The School Blues
Early one morning, Mrs. Rosenberg went in to wake up her son Moishe. "Wake up, son. It’s time to go to school!"
"But why, Mom? I don’t want to go."
"Give me two reasons why you don’t want to go."
"Well, the kids don’t like me for one, and the teachers don’t like me, either!"
"Well that’s no reason not to go to school,” said Mrs. Rosenberg. “Come on now and get ready."
"Give me two reasons why I should go to school,” said Moishe.
"Well, for one, you’re 52 years old. And for another, you’re the Principal!"
Meet the Epsteins
Sarah Epstein invited her college roommate Shira to spend Shabbat with her family. The Epsteins are a large and lively bunch and during the meal they got into a lively argument over a trivial subject until they remembered that they had a guest in their midst. Suddenly, there was an immediate, embarrassed silence.
“Don’t worry about me,” Shira said. “I was brought up in a family too.”
The Case of the Missing Wife
Moishe goes into a police station to report that his wife Rebecca is missing.
Moishe: "I've lost my wife. She went shopping yesterday and has still not come home."
Sergeant: "How tall is she, sir?"
Moishe: "I think she’s 5 foot something."
Sergeant: "And what about her build?"
Moishe: She's not slim, but she’s not fat either."
Sergeant: "What color are her eyes sir?"
Moishe: "Um…I can’t remember."
Sergeant: "And what about the color of her hair?"
Moishe: "It changes all the time depending on what hairdresser she goes to."
Sergeant: "What clothes was she wearing when you last saw her?"
Moishe: "I don’t know. It could have been a blue dress. Or maybe a black one. I don't remember exactly."
Sergeant: "When she left to go shopping did she go by car?"
Moishe: "Yes she did."
Sergeant: "And what is the make of the car?"
Moishe: "It's a high performance 560 HP Audi in a very special silver grey metallic paint. It has 8-speed paddle-shift automatic transmission and a 6.35 litre V12 engine generating at least 460 HP. It has the Z51 Super Performance Package; larger than normal alloy wheels; GT bucket seats; Satellite Navigation with world-wide coverage, and Direct Injection. It also unfortunately has a very thin scratch on the front left door. And .......... "
At this point, Moishe starts to cry.
Sergeant: "Don't worry sir.......We'll find your car."