Chaim Yankel’s Flowers
Chaim Yankel recently opened up a flower shop and he was trying his best to win new customers, although he always seemed to get himself in trouble.
One day an angry man came storming into his store. “What the heck is going on here?” he demanded. “I just lost one of my main clients and it’s your fault!”
“Why don’t you calm down a bit sir” said Chaim Yankel. “Explain to me what exactly happened.”
“Well,” said the man “My biggest client, Abe Cohen, moved to a new location, and to be nice I called you guys up and asked you to send him some flowers with a note saying “congratulations.”
He calls me up and says to me, “What’s the big deal with sending me flowers with a note that says ‘My condolences’?!”
“Are you sure your client's name is Abe Cohen and not Abe Epstein?” asked Chaim Yankel.
“Oh, well I guess now I know why I got that nasty message from the funeral parlor.”
Miriam has just returned from her first trip to Israel and is talking to her friend Leah about the trip. "It was a marvelous holiday," says Miriam, "The only thing that was a let down was the flight there."
"Oh I'm sorry to hear that," says Leah. "So how did you fly there? By chartered flight?"
“No, I didn't fly there on a chartered flight." replies Miriam.
"Then did you manage to go there as part of a special group?" asks Leah.
"No," replies Miriam, "I didn't fly to Israel with a group."
"Well then, did you manage to negotiate a nice discount when you booked the flight?" asks Leah.
"No. There was no discount available," replies Miriam.
"Oy Vey!" says Leah. "Now I know why it was such a terrible flight. It sounds like when you bought your ticket you paid retail!"
Good News and Bad News
Sheldon Goldberg was a defense lawyer who always tried to look on the bright side, even with his most hardened criminal clients. One day, during a particularly difficult case, he told his client:
"I've got good news and bad news. The bad news is your blood test came back and your DNA matches the blood found on the victim, the murder weapon and the getaway car."
"Oh no!" said the client. "I'm finished! What's the good news?"
"Your cholesterol is down to 140."