_(english).jpg "Sivan: The Mystical Power of Three")
+.jpg "Humility and Mount Sinai")
+.jpg "The Danger of Holiness")
+.jpg "The Right to Help")
_(english).gif "ABCs of Shavuot")
Just Rewards
A man who had died was waiting at the gates of heaven. He had lived a perfect life and had a clear idea in his mind what heaven would be like. He had foregone all the earthly pleasures and anxiously awaited his rewards in the World to Come.
As he was waiting, he saw a cloud pass by. As the cloud got closer, he saw people on the cloud having a great time. They were singing, dancing, and having great fun. They were dining on exquisite food, wearing the best clothes, and drinking the best wines, and laughter and merriment echoed throughout the sky. This must be the reward in the World to Come, he thought.
His escort arrived at the gate. The escort told the man that he had lived a good life and he was going to now take him to his new home. The man said, "If it is all the same to you, I would like to live on that cloud!"
The escort told the man that it was not possible and that what awaited him was far greater anyway. However, the man persisted so the escort asked him to wait while he went to talk to the "Boss". Upon returning, the escort stated the "Boss" had always allowed people to choose but made it clear that he would be much happier in his originally intended home.
The man replied, "I have often thought of what heaven would be like and forgone the pleasures on earth to get my reward here, so if it’s all the same to you, I want to live on that cloud." The escort sighed, and then granted his wish.
In an instant, the man was standing in the hottest, smelliest, and most disgusting place he had ever seen in his whole life. The strange noises were blood curdling and the whole place was chaos. He was in Hell.
An escort arrived to take him to his job. "Job?" the man replied.
"Yes, we work hard down here," said the escort.
“There must be some mistake. The place I requested was a nice cloud with people singing, dancing, and having the best time of their life!"
The escort looked puzzled at first and then started laughing hysterically. The man asked why the escort was laughing so hard.
The escort replied, "You new people are so funny- you think you can show up here and get an assignment in the advertising department! You think you can get a promotion like that right away!"
If I Were a Rich Man
There once was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked so hard for his money and wanted to be able to take it with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth with him.
An angel heard his plea and appeared to him. "Sorry, but you can't take your wealth with you."
The man begged the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the rules. The man continued to pray that his wealth could follow him.
The angel reappeared and informed the man that God had decided to allow him to take one suitcase with him. Overjoyed, the man gathered his largest suitcase and filled it with pure gold bars and placed it beside his bed.
Soon afterward, he died and showed up at the gates of heaven.
An angel greeted him. Seeing the suitcase, the angel said, "Hold on, you can't bring that in here!"
The man explained to the angel that he had permission and asked him to verify his story with God.
Sure enough, the angel checked it out, came back and said, "You're right. You are allowed one carry-on bag, but I'm supposed to check its contents before letting it through."
The angel opened the suitcase to inspect the worldly items that the man found too precious to leave behind and exclaimed, "You brought pavement?"
Heavenly Rates at the Heavenly Gates
A man dies and goes to heaven. One of God’s angels meets the man and says, "Here's how it works. You need 100 points to make it into heaven. You tell me all the good things you've done, and I give you a certain number of points for each item, depending on how good it was. When you reach 100 points, you get in."
"Okay," the man says, “I never ate a piece of non-kosher food in my 90 years. Nothing.”
"That's wonderful," says the angel, "that's worth three points!"
"Three points?" he says. "Well, I attended synagogue all my life and always gave as much tzedakah as I could."
"Terrific!" says the angel, "that's certainly worth a point."
"One point? Oy. How about this: I started a soup kitchen in my city and volunteered at the Jewish senior’s home."
"Fantastic, that's good for two more points," he says.
"TWO POINTS!!" the man cries. "The way you guys grade, there’s no way my Selma got in here.”
“Selma who?” asks the angel.
“My wife, Selma Rothenstein. You know, Selma and I were married for 60 years and I never raised my voice at her, not even once."
“Oh, thaaat Selma,” the angel nods. “You put up with her for 60 years?! Come right in!”
