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New Jewish Words

Torahfied (n.) Inability to remember one’s lines when called to read from the Torah at one’s Bar Mitzvah.

Hebort (v.) To forget all the Hebrew one ever learned immediately after one’s Bar or Bat Mitzvah.

Jewbilation (n.) Pride in finding out that one’s favorite celebrity is Jewish.

Matzilation (v.) Smashing a piece of matzah to bits while trying to butter it.

Chutzpapa (n.) A father who wakes his wife at 4 a.m. so she can change the baby’s diaper.

Deja Nu (n.) The feeling you’ve seen the same exasperated look on your mother’s face, but not knowing exactly when.

Disoriyenta (n.) When Aunt Linda gets lost in a department store and strikes up a conversation with everyone she passes.

Jewdo (n.) A traditional form of self-defense based on talking one’s way out of a tight spot.

Mamatzah Balls (n.) Matzah balls that are as good as your mother used to make.

Meinstein (slang) “My son, the genius!”

Mishpocha-dots (n.) The assorted lipstick and make-up stains found on one’s face and collar after kissing all one’s aunts and cousins at a reception.

Re-shtetlement (n.) Moving from Brooklyn to Boca Raton and finding all your old neighbors live in the same condo building as you.

Rosh Hashana-na-na (n.) A rock ‘n roll band from Brooklyn.

Yidentify (v.) To be able to determine Jewish origins of celebrities, even though their names might be St. John , Curtis, Davis, or Taylor.

Minyastics (n.) Going to incredible lengths to find a tenth person to complete a minyan.

Feelawful (n.) Indigestion from eating Israeli street food.

Dis-kvellified (v.) To drop out of law school, med school or business school as seen through the eyes of parents, grandparents and Uncle Sid. In extreme cases, simply choosing to major in art history when Irv’s son David is majoring in biology is sufficient grounds for diskvellification.

Shofarsogut (n.) The relief you feel when, after many attempts, the shofar is finally blown at the end of Yom Kippur.

Bubbegum (n.) Candy one’s mother gives to her grandchildren that she never gave to her own children.

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