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Rib Roast for Sale

Rivkah Reiser is doing her Shabbos shopping and she goes into Yitz’s butcher shop that has a sign in the window saying, "Sale! Rib Roast Five Dollars/ Pound!"

Rivkah thinks that she’s found herself a real metziyah (a find) so she asks the butcher for ten pounds worth. But he shakes his head and says, "Sorry. I'm all out."

Disappointed, Rivkah goes down the street to Shloime the Butcher and asks, "How much is your Rib Roast?"

Shloimie replies, "It's $15 per pound."

"Fifteen!?!" Rivkah exclaims. "Just up the street, Yitz sells it for five dollars!"

Shloimie the butcher smiles calmly and asks, "Does he have any?"

"No. He's out of it right now."

"Well," says Shloimie, "When I don't have any, I can also sell it for five dollars per pound!"

The Dog and the Bird

Old Mrs. Shpeilman loved alone except for her dog and her bird. One day, Mrs. Shpeilman’s dishwasher stopped working so she called a repairman. Since she had to spend the day at her daughter’s house the next day, she told the repairman, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check.

"By the way, don't worry about my bulldog. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot! I REPEAT, DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!"

When the repairman arrived at Mrs. Shpeilman’s apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest-looking bulldog he had ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet, watching the repairman go about his work.

The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling and name calling. Finally, the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, "Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!"

To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!"

What Would You Do?

Rabbi Feldman was teaching his sixth grade class about the halachic obligations someone has to rescue a person in distress. Rabbi Feldman asked, “If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?"

Thoughtful little Sarah Harari broke the hushed silence and said, "I think I'd throw up."

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