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If It Suits You

David Epstein graduated from high school and wanted to get a job right out of school. He convinced his parents that he needed to dress the part so he went out and bought an $800 suit.

"What!?" Mrs. Epstein answered, gagging at the price tag. "I’ve bought cars for $800!"

"That’s why I want the $800 suit," David replied. "So I don’t have to drive $800 cars."

A Friendly Sale

Shmuli Horowitz was having a garage sale and invited some of his neighbors to sell their wares at his place as well. One of Shmuli’s neighbors, Brent Mathews, took four tires over and was asking $30 apiece. Brent needed to leave for a few minutes, so he asked Shmuli to watch the tires for me.

"Sure," Shmuli said, "but if someone offers less, how low are you willing to go?"

"Try your best for more, but I guess I’d be willing to accept $15," Brent said, and left.

When Brent returned, his tires were gone. "How much did you get for them?" Brent asked excitedly.

"Fifteen dollars each."

"Who bought them?"

"I did!"

Zadie Newman’s Bad Habit

Marvin Newman was 80 years old and a Zadie but he had one someone strange habit: he liked to drive fast. Very fast. One day he was driving home from shul and he was pulled over for speeding and not wearing a seat belt. Two days later – same ticket, same cop.

“So,” the officer said, “have you learned anything Mr. Newman?”

“Yes, I have,” Zadie Newman replied. “I’ve learned I need to take a different way home from shul.”

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