Sid Schwartz’s Final Instructions

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Sid Schwartz is on his deathbed, knowing the end is near. He is with his nurse, his wife, his daughter, and two sons.

"So," he says to them, "Bernie, I want you to take the Beverly Hills houses.

"Sybil, you take the apartments over in Los Angeles Plaza.

"Hymie, I want you to take the offices over in City Center.

"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings downtown."

The nurse is just blown away by all this, and as Sid slips away, she says, "Mrs. Schwartz, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property."

Sarah replies, "Property? The schlemiel had a paper route!"

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