Video: Jtube: Louie: It's Not Fair

Torah Reading: Be'halot'cha

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Published: July 2, 2011

How should we teach our children about "fairness?"

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Visitor Comments: 14

(7) Avigayil, February 27, 2013 8:44 AM

Louie CK is a great actor

Love his failed explanation! But - his daughter was 100% right, and he was wrong. The Lubavitcher Rebbe once said that we can claim that we do not believe in God. But when we see injustice around us, and we complain that it's not right -- we are proving that we DO believe in not just a God, but a good God, who set the world in motion with certain morally good rules that we have totally bought into as "right" and "fair". Otherwise, when we saw injustice, even as children not getting a mango pop, we would never cry "But it's NOT FAIR daddy!" We would instead see injustice as just one of many possible variations of a world devoid of moral or spiritual rules.

(6) Richard, August 31, 2011 3:01 PM

He doesn't know a fathers essential educational duties.

The whole sad story of the jealousy expressed by Joseph's brothers, who ended up selling him as a slave, started because their father Jacob showed favouritism in front of them by giving Joseph a special garment. The Talmud teaches us that this was a sad mistake on Jacob's part. We must learn from this that sibling rivalry can easily be caused by a parent's error and we should be careful not to give ourselves problems by showing favouritism in front of others. Yes, a hard lesson to learn and many of us have possibly fallen foul on this point more than once!

(5) Alan Densmore, July 14, 2011 9:17 PM

desires versus needs

"You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you just might find you get what you need." Rolling Stones

Mitsy Ganer, July 28, 2011 7:08 AM

You forgot an older reference...

Talmud - Everything God does is all for the best. Gam zu L'tova!

(4) Anonymous, July 13, 2011 4:24 PM

that's not nice

The father's answer," make sure your friend has enough," is beautiflul. and also that when he gave her the candy, he told her to also give some to her sister.And children do have to learn that the one who needs, gets, and when he needs, he'll also get, like a new pair of shoes, for instance. There is another point, that if you always go crazy to make sure every thing is exactly equal, then you are teaching them wrong ideas, and in the end, you'll be using a tape measure when you cut the cake and they will never be happy and always worried that the next one got more. BUT this clip was NOT about needing or not, nor was it about getting a bigger peice of cake. It was simply that one kid got it all and the other got none of it. Personally, I don't think that was nice at all and I would never do such a thing to my children or grandchildren. Nor to my guests for that matter. Otherwise the clip was excellent.

(3) Anonymous, July 5, 2011 8:16 PM

David's P J O Rourke quote - thanks so much!!!!

That is the best response I have ever heard to this cry. For a child, that is someting they can hear. The real response is, of course, that being fair means everyone gets what they need. And most of the time, G-d works that out!

(2) Phil, July 5, 2011 6:09 PM

not fair in Israel

I've heard that in Hebrew, there's no real way to say "it's not fair." However, my friends tell me that in Israel, the kids have somehow imported the word: Zeh lo fair!

Dvirah, July 12, 2011 3:01 PM

"Fair" in Hebrew

The Hebrew word for "fair" is "hohgen", which comes from the same root used for "higayon" = "logic." Fair in the sense of everyone having the same things would be "me-oo-zan" = "balanced" or "shaveh" = "equal", words which are NOT used by Hebrew speakers to denote "fairness." As Rabbi Salomon would say, something to think about.

Phil, July 19, 2011 5:41 PM

learned something new

Thanks, Dvirah!

(1) david, July 4, 2011 4:58 PM

P.J. O Rourke quote

I have a 10 year old at home, and she is always saying, “That’s not fair.” When she says that, I say, “Honey, you’re cute; that’s not fair. Your family is pretty well off; that’s not fair. You were born in America; that’s not fair. Honey, you had better pray to God that things don’t start getting fair for you.”

Anonymous, July 5, 2011 2:39 PM

Is she learning or are you just teaching?

I think the clip makes it abundantly clear that it's often difficult to get this message across to children. As much as the father explained it, the child didn't get it. I'm still not sure how we can EFFECTIVELY teach children about fairness. Now that I'm thinking about it more, I think a child 1st needs a sense of security, self confidence, and self esteem before they're ready to absorb the lessons of fairness. The child in the video didn't feel secure enough with herself to accept her father's argument about fairness. It's also possible she saw right through her Dad's speech and understood the true reason she didn't get a mango-pop - b/c Dad is too lazy to make her one. Dad made no attempt to empathize with her, to express his wish that she did get what she wanted, etc. All he did was ascend the soapbox and twist the real truth into a poor excuse for a lesson. She eventually exposed his baloney sermon and showed him how self-serving he really is.

Corinne Joy, July 5, 2011 3:21 PM

Corinne-comment re. "It's not fair"! - reply to David / P.J. O'Rourke! - 5.7.2011

Great take on the matter! - and good to get children thinking laterally at the earliest possible age! Col hacavod! This 'clip' reminds me of some "Moroccan Jewish" pupils I taught at Merom Ha Galil, who, after telling me that they didn't "speak English" ... would then, at break-time, yell repeatedly: "Ze lo 'fair'!" [sic!] - They were right, it's ... untranslatable 'out of English', as some such 'concepts' are ...! - but they knew the core-meaning ... well, perhaps 'subjectively', again!?! - and I try and make my 'living' as a translator ...!?! Yes, occasionally "fair" is ... relative ... but may we all aspire to 'fairness' of the most inclusive/humane sort!

galiah, July 7, 2011 4:14 AM

fair

Fair does not mean everyone gets the same. Fair means everyone gets what they need. there is a great story about a family that wanted to make things "fair" (=equal); when one kid needed glasses, they all had to get; when the baby needed baby food, that's what they all had to eat; etc etc. soon they realized that it really ISN'T FAIR that they all have to have the SAME-- because they have different needs.

marshall, July 13, 2011 2:56 AM

That is such an awesome response - theres always someone worse off than you

That is such an awesome well adjusted response -Top marks - I will copy that and frame it

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