The Landscapers of Chelm
A man was on a journey and sat down on a bench in the famed city of Chelm to rest before continuing. As he drank his tea, he watched a couple of men working along the roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man came along behind and filled in the hole. While one was digging a new hole, the other was about 25 feet behind filling in the old hole. The men worked right past the man on the bench without even noticing him.
"Hold it, hold it," the man finally said to the workmen from Chelm. "Can you tell me what's going on here with this digging?"
"We are landscapers for the city of Chelm," said one man named Chaim Yankel.
"But one of you is digging a hole and the other fills it up. You're not accomplishing anything. Aren't you wasting the city's money?"
"You don't understand, mister," said Chaim Yankel leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow. "Normally there's three of us--me, Shmulik and Itzik. I dig the hole, Shmulik sticks in the tree and Itzik here puts the dirt back. But now just because Itzik's sick, me and Shmulik have to suffer?"
Rachel Ginsberg called up a pet store and said, "Could you please send me ten thousand cockroaches."
"What in the world do you want with ten thousand cockroaches?" asked the clerk.
"Well," replied Rachel, "I am moving out of my East Side apartment today and my lease says I have to leave the place in the same condition I found it."
Late for Dinner
Moishe and Miriam got along pretty well. But there was one thing that drove Miriam absolutely crazy, and that was that no matter how many times she told Moishe how important it was to her that he come on time for dinner, he never did.
It was after one such spat that he got down on his knees and said “Miriam, I promise I am turning over a new leaf. From now on I will be on time for dinner!”
Well, the next day, promptly at 5 o’clock, Moishe locked up his shop and headed out the door to his car. When suddenly out of nowhere a car pulled up next to his parked car and hit Moishe. Moishe was rushed to the hospital. Luckily they let him out after 3 hours and he walked in the door to his house at 8 o’clock. Miriam was livid!
“Wait I can explain” pleaded Moishe, “I got run over by a car!”
“OH REALLY!?,” screamed Miriam, “TELL ME SOMETHING, IT TAKES 3 HOURS TO GET RUN OVER BY A CAR!?”