Rivkah went to her doctor for a check up. Afterwards, the doctor said to her, "I am sorry to inform you that you have a fissure in your uterus, and if you ever have a baby it would be a miracle."
As soon as she got home, Rivkah said to her husband, "You vouldn't belief it. I vent to the doctah and he told me - 'You haf a fish in your uterus and if you haf a baby it vill be a mackerel'"
Chaim Yankel was extremely frugal. Much to his wife Leah's chagrin he could reuse everything. He would even save plastic bags that their daughter Rivkah used.
One day Leah was looking through the freezer for some leftovers when she almost had a heart attack. "Chaim Yankel, I see meat in a bag labeled 'brisket' and another labeled 'chicken' but why in the world do we have a bag labeled 'Rivkah'?!"
Take Your Parent to School Day
Moishe Rosenberg went to his daughter Shira's school for "take your parent to work day."
"So how did your day go?" Mrs. Rosenberg asked her husband Moishe.
"Terrible," said Shira.
"What do you mean terrible?" said Moishe. "Excellent is more like it!"
"Nu, so what happened," asked Mrs. Rosenberg.
"The math teacher was giving this boring lesson about basic math like addition and subtraction and I got up at the front of the class and said, 'Excuse me, but if you all want to be successful one day, forget about learning how to subtract—learn how to deduct'".