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Torah Reading: Balak

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Bad Connection

submitted by: David Minkoff

Benny is on holiday in Israel and is staying at the 5 star Ritz Hotel. On his second morning, his bedroom phone rings. Benny picks it up and the hotel operator says to him, "Mr. Levy, I have a Melvyn Elstein on the line who says he's your brother-in-law. He wants to talk to you urgently."

"So put him through already," says Benny.

"Benny, I need your help," cries Melvyn. "I'm in trouble with the IRS. They say I owe them $25,000 and if I don't pay them by the end of the day, they will sue me. But I don't have enough money in my bank. Could you please send them $25,000 on my behalf right away?"

"I can't hear you Melvyn," says Benny, "I think something must be wrong with the hotel phone."

"Benny," shouts Melvyn, "I desperately need you to send me $25,000 right away."

"I'm sorry Melvyn," says Benny, "I still can't hear you."

"But Mr. Levy," interrupts the hotel operator, "I can very clearly hear Mr. Elstein."

"Then why don't you help Mr. Elstein and you send him the $25,000?"

The Distinguished Gentleman

Two elderly widows, Rhoda Epstein and Norma Rabinowitz, were curious about the latest arrival in their retirement residence in Boca Raton, Florida. He was a quiet, distinguished gentleman who seemed to believe in keeping to himself.

One day Rhoda said: "Norma, you're so much more confident in these matters. Why don't you approach him at the pool and find out a little more about him? He looks so lonely."

So Norma went over to talk to the man as he sat by the pool. "My friend and I were wondering why you look so lonely," she said.

"Of course I'm lonely," he snapped. "I've spent the last 30 years in prison."

"Oh, why?"

"I strangled my third wife."

"Oy. What happened to your second wife?"

"We had a fight and she fell off a high building."

"Oy vey!" Then Norma turned to her friend on the other side of the pool and called out: "Yoo hoo, Rhoda! He's single!"