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Longevity in Love

At Moishe Miriam Epstein’s 50th anniversary celebration, Moishe was asked by his kids to talk about the secret of their longevity.

"Well, we agreed in the beginning that if we ever got into a fight, I would just take my hat and go for a walk. After a while, I would return and throw my hat through the doorway. If she threw it back, it was time to take another walk. So in conclusion, I account my longevity to all the exercise I've gotten over the years!”

Sam’s Final Exam

Sam Goldberg was a student at the University of Oklahoma. He was from Oklahoma City and active in its small Jewish community so he wanted to stay close to home.

At the end of his first semester he approached one of his profs with a problem.

“I’m sorry sir,” said Sam. “But I won’t be available for the final exam because of a funeral.”

"No problem," the professor told him. "Make it up the following week." That week Sam came and again he couldn't take the test due to another funeral.

"You'll have to take the test early next week," the professor insisted. "I can't keep postponing it."

"I can take the test next week if no one dies," Sam said.

The professor became suspicious. "How can you have so many people you know pass away in three weeks?"

"I don't know any of these people," Sam said. "But I'm the person on the chevra kadisha (burial society)."

Dog Gone It

An exhausted Chaim Yankel dragged himself in to his Doctor's office. "Doctor Shpielman, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can't get a wink of sleep."

"I have good news for you Chaim Yankel," Doctor Shpielman said, rummaging through a drawer full of sample medications.

"Here are some new sleeping pills that work like a dream. A few of these and your trouble will be over." "Great," said Chaim Yankel, "I'll try anything. Let's give it a shot."

A few weeks later Chaim Yankel, looking worse than ever. "Doctor, your plan is no good. I'm more tired than before!" "I don't understand how that could be," said Dr. Shpielman, shaking her head. "Those are the strongest pills on the market!"

"That may be true," answered Chaim Yankel wearily, "but I'm still up all night chasing those dogs and when I finally catch one it's hard getting him to swallow the pill!"

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