The Lie Clock
After a long life, and a tumultuous marriage, Stan Herman dies and arrives at the Gates of Heaven, where he sees a huge wall of clocks behind him.
He asks an angel, "What are all those clocks?"
The angel answers, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."
"Oh," says Herman, "whose clock is that?"
"That's Moses' clock. The hands have never moved, indicating that he never told a lie."
"Incredible," says Herman. "And whose clock is that one?"
The angel responds, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."
"So where's my clock?" asks Herman.
"Your clock is in God's office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."