Matchmaker! Matchmaker!

by Mrs. Lori Palatnik

Make the effort. After all, you're just the messenger.

Published: November 15, 2008

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Visitor Comments: 27

(27) Anonymous, January 11, 2009 8:13 PM

I agree with comment #26

Thanks Lori for your comments but feel comment #26 is more on the right track. You may have the initial flash of intuition ("Chochamah") to think of putting together two Jewish people but what is needed is more thought (understanding "Bina")and then some real 'Daat" ideally Torah advice or even Sage advice whether the girl and the guy should meet. A bit more forethought leads to a better result!

(26) Anonymous, November 29, 2008 8:11 AM

I'm scared to amke shidduchim.

Thank you for this piece Lori. I am scared off trying to make shidduchim/playing matchmaker. I set a 'blind date' up for a friend and he met a nice Jewish girl and 12 years later and 2 kids later they are divorced. My friend didn't get upset with me - he said it had been a very hard time years of lack of shalom bayis domestic harmony. He also said that he was so happy that he has 2 Jewish boys/kids BUT I think matchmakers should do more thought, As 1 Rabbi OBM once told me "Not every skirt is for every trousers' great care and thought should be used when trying to matchmake albeit it is very hard to bring Jewish singles together nowadays. Why do we have so much divorce nowadays even in frum circles? Is it because there is a lack of thought by shaddchonim.matchmakers?

(25) Paul, November 24, 2008 7:03 AM

Hey Rachel (24)

Any interest in (13)? You didn't put an age in. Boy is based in NYC

(24) Rachel, November 23, 2008 10:14 AM

Looking For New York based Matchmaker

Interest in finding a match, Traditional but not overly observant.

(23) Dima, November 22, 2008 7:01 PM

DKR please post your age

Hey DRK (poster 14), if you are going to make an introduction, at least include your age so people can see if they are "age-appropriate". I am in South Florida, 28 and looking. Although I am fairly short, 5'7" :-)

(22) Channie, November 22, 2008 6:46 PM

I had been saying Shir Hashirim in my own home on Friday night for about a year a conjuction with a group of women from another town. We say it with the name of a specific person in mind, usually for a shidduch. Recently I spun off and started a group in my neighborhood, though the women participate from all over. Ahh - the power of emails and email groups. We have only been saying this for a few weeks, but one of the participants asked if she could form a shidduch group, since we already had a base of eligible singles. We collaborated on some ideas, including a questionnaire, and she's off and running. It's wonderful how one act of chesed generates another, and so on. Now, although we may be holding the strings, all we need is for Hashem to "tie the knots." I will be emailing her this video for chizuk. Thank you Lori.

(21) Anonymous, November 20, 2008 5:23 PM

what about the older woman. Everyone fixes up the guy who is divorced/widowed but not the women.

(20) goldsteintheartist@yahoo, November 20, 2008 12:19 PM

I turned 55 Nov 19th....

when am I going to find My "one"?

(19) Renah, November 19, 2008 8:49 PM

just started searching for my besheirt...

I have 2 comments: Watched the video, thank you Lori, but I feel a little lost out here. :) Anyone know any good prospects in the great Pacific NW in Washington here? :) comment for "Anonymous" #7... I know a great guy in Minneapolis, near St. Paul. I met him online, tall, dark (hair) & handsome! :) email me at resh814@gmail.com so we can chat. maybe your friend can do a "chance" meeting - he works in a public establishment. :) wouldn't it be great!

(18) David Cohen, November 19, 2008 4:09 PM

Find your match in Houston!

Meyerland Minyan of Houston, Texas, in conjunction with The Torah Outreach Resource Center of Houston - T.O.R.C.H. - will be hosting its next Shabbaton for Singles in their 20s and 30s the Shabbat of December 12-13, 2008. All participants, regardless of observance level, are invited to spend the entire Shabbat with families in the Meyerland community, who will provide home hospitality. However, all of the programs and meals for the singles will be held together. In the past, this Shabbaton has been very successful in bringing singles together from Houston and around the country (and Mexico too!). Numerous friendships, dates, and three marriages (including MINE!) are the fruits of this effort so far. Word is that the relaxed atmosphere, great food, and wonderful people make this an event not to miss! The cost for this Shabbaton is $50. For more information, please contact Holly Cin: holly_cin@yahoo.com (subject line Singles Shabbaton) or call 713-721-3460.

(17) Anonymous, November 19, 2008 3:59 PM

There''s elegance in simplicity

Thank you, Lori, for talking about such an important topic. You explained that it''s really very simple to be a shadchan as you are acting as a vessel for Hashem. What a beautiful reminder to everyong that it''s not necessary to have a special degree *or* anything to do this, rather, it''s the openness to listening for Hashem''s faint knocking.

I am one of many Jewish singles out there, hoping and praying to meet her bashert. My life is full and busy and happy because I make it that way, but I would welcome the right shidduch in a heartbeat! I''m originally from Toronto, but I live in the U.S. now. Other specs: well educated, mid-40s, would LOVE to have somebody to love who loves me back, interested in having a family, Jewishly aware and involved.
Even if nothing comes of it for me - Yosher koach on a great message. Toda raba!

(16) fran, November 19, 2008 11:50 AM

matches

You always make my day now if you could just tell me how to help someone who wants a family but is intimidated by dating and won't put herself out there? and is not lucky to have someone like you for a friend. fran

(15) Anonymous, November 19, 2008 10:48 AM

matchmakers in St Paul, MN

My 27 year old son is in law school in St Paul.

(14) DKR, November 19, 2008 10:45 AM

How about South Florida?

I haven't seen nor heard of any shaddchanim in South Florida. I am not Orthodox, (I'm Reform) but am active in my synagogue and gentlemen I meet through secular means aren't as comfortable with that as I'd prefer. I have high ethical standards and that's also not that commonplace. Factor in my desire for someone happy, healthy, age-appropriate, height/weight appropriate, with some shared interests and goals PLUS the fact that I'm much taller than average......well, the pool shrinks considerably. I'm considered very attractive, smart, altruistic and easy to get along with, with good health, talents, attributes and values. I would love to encounter a shaddchan who can take the person I really am into account and make thoughtful and careful introductions. Leaving it to fate has not yet yielded the results I'm seeking.

(13) Paul, November 19, 2008 10:30 AM

OK I'm in!

Supply: One 28 year old son (lover of music & pretty girls) & One 25 year old Daughter (lover of sports). In Northern New Jersey (Both Conservative Jewish) Required: MATCH

(12) Carl, November 19, 2008 10:05 AM

What of a perceived bad relationship?

A question rather than a comment. Rebellion in a late teen. Runs away from a good upright home. Ends up in a horrible relationship - and a mixed marriage. What do we do then?

(11) Ed, November 19, 2008 9:53 AM

Lori you are terrific!

Lori, you are doing such a great thing. By the way, I do have a lovely 32 year old daughter in Hoboken, NJ looking for Mr. Right. She is tired of J Date is looking for a Mensch. Know anyone?

(10) Anonymous, November 19, 2008 9:52 AM

i wish more people would take your advice

I know so many great single girls but as another single girl, I know no good guys. It's so frustrating, esp when the married people who know us say they don't know any either. At least being married, they have more of a chance and could make the effort. I just wish they wouldn't just say "get married already" when myself and these other girls in their mid to late 20s would love to (if only we were introduced to more guys!).

(9) Anonymous, November 19, 2008 8:03 AM

how to conact the shaddchanim

Great idea, Lori. How do I contact you and the shaddchan in Toronto?? Thank you and keep up the great work.

(8) Suzy, November 19, 2008 1:42 AM

I agree that even if they decide it's not for them, they appreciate that you at least thought of them.

(7) Anonymous, November 18, 2008 9:30 PM

I have two successful matches, but one really needs some help

I have a very good friend,who wants to meet her soul mate, but she is shy,are there any match makers in the St Paul or Minneapolis are.So I can encourage her to contact someone. I really would like to see my good fiend finally find her match

(6) Alejandro, November 17, 2008 1:54 PM

I done it 3 times

I have done it 3 times and its as easy as you say... also, it is a great feeling to know that you have help other to find their better half.. or.. the other half!

(5) Anonymous, November 17, 2008 6:33 AM

Thank you Lori - Please fix me up, too

Dear Lori, I try to help people meet their match, and I am inspired and encouraged by your article to ask for a match for me, too. I am a woman in my fifties, sing Renaissance music. The rabbi at my synagogue is a fan of yours. I am a faithful listener of your advice on Aish. Thank you for your good work to help people.

(4) Mark Eisenberg, November 16, 2008 4:44 PM

Great Lecture --Please Fix Me Up

Dear Lori, We have a met over the years at the Aish Partners Conference. I am a Shomer Shabbes Judge, 6'3" tall and weigh about 185 pounds. I have asked you to fix me up and so now after your inspiring talk, I ask you to fix me up with a pretty lady who is in her 40s to early 50s. I will be happy to send you my picture with references if you do not remember me. Look forward to you making another match. Gratefully, Mark A. Eisenberg

(3) Anonymous, November 16, 2008 4:29 PM

Making shidduchim

a couple years ago I had the pleasure of introducing a couple who got married. I can tell you from experience that it had nothing to do with my interpersonal brilliance. I was just sitting there one day, and one friend was saying, "I wish I could get married." and the week before the other friend had said the exact same thing. They were the only two people I knew who were looking, so I said, "Why not?"

No question it was Hashem who made that shidduch, not me. But I still feel fortunate that Hashem chose me as His messenger.

So, just as Lori says-- give it a try, it doesn''t hurt!

(2) agnes, November 16, 2008 1:35 PM

I can testify the outcome of one of these matches

They make us meet, he from Berlin me from B.Pest=in South america. She was a m.m.yes. We married, had 3 children and hated each other for 25 years. Then we split. Remarried. Oh so happy for more then 15 each. Let me tell you this: the second too was a m.m. The second worked wonderfully for years, love and all we missed before. WHY not the first time???

(1) Anonymous, November 16, 2008 9:16 AM

way to go for another great talk!
come to south africa!!

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About the Author

Mrs. Lori Palatnik

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Lori Palatnik is a writer and Jewish educator who has appeared on television and radio, and is the author of "Friday Night and Beyond: The Shabbat Experience Step-By-Step," "Remember My Soul - What to do in Memory of a Loved One," and co-author of "Gossip: 10 Pathways to Eliminate It From Your Life and Transform Your Soul." She is a much sought-after international speaker, having lectured in the U.S., Canada, Mexico, U.K., Central America, South America, South Africa and Israel, including featured talks at Yale, Brown and Penn. She lives in the Washington D.C. area, with her husband, Rabbi Yaakov Palatnik. Lori is the Founder of The Jewish Women's Renaissance Project, an international initiative that brings over 1,000 women to Israel each year from ten different countries on highly subsidized programs to inspire them with the beauty and wisdom of their heritage. She is the busy mother of five children, ages 24 to 14; and her son, Zev, just finished serving as a sharpshooter in the IDF. Her weekly video blog, "Lori Almost Live" is a popular feature on aish.com, viewed by over 50,000 people each month.

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Matchmaker! Matchmaker!

Make the effort. After all, you're just the messenger.

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