The Latest Jewlarious Jokes

Cleaning House

Rachel and Leah were sisters who lived in different cities but talked on the phone daily. “I am so frustrated,” Rachel said to Leah. “My house is so disorganized and I keep procrastinating by not cleaning it.”

“Well you better get moving!” Leah said to Rachel. “We’re coming to stay with you for Chanukah, and you should have the house clean and organized by then.”

Rachel thought that was a good idea. But by next day’s conversation, Rachel was still sounding down.

“What’s wrong?” Leah asked.

"I went to the bookstore," Rachel explained. "And I bought a book on how to get organized. I was all fired up, and decided to clean out all the shelves in the living room. While I was working, I found the same darn book. I had bought it a couple of years ago."

Mystery Shopper

Moishe started working in a factory and after his shift, the boss asked him to buy some supplies. The machines' conveyor belts needed talcum powder to prevent them from sticking, and the machines were making a tremendous racket, causing all of the working to get headaches so he had to buy aspirin for everyone.

Moishe drove to the store in his neighborhood and loaded a shopping cart with four cases of baby powder and several boxes of aspirin.

Moishe’s friend Chaim Yankel saw him in line and took a look at his cart and exclaimed, "Oy! Must be a rough night with the kinderlach!”

The Hour of Power

Rabbi Weber hired a junior rabbi to help with some of the responsibilities he had for his large congregation. As the first task he asked the new young Rabbi Abrahams to write his Shabbos morning sermon. He asked that it be thoughtful, humorous and 20 minutes maximum.

After Shabbos services Rabbi Weber was furious.

"Why did you write me an hour-long speech?" he demanded of Rabbi Abrahams. "Half the shul walked out before I finished."

Young Rabbi Abrahams was baffled. "I wrote you a 20-minute speech," he replied. "I also gave you the two extra copies you asked for."


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