Sol Silverman had been trying unsuccessfully for years to persuade his difficult wife Sadie to get a hearing aid. He decided not to give up.
"How much do they cost?" Sadie asked.
"They’re usually about $3,000," Sol said.
"Okay, well, if you say something worth $3,000," Sadie replied, "I’ll get one."
One night, 6 year old Rivkah walks up to her mother Leah, looks at her mother’s hair, and says, "Mommy, why is some of your hair white?"
Leah replies, "Well darling, every time you do something wrong and it makes me unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
Rivkah thinks about this for a second, looks at a picture of her grandmother on the wall and then says, "Oh my goodness Mommy, you must have been a very naughty girl when you were a kid for Bubbie to look like that!”
Moishe is Stressed
Moishe’s stress level was off the charts. His wife Miriam was in labor and Moishe was sure it was time to head to the hospital. Breathing heavily, Moishe grabbed the phone and called the doctor.
“MY WIFE, SHE’S READY, SHOULD WE COME?”
The doctor tried to relax the poor fellow, “Just try to relax, now tell me how much time elapses between the contractions?”
“MIRIAM!” Moishe screamed on the top of his lungs, “HOW MUCH TIME IN BETWEEN THE CONTRACTIONS? TEN MINUTES? OK, TEN MINUTES IN BETWEEN!”
“And is this her first child?” the doctor asked.
“NO GENIUS, THIS IS HER HUSBAND!”