The Latest Jewlarious Jokes

Sign of the Times

Moishe the Tailor was dismayed when a new tailor, Jim the Tailor opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read BEST DEALS.

Moishe was horrified when another competitor, John the Tailor opened up on his right, and announced his arrival with an even larger sign, reading LOWEST PRICES.

Moishe was panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop. It read...


Guess Who’s Coming For Dinner

David Applebaum called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met a young lady of excellent character named Rachel who interested him very much. What should he do?

Mrs. Applebaum had an idea: "Why don't you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your apartment for a home-cooked meal? Show her that I raised a boy who knows his way around the kitchen!"

David thought this was a great idea, and a week later, Rachel came to dinner. Mrs. Applebaum called the next day to see how things had gone.

"I was totally humiliated," David moaned. "Rachel insisted on washing the dishes."

"What's wrong with that?" asked his mother.

"We hadn't started eating yet."

Tooth Decay

Moishe and Miriam Sugarman go to the dentist’s office for a dental emergency. Miriam tells Dr. Sandler, "I need a tooth pulled right away. Don't even bother with the Novocain, just yank the tooth out. We're in a really big hurry."

Dr. Sandler is really impressed and says, "Mrs. Sugarman, I really admire your courage. Which tooth do you want to have pulled?"

Miriam shoves Moishe toward the dentist and says "Go ahead dear, show him your tooth."


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