Dreaming in Hebrew
Moishe Miller was having some trouble in Hebrew class.
To encourage him, his teacher Mrs. Shalva said, "You'll know you're really beginning to get it when you start dreaming in Hebrew."
One day, Moishe ran into class all excited, saying, "Mrs. Shalva! I had a dream last night and everyone was talking in Hebrew!"
"Great!" said Mrs. Shalva. "What were they saying?"
"I don't know," Moishe replied; "I couldn't understand them."
Einstein in Heaven
Einstein dies and goes to heaven, only to be informed that his room is not yet ready. "I hope you will not mind waiting in a dormitory. We are very sorry, but it's the best we can do and you will have to share the room with others," he is told by the doorman.
Einstein says that this is no problem at all and that there is no need to make such a great fuss. So the doorman leads him to the dorm. They enter and Albert is introduced to all of the present inhabitants. "See, here is your first roommate. He has an IQ of 180!"
"That's wonderful!" says Albert. "We can discuss mathematics!"
"And here is your second roommate. His IQ is 150!"
"That's wonderful!" says Albert. "We can discuss physics!"
"And here is your third roommate. His IQ is 100!"
"That's wonderful! We can discuss the latest plays at the theater!"
Just then another man moves out to capture Albert's hand and shake it. "I'm your last roommate. I'm sorry, but my IQ is only 80."
Albert smiles back at him and says, "So, you want to talk politics?"
The Special Special
David and Betty Goldstein were backpacking around Israel for the summer. One day they went for a hike and started getting hungry and spotted a small restaurant on the side of the road.
Betty noticed a blackboard with a sign written in yellow chalk, “Today’s Special: Vegetable Soup with Chicken Schnitzel and Grilled Vegetables.”
“I’ll take the special,” said Betty to the waiter when he came to take her order.
“Me too,” added David.
A few minutes after receiving their order David called over the waiter, fuming. “IS THIS THE SPECIAL!? It says vegetable soup, BUT THERE ARE NO VEGETABLES! It says grilled vegetables, BUT THEY AREN’T GRILLED THEY ARE BAKED!? And it says chicken schnitzel, BUT THESE ARE MEATBALLS!
The waiter was totally unmoved by David’s outburst and looked down and David and said, “Chabibi, you are absolutely right. That is what makes it so special!”