Return of the Dead
Even though she knew it was against the laws of the Torah, Rivkah Stein went to a psychic in hopes of contacting her dearly departed grandmother.
The psychic's eyelids begin fluttering, her voice begins warbling, her hands float up above the table, and she begins moaning. Eventually, a coherent voice emanates, saying, "Rivkah? Are you there?"
Rivkah, wide-eyed and on the edge of her seat, responds, "Bubbie? Is that you?"
"Yes Rivkah, it's me."
"It's really, really you, Bubbie?" Rivkah repeats.
"Yes, it's really me, Rivkah."
Rivkah looks puzzled. "You're sure it's you, Bubbie?"
"Yes, Rivkah, I'm sure it's me."
Rivkah pauses a moment. "Bubbie, I have just one question for you."
"Anything, my child."
"I thought you only speak Yiddish. When did you learn to speak English?"
The Sound of Silence
Shoshana was jealous of her friend Shira. All of Shira’s young children sat quietly with her in shul during the rabbi’s sermon while her 7 year old twins Shimi and Shmueli couldn’t sit still.
About halfway through the speech, Shoshana leaned over to Shira and said, “How do you get your kids to sit so quietly?”
"Before shul I tell them, ‘Remember, if you aren’t quiet Rabbi Goldman will lose his place and will have to start all over again’”!
It’s Like Winning the Lottery
Moishe was a miser. In fact, in his town he was called Moisheleh the Miser. One day someone convinced Moisheleh to buy a couple of lottery tickets. And sure enough he won!
But after he won the prize money he didn't seem happy.
"What's wrong Moisheleh?" his friend asked. "You just became a millionaire!"
"I know," Moisheleh the Miser groaned, "But why did I have to buy that second ticket!"