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August 18, 2007
November 21, 2011 7:47 PM
Getting to know each other
Did anyone else see this movie? Mr and Mrs Smith seem to have an ideal marriage, because they never talk to one another about what is really going on their lives.......Neither of them know the truth about their spouse's in-the-world identity.....or about their top secret jobs. So when Mrs Smith reveals that she has lightening speed reflexes, it is a tip-off that there is more to her than she has been telling Mr Smith.
So it seems to me that the #1 issue is whether or not we are honest with our spouses about who we are, and what we do with our lives.
Then #2 is the question of how we encourage openness. I like Dr. Kurtin's guidelines. We don't have TV at all in my house (who has the time?). We schedule our week to have empty spaces in it--like Saturday afternoons--when we know that there will be time to talk about things that come up. These are sacred family times--no other activities get scheduled in at those times for any of us. So we all know that we will be together--either to talk, or just to hang out.
January 8, 2008 11:26 AM
Gotta want to invest what it takes
It's not only the actual "talking" that's missing, it's the effort needed that our fast- moving generation is trying to omit. We gotta be prepared to invest hard but usually very good resulting work to accomplish what we wanna obtain. Good luck and the key-factor remember is "patience"!!
November 25, 2007 12:36 PM
Life's too busy
We need to feed, bathe, and diaper children, while still finding time to talk to our spouses.Babaysitter, anyone?
September 17, 2007 4:49 PM
we spend ...
to much time jumping to conclusions and then reacting and trying to insulate ourselves. This is what I've gotten from dating!
September 6, 2007 11:14 PM
It's never difficult to find time to talk, what gets in the way are excuses. You can guarantee the reason why time can't be found would be because of 'excuses' if you really want to talk, you'd skip the excuses and make the time pronto. Let's face it, it isn't talking we can't schedule in its being together we want. Talking is easy we simply pick up the phone and call, but getting time together that's where we fall down. Jews have no problem finding time to talk, we can do it for hours, its the getting together we don't always do, and yet we get Shabbos at least once a week so what's the problem, psst someone please get my daughter to ring her father about Shabbos dinner next week please? She'll be the one on the cell phone talking to someone else
Beverly Kurtin, Ph.D.,
August 22, 2007 9:33 PM
Did I miss something?
Humor this was not. If the object was to get people to talk do what we do in my house. WE TURN OFF THE TELEVISION, we disable our phones, we turn off our cell phones. If we forget to block the phones, we ignore them.We have a hard, fast rule: It is the communicator's responsibility to make certain that htey are being understood.Of course what we do is viewed by many as being somehow radical; it isn't. Turn off the world and really talk.
August 21, 2007 9:17 PM
find time to talk! simple!
August 21, 2007 3:10 PM
We live in a fast pace society where time and connection with others seems to be a job in its self. Life is becoming more and more complexed. Moms can not be home with their kids, the elders in families get sent to nursing home, and children get sent to day cares. America is loosing it family value system. We are slowly becoming the "What ever goes or whatever feels good society" The kind of people that are consumed with work and themselves instead of what really should matter.
August 21, 2007 1:18 PM
make a change
coming home after work and having to take care of the kids and all of their needs plus preparing dinner and all of the other tasks involved in everyday living can make it very hard for a couple to have any kind of serious conversation, I mean more than "where are the diapers" and " when do I need to pick up Shira from her lesson". If a married couple wants to have quality time together they need to make an effort. Go to a park and walk; go for a drive; go out for dinner or just put the kids to bed early and sit an the porch and chat. It's the only real way to have a chance to be together in todays hectic life.
August 21, 2007 12:19 PM
no excuse for violence
Your message is good --- and important. But it's no excuse for violence. (Maybe I'm too old to appreciate the "humor" here.)
August 21, 2007 12:54 AM
sometimes there is so much assumption,only action can explain better than talking. certain emotions require a deep and quick release such that a mouth may be too slow for use, a toung too heavy to articulate the emotions and thoughts to true definition; keeping quiet is laborious, so it is only acting or venting out through action that helps
August 20, 2007 12:24 PM
unplug for sure!
regroup & unplug from the material world.When talking the talk starts with walking (going for walks regularly) then walking the walk leads to talking.You'll get hooked. Walking buddies become buddies quick, because they get talking... and talking... and talking... when walkingEnjoy being unplugged.
August 20, 2007 9:59 AM
We're too busy!
How can you find time to talk when you're working long hours, surfing the web, watching TV, and then watching movies like Mr. and Mrs. Smith? Unplug first, talk later.
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