Roses are Red, Violets are Blue
Bob Rosenberg, a certified public accountant, works 15-hour days for the first few months of the year. In spite of his hectic schedule, he took time out to order his wife Shirley beautiful flowers for her birthday. While pondering what sweet endearing thing to write on the card, he obviously began thinking of the many hours of work still ahead of him. His note read: “Roses are red, violets are blue. If I weren’t thinking of you, I’d probably be through.”
Zoo Gorilla RIP
The gorilla died at the Biblical Zoo in Jerusalem and the zookeeper Itzik decides that the show must go on. So he hires an actor to don a costume and act like an ape until the zoo can get another one.
In the cage, the actor makes faces, swings around, and draws a huge crowd. He then crawls across a partition and atop the lion’s cage, infuriating the animal. But the actor stays in character—until he loses his grip and falls into the lion’s cage.
Terrified, the actor shouts, “Help! Help me!” Too late. The lion pounces, opens its massive jaws, and whispers, “Be quiet you shmredrik! Do you want to get us both fired?!”
A Blessing at Dinner
Leah Epstein invites some family and friends to dinner and at the table, she turns to her 6 year old daughter Rivkah and says, "Darling, don’t forget to make a bracha (blessing)."
"But Mommy, I don't know what bracha to say," replies Rivkah.
"All you need do," says Leah, "is to repeat what you heard Mommy say."
Rivkah thinks for a moment and says, "God, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"