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What Really Killed Yasser Arafat

What Really Killed Yasser Arafat

10 Things Yasser Arafat May Actually have Died From.


JEWLARIOUS SATIRE: In 2004, then head of the Palestinian Liberation Organization and notorious Israel hater Yasser Arafat died. The immediate French autopsy was inconclusive in determining a cause of death. Eight years later, in November of 2012, Arafat’s wife and notorious shopper Suha had his body exhumed so that scientists whom she was paying could provide a more conclusive cause of death that suited her better. On November 5, 2013, a group of Swiss scientists concluded that there was an 83 percent probability that Arafat was poisoned with a highly radioactive substance called Polonium as it was found on his clothing, underwear and toothbrush. It is important to note that no witness was ever produced who could testify that Arafat ever used a toothbrush.

Gassed by Syrian president Basher Al-Assad.

But now, on December 4, 2013, a team of French scientists have concluded that there is no evidence that Arafat was poisoned with polonium. Instead, they are suggesting that Arafat died from a brain hemorrhage or intestinal infection.

With so many possibilities floating around to explain Yasser Arafat’s death, we at Jewlarious would like to suggest a few of our own.

10 Things Yasser Arafat May Actually have Died From

  1. Gassed by Syrian president Basher Al-Assad

  2. Choked on his Nobel Peace Prize

  3. Wife Suha's reportedly lethal halitosis

  4. Did laughing hysterically at his most recent peace proposal

  5. Killed by one of millions of angry Palestinians upset over the fact that Arafat siphoned off billions of dollars of international aid which was destined for the Palestinian people but instead ended up paying for Suha’s Faberge egg collection

  6. Not listening to doctors who told him that he had to cut back on his insatiable humous habit

  7. Mortified when, after the launch of social networking website Facebook, Arafat’s college roommate posted embarrassing pictures of their spring break trip to Dahab, proving that what happened in Dahab did not stay in Dahab

  8. Accepted a dare by Hamas President Ismail Haniyeh who boasted that Haniyeh could “probably drink more polonium than you, Yasser”, so Arafat decided to prove him wrong.

  9. Tuberculosis, which is rampant in the refugee camps, which Arafat perpetuated by using “refugees” as pawns, choosing to leave them in squalor rather than settle them like all other refugees.

  10. Karma

By all means if you have any working theories to explain Yasser Arafat’s death please include them in the comments section below.

December 7, 2013

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The opinions expressed in the comment section are the personal views of the commenters. Comments are moderated, so please keep it civil.

Visitor Comments: 6

(6) Chaim, December 11, 2013 12:26 PM

he only wanted to live in historical Palestine

he only wanted to live in historical Palestine, but because there's no such thing ho was consequent and died.

(5) Robert Valence, December 10, 2013 6:46 PM

Death Mask

Arafat died from a siezure caused by the hiatus in his face.
You see, it's difficult for any normal person to speak simultaneously out of both sides of the mouth & in different languages. Arafat perfected it - he could speak in broken English, from one side of his ugly fissog, to Westerners intent on catching his pearls for peace, whilst in Arabic from the other side he could incite his followers to greater efforts to kill the Jews.
It wasn't easy for him & gradually his genius expired. A great tragedy for all those who hate Jews.
P.S. You're wrong: initially his wife refused a PM fearing perhaps it would show up AIDS & other nasty things one can catch from little boys ....

(4) Mel, December 9, 2013 9:23 PM



(3) P. Kipnis, December 9, 2013 8:09 PM


i think his marriage was really a way to have one person he could trust with the millions he syphoned off from the international aid sent to help the needy. Who, by the way he kept in squalor

(2) 2nan, December 9, 2013 4:30 PM

Intelligence and kindness

Since Yasser Arafat was so KIND to consider himself a very INTELLIGENT leader, his INTELLIGENCE could not bear his KINDNESS and killed him. :)

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