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The Applebaum 500

Shloimie Applebaum was driving down the highway late one night when his family mini-van broke down. He turned on his flashers and tried to get someone's attention to help him. Eventually a Lamborghini pulls up.

"Any chance I could get a lift into town?" Shloimie asked.

"I can do better than that," the man driving the Lamborghini replied. "I've got a V-12 under this hood, I can tow you to the nearest town, no problem. Just honk your horn and flash your lights if I start going too fast."

They head off down the road and eventually come to a stop light and up pulls a Ferrari with a V-10. The Ferrari began to rev its engine to get the Lamborghini to race. The Lamborghini revs its engine and the light turns green. They fly out of there, and about a half a mile down the road they pass a speed trap.

The officer there watches them pass and radios to base saying, "Base, you will not believe what I just saw. A Ferrari and a Lamborghini were driving down the road doing about 120 with a Hassidic Jew driving a Mini-van honking his horn and flashing his lights trying to pass them!"

The Rebbetzin is Trying Too Hard

The shul’s new Rebbetzin was trying her best to connect with the ladies in the shul but she was having a little difficulty. So she decided to take the sisterhood president Shira Solomon out for coffee.

At the coffee shop Shira confided, "I'm fat."

"No, you're not," the Rebbetzin reassured her.

"My clothes are awful," Shira said.

"They’re lovely," the Rebbetzin encouraged.

"I've never looked worse," Shira whined.

The Rebbetzin replied, "Yes, you have."

The Rebbe and his Driver

The Rebbe and his driver had a close relationship and the driver listened attentively to all of the Rebbe’s speeches.

For Purim, the Rebbe had an idea. The driver would dress up as the Rebbe and the Rebbe would dress up as the driver.

So Purim came and the driver dressed up as the Rebbe was giving a public shiur (speech). And he was doing pretty well until one of the senior rabbis asked him a highly technical question in Jewish law.

The driver thought about it for a moment and then said, "That is an extremely simple question. So simple, in fact, that even my driver could answer that, which is exactly what he will do."

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