What’s on the Menu?
Itzik sat down at a funky Tel Aviv restaurant asking for something from the lunch menu.
"It’s 10:15," the waitress told him. "We’re only serving breakfast now."
Itzik thought it over and replied, "Do you have anything on the breakfast menu that tastes like lunch?"
Legging it Out
Moishe was in a terrible motorcycle accident and his legs weren’t in great shape, to say the least. After a couple of weeks of therapy, it soon became clear to the Doctor that they were just pushing off the inevitable. Due however, to Moishe’s frail condition, the Doctor was afraid to give him the bad news. Instead, he gave the sorry job to Moishe’s wife of 40 years, hoping that she would know how to break the bad news to him ever so slowly and gently.
“Honey”, said Moishe’s wife Miriam the next morning, “I’ve got good news and bad news, which one would you like to hear first?”
Moishe, down in the dumps, responds, “What do I care? Just give me the bad news!”
“Well dear,” said Miriam cupping Moishe’s hand with her two hands, “I hate to have to tell you this, but it seems like your legs are going to have to be taken off.”
Moishe, barely able to hold his voice from cracking croaked out, “Miriam, what’s the good news?”
“The good news” said Miriam happily, “you know, Jose, our gardener?”
“Yes,” replied Moishe.
“I spoke to him yesterday and he may be interested in buying your slippers!”
Chaim Yankel goes back to his favorite antique shop. After a number of visits, and much discussion with the store owner, he's finally decided to buy the lovely 19th century silver kiddush cup he’s had his eye on. As soon as he enters the shop, he goes over to Moishe, the shop's owner.
"OK," he says to Moishe, "I've decided to buy the kiddush cup. “
“Are you sure this time?” asks Moishe. “Because you’ve only come in twelve times about this one Kiddush cup.”
“I’m sure,” responds Chaim Yankel. “Here’s the $300 to prove it.”
"I'm sorry," says Moishe, "but this lovely, exquisite kiddush cup is now $350."
"I don't believe it," says Chaim Yankel. "How can that be? The remember the price tag said $300."
"Well," replies Moishe, "The cost of labor has risen dramatically."
“What do you mean?” asks Chaim Yankel. “You are the only person who works in this store.”
“Exactly,” replies Moishe. “And dealing with you has been very labor intensive!”