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Doctor’s Orders

Rachel came over to her sister Leah’s house for lunch whereupon Leah began to wolf down a whole pizza in one sitting. Concerned about her sister’s eating habits Rachel asked, “Um… Leah how is your diet going?”

“Amazing!” responded Leah. “This is the best diet I’ve ever been on. And I haven’t broken it at all.”

“Really,” asked Rachel, surprised. “A whole pizza is on your diet?”

“Absolutely,” Leah responded proudly. “My doctor said one slice of pizza.”

“That’s one slice?” asked Rachel.

“You bet. I didn’t slice up this up this pie at all. Doctor’s orders!”

Good Time for a Robbery

Moishe owns one of the most popular menswear shops in Brooklyn. But one night, his shop is broken into and a lot of his best clothes are stolen.

When he hears what has happened, Moishe's friend Heshy goes to see him.

"Oy vey Moishe," says Heshy, "I've just heard that your shop was broken into and many items were stolen. What a terrible thing to have happened to such a nice guy like you. You must be terribly upset."

"Well to be honest, Heshy," says Moishe, "I'm not really as worried as you think I might be."

"So nu Moishe, why is that?" asks Heshy.

"Well I was lucky," replies Moishe. "The thief broke into my store and stole my items at a very good time."

"Surely no time is a good time for a robbery?" says Heshy. "Why was this a good time for you?"

"Because on the day of the break-in, I had just marked everything down by 40%" replies Moishe.

Jumping for Joy

The Rosenberg family was on their first trip to Israel and they wanted to do something adventurous so they decided to go skydiving. During the class, Itzik the skydiving instructor was taking questions.

Howie Rosenberg asked, "If our chute doesn't open, and the reserve doesn't open, how long do we have until we hit the ground?"

Itzik looked at Howie and responded straight faced, "The rest of your life."

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