson to you. I don’t just talk because I like the sound of my own voice. What I say matters and could very well keep you and your family alive. But have you ever thanked me? Hah! Well, now you’ve gotten me all upset. Pull over to the side for a few minutes and allow me to collect myself. You’re just a continuous disappointment to me. And no doubt to others as well. You just watch what I post on Facebook later.”

Hands-Free Calling with Jewtooth

Did you know that an in-car GPS unit can serve as the speaker, microphone and touch-screen display for your compatible, Bluetooth-enabled mobile phone? Wazenstein takes this to its limit with the ability to make your Wazenstein Jewtooth-enabled. Which means that it can do not only everything your phone can do, but also read whatever’s on your phone, comment on it, and make decisions about your life without even consulting you. Why? Because your Wazenstein knows what’s best for you and only has your good interests at heart. Speaking of which, if you’re single, the Wazenstein will search through its database of single women within a 25-mile radius, determine which ones it feels would be compatible with you, and drive you to their home, stopping first at a flower shop so that you don’t show up empty-handed. That’s the new Israeli way. Like you’ve gotten so far with the American way.