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  • Torah Reading: Naso
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The Schmohawk Indians

There was this family of Schmohawk Indians sitting around the shtetl one night. The papa, Geronowitz, the mama, Pocayenta and the beautiful young daughter, Minihorowitz.

So, nu," says the daughter, "You''ll never believe."

"What?" says the mama.

"Today, at high noon, I was proposed to in marriage."

"Yes?" says the mama, "so what did you say?"

"I said ''Yes.''"

"You said ''Yes''?"

"I said ''Yes.''"

"That''s wonderful," says the mama. "She said ''Yes''! Did you hear that Geronowitz? Our little Minihorowitz is getting married!"

"I heard," says the papa, "I''m kvelling. So who''s the lucky boy?"

"Sittin'' Bialy."

"Sittin'' Bialy?" says the mama, "of the So Sioux Me tribe?"

"That''s the one," says Minihorowitz.

"Oy, Geronowitz! The So Sioux Me''s! There are so many of them! How can we feed them? How can we get them all in our teepee for the wedding?"

"We''ll think of something," says Geronowitz.

"Geronowitz! Get me a buffalo," says the Mama.

"What, at this hour?"

"No, Geronowitz, for the wedding! I can make buffalo tzimmes from the meat, and we can make an extra teepee from the hide. Get me a buffalo!"

So Geronowitz goes out to hunt a buffalo. A day goes by, and a night and Geronowitz has not come back. Another day and another night, and still no sign of him. Another day and half the night, and Geronowitz comes home. Exhausted. Staggering. And empty-handed.

"Geronowitz! I''ve been worried sick. Where have you been? And where''s my buffalo?!"

"It''s like this," he says. "On my first day out, I hunted high, and I hunted low, and I finally found a buffalo. But this buffalo, he made Mickey Rooney look strong. It was a tiny, scrawny little buffalo, with no meat on his bones for buffalo tzimmes, and barely enough hide for a rain hat. So I settled in for the night to try again the next day. The second day, I looked high, and I looked low, from this way and that way, and I finally found a buffalo. He was a big buffalo, with lots of meat, and lots of hide, but I tell you, Pocayenta, this was the ugliest buffalo I ever saw in my life. ''This I thought to myself, ''this is not the buffalo for my daughter''s wedding.'' So again, I settled in for the night to try again the next day. The third day, I got up early, and I looked high and I looked low from this way and that way, going up hills and down hills, and I found a buffalo. It was a big buffalo. It was, as buffalo go, a beautiful buffalo. It was, if I say so myself, the perfect buffalo. ''This,'' I said to myself, ''is the buffalo Pocayenta wants for Minihorowitz wedding.'' So I reach into my backpack quietly for my tomahawk, as I tip-toe over to the buffalo. I raise my tomahawk slowly over the buffalo''s neck, when suddenly, like a bolt of lightning from the sky, I see it."

"See what?" says Pocayenta.

"I''d brought the dairy tomahawk!"

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