Congregation Beth Israel had a new rabbi who wanted to join the cantor and his choir for Shabbat morning services. After the first Shabbat service, Rabbi Epstein approached Cantor Rosenberg and said, "Those were some beautiful melodies this morning, Cantor. Tell me something, what key was I singing in?"
Cantor Rosenberg responded dryly, "Most of them."
Moishe, 60 years old, prided himself on being fit and decided to join the “Manhattan Club” – the high end fitness club where many Manhattan Jews belonged.
On his first day, Moishe went to Room 60, the exercise room for over 60s, and tried out their new stair master machine. He told the trainer what he wanted to do and the trainer asked, "You want me to set it for five, ten or twenty minutes?"
"Make it ten," Moishe replied conservatively.
But after only a few minutes on the machine, his legs felt like lead and he could hardly breathe. So he got off the machine. As he limped past some of the other men in Room 60 who were resting from their workouts, Moishe said to them, "I could only take three minutes on that thing."
"OK, OK," replied one of them, "You don’t have to brag about it."
John and Peter were fascinated by Judaism and interested in converting. They had read about “minyan” in shul – the daily prayer services that take place at synagogue, and wanted to participate.
John and Peter showed up for the mincha – the afternoon service – around 3pm, although it was scheduled for 5pm.
John turned to Peter and said, “Don’t worry dude, only ten more and we’ll have a minyan.”