Little Rebecca Rosenberg made a cup of tea for her mother.
"I didn't know you could make tea," said Mrs. Rosenberg taking a sip.
"Yes, I boiled some water, added the tea leaves like you do, and then strained it into a cup. But I couldn't find the strainer, so I used the fly swatter."
"What!" exclaimed mom, choking on her tea.
"Oh, don't worry,” said Rebecca. “I didn't use the new fly swatter. I used the old one."
Sick as a Dog
Little Moishie Epstein’s dog Benji was sick and the boy was afraid that his dad would come back from the bet with bad news.
As his dad stepped through the door with Benji in his carrier, Moishie rushed to find out what the vet had said.
"I'm afraid it's not good news, son," said his father. "The vet thinks Benji's only got another three weeks or so to live."
Hearing this, Moishie burst into tears.
"But Benji wouldn't want you to be sad," said the father, putting a comforting arm around Moishie's shoulder. "He'd want you to remember all the good times you had together."
Moishie rubbed his eyes. "Can we give Benji a funeral?"
"Sure we can," said his father.
"Can I invite all my friends?"
"Of course you can."
"And can we have cake and ice-cream?"
"Sure, you can have whatever you want."
"Dad," said Moishie, "can we kill Benji today?"
Yankel’s Paint Job
Chaim Yankel from Chelm was getting pretty desperate for money. He decided to go to the nicer, richer town nearby and look for odd jobs as a handy man.
The first house he came to, a man answered the door and told Chaim Yankel,"Yeah, I have a job for you. How would you like to paint the porch?"
"Sure that sounds great!" said Chaim Yankel.
"Well, how much do you want me to pay you?" asked the man.
"Is fifty bucks all right?" Chaim Yankel asked.
"Yeah, great. You'll find the paint and ladders you'll need in the garage."
The man went back into his house to his wife who had been listening.
"Fifty bucks! Does he know the porch goes all the way around the house?" asked the wife.
"Well, he must, he was standing right on it!" her husband replied.
About 45 minutes later, Chaim Yankel knocked on the door. "I'm all finished," he told the surprised homeowner. The man was amazed.
"You painted the whole porch?"
"Yeah," Chaim Yankel replied, "I even had some paint left, so I put on two coats!"
The man reached into his wallet to pay Chaim Yankel.
"Oh, and by the way," said Chaim Yankel, "That's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."