The Ten Commandments You Didn’t Learn in Hebrew School

1. Where there's smoke, there may be salmon.

2. No meal is complete without leftovers.

3. A shmata is a dress that your husband's ex is wearing.

4. You need ten men for a minyan, but only four in polyester pants and white shoes for pinochle.

5. Anything worth saying is worth repeating a thousand times.

6. Never take a front row seat at a Bris.

7. Next year in Jerusalem. The year after that, how about a nice cruise?

8. Always whisper the names of diseases.

9. If you have to ask the price, you can't afford it. But if you can afford it, make sure to tell everybody what you paid.

10. Laugh now, but one day you'll be driving an Oldsmobile and eating dinner at 4:00 PM in Florida.

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