See You Later
Chaim Yankel had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work.
After a few weeks of this, his boss was mad and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it.
So Chaim Yankel went to his doctor, who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. He got a great night's sleep and actually beat the alarm in the morning. After a leisurely breakfast, he cheerfully drove to work.
"Boss," he said, "the pill my doctor prescribed actually worked!"
"That's all fine," said the boss, "but where were you yesterday?"
A Smooth Criminal
One night Mrs. Eisenberg stumbled into her local Brooklyn police station with a black eye. She claimed she heard a noise in her back yard and went to investigate. The next thing she knew, she was hit in the eye and knocked out cold.
An officer was sent to her house to investigate, and he returned 1-1/2 hours later with a black eye.
"Did you get hit by the same person?" his captain asked.
"No," he replied. "I stepped on the same rake."
Mrs. Applebaum was surprised when she saw her son Moishe at home. "Why are you home from school so early?" asked Mrs. Applebaum.
"I was the only one who could answer a question,” replied Moishie.
"Oh, really?” said Mrs. Applebaum proudly. “What was the question?"
"Who threw the eraser at the principal?"