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The Substitute Teacher

Rabbi Epstein, Principal at Maimonides middle school was walking through the hallways when he came across a Mr. Chetner, a new substitute teacher, standing outside his classroom with his forehead against a locker.

Rabbi Epstein heard Mr. Chetner mutter, "How did you get yourself into this?"

Knowing that he was assigned to a difficult class, Rabbi Epstein tried to offer moral support.

"Are you okay?" Rabbi Epstein asked. "Can I help?"

Mr. Chetner lifted his head and replied, "I'll be fine as soon as I get this kid out of his locker."

Moishe the Hamster & Chaim the Frog

Herman Hoffman walks into a bar and asks for a drink. He says to the bartender, “I don't have any money with me but if I show you something you haven't seen before, will you give me a drink?"

The bartender thinks about it for a second, shrugs and says, “Why not?”

Just then, Herman reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. “His name is Moishe,” says Herman proudly. Herman puts Moishe on the bar and it runs to the end of the bar, down the bar, across the room, up the piano, jumps on the keyboard and starts playing Billy Joel’s Piano Man. And Moishe the hamster is really good.

The bartender says, "You're right. I've never seen anything like that before." Herman downs the drink and asks the bartender for another.

"Money or another miracle or else no drink," says the bartender. Herman reaches into his coat again and pulls out a frog this time. “The Frog’s name is Chaim,” Herman says proudly. He puts Chaim the frog on the bar, and the frog starts to sing a Barbara Streisand tune. He has a marvelous voice and great pitch. A stranger from the other end of the bar runs over to the guy and offers him $300 for the frog.

Herman says, "It's a deal." He takes the three hundred and gives the stranger Chaim the frog. The stranger runs out of the bar. The bartender says to the Herman, "Are you some kind of nut? You sold a singing frog for $300? It must have been worth millions. You must be crazy."

"No," says Herman. "Moishe the hamster is also a ventriloquist."

Fishcakes

Chaim Yankel walks into Yossi’s Kosher Fish-mart with a fish under his arm.

"Do you have any fishcakes?" Chaim Yankel asks.

"Yes, of course," says Yossi, the store owner.

"Great," replies Chaim Yankel, nodding at the fish under his arm. "It's his birthday."

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