Rabbi Rosenberg was recently hired to work as a chaplain in the city’s prison system. Part of his duties consisted of counseling the inmates. On his first visit, he met with one of the prisoners who wanted to talk about his troubled childhood, in particular, his relationship with his father.
"Well, rabbi, my daddy had issues," conveyed the prisoner who went on to share a few details.
After listening, Rabbi Rosenberg said, "Issues? Sounds like he had a year’s subscription!”
A New Lease on Life
Moishe and Miriam had been arguing of late. Moishe was a homebody but Miriam wanted to go out and explore the world, learn about herself and most importantly, try to figure things out on her own. Miriam’s birthday was coming up so Moishe thought he’d get her a present that encapsulated her new outlook on life: he got her a ball of yarn, knitting needles, and a how-to-knit book. The card read "Scarf, some assembly required."
X Marks the Spot
Moishe Epstein was a new immigrant to America before the war and while he never had a formal education, he always had a good head for business. He opened his own dry goods store, which almost immediately began to prosper. He opened another, and then another and soon enough he was a very rich man.
One day, his bank manager called him and said, “Moishe, I have a question about one of your recent checks. Could you confirm it is one of yours? For years, you've been signing all of your checks with two X’s but this one is signed with three X’s. Is it yours?”
Moishe replied, “Yes, it is.”
“Why the change?” asked the bank manager.
“Since I've become so wealthy, my wife thought I ought to have a middle name.”