The Latest Jewlarious Jokes

First Day on the Job

It was the first day of school. The previous principal had just retired and Rabbi Schwartz the new principal just started. As Rabbi Schwartz made his rounds, he heard a terrible commotion coming from one of the classrooms.

He rushed in and spotted one boy, taller than the others, who seemed to be making the most noise. He seized the lad, dragged him to the hall, and told him to wait there until he was excused.

Returning to the classroom, Rabbi Schwartz restored order and lectured the class for half an hour about the importance of good behavior.

"Now," he said, "are there any questions?"

Little Moishie Goldstein stood up timidly. "Please Rabbi," he asked, "May we have our teacher back?"

What’s in a Name

Sarah and Rachel were two elderly ladies who had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week in the activities room at their seniors’ home to play cards.

One day, they were playing cards when Sarah looked at Rachel and said, "Now don't get mad at me. I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."

Rachel glared at Sarah. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"

How Much Would You Give?

Back in one of the shtetels of Europe, the local Rebbe was having a conversation with a poor farmer about the nature of belief, and how even difficult financial times, everything comes from Hashem. The Rebbe said to the poor farmer, "Reb Yid, let me ask you, if you had a horse, and you were asked, would you give it to Hashem?"

"Yes," replied the farmer.

"And if you had a cow?"


"And a goat?"

"Of course."

"A wagon?"

"Rebbe, that's not fair!" protested the farmer. "You know I have a wagon!"


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