One afternoon, little Moishie Brown was sitting at the table with his mother and sister when he declared, “When I grow up, I’m going to marry you, Mommy.”
“You can’t marry your own mother,” said his older sister.
“Says who?” asked Moishie.
“Says Hashem,” said his sister.
“Fine,” says Moishie. “Then I’ll marry you.”
“You can’t marry me either.”
“Says who?” asked Moishe
“Says Hashem,” she replied.
Moishie looked confused, so his mother added, “You can’t marry someone in your own family. Hashem says.”
“You mean, Hashem want me to marry a total stranger?!” he cried.
Chaim Yankel made some terrible decisions early on in life that landed him in prison. After 12 years behind bars, he feels like he just can’t take it anymore, and decides to break out.
When he gets home, filthy and exhausted, his wife Rachel takes one look at him and says, “Where have you been? You escaped eight hours ago!”
Ben is in a hospital ward with two non-Jewish patients. On his first morning, Ben puts on his tefillin, like he does every morning. But the non-Jews can't figure out what he is doing. Finally, one says to the other, "Look how smart those Jews are! He's taking his own blood pressure.