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  • Torah Reading: Naso
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The Girls have the Giggles

During his sermon one Shabbat morning, Rabbi Lewinsky heard two teenage girls in the back giggling and disturbing people.

It was so distracting that he interrupted his sermon and announced sternly, "There are two of you here who have not heard a word I've said." That quieted them down.

After services at the shul Kiddush, Rabbi Lewinsky was shocked when what seemed like almost half of his congregants came up to him to apologize for falling asleep in shul, promising it would never happen again.

The Doctor, the Lawyer, the Rabbi & Little Moishie Brown

A doctor, a lawyer, a Rabbi and little Moishie Brown were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble. In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had better jump, and then he bailed out.

Unfortunately, there were only three parachutes remaining. The doctor grabbed one and said "I'm a doctor, I save lives, so I must live," and jumped out.

The lawyer then said, "I'm a lawyer and lawyers are the smartest people in the world. I deserve to live." He also grabbed a parachute and jumped.

The Rabbi looked at little Moishie Brown and said, "Moishie, I've lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live a life full of mitzvahs."

Little Moishie handed the parachute back to the Rabbi and said, "Not to worry, Rabbi. The 'smartest man in the world' just took off with my back pack."

You Gotta Believe

A lady is riding the subway, reading the chumash (Hebrew Bible).

A man sitting next to her, seeming amused, asks her, "You don't really believe what they say in there, do you?"

"Every word," she replied.

"OK," he asks, "how about the Noah story, the flood, the animals - do you believe that?"

"Absolutely," she said.

"What about God creating the universe in six days?"

"All true, I believe every word."

"What about Jonah - how could a man live for three days in the belly of a whale?" he asks.

"Yes, I believe that too," she says.

"Well, how could that be - how did he breathe?"

" I don't know," she said. "When I get to Heaven, I'll ask him."

"What if he's not in Heaven," the guy asks.

The lady replies, "In that case, you can ask him!"