The Latest Jewlarious Jokes

A Full Hound

The brotherhood at congregation Beth Israel was having a poker night and when Barry Coleman arrived he was astonished to find his friend Allan playing at a table with a few men and of all things – a dog.

"This is a very smart dog," Barry said to Allan in disbelief.

"Not so smart," Allan replied. "Every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail."

What the Wifi

David Mendelson was traveling on business but needed to find some kosher food so he stopped in on Moishe’s Deli. He had some work to do for the next day’s meeting so he pulled out his laptop and asked the owner, Moishe what the wifi password was.

"You need to buy something first,” replied Moishe.

“Sure, how about the corn beef platter,” David replied.

“Coming right up,” said Moishe who left and came back fifteen minutes later with David’s order.

“Thank you,” said David. “But you never gave me your wifi password?”

“Sure I did,” replied Moishe. “Youneedtobuysomethingfirst, no spaces and all lowercase.....”

Three Wishes

Three members of an Israeli high tech company were walking outdoors during their lunch break - a lead hardware engineer, a lead software engineer, and their project manager. Suddenly, they come upon an old brass lamp. They pick it up and dust it off.

Poof – out pops a genie.

"Thank you for releasing me from my lamp-prison,” says the genie. “I can grant you 3 wishes. Since there are 3 of you I will grant one wish to each of you."

The hardware engineer, Dudu, thinks a moment and says, "I'd like to be sailing a yacht across the Pacific Ocean."

"It is done," said the Genie, and poof, Dudu the hardware engineer disappears.

Itzik the software engineer thinks a moment and says, "I'd like to be riding a Harley Davidson motorcycle through the American Southwest."

"It is done," said the Genie, and poof, Itzik the software engineer disappears.

Shimon the project manager looks at where the other two had been standing and rubs his chin in thought. Then he tells the Genie, "I'd like those two back in the office after lunch."


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