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December 20, 2008
January 3, 2009 1:19 PM
The most important point about rules is not how many but how clear. Rules should never be arbitrary. If a child understands the reason for a rule, it will probably be followed voluntarily. (This at least was my experience as a child. I also learned when bending or braking was legitimate.) Furthermore, the rules should change appropriately as the situation changes (that is, as the child matures). If the child is old enough, he/she can share in the rule-making process. This eliminates the power-struggle as the child now feels that he/she is following his/her "own" rules rather than rules imposed upon him/her.
JågJåth van Krüppelhmeiher-Stadt,
December 30, 2008 6:35 PM
I love these "chipmunks"!
December 24, 2008 8:49 PM
Too much rules
I believe we (as in adults) make to many rules for kids. If there are alot of rules kids are most likely to rebel than listen. Yes, it is true that we do need rules in our scociety but sometimes you need a break. Kids should be more free!FREEDOM TO THE KIDS!!!
December 24, 2008 6:33 PM
Kids crave discipline
The Torah gives us guidelines on almost everything but there are no clear directives regarding raising children. We're told "al pi darco" Each child needs to be treated according to their needs. All kids needs rules, some more then others.
How else can a child please a parent if they don't know what is expected of them? I've always noticed that the teachers that are the strictest and have the most rules are usually the ones my kids end up liking the most. Kids really crave rules, even if they don't know it. Additionally, If you give your kids lots of love and tell them how special they are to you, they won't resent the rules. It's all a matter of how you do it. Raising kids is a work in progress that needs a lot of siyata d'shmaya.
December 24, 2008 1:15 PM
Kids r not the problem! It's their self-centered anything goes (no limits) parents who r reponsible 4 the way kids behave these days. Look @ our so-called leadership - no matter what area, i.e. academic, entertainment, finance, government, sports - their behavior being horrible examples/role models 4 our children. It's the parents' responsible behavior that untimately produces children who will become compansionate, thoughtful, mature adults and leaders in the future.
December 23, 2008 3:49 PM
wow al eastman
sounds like you never were a fun loving kid and had too many rules, how about we all see what happens when the responsable parent gives kids "guidlines" and a few donts before we make full blown rules, that way you can allow creativity to fester in younger minds while still keeping them safe as well as letting older children have their freedom to do whatever they want while still being safe... better yet make it a family thing to do! stage "experiments" with potential danger, but stay safe as a family and teach them with real life action and reaction! what a fun way to bond, no? my kids sure do think so! and they are safe too! without me having to harp over their shoulders and be "naggy" plus i didnt make it up i actually saw someone else do it before and i saw the result! two beautiful successful children with responsability and self taught limits and no memories of too many "rules"
December 23, 2008 12:28 PM
Kids need rules
One of the things I've observed during the years I've worked as a criminal defense paralegal is that far too many of our clients share one common factor: they never learned to follow rules or to do as they were told. The problem is twofold. First, kids need rules so that they can learn how society works and how to get along in society. Secondly, the rules need to be applied consistently and fairly. It doesn't help if kids learn that there are rules, but think that they're exempt from them or that the rules will change if they fuss enough.
December 23, 2008 12:24 PM
not enough rules?!
I don't think putting lots of rules on children makes them obedient. Actually, the opposite is true. When children are confined by strict rules their natural reaction is to rebel, not to listen! Of course a parent has to set limits, but what those limits are is to be determined by the parent for each child.
Every child has to be disciplined in his/her own way because different children need different things.
December 23, 2008 8:34 AM
My 1 rule
If I were going to give only one rule it would be that they had to clean up whatever mess they made. That is both figurative as well as literal. You hurt someone, you make restitution (isn't that Talmudic?), you destroy property, you replace it--from your own money, etc. Somehow, I wonder how many rules Madoff had when he was a kid. He will never be able to pay back all the hurt he created, especially from the Jewish institutions he bilked. What our kids learn at home, they carry throughout their lives.
December 23, 2008 8:29 AM
Kuddos to Al. We live in a culture that continues to want to erode away any boundaries, guidelines, or standards. Torah, is about boundaries and guidelines. The further we are from Torah, the worse society will become.
December 22, 2008 1:47 PM
Not nearly enough
Being well past the child producing stage, I think many (NOT ALL) children do not have enough rules. I find many of them to be ill-mannered, -tempered, -natured, -kempt, -bred, -literate and -conceived.
Seriously, children do need rules and guidance from their parents. That's a parent's job, to set limits on what is and is not acceptable behavior. Regrettably, many of today's parents were raised by products of the 60's hippie culture. These unfortunates have no proper role models on which to base their parenting. The result MAY be some of the ill-s listed above,
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