Surviving a Long-Distance Relationship

just send her gifts. ,cards.. or anything that can make her feel special tho both of you are far apart.

So my "friend" and I have been talking for about 6 months on and off. I moved to texas and he's in Illinois and he started texting me saying he misses me and can't wait to see me and I feel the same way!!! I think I love him? he says if I come for spring break we can start officially dating! I said but were like thousand of miles away and he's like well work through it! I want to be with him so much! Only problem is my mom... I'm not old enough to buy a plane ticket or drive and she won't let me go with my grand parents to Illinoian because I would have to miss 5 days of school how do I convince her?? Please help me!! I love him and she dosnt know about him!!! Please help me I love him!!!<3

My 17-yr old daughter has been dating a guy one year older than her for over a year now. He went to college out of state this year and it's killing my daughter. She's frequently crying and considering quitting school to be with him. It's affecting her grades and sports. How can I support her feelings and keep refocused on finishing out her junior and senior year at school, all the while, while she tries to maintains mutually important relationship?

Understand she needs to Skype and text a lot. It's very normal & ok. If you like him and are ok with the relationship, try to arrange a flight for her to be with her love or him to come see her during breaks. She might be encouraged more to go to college. If he's a good guy, he will encourage her to stay in school. About me: I'm in Scottsdale, my girlfriend is getting her masters in China. We Skype or communicate everyday. We help each other through colds, problems, and distance. We send each other gifts and see each other every 2 months. It's expensive & hard but worth every penny and tear.

My bf and I have been in a long distance relationship for a year and 7 days and its getting harder and harder we love each other but the times where we are not able to talk all day I get rlly emotional I and we r starting to talk a lil less lately is this just a stage we r going thro? How do I make the time that I don't get to talk to him not as painful?

Go see him , visit him cause if it keep going this way then yall will eventually fall apart.. go see him

My boyfriend and I of 11months have had a long distance relationship since day one. He's in the military, and is stationed 800 miles away from me, and soon to be deployed within a few months to afghanistan. I've been dealing with some major depression, and have no clue what to do..he's my world, no doubt about that, but the thought of being away from him for that long rips me to pieces..he tells me he loses a piece of himself every time he has to walk away from me and go back to Georgia, and it just makes it a million times harder on me to know he struggles so much as well. He has been very emotional when he's seen me, crying in my arms and everything...please help. I'm broken over the situation right now and can't see the positives:(.

I have been in a LDR for six months now and if really hard because for the first six months of our relationship I was coudlng with him every single night and to have the one your so deaply in love with so far away so soon is kind of a shock to you. But hear we are on the 26th is our one year anniversary and i am really happy and terribaly sad at the same time i mean how else can i feel? I don't get to see him but i wouldn't have it any other way because im finishing up school and hes about to go into the millitary. I am really proud of us and also terribly sad that this distance is SO much. I mean im in wisconsin and hes in florida i moved up hear just before school started and im really feeling it so soon to our one year mark. you LDR'S give me a LOT of hope that me and my love will make it but how to i get used to this pain and not want to cry so much?

I have been in a long distance relationship with my Gf for about two years now. We met through a mutual friend, and to me, it was love at first sight. After several attempts to woo her, she finally caved, and said she really wanted to go out with me. We have never lived in the same city, and for the first few months of the relationship, we would visit each other every other weekend (1.5 hour drive). We also had to do distance as i decided to work in california for a few months, while she finished her schooling in Canada. It was one of the most difficult periods of both our lives, since we were both head over heels for each other, and more so because it was such a young relationship. But following the hyperdistance relationship, we were back to the grind of seeing each other, on a bi-weekly basis. In all honest, even seeing each other that often was a welcome treat, compared to not seeing each other at all for 4 months! Today, I am back in california, for an unknown amount of time, and it has been very difficult. But I am proud of my girl, and myself, we have kept the relationship strong by following a short list of crucial activities. Communication, consistency, honesty, support, and the promise of a normal relationship. We have done this through, calls, text messages, video conferencing, chatting, emailing each other, and travelling together as often as possible. This has been a huge test for the both of us. I really believe long distance relationships, really reveals so much about a person, to yourselves, and your partner. I really want to reach out to all of you in LDRs or even Hyper LDRs like me and say, guys you inspire me to keep going, to keep trying, to stay strong, and to continue to hope that one day it will all work out for the best :) Go LDR hopefuls!!

Im in a newly distance relationship of 8 months. All we have known is distance so i guess in this case i know no better. We talk everyday and a phone call before bed. Tonight we video called which makes the world of difference. Lately we are arguing over small things which makes it hard.. any advice?

What do you like about your significant other? What are you thankful for? What is your happiest memory? Don't sweat the small stuff--find stuff to laugh about, share happy things that happened throughout the day. Remember that you want to marry your best friend--not just someone you talk to about the hard things in your life--both the bad AND the good! Make sure you laugh and you appreicate them. Things will get easier :)

Hello everyone I have been with my boyfriend 5 years, 2 of which he has been at the other end of the country. Worst thing is that we both live with our parents still in our 20s so we don't get much personal space..I see him once a month and speak every other day, recently it's been less.. I'm struggling with it as it doesn't feel the same, I don't know if I have changed in these two years but he still doesn't have a full time job and therefore barely money, I've nearly broken up with him a few times but not got any further, he always says he might get a job..some of your advice on here has been really useful.. I think our values have changed..I think he should get any job so he has money And we can see each other more.. I'm jus fed up!! What do I do? I'm scared in case I make the wrong decision, we used to have a really good thing..what if he's the one?? And I haven't stuck by in the bad times.. 2 years us just so long..help?!

There's a saying. People change but usually not for the best. Instead they just get worse. I am in a LDR. I'm married and have been married for a little more than a year. I'm about to call it quits. I finally got to that point. I need that sense of hope that I can meet someone and have a family, a LIFE together that I can't have with my current husband. It seems that your boyfriend has no motivation to be with you and to find some way to be together otherwise he'd get his **** together, get a job, make some money, and maybe find a way for you guys to be in the same household. Seems like that's not very important. So let him go. It's time now. You'll meet someone else. No use wasting anymore time.

What you have said makes so much sense.. I'm clinging on for the old times and for not been lonely.. But your right.. You need a life together you both want, a family a LIFE together in the same direction, you have made the decision to hope to meet that person in the future... Im hoping it will go back to how it was but nothing will change.. How are you picking yourself up and going on? I wish there was some big reason to break up like him cheating i would get angry and move on.. But im in love with the guy i met all those years ago and its hard to let go..but if i were giving advice to myself I would say, you need to move on.. I just need to be strong, im scared to.. hes my first love..i guess you always think thats it with your first love..have you finished your marriage? Hows it going?

I have been seeing my partner 4 nearly two years nw nd visit each other wen can nt often but wenever he is free.we talk on the phne everyday nd text but stil find it hard .he lives in australia nd im in new zealand.we love each other but nt sure if enough tho.cz wen he dont answer his phne i get mad nd same with him nt sure wat 2 do tho

I am in a long distance relationship right now, we just talk on cam and rare to talk to cause he's always busy.. sometimes when he's online and when i send him a message and he will never reply, i feel bad, its like he dont want to talk to me. But once we talk, its like no ending...and its really hard to work it out but i love him so much, its not easy to let him go. We still working it out to survive our relationships, he said he always missis me and he loves me more than i love him. but the most important in a relationhips is, trust each other and share your thoughts,i wish and i hope we can work this relationship, cause we both know we want to go this far and more.

hey. its really horrible to have distance love. Me and my hubby had a 3 months long distance and its so hard. after that 3 months, he came back to visit me... eventhough we chatted everyday, we changed dramatically. he visted me for 4 months and now he s got back to his country. its tough again... during those 4 months.. we had a lot more deeper fights.. tiredness.. but we have to stay distance again.. its harder to see if we can go thru this time.. and its gonna be 1-2 years. So my advice, before you decide anything, move in with her, live with her.the 3 years apart may show some distance when you guys are together. give time to see if you guys really understand each other. u have done 3 years, why would u push away now? i know few couple in love for 8 years .. so times cant really tell.

I've got a girlfriend in Australia and I'm in England and we can rarely talk because I have to leave for college by the time she's home from school and I'm asleep by the time she wakes up... It's terrible and I always feel bad for leaving her, because I know she loves me loads and just wants to talk for a bit. So, I kinda know how you feel there...

I have been in a long distace relationship for three years. Me and my girlfriend know each other for 5 years, two years, we were togther but for three years we have been in this long distance relationship. And this beacuse i got the chance to study in Belgium. Our relationship is just fine. We keep in touch and we are in love. But recently, I am kind of tired of this long distance relationship. It is hard to break up but this idea keeps coming to my mind. By the way i am 27 years old and she is 24. There is no doubt that I love her but i guess it is about time to move on. I really dont know if that is the right decision

Me and my partner have been together for 2 and 6 months now, half of it was being together, and now in a long distance relationship and still counting, it was really especially the first few weeks being on my own,back to the city, where time goes fast & people come and go. It wasn't really the set up i dreamed for us, but it's what we need to do so our future will be a lot better We had a lot of misunderstandings before we came to this point where i can say we're strong enough and care for each other very deeply. Trust and communication are the two keys to make LDR work. I wouldn't have the guts to be away from him if i didn't have them before, but i realized, if your partner feels the say way or have the same path that you want to take in the future, respect and understading are present, they LDR is something that really works. Meet each other as often as possible, text him/her without expecting a reply asap, just let the person know you're thinking of him/her. I know it's easy to say, but if you're up for the relationship, this is how it is. When you guys meet, just have a good time,don't discuss the problems that you had when you were away from each other, instead, just have a laugh and quality time. Cook for that person, watch a movie at home,spend time together privately than being with other people, especially if time is limited For all of us who are in LDR, just don't lose hope... it will feel great at the end, LDR is not permanent, or it shouldn't be, i can't call it relationship if thats the goal, LDR is just temporary and being physically together is the goal... :)

I have been with my girlfriend for close to 2 months now. Most of that time has been in long distance. I live in Alaska and she has moved to Texas...more than 4000 miles away. We decided early on that this was what we wanted to do and we knew it would be hard. But recently I felt as If something was wrong with our relationship, so I talked to her about it and she felt the same way. She said that she feels as if we have grown apart from each other in the last 2 weeks. She doesn't feel as "in-love" with me as she used to. This is really scaring me and it feels like if I don't somehow fix it then we will eventually completely grow apart from each other and if that happens I don't know how I would deal with it. Another thing is that in October I will be attending the Alaska Military Youth Academy and I will be there for 5 1/2 months. I will only be able to write her letters while I am there. But I am afraid that while I am there that she will meet someone else and forget about me. Does anybody have any advice that does NOT involve breaking up with her? I love thi girl with all my heart and i want nothing more than to make this relationship with her work. Help!?!?

Wow! I feel for you and I do understand that breaking up with her may not be an option for you but she has hinted that she wants to break up, within 2 weeks in the long distance relationship she said "she doesn't feel as 'in-love' with me as she used to". I know it scares you but believe me the best things to do is to talk it out and both decide on the next move or else you both will be miserable.    Pray, and be open about the situation-she'll respect and trust you more even fall in love with you all over again because of your leadership in the relationship.  It seems to me she's taken that role because she sense your fear of being scared of loosing her and it scares her to hurt you or else she will resent you because you kept her in a relationship she doesn't want but and was too afraid to hurt you and was hoping you had caught her hinting - "she doesn't feel as 'in-love' with me as she used to". Plus focus on the blessings you have; the academy and family and let life happens rather trying to control life; I wish you the best.

I found the article to be really helpful.Very practical and decent suggestions. My only request to the readers would be to stay honest with each other in a relationship and try strengthening the mutual-trust as and when the situations demand.That's the key factor in such kind of relationships. I would love to read more on this from the Author. Thanks. Best wishes!

Thankyou! Appreciate your effort to pen down the issues in a long distance. I have realised in my relationship, i am the one who needs more attention, care and small sweet gestures. I am working in India and he is working in US. We both love each other equally(not measurable, still) but sometimes i feel i am being unfair to him. I mean i don't feel like talking at all, feel like having my space and be secluded only from him. Lately, we have decided to talk less instead keep the relationship strong by sending mails (daily dose ) to each other. This is working for us, as i get my space and he gets regular reply to his mails. We have also planned to go on dates on skype. Sending love letters and gifts is also one option which comes handy in a long distance. We are always on the look for new ways to surprise each other.......untill the 6 month period gets over.

Being in an LDR, you become accustomed to a routine. Talking at certain times during the day or week. Sending texts or emails at the same times or talking about the same things. I feel like worrying may come from insecurities, but I feel like a lot of it comes from being taken out of your routine. If your S.O usually texts at 5. You usually wait at that time to hear from them. Things come up and things happen. Don't automatically assume the worse. Your S.O would not appreciate the harsh assumptions. Good Luck :)

I've been searching online for relationship advice all day and found this article. I loved it, but the comments are what hooked me. I met my now bf on a dating website. We had only known each other 2 weeks and on our second date he asked me to be his girlfriend. We're now 3 weeks in and even though we live 76 miles apart, his work schedule and my school schedule make things tough. I travel to see him and I do believe this can work if two people are interested in making it work. I have 10 months left of school before I graduate. Even though this is a fairly new relationship, I love all the advice and stories everyone is sharing. I wish nothing but the best of luck to each and every relationship :)

I have recently (Had been e-mailing for 7 months and finally met after that...2 months ago) met an amazing guy who has been nothing but caring, supportive, loving, thoughtful, helpful, among a few, and he just got posted to the Military so is moving away in a few weeks. He said he doesn't want us to call it a 'long-distance relationship' because they are hard but the thought of him leaving on such a vague note breaks my heart. He is beyond perfect and everything I have ever looked for in a man. He even offered to buy my an animal to help keep me happy and healthy (emotionally).

My boyfriend is literally on the other side of the country, but man is it worth it. 1,812 miles is nothing but a distance.

I know that feeling!

I met my partner on a trip I took to Costa Rica- I am from Canada- we have been in a international long distance relationship for almost a year, and I have decided to make the move to Costa Rica to be with him perminatly, I agree with the comment above, Communication is key, from the begginning you both need to set out and discuss what you both want and how you both get there, if it turns iinto a serious relationship and you want to be together, bottom line, someone has to move, and you really have to ask yourself that question, are you willing to relocate? Being in a long distance realtionship has it's challenges and can be tough most times, its important to keep faith, have trust and if the two of you really want to be together, It can happen! best of luck to all those surviving a long distance relationship. Kuddos to you :)

Me and my boyfriend have been in a long distance relationship for almost 4 months and have been dating for a year and 2 months. It is sooo hard and I though it would get easier as time went on but it didn't it got easier then harder like a roller coster. He isn't too far away we are still in the same state but we don't see each other often. I saw him the other day for the first time in 3 weeks, I know that's a lot better then what most long distance relationships are but its still hard and I miss him soooo much. I used to see him everyday like all day then suddenly he moved and I didn't even get to say goodbye, now we see each other every few weeks. Don't worry as long as you love each other then your relationship will work because love conquers all<3

Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year and 9 months. I moved away from him 7 months ago and it really hurts both of us not to see each other I text him daily but sometimes he's busy and we don't talk till late at night. I really love him and just want to make him happy and not lose him and he is not happy not seeing me everyday or a lot more then we do. I can't move back though so can someone please help me and give me more things i can do with him to make us both happy till the next time we get to be together I really need help I don't know what to do and your help would mean the world to me.

I've been in one for two years now my girlfriend and I have been lucky enough to see each other 4 times in the last two years. We decided that we wouldn't take the next step until she was done with college, I'm in the military. We had been dating all through highschool so we know each other very well. It's been really hard since my last visit though because we had SUCH a good time together and she still has three years of college left. Some times I think it's not worth the level of pain I feel to stay in the relationship, but I know that if we stick it out we will have a lasting bond that very few other couples experience. Overall our time apart will be five years. I hope that I have the will to stick it out cus she is all I want.

The hardest part is telling people I know that I'm in a long distance relationship. They don't understand why I don't go for the men in my hometown that are fine for me. I am in this relationship because my boyfriend is so special and just gets me. I really like the previous comment that a relationship of this nature only cultivates your independence and your strength. We should however not fall into the trap of thinking that the relationship is just lovey dovey vacation times but you should take time to discuss what really matter to both of you and flesh out the issues whenever you see each other.

I found this piece when I was looking up about long distance relationships. I have been in one for the last 9 months - meeting up every 6 weeks or so. Its very difficult as I am the one that needs the constant reassurance and go to bits if I dont get a phone call. It was really great to read this and see that I am not some crazy stalking woman and that other people struggle with their imagination running away too!!! thank you.x

We will be six months tomorrow in an long Distance Relationship. I've not been having it easy but with these tips i'm encouraged. Tankx

My boyfriend lives almost 3,000 miles away from me- me being in Florida and him in El Salvador. I have known him for about 4 years and have been dating for 5 months. He doesn't have a phone, so we can't call, and he is SUPER busy with school, so emails either come frequently or sometimes weekly, depending on how busy he is. When he does email me, I'm so happy, but if he doesn't, I'm crying myself to sleep. We are both in school and have no money. I wish I could see him so badly and love him too much, but get sad at the drop of a hat. Sometimes, I feel like our love is fading as well. What should I do???

my boyfriend and i have been in a long distant realtionship for six months he is in New York for the next 18 months and i live in South Africa. We get to skype each other once a week. Its really difficult, he has become emotionally unavailable but is still his laid back self. i have learned to become emotionally independant and do not wait on his calls. I have now become accustomed to not waiting for him. I love him with all my heart and we have spoken about settling down in the future. I respectfully enjoy the freedom of ''singledom'' even though im in a relationship. One thing i have learnt is that each person is an individual with their own needs and wants. You definitly get to learn who you are and what you will stand for and accept, Developing your identity as an individual will only strengthen the relationship you find yourself in if it is ment to be.

Thank you do much. That statement really helped me with my long distance relationship.

well i am living in USA for now but soon i am moving to Costa Rica and my boyfriend is gonna stay here and finish college its gonna take us 4 years to be able to get married and i dont know how hard its gonna be to see him just once a year maybe but i know that what we feel goes beyond time and space and true love can overcome anything and i know we will make it through this.

I'm in love with my best friend. We've been best friends for years now. Super close, always told each other everything and really comfortable around each other. We recently started dating in February. He lives in Georgia which is also my home town, but I moved to Maryland a few years ago. We weren't dating then but we were still best friends. We kept in touch and talked just about everyday. I then moved to Virginia this past January, and that's when feelings started getting stronger between my fiancé and I, and like I said, we started dating in February. He just left back down to Georgia last night after coming up to VA and spending an amazing week with me. I knew the day he had to go back home would come but I didn't want to accept it. We are both turning 19 next week. His bday a day before mine. He proposed to me while he was up here visiting. It had been a year or so that we have seen each other before he came up this week and it was great. I'm supposed to be spending the month of July down there so I'll get to see him again but idk how long it will take until I get to see him again after that. We both cried so hard when it was time for him to go. It's tough to be in a long distance relationship and be so deeply and incredibly in love but I'm willing to wait however long it takes to be able to spend the rest of my life with him because that's how much I love him. And I know he feels the same way. He never forgets to remind me. We're both saving money and trying to finish school so we can finally move in together and get married. No matter how long it takes or how far away we are from each other, we will always love each other and wait for each other. We just have to hang in there.

I am in New Zealand, where is she, she is in Brazil, half a world away,Long Distance sucksss, we celebrated 1 year on skype, my birthday and in 2 weeks her 18th birthday on skype, they say money cant buy happiness, well is that true, really? cos if i had money, i would be happy, anyway i love her, and i really hope we get through until i go over to live with her.

We've been dating for a couple months. He lives 8 hours away. We both are in school and when he's not in school he's working so its hard to talk a lot. We never get to see each other because he can't come here to houston because he supports his mom and I can't go there cause I would have no where to stay cause all the hotels there are nasty. We don't know what to do about it. Some one please help :/

My boyfriend was already 300 miles away due to his new job when we got together. At that point he wasn't so busy and stressed with his job but once the new contract started it has gradually become more stressful trying to keep a form of communication going as he is up early, gets back to the hotel he has to live in late and has a really bad signal there so calling or texting is hard now, when it used to be a regular thing. This has made me feel a bit insecure as I feel like he has backed off a bit, he wanted me to move down there, have his children and generally be with him, which I am still wanting to do but due to the stress of his work I have had to put all this on hold as he doesn't want to drag me into the stresses of his work but I feel like I am losing him even though he says he wants me in his life but he has to get through this hard period of his job before I can move down there and says not to worry if he can't reply to calls or texts due to bad signal and reception! Am I worrying too much!?!

Feel exactly the same...how is this coming along? X

Don't worry to much about it when the time is right and two people are ment to be together they will. I'm in a long distance relationship and we have been apart for five months and I learned not to worry cause your only ganna get sick and worrying wont bring you together and trust is the most important thing in a long distance relationship

this is what i really need to hear now... :')

We live about 3,000 miles away. Both still in high school. He had work and practice after school and the time difference messes everything up. We never talk anymore. Once in a while on weekends but rarely anymore. I find myself crying to sleep more often now missing him. How can we communicate if he's always busy. I sometimes feel like he doesn't even try to talk to me when he has free time. I always have to talk first. Does that mean something?

Hey I read about your problems with your,is he your boyfriend?Maybe you don't know either. I just thought it might be a good idea to write him a letter and tell him how you feel (make sure it's a none blame letter and that you tell him you're not trying to make him feel guilty). THat way he can read it whenever and you'll feel closer to him because it'll be like having a conversation with him (albeit one way). I wish you all the luck in the world. Let me know how it goes. HUgs Miss Jackson XXX

My boyfriend is an exchange student from Germany. He came to Texas for 10 months to learn how to speak english more fluently. The last 7 weeks he was here we started dating. Neither of us had anyintention of breaking up. We now have had a long distance relationship for two years. We have vistited each other 3 times since he left the first time. Things are extremely hard, But we believe we can makes it. We promised that after these two years we would see each other more often, But something happened with his schooling, and unfortunately he has to be in school for another year. I graduate at the end of may, and we haven't really decided how things will go, or what will happen. Ive been to Germany twice, and was thinking about moving over there, but he also wants to come to the U.S. The distance Kills us, but we love each other so much, every minute we've spent together makes it worth it! <3 both are pretty busy with school, Sports, work and family, and we manage to text over facebook everyday. With our busy lives calling each other over skype is hard, but we talk everyday we can.. I recently bought a webcam, and I hope it comes in soon, so i can see my wonderful man again. I Love you HMW! <3

My girlfriend lives 5hrs away and worse she is still schooling. So I dont get to talk nor see her for three months!!! Trust between us is what makes it easy. I believe someday we shall be together.

I've been in a relationship for 7 months with the love of my life. Problem is that I'd previously joined the Navy and will be headed to basic training (boot camp) very soon. Due to my career feild we wont be able to physcially be together for 6-8 months. She is afraid, due to past experiences with other guys, that she isn't right for me, even though Ive told her otherwise. She wants me to "keep my options open" and attempt to date others while I am away to "make sure there isnt someone better for me". I agreed to terms SHE set up. I "try to find someone better" while im gone and if I don't find anyone else she'll accept that she is the only one im happy with. This is not a test of any kind and she claims she wants to be with me too, so these terms are not something she set up to get out of the relationship. I honestly dont know what to do. I love her and actually planned on asking her to marry me after I returned but Im confused on how to handle the situation. Any comments and/or questions are greatly appreciated.

Hey I read your statement. I'm sorry that your girlfriend doesn't believe that she's the love of your life. Try telling her that she's the love of your life and try and find a way to prove it to her. Maybe you could propose to her now?I don't know the ins and outs of your relationship or anything about you but there must be a way to prove how you feel. Do you have skype will you be able to talk and see her while you're away?Maybe you could write how you feel in a letter and then she can read it when ever she has any doubts or is feeling low. You could also make her a CD or write her a poem. I'm a girl these are the things I'd appreciate. WHy do you think she doesn't believe your love for her?Was her past really that bad?Maybe it's a case of once bitten twice shy. I don't know. All the best, good luck on your quest, I'm sorr you have to leave her. All the best hugs Miss Jackson

You need to be open with her. If you want to be with her and only her tell her you dont want to date anyone else. She is only telling you to see other people because she doesnt want to feel like she is holding you back (in my opinion). You need to let her know how much you want and love and her. I think this will help. Make your relationship official so she doesnt feel like she wants anyone else!

Long distance is a very hard thing to do me and my bf started out that way then me moved in and been together ever sence but now back to long distance after he moved home close to his parents so we both can do school and build our lives we are happy and love each other but it hard building a relationship and getting close and having all the attention u need but then u loose it but it takes a strong headed person to wait for what they love so be very patient and let the guy get comfortable with u as well I'm a impatient person but he taught me that it takes time for it all and he is what I love and it worth going through it all the problems cause we are young and it will just get better in time good luck to everyone

I've just got into a ldr with a girl I've know for 8 months and we talk on the phone and write letters but I'm looking for new ideas to keep it going

I've been in an LDR for 3 years now. We lived in different states when we started dating and have never been in the same state for more than 2 weeks (hopefully that will change this summer). Anyways, you have to set aside time to do things with each other just like the article said. My bf and I talk all the time. Get skype or some other video chat device. Seeing each others faces and being able to "hang out" on skype like a "normal" couple can make all the difference. Plan dates just like you normally would. We tend to get on skype, find a movie on hulu and watch it at the same time or we'll decide on a meal and a time and cook the same meal and eat it together on skype. Things like that make you feel more connected. There are also a lot of apps out now that help. A new one called Pair just came out for LDRs. It lets you keep in touch with your partner. You can play games together like hangman and tic tac toe and even has a thing called thumbkiss where you can put you can actually "touch thumbs" through the phone. All these types of things are important but I also find that honesty and openness is huge. I tell my bf everything and he does the same. I totally trust him because he would never lie to me. Without trust and honesty any relationship is sure to fail but it is so much more important in LDRs. Sorry for going on so long and I hope all this helps a little bit :D

I just got that app after I read that post, and it is the cutest! I'm lucky because my boyfriend and I normally are able to see each other fairly frequently (as far as ldr's go).... but we go to different colleges, and around this time (finals week) we are completely on different schedules so the distance seems so much further than it actually is. But thanks for all the advice because I'm realizing that a lot of the emotions I feel when he is away are only the result of distance, and I'm sure stress.

That was amazingly helpful! Thx bunches!!! LDR 3 months now w/ 1 visit so far... Honesty, Trust, & Mutual Commitment :)

Ok I've definitely worked out which player in the relationship I am... the clingy needy one. I need to keep reading this until it has sunk into my brain and I've learned in by heart. x

Been talking with someone for two years and then we finally meet up and everything was great. Now, I want to be closer and I thought he did too, so while I am wanting to move full speed ahead, he's like lets take it slow. I don't understand because I thought we wanted the same thing. Now I find myself wanting to get closer to him and he does not seem available for that. I wanna be patient, but I don't wanna waste my time.

Two years and he wants to slow it down? Don't waste your time.

yeah so u finally get the time to meet and see each other and for you, you feel the love bursting out all over again. yes i will have to agree with him on this one, rushing things can sometimes come with problems. so maybe hes been victimised once and does not wanna get hurt or hurt u in the process, so try to understand his point of view. all da best!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm in ldr and its hard we met a friends wedding andchooked up there ...everything was going good until things began to change...long story short she wants me to move down by her for about two months to see how things go...any advice?

So i just began a LDR with my bf of 6yrs i recently moved to a different state to go to school. I have only been away from him for abt 2 months and im already going crazy. The hardest thing is that i dont know when i will be moving back. I can really relate to this article, im going through that "clingy phase" if he doesnt call or skype me im questioning our whole relationship. I just want to be able to live a healthy and normal life while im here but i keep finding myself constantly waiting for a call. But i dont want to just throw away six years of my life , just like that. Any suggestions, tips, or advice on what i can do?

Well ask him wassup nd y hasn't he been callin cause maybe he cheatin or forgot bout u cause I am in LDR and I love her sooo muchhh

I feel the exact same way as the anonymous comment above me. There are times that we go without talking and I feel lost. I love him and miss him and I too begin to doubt the relationship. I wonder if I can make it through and I start to muster up the courage to end it only to realize that I can't. I love him too much and I can't give in to the pressures brought on by the distance. It also doesn't help when I have people encouraging me to end my relationship and find someone local. And then when I start freaking out about the lack of communication, they do too and instantly tell me that he is cheating. But in reality, I know he isn't and I know how much he loves me. He plans on relocating here and we are going to get married. However, we still have almost 6 months to go before that is possible. I just hope it gets easier.

I'm in a LDR with my boyfriend bt my problem is dat l'm 5yrs older than him. We love each other so much n we try as much as possible 2 communicate daily. The age diference is givin me a great concern, bcos l knw we can't get married. He's 24 n l'm 29, l feel like endin dis whole thing. Although, we've agreed 2 b best of friends until l'm married. I feel like a fool n stupid being wit my junior. I don't know wat 2 do pls help. Should l end it or continue wit him until l'm married?

Hi Rachel, your post somewhat confuses me. Are you saying that you can't pursue a longterm relationship with your friend because you are 5 years older than him? That is not a big issue or really an issue at all. Thats so short of a age gap that no one would probably even know unless you told them. I know couples who are married with kids with the same age gap or more. Coming from someone who was once married to someone 11 years older it can work out for you two. My relationship ended not because of the age gap but ironically the immaturity on her part! but listen don't let society choose the right mate for you. Only your heart can decide that. Best of luck!

Please Rachel tell me why you can't get married to your befriend just coz he is 5 yes younger than you??

i so believe on long distance relationship. and i adore it. something really happened with me bad on this long distance relationship.. some one broke my heart.but i still believe on it.and waiting for a my type lady. i wish i will find someone. i wish to god. :)

sorry bambi you will get someone serious keep praying to God because with him every thing is possible

I really did like this article, though I like the comments more. I'm in a LDR myself and it tears me apart, though we talk on skype most days, when we don't I feel like there's a hole in me..I miss him so so much! And then I start doubting the whole relationship, thinking that he doesn't love me.. though probably he's just not very good of expressing himself.. I can't wait to have him here with me, and we only have a few months left as well..I'm just so worried, aaach!

My boyfriend and I met a couple of months ago and fell in love.All was great till he had to move(work related)to a place that's a 7hours drive from my place and it has been hell ever since.Though we communicate everyday but I still feel as lonely as ever without him and it hurts so bad that I'm considering ending the relationship and date some-one I can see everyday but the problem is that I really love my boyfriend and we were planning a future together and I don't think I can forget about him but this LDR really isn't working out for me. What should I do I'm confused...

My girlfriend and I were in a long distance relationship. I communicated with her daily, skype, emails and phone calls. Then suddenly she stated "I don't want to commit". Six months of financial and mental support and three years later it ends. I was not at least suprised, she also said that I can join her abroad and she can help me but can't be with me. In life when you meet someone who is geniune its hard if your giving and you don't get the rewards of being real. I wish her all the best. I had two weeks left to join her and she dropped the bombshell by email. Just goes to show u want some people are really like. Playing with peoples feelings, emotion and life. What goes around comes around!

Mr lee, I think you should give it a go, afterall what have u got to lose? If it doesn't work out at least you know you've tried. If you are serious about ur reationship and there is trust and communication then there is a good chance it will work out Good luck :)

Do not even think about LDR. Am stucked in one now. Not a good feeling at all. Miserable and depress everyday.

I have to say Think Positive no matter how many distance you are to a person. If you really think that person is well worth it than WAIT! try working on the relationship remember you can also be miserable living across the street. Then your always spying which may lead to trouble. Be Patient Love will come

It will work if he/she is worth it. I have a wonderful boyfriend and we live about 5 hours away from each other. When we first started dating we started things off face-paced. I knew I was moving away and was nervous what that I found myself in a unplanned relationship with an incredible man. I at first felt guilty for putting this on him but now I realize that I'm just thankful I met him before I moved away. We had just enough time before I moved to both realize we wanted to pursue a relationship and see where things go. Its very difficult but I knew this was coming. The thing is, I really love this city I moved to. It feels right but it would be all the better if my guy was here. He just came out here last weekend to visit me and when he left we both realized how much more we are in love with each other. If we lived in the same city I don't think we would have had that blunt realization of our feelings and appreciation for each other. Thank goodness something good can come from a not-so-fun situation. At some point I plan to move back towards him but this guy is worth the heartache. My advice to anyone who is in a long-distance relationship and is questioning how to handle the stresses that come with it is to ask yourself "is he/she worth it?" are they worth the extra effort to communicate. Are they worth the heartache and anxiety when you are apart? Are they worth waiting for until you can be together? If they are worth it then you will wait as long as you have to until you are reunited. It's not easy. Never for one second think it's going to be easy. But, if you are patient enough and the person is worth it, it will be a rewarding experience in the end.

I have to say I am in a long distance relationship and I actually like it, I agree you both have to be there for each other, and have to be patient. We both shared a special moments, before he moved away(it was job related) we both bonded and was was very attracted to each other. We both trust that this long distance relationship will work, because we feel that we both are worth the wait. We communicate everyday through text or calling each other. We will see each other in a couple of weeks, and I know we will both appreciate each other more.

My girlfriend and I are in a long distance relationship and we send daily emails,voice notes and of course talk on the phone and skyping is a great way to see your loved one. We love it. We have wonderful communication and always talk out any issues over the phone or Skype instead of texts or emails. It's alot easier. If you have the dedication and great trust within your loved one then anything is possible!

I recently started a long distance relationship and Its a love hate feeling...I love it because I feel like my guy is a great guy. He makes me feel awesome and we have a very exclusive relationship despite the distance..I never had that before with ppl on the same island ad me...it also gives me a chance to be less attached to him..my last breakup was terrible because I was extremely attached to the person because I was seeing dem everyday. At the same time I hate it because we only get to see each other once a month and I feel very lonely when we are apart...however, we are both determined to make it work n if push comes to shove we will move to ne together!!!

I'm about to start a long-distance relationship with my girlfriend.. Should i call it off before it starts? Any advice ?

Don't give her any reason to doubt your commitment while apart. Don't flirt with other women, and show her you're committed to her. The less stress she has about what you might be doing away from her, the easier it is for your relationship to flourish.

Think of a long distance relationship as a tripod. There's you, her and commitment. If one of you isn't there, it'll topple. You need to be willing to commit to contacting her each, and every day. Being thoughtful, and uninhibited with telling her how you feel. My bf is not giving me what I need, and I'm thinking of finishing it. There's this ache in my gut I can't shake. I know he loves me, and I'm the one for him, but is he the one for me? I'm not sure anymore. If after a few weeks, I feel isloated and alone, and talking doesn't help... What will it be like after a year, or two years together? For her sake, if you aren't trully prepared to put the work in. Spare this girl the pain and heart ache I'm feeling.

Get out while you can -- long distance is lonely and miserable, I'm still in one 10 months and I do not like it ! Only putting up with it because the last 4 months is upon us!!!!!!!

Some of the basic point and ingredient is commitment, sacrifices, communications etc.

I have finally got my dream job and i have go the most important women in my life but my job inlvolves traveling around and i only getback at weekends wht can i do to reassure her that I love her like mad any infowould be helpful

Me and my girlfriend have been in a long distance relationship because of my work as well. Skype dates are a god send and it Works wonders where a phone call can't but I've made friends with a guy at the flower shop and I send them a hand written note then have them deliver flowers with my note maybe give that a try hope this helps

This is fantastic, I wish someone had opened my eyes first to this... so then perhaps I could have suggested it to my :( but what if it had to be a secret relationship too? Because, then, I'm not usually a pessimist but it doesn't look like it's going to work. :'(

My fiance and I are separated because of my job. I moved to japan less than a month ago. It was rocky at first and I questioned if it would work. 15 hour time difference but once I got the hang of things we figured it out I sleep most of his day's but am up for the evening and nights so while i'm sleeping i get the cute messages in my inbox and while he's asleep i send the same.. it makes waking up exciting to see what he's said Skype, Yahoo Messenger (video) and Facebook all work wonders and are all free so I can see and talk to him without footing the bill. Also keeping a clock that says what time it is there helps a lot.

i'm soon gonna be in the same situation... my bf and i have been dating for 6 months and he's gonna go back to brazil... i gotta finish school first, so we won't see each other for 5 months.. at all =(. it's gonna be super hard for me, cause i really care for him... i just hope its all gonna work out.

I enjoyed reading this, i met someone over the summer and she is amasing. i hope we can go the distance. (no pun intended)

Considered, clear, and true. Really helpful. Thank you

amazing your dead on, thanks for writing this!

I really enjoyed reading this. I just met someone on line that I really like and we are sort of already discussing these types of things that you wrote on here. Sometimes I still can't believe I met someone so awesome and I will do anything to try to keep this one going, but I have so many fears because of the distance. Still, all the things you wrote on here really make sense and it seems like him and I are thinking the same way. Thanks for this post!

That's the thing, my boyfriend is so busy and I am too. He lives across the country in graduate school, and i'm an undergrad. We're both buys, especially him. But EVERY SINGLE time, I text him asking if he wants to talk on the phone for a bit, he says no, "I have to finish reading and then i'm going to bed, because I have work in the morning." He does such a poor job of setting time aside to talk to me. I feel so left in the dark, i'm willing to make it work, but I don't think he understands how I really feel. It's bad enough that we live across the country from one another and it's worse because we don't talk on the phone. What's left, texting? Texting can go to hell for all I care.

I myself am in a long distance relationship. My boyfriend and I talk on skype. I think you should try it out if you can, it might make him realize that he does want to talk to you and how much he misses your face. After my boyfriend and I started talking on skype, he wanted to talk on the phone more and i think it really made him realize how much he really missed me. Because right now he may just be trying to focus on school because focusing on you hurts (he misses you!). tell him how you feel and i would ask him about skype...good luck! :)

Glad you have the same problem..he doesnt need to talk as much as me so doesnt bother some days and so I feel i dont know whats going on in his life sometimes. meh.

I have been in a long distance relationship for some time now, your article has just reinforced what i have been doing. We are more than happy communicating everyday on Facebook, BBM, texting as well as emails. We make it a point to meet at least every two months. Am happy with our relationship. We are in different countries.

Thankyou for this article. It's harder than usual at the moment and my girl feels as far away as she actually is (thousands of miles) right now... but i need to be strong, suck it up and let it pass without moaning too much. The thing about spazzing out & getting upset if a call is missed made me laugh because it's kinda true- my bad. I know it's silly! To whoever is reading this- you're probably in LDRs, so... chin up! They're worth it all.

Thank you for this post. It is absolutely true about keeping your chin up, being strong and sucking it up. As many insecurities that a long distance relationship reveals, staying positive is what gets you through. Just thinking about the things you love about them and the moments you have shared make it worth all of the tears, efforts, and stress that a long distance relationship brings. Knowing that you get to be with them again one day, getting to rekindling those feelings, getting to know each other again, make it worth it.

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 10 months and now his moving to america for university for four years and am stuck in england. Most people think its not gonna work and we should break up...l dont know what to do l love him so much that it hurts

I'm in the same situation as you are! My boy and I have spent like 8 months together before he went back to France, while me staying in China! Although I'll leave for France in 4 months, but we've already been seperated for 4! It was really hard at the beginning. I've been crying into sleep for nearly a week! But eventually I worked it out. I was taking a 4-month course in French, which ended just yesterday. And now, I have to prepare for this TEF/TCF exam for another whole months. The point is, keeping yourself busy is really a good way to reduce the sense of loneliness. Also, we now have this habit of sending e-mails to each other everyday, except for the weekend coz that's when we chat on skype. In this way, although it can be hard sometimes without being able to touch each other, we are at least spiritually connected, and in trace of what's going on in life with each other. Another suggestion, though difficult for me coz I'm under close watch of my parents, is that try to find back your own social circle and go out and have fun as often as you can. Don't worry, coz what I believe is that if two people are truely in love, then this passion won't die off just because of the geographical distance. What's more important is not to have distance in both of yours minds!

I just finished reading this article and i found it to be very helpful. My boyfriend and I are only 200 mile apart and i miss him every minute or the day! But now i understand that we both have to work at this not just him.

being one involved in a long distance relationship, i found this article very helpful................thanks

My girlfriend and I met in Miami, she was here for an intership we felt in love. Now she went back to france. it f.. sucks. i thought about moving, i have doubts that if i move things will be different. the launguage issue, work, ect. She tells me she wants to move to Miami, after shes done with school that is sometime next year. in the mean time i plan going before the end of the year, and she tells me she will come for new years, we talk everyday, send pictures of each, postcards, skype, ect. i have high hopes it works out. email me for feedback. yamidgaray@aol.com

My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for 5 months. I told him in the beginning that I can only deal with a long distance relationship if we communicate regularly, like daily. I know that situations arise where we may skip a day of talking, but when that happens it leaves me so empty inside. I don't know if it's because I am so in love with him or just the fact of us being distant. He reassures me constantly that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and that he is working on moving to my area soon. Any suggestions on how to cope : (

Shanice, me and my boyfriend are long distance and I feel the exact same if we don't talk every day. I think that's one of the ways to combat the distance, is constant communication. I don't mean every second of every day, but once a day, even if it's by text message. My boyfriend lives on the west coast and I live in the midwest, so the two hour difference really sucks for us as well, but we're fortunate to be able to communicate due to his work situation. He works nights and I work days, so I get up earlier in order to communicate with him. The best way to cope is to have someone to talk to about it, someone you trust and someone who won't pass judgment on you. I hope you can find that outlet. Another thing you might try is communicating in different ways than just the telephone... I write letters to my boyfriend, and we email too. It makes me feel less alone when I can go to his box of letters and read one about how he misses me. I hope this helps. Best of luck.

Well my boyfriend and I have been together for 7 months now and he is in Morocco and Im in New York ! I just spend 5 weeks with him over the summer and will not see him until February. We do talk on skype every night and email each other everyday. This constant communication, helps so much! When for some reason we don't talk I feel the same way as you other ladies do too. So empty inside and OMG where is he blah blah. But really we want this to work, so we do everything possible to make it work. I can also text him and call him here and there to make it more like a normal relationship. Like I said I will be there in February for 9 days, then I will move there in June to teach English. In the mean time I work, trying to finish my masters and I hang out with my family and friends for support.

hahaha you guys dont know what a long distance relationship is.i live in america and my wife lives in the philippines.this has been going on now for nearly 4 years.we talk 2 times a week on messenger and i dont think i can deal with this much longer.she contributes nothing to the marriage.i send her approx $175.00 per month and she complains about it not being enough.im struggling here in this lousy economy.im 56 years old and nearly broke yet i send my wife money each month.she offends me constantly.i lose my temper and tell her that i dont want to go on with this but im weak and come begging back every time.i keep going back to her because i have at times been cruel to her and caused her some real grief.im not interested in bringing her here to america because i want to live in the philippines but im years away from seeing this happen.meanwhile i have made myself financially responsiblle for her.she doesnt appreciate enough what i have done for her.the philippines is a very poor country and she was nearly starving to death when i met her.this is so hard and really most of the time i feel like an idiot conducting this whole thing.who in their mind would do this???.to further complicate the situation,i built a small house there and she lives in it rent free.im living in the u.s and paying rent??.none of this makes any sense.i do care about her and would like to be with her but this is just to hard.

I know you're not asking for advice, but if I were you, bring your wife here in America. Once she's here, she can find a job that will help build both of your dream house and keep money aside for your retirement in the Philippines. I'm from the Philippines and honestly, I don't think your situation is fair. I'm guessing that she's not working in the Philippines, right? She's just waiting every month for the money that you send? Not only by bringing her over here would make your relationship strong, because of course you'll be together all the time, unlike her in the Philippines and you here in America, lots of things could happen (I'm sure you know what I'm talking about here), but also she would be able to help you financially. Unless of course if there is a reason why you don't want to bring here over.

Normal? Are you kidding me? Of cause its abnormal.but u know what? Abnormal is a sign of true love as its a sign of infatuation. thats why 1mnt is too early to start making such decisions.dnt think with ur feelings think wit ur right mind. come with or stay put true love always bests distance. Afford time the opportunity of testing your love.rash decision makers finish last.( 2348084867826) i'm out.

he wants to marry me, then he breaks up with me at least once a week. He says he cant handle the long distance relationship. He starts blaming me and saying I lie to him. Then he breaks up with me and gives me the silent treatmeant. Why does he do this to me. Im fed up with this kind of abuse.

How do you respond to this treatment? When he breaks up with you who is the first to come back to the other? It all depends on how long you have been together, how long you have been carrying on this long distance relationship etc but my guess is that he doesn't know what he wants. He believes he wants to marry you, but because of the distance he doesn't trust you completely and he is afraid of not being able to trust you if you do get married. Try to talk to him about what he values in your relationship, because you aren't going to sit around and accept this treatment because it's emotionally unhealthy for you.

The most important thing to remember is that a long distance relationship is not a substitute for the real thing. THE GOAL OF ANY LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP IS FOR EITHER ONE OR THE OTHER PARTNER TO EVENTUALLY MOVE TO WHERE THE OTHER IS LIVING ... I can't stress this enough. Even if it can't be for a year or two you MUST set this as your common goal and work towards accomplishing it. At six months, decision 'A' should be made ... at nine months action 'B' should be taken ... at 14 months decision 'C' should be acted upon; until you are both living in the same city and the relationship is no longer a long distance one. If you BOTH don't have this goal set as the cornerstone of your long distance relationship ... it will fail; I guarentee it. So don't beat around the bush and waste each other's time (but most especially your own) ... if you care about keeping the relationship going set this goal and make sure you see progress in seeing it through. Sincerely, Someone-who-knows

Have been maintaining a LDR for 4 years. I live in New York State. He lives on the West Coast. We see each other about once a season, usually for about a week. We've been waiting for our kids to get older and independent. Almost there. We formally got engaged a few weeks ago. Its been hard being apart so much, but the relationship is strong. I plan to move out to the western US in about a year, give or take. LDR's are difficult, but they can survive the time between visits and the distance if the commitment is there from both parties.

I live in New Zealand and my fiance' is in California. We have been in a LDR for 20 months, met 4 years ago in NZ at a friends dinner party. These relationships throw a myriad of challenges that a conventional relationship does not encounter. It is one thing to realize that you love a person on the other side of the world, another to decide what to do about it. The decisions can be excruciating, the waiting painful, the longing cruel etc. Then if you decide to become a married couple, who moves!! then you face immigration etc. I have come to the realization that to succeed in a LDR and commit to each other you need to have an amazing amount of resilience, dedication, trust and fortitude to last the distance. In my case, we get married in San Francisco in October and my fiance' is moving to NZ, immigration permitting. So, people, if you love then hang in there and feel free to contact me if you would like too, it helps to know what others are going through. And Gemma if you would like to contact another fellow Kiwi, my email is ferrar@clear.net.nz. Best wishes to you all

I live in Ireland and my boyfriend lives in Germany. We met at a Jamboree which was for two weeks and decided to try a LDR we have agreed to see no one else and have lasted one month apart. I am starting college and he is on a gap year so he is thinking about moving to Ireland next year to study so that we can be together. I really want this to happen but I feel guilty that he is the one moving and I am afraid of what might happen if when he moves over here what if it doesn't work What I want to know is is it normal to be worried

I got married a year ago to a Kiwi. We lived together for a year, got engaged and have lived in seperate cities in the US for two years now. Going on three. I want to finish my Phd in Phila and he is a professor at Pitt. I have been looking for jobs that would fit him in Phila and e-mail them to him, but he says that he can't because of his career. I have another three years in Phila. Don't know what to do... I am getting tired of this.

I'm Thai and live in Thailand, my boyfriend is American and now lives in the US. He was living in Thailand before and in May, he went home but now he changed his mind to live there while I'm going to school for 2 years. Before, I always was looking forward to see him in July/August but now I have to wait even longer to see him and it will be 3-4 times a year I will get to see him :( I begged him to come live here again but he still insisted to live there. We chat on Yahoo everyday and night but for me, this is not enough, I want him here so we can be together everyday. Now, being with him everyday is a wish for the next 2 years :( He is coming to see me in late September and I'm looking forwards to that time but not to the time he has to fly home. I don't really know if I can deal with being apart from him for 2 years till I graduate from university.

My bf of three years is going to be moving to Brooklyn in the next few months. It's an incredible job opportunity for him and I couldn't ask him to just pass it up. But I'm very scared, I'm a very physical person and a long distance relationship would be hard on me, but i'm desperate to make it work, I love this man, we very seriously discuss marriage and I love him so much more than anyone else. I just don't know how this is all going to work out. I've been in one long distance relationship before but it was only 3 hours difference and he would come to see me 2 or 3 times out of the month and would stay for a few days each time. With the one I'm facing now the distance would be huge from North Carolina to Brooklyn I would be extremely lucky to see him one weekend a month...I just don't know what to do, he wants me to move there with him eventually but I don't know how long that will take, he says he would marry me and i could move to him. But it all depends on if we can make it work and where we are financially, I have to finish my certificate program and he says after that I could move to him and he would support me while I found a job and worked on my bachelors....I am willing to move I am just worried that things might get in the way of our plan or eventually it may be too much and one of us will break...I'm just scared in general about this. Does anyone have any advice or similar experience?

My boyfriend of ten months left last week for the marines. I will have no contact with him for three months and after that I'll only have phone calls for four long years.

Hi, your comment really stood out to me. My boyfriend lives in the states and I live in New Zealand. It is so hard and I miss him so much. Please email me to talk g_symes@hotmail.com

you should keep your options open.thats a very long time to wait,if its meant to be you would reunite after that time.in the mean time enjoy yr life.

I have been in a LDR for about 4 months now. It is very intense. At first I didn't really fret about talking everyday and such..but one day my feelings got more serious for him. Now I go crazy if I don't talk to him every day and more than once a day in addition to texting back and forth all day..BUT..i do recognize that this is excessive and I am making active plans to tone it all down. I have noticed that now that I am the one that wants to talk so much..HE requires it less. It really is about balance. Keep yourself mentally grounded and have a life outside of the LDR so you don't become a needy person. You should compliment each other..NOT complete each other.

Hi Sharon, I totally get where you're coming from. I started my LDR in April, and same as you, very intense. I am from Canada, he is from the US. We have been very lucky so far in seeing each other. It has been almost 4 weeks since the last time i've seen him, and this is the longest. Phone calls are extrememely important to me, and if for some reason we don't talk on the phone, I go nuts...lol! Trying to work on this from my end, as you said, we should compliment each other, NOT complet each other.

I have been with my boyfriend since july 2008. He lives in Argentina. I live in the US. We were clear that he would move here, since I went to college here and down there my efforts would be worthless. He would have more chances here. But we didn't know when. Last year we thought maybe 2011. Now it's maybe 2012. I don't know what to do. I love him, which is why it is so difficult to be apart so long. He says I need to be employed for 1 year before he feels confident he can move, since he will be leaving everything and depending on me. I keep telling him he shouldn't worry so much, but he won't even listen. It's like he wants to wait for this "perfect moment" where there will be no obstacles or problems holding us back. I'm frustrated and sad, but he is firm. I'm working on saving up money, looking at condos for us, etc, and he won't even get his passport yet! Oh.. yea, he has never been to visit, I always have to go. All these articles I have read about taking a little "vacation" well we have never done that. I go there to visit, he works a lot, and we see each other whenever he has time. It sucks.

My boyfriend and i are 17 years old and before anyone gives me the "too young for love" speech i can tell you all that i am in love... anyways we're about to be seniors in high school and i am going to live across the country so that i can go to the college that i want to for a lot cheaper... we will be apart for a year which is double the time we've been together with the exception of holidays when i'll fly home and will be reunited when college comes and we go to colleges near each other.. he's given me a promise ring and i'd do anything to make this work.. so how do i?

im going into my senior year but my bf is goin off to college. Skype is a great way to stay in touch. Make sure you know when you get to see him again and look forward to it. Throw yourself into daily activities, hobbies and stuff, not to keep him off of your mind but to keep going. Time will pass. School will probably keep you busy too, which might help. surprise emails, ecards, anything personal that you can send instantly and unexpected letters or packages are great ways to feel more connected. videos and recordings are great too because it fills some of the space that seems to appear when you haven't seen him for a while. And don't let anything make you believe that LDR doesn't work ;) cause it definetely can.

I have been in a LDR with my guy forover a year now...I wanted to end it but its been hard. We have shared everything...dreams goals,everything you can think off...we actually set a date , yes crazy...but love makes us do crazy thing.I know I love him and we chat everyday. We are 5 hours apart...the hardest thing is saying bye to him...cuz he have to go sleep and it early where I am....I miss my sweetheart...wishing he comes home..

Hey, I saw your post and I had to comment. I live in Brisbane, Australia and my Fiance is from Chapel Hill, North Carolina....we are a 24 hour plane ride away. I understand how you feel but if you want to make it work you can you just need to make sure you have the same goals. Luckily we get to see each other every 3 months or so which is not bad considering the time to travel and the cost. We do it because we love each other. We get married here in December and then I will move to the States after our wedding. We have been together for almost 12 months. As long as you both have an end point in sight and one of you is willing to move you can make it. I wish you all the best!

When he leaves each time, you are both very sad. What are the best things he can do for you before he leaves to try and relieve that pain.? My lady says she doesn't even want me to visit her because when I do, and then leave, she gets extremely sad. Any advice will help. Thanks.

I totally understand what your lady is going through and why she doesn't even want to visit. I usually get intense separation anxiety when I have to leave my husband. However, once I can't see him in the airport I calm down. I think it is the anticipation of leaving that is the worst. Once you are gone, then things are okay. I also have something to look forwards to when I get back. I have activities, like the gym or groceries, that take up my mind when I come back. Good luck

I've just started one 2 months ago, we were 5 hours apart too and we chatted every day from the time we woke up till we go to bed. We tried to end it once and it make us both feeling miserable. We both are unsure about the future and yet we cant give up this relationship. Just dont know what to do....

My boyfriend and I were at school together. His roommate is my best friend and so it was great. Well now it's summer time and it we have been apart for about four and a half months. It wouldn't be that bad except that he's in Drum Corps this summer so he has almost no time to talk. I don't want to be clingy or demanding because that is really not my personality usually. However, I like him more than I have ever liked a guy and I just really miss him. He's like my best friend and I just want to talk to him but I can't. And he doesn't seem as bothered by it as I am. Probably because he is having fun and I am stuck at home working all the time with all my friends out of town. But still it sucks. Our relationship is weird because I'm not sure how serious it is. We have been dating almost six months now and neither of us have said, "I love you." Sometimes it feels we are just friends and then sometimes it feels way more serious that any relationship I have been in before. He is pretty much exactly the kind of guy I imagined myself marrying but I don't really want to think about that yet. I don't know how to tell him I want him to talk to me more without seeming too clingy. And I don't know how to figure out where our relationship is.

So, I started going out with this guy, then 2 months later he goes on a 4 month cruise. We actually split up because we thought the relationship was too new but 2 days before he went away he came around and started everything up again. At first it was fine, an email a week and I was fine with this because he told me that internet was tricky on a Cruise Ship. Only it got to be longer and longer between emails, and only one phone call in 2 months. And now it's been 2 1/2 weeks since he last contacted me. I can only assume it's over and not being able to talk to him to get an answer one way or another is killing me. Why did he get back together with me and is it really that difficult to send an email from a cruise ship? If anyone has any advice I'd love to hear it because I'm going crazy here. Last LDR for me ever!

I'm in a weird situation right now, because I had to leave my boyfriend for 2 months. Going into this I knew that it was going to be hard, but after a few weeks things just became harder. Right now we have both decided that we need to take some time to think about things and it feels like we both are upset and trying to figure it out but also considering moving on separately. But this happens almost every time we are apart, and it's always because I have to be the one to leave. I feel like I need to talk to him every day because I like sharing my life and feelings with him, but he isn't as sensitive to that as I am. I don't know how to communicate that to him without making him upset, because as long as I would pretend everything was great then we would be fine, but once I brought up any sort of complaint or concern he would become very defensive. I think part of the reason it is so hard is because we used to be together almost everyday when I was at home and going from that to not seeing each other at all has been very different and hard. This trip has changed my perspective in many ways and I feel almost as if that is pulling us further apart. I don't know how things will be when I get home, but I hope that we can still be friends because we had always been very close friends even when we weren't dating.

You sound exactly like my ex GF. She had to leave for 2-3 months, then come back, then leave again for another 2 months. But she expected the relationship to stay exactly the same, and I felt resentful because she was the one "leaving" and I was the one "staying at home." I didn't feel like she wanted the relationship - because she wasn't including me in her plans. We would talk every day but I got tired of supporting her while she was so far away, I became depressed and resentful. I did not break it off because I wanted to see what would happen, but then she asked me if I was unhappy, and told me that she would be leaving a lot more often, and that brought up a lot of feelings so I told her that I needed some time. Now she wants to be friends - best friends - but I feel like she just wants the same thing. The long friendly good conversations, but without the relationship. I want the relationship, I want the romance and fun, but that would require her to be here. All in all the distance pulled us apart - we were so close, living together and doing everything together when she was here - now the void is so big. I need to work on myself before I can even consider being friends with her. I don't know what to do because honestly I don't want a friend, I have enough friends, I wanted a partner in crime, someone I could completely trust.

what is required here is mutual trust and total believe in each other,otherwise without the two not even a genius can,because its difficult

without communication, all the trust in the world won't help.

I enlisted back in October because I was young, single and thought what the Hell.. then I met her... something about her made me want her so bad but she was in a reationship until March, I had already gotten to know her by this point and I knew she was the one. I worked so hard for this girl and finally got her in may and we are so in love words cant describe it. But my ship date in in August and its comming so fast. We both know its going to be hard but I'm sure there are a lot of guys who can relate to this. Is there anything I can do to see her more while i serve the Navy for 4 years?

Adam, My boyfriend is currently a deployed marine. we've been together for over a year, all of it long distnace or deployment. He did the same as you.. enlisted because he wasn't sure about college and he has a family history of servicemen. We hadn't met yet. Then 2 years in we met and started dating. I knew what i was getting myself into, and that is was going to be hard.. and i'd be lying if I told you it hasn't been. I haven't seen him in 7 months! Yet he still manages to call me or e-mail me or G-chat me once a week. Being long distance wasn't so hard, but it's the deployment that really sucks because communication is extremely limited. Letters and packages take months to get to him, and vise versa. Calling is limited to 30 minutes once a week, as is his internet usage. He spent 25 dollars to call me for 20 minutes one day. If she started dating you while you were in the Navy then she kinda knows it's gonna be difficult too. Just let her know what she can expect. She probably knows she's going to have to go a few days without seeing you or hearing from you. When you do get to talk to her after long periods of nothing, let her know how much you missed her! My boyfriend and I have many forms of communication Skype is one of the best for allowing us to see each other and it's free so take advantage of it. I was able to see him for 30 minutes one day after 4 months of only calls or e-mails and it made my week. Our relationship is still going strong and we are counting down the days till he's finally out of the Marines! Communication is soooo very important while your separated. I wish you the best of luck!

Adam I am in the exact same situation as you. Are you in the US or Canadian Navy?

Talk to her as much as you can. Women especially need to communicate, it's how we relieve stress, figure out problems and connect to people. Try to keep a timeline of when things will happen- when you will be able to talk and won't when you will be on leave, make plans to see eachother. It is much easier to weather the distance if you have plans set in the future to work toward. Just be really open to her and tell her if you are upset or frustrated or whatever you are feeling and why as much as you can. it is easier to deal with those things- especially across distance which can make people feel for anxious or seperated- if you both know what's going on. If you know she's the one and you and her are ready, propose to her or even marry her before you leave- commitment is really important to most women even if they deny it. Best of luck. it won't be easy but love and honesty and lots of communication can make it work. Just the fact that you are trying to figure out how to make it work shows you have comittment to her. She is lucky to have someone like you.

First of all both have to commit to this long distance relationship. Trust is very important and she will have to find a way to go on with her life so she would get desperate, crazy or sad thinking of you. When I say going on with her life I mean in a positive way, so talk about this encourage each other and above all respect.

I met my current girlfriend five weeks before she was to go to the US, initially it wasn't serious until the night before where we admitted out feelings for each other (talk about a kick in the bollocks) , so she went out and practically texted me everyday and i did the same replying even with the 5 hour time difference (i'm in europe) . it was great for two weeks then without warning she stopped replying leavng me to do the work of keeping in contact. i don't want to seem like i love sick stalker by facebooking her , emailing her and texting her so its now been a week since any communication on her end so i've gotten on with my life hoping that its just a blip and when she gets back we'll be together again . i am actually travelling out to meet her in a few weeks but without contacting her i don't know what our feelings will be when we meet up, will she still be interested in me or worst case will she not meet up with me and leace me hanging. i guess its just me being paranoid or overthinking things. thanks to anyone reading this

Holding on to a long distance relationship is very hard especially when you are 8thousand miles away from each other.He is in US and am from the Phils.And yes, we have the skype,social networks,and cell phones,we maintain the communication.We have 14 hours differences and both of us has to adjust.We have been dating for 15months and because we are both Christians,we are holding on to God that we will be together soon.It is so hard to hold on to a thousand miles away relationship.

So, I guess we just have to remind ourselves that since we love them and are planning are lives with them that the pain now is worth it, because if we get through this than the happiness we can have together is priceless.

I'm going through a similar thing, my long distance relationship started 3 days ago, I'm very young but I don't feel age should make a differnece in how I feel. but I'v been dating my boyfriend for 13 months now, and we're doing great, it's just that he's in Europe with his family and I'm in the US visiting mine, when I get back to my mom in august, he wont be there anymore, he'll be moved to the US with his family.. I said bye to him and everything and it was really hard.. but now I just wish I could see him but I know I can't. He's hardly ever online and him and his friend hang out everyday, I'm glad they do, I just wish I knew his secret to how he gets over this, because I surely can't I cry whenever I see something and then to add more cherries to it, I'm extreemly homesick. I miss my mom, if I was with here, she'd make this a whole lot easier, Can someone please help me and tell me how I can get over this feeling.

Being homesick is just a normal feeling.It's simply an emotion that can be taken away on the right time. Keep yourself busy doing something, that can at least help make you feel better.

I am right there with all of you. I live in the States he lives in Europe. We've been together only one time for two weeks. I'm hooked and miss him terribly. That was six months ago but we talk every day. Thank goodness for technology: IM, Skype but I'm finding I need more of a connection. He is so busy and often so tired at night that we don't talk very long anymore. The adjustment from hours each day to minutes every few days is becoming harder and harder. I can't help feeling neglected or anxious about whether he has changed his mind. What I have to constantly remind myself is to be loving, encouraging, supportive, and give the relationship space. It is difficult to keep reminding myself of that but it has worked so far and I feel the right thing to do despite my insecurities about the relationship. I appreciate hearing from others -- it actually makes me feel better in a way to know I'm not alone.

Quite Good And Interesting.

I am also in a long distance relationship. I moved to the US in January (im from Europe) and just got back to my home country for a few weeks. But tomorrow I'm leaving again. I'll be back in December but I'm going to miss my boyfriend so much!(again) I miss him already and I'm really getting sick because I miss him so much. Does anyone have that too? I just litterally get homesick, throw up and get really depressed. I did survive the last 5 months, but I just don't know how to survive the next 6 months. He's busy all the time while I'm home missing him. I'm so depressed :( The time difference (9 hours) makes me even more depressed. What am I supposed to do??

I'm from the US and I met my fiance at a summer work place last year--we were working in the same facility--and over half of our relationship has been through skype, because he is from Europe as well. It was about five months before I got to see him again for only three weeks, and now we are engaged, and it has been almost five months since I have seen him, but I have to wait at least three more months before he can come back to the US, when we will finally be able to get married. The point is, I know it is hard, honey, but if you stay calm and simply trust in yourself, and trust in him, you guys will be okay. Pray for strength, patience, endurance, and love, and it will all work out just perfectly. I know it is really hard to be patient while you wait for him and wait to go back to your country, but if you just take a few deep breathes and remember that separation is only temporary, you should be okay. I'll pray for you, and I hope I could help, if only a little bit. ~Eliza

im going through the same thing. I just moved to europe 3months ago and I havnt seen my boyfriend since...yes we talk on skype but sometimes I miss him so much I get angry at him. Im actually getting treated for depression. Some days I feel like Im going to go completely crazy cos I need him near me. I thought that I was alone in this, but is the entire depression normal? And what am I supposed to do to get better, does it ever get better???

I am in a long distance relationship and although it is just starting out, I want the feelings in the relationship to grow stronger. Even though I am moving, we plan to see each other over the summer, what can I do to make the visit memorable? Any suggestions?

Right now I am in a temporary long distance relationship and it is still really hard. It is so easy to get angry when he is too tired to facetime. Lately, he has just stopped emailing. We still IM and phonecall occasionally, but emails were where we could really hear about the other's day and all the things that were going on. It hasn't been a really long time, but I still don't like this angry feeling. I love him so much, and when we are together everything is how I always dreamed a relationship would be. He's my best friend, I just feel so angry at him right now because he just doesn't communicate as much anymore. I wish there was something to do about the anger, but we've had to do long distance before, and that time I used to always tell him when I was angry and it just caused huge fights and pain. So I am trying to keep this to myself and not whine to him to much, but it is hard. I want to marry this man, he is so wonderful. But having an ocean between us and 7 hours of time difference makes communication a real hardship. Anyway, I wanted to vent, and then to say that even through all my anger and sadness and lonliness, I still believe that this is going to work and be okay. This article actually really helped me understand that sometimes I am blowing things out of proportion and that I am only hurting myself when I do this. Long distance is hard, but if it is true love, we will all make it through.

I'm in the exact same situation right now: temporary long distance to the "I want to marry you" boyfriend. We only have a 3 hour time difference, but even that still makes it really hard. Between our summer work schedules and everything else crazy in life it seems the time we have to talk or skype gets erased. I love him so much, and I know he loves me but the distance makes it harder to tell I guess. I know we have the rest of our lives together, but what I really need is him with me now. What's worse is I know I will have at least two more summers ahead of us in the exact same situation and that even if I get to see him soon the same situation will just be waiting in the distance. So, I guess we just have to remind ourselves that since we love them and are planning are lives with them that the pain now is worth it, because if we get through this than the happiness we can have together is priceless.

I'm just starting a 6 month long distance relationship...I am 5 classes short of my degree but my boyfriend wants to move to Utah to finish his before I am able to get there. Any other hints? I am surviving the overwhelmingly sad feelings I have for him leaving and am trying not to be bitter that he couldn't wait for me when I will be done in December....it just is very sad.

^ months sounds better than mine....he is gonna be away for 2 yrs =/ we have been together for a year and it was the best year ive ever had. but he is now stationed in Japan for 2years and he left yesterday=(.....we still havent had any contact for a day now and im going crazy, i know i have to be patient but its hard...i have so much time on my hands now that im just sittin around the house sad......so far i keep myself busy with yoga but that still isnt enough

It'll be a year and a half since my boyfriend and I have been separated by distance, but we're always close at heart. The best thing to do, is have confidence in your relationship. Have confidence in him and in yourself that the love you have will endure. If you can get through this, you're very much ahead of couples who see each other regularly. Their challenge is minuscule compared to yours and the trust you will build can say more than theirs. There will be moments where you will be sad, and yes, be sad. Let that emotion out. I'd be concerned if I wasn't sad at some moments, but have it only last a day. After that continue your week, keep busy. That way you'll have much to tell him when you talk to him. Time will appear to go faster if you're busy. Wish you the best.

i keep a distance relationship for more than a year now, but it seems the love is fading away gradually. what can i do to revive it.

I feel the same way. After a year apart, with another year in the future, I am becoming angry and feel myself falling out of love (which I do not want to do). How can I get myself back to being happy and in love?

Just think about all the great times that you have had with your special some one and what he or she has done to show how they love you and all the special things they have done for you. Communication as well. You cannot have a relationship if you dont tell each other everything. Even if you are falling out of love it is something that needs to be brought to attention so that everything can be done to restore it

I TOTALY UNDERSTAND YOU, IVE BEEN WITH THE GUY I LOVE, FOR MORE THAN A YEAR AND HES FROM ARGENTINA & ME FROM U.S.A(California) WE ARE ALWAYS TALKING TO EACH OTHER CUZ FOR ME NOT TALKING TO MY LOVE IS LIKE HELL I NEED HIM AND SOMETIMES WE ARE JUST FIGHTING FOR NON SENSE REASONS AND I JUST DONT KNOW WHEN IMA HAVE A CHANCE TO BE WITH HIM BUT I HOPE ITS SOON CUZ IMEAN HOW CAN PEOPLE LIVE LIKE THIS KNOWING YOUR LOVE IS FAR AWAY FROM YOU NOT HAVING TO HAVE HIM THERE WHEN YOU NEED HIM AND FOR ME EVERYDAY I CRY I BEG GOD TO GIVE ME A CHANCE TO BE WITH HIM AND I HOPE ITS ONE OF THIS DAYS.

Being in the military, my wife and I are quite used to being in a long distance relationship. We're able to spend long periods of time with each other, but then we also have to endure long periods alone. She's the absolute love of my life, and there's nothing in the world I'd want other than her, so, although it's not the ideal situation, it works just fine for us. Of course we'd prefer to be together, but understanding the trust and future that we both share makes up for more than any good looking girl could somewhere in my immediate area. We make a point to call each other a couple times each day, skipe, write letters and send them in the mail, have over-the-phone movie dates every Sunday night, constantly send each other Facebook messages, and surprise each other with random gifts. It's not the easiest thing in the world, but it's not the hardest either. I love her with all my heart, and we both know we want to be together forever, so now it's just working out the details of how we're going to have fun with each other along the way and keep it interesting. Both of us put a little bit of effort forth everyday, and it works just fine. I think with most couples, the question isn't CAN it work out, but rather DO both individuals truly, deep down, want to fully commit and put a little daily effort into the relationship. Quit thinking about yourself all the time, and fine joy in thinking about what would make the other person happy...then do it! Every time you do some wonderful thing for your significant other, it's like putting money into your "love piggybank". Sure, it's possible that there will never be enough "money" in the bank to fully please the other person and continue on with the relationship, but by putting effort into the relationship, you're simply increasing your chances of success. Also, neither one of us other questions the loyalty of the other...I don't have to. If this is a problem for either one of you, find a new mate. Good luck...it CAN work!!

Well, I met my loving Fiance in Ohio. My mom has died and I moved to Ohio and I met her there. Let me tell you. This has been the hardest/best thing that's ever happened to me. I've made her cry, she's made me mad. We've argued. We've fought. But, in the end our love remained. If it didn't we wouldn't be together. Let me tell you guys, if you're finding your Long Distance Relationship hard. It's normal. It's suppose to be. Not everyone can do it. When I met my girlfriend she has never really done long distance, I had. I remember, I was going to take her to dinner, but I had to move back down to Texas. She cried, I felt empty. But, I wouldn't change how our relationship turned out. It's an amazing relationship and it's made me a better man to the date. I miss her dearly, and I can't wait to see that beautiful face, or amazing smile. Don't give up on love! Even if you've given up on relationships. It's out there. "I wasn't looking, but I stumbled onto you, must've been fate" that's how it it. That's true love. Anyway! I have to go. Hope this helped or inspired someone. Love Ty,<3

Well, honestly I went trought it twice in a year. And both times ending with break ups. Funny thing is that I was so sure about our love, strenght of the relationship and about the fact I have met Mr.Perfect I want to spend my life with, that I did not admitt such possibility at all... But I went for a clerkship for 6 months, we had a chance to meet only once in this period and as I started to face everyday problems of my new life, new culture, work stress, people etc. I started to be extremely demanding on his re-assuring he really loved me, wanted to be in contact every dayat least by email, wanted to hear that everything will be all-right, that he got frighten and broke up with me. Later I found a boyfriend in the place where I stayed. Also lasted only several months after I got back home. Crazy life.

My partner and I have a long distance relationship. Which wasn't the case until last Oct. We have been together for 5 yrs. She took a job in her hometown and to take care of elderly mother. The distance is 6,000 miles , I am in VA and she is rural NY. She is more needy, hates her new job and wants to talk all the time on the phone. I try to be patience and understanding but find that I become short and inpatience with her. Truly not sure if this distance isn't going to kill the relationship.

I've just started a relationship with someone who may be moving to the southeastern US from Arizona (where we both are at the moment). When he leaves we will be together all of 2.5-3 months. He will be working on a medical fellowship while I complete my dissertation and the PhD process (August will begin my final year). Since I'll hopefully be done by next May, I think this long distance thing can work. But I'm curious about how it could work when we have 3 month stint as the basis. Any suggestions?

ive been in a long distance relationship for almost a yr and half,the worry and stress of it all it getting to us both although its only 200 miles away from each other depression is hitting us both big time.knowing what each other are upto the rest of the day is straining us.trust is the biggest problem for us more so me hes cheated a frw times talking to women and meeting them,also these women didnt alswys live nearer him but further than me my end,he would stay with me one week then leave to stay with them,lying to me hes homeline had been cut off or hhe was working away!like a fool i got back with him,and since have got engaged to him,but still the trust is a big problem,it seems excuses are always there,for him,when it comes to us getting married and being together..what to do i dont no!I love this guy to bits..

I never really believed in or pursued long-distance relationships. Their very mechanics defies the purpose of being in a relationship: after all, what's the point of being committed to someone, if they are not actually there! That having been said, I have been so far two in long-term, self-defining (!) relationships (I'm 33). They both started normal, around the 6th year one of us had to move away. They both more or less played out the same at the end. Different time zones made communicating harder - work stress and the loss of patience that comes with age made us less willing to compromise. The similarities between both of my experiences have been quite striking - although with two very different individuals and under very different circumstances. I strongly believe that if you get yourself in a long-term relationship you have to be prepared for the fact that most of them (like 9 out of 10) end up in breakups (which can often be more painful than "conventional" breakups - as there is no real closure in getting dumped over skype or email). On the other hand, we do have to accept the fact that people are getting more and more mobile these days (and for the right reasons). So, the probability of finding yourself in a long-distance relationship is higher than, say, what it was 20 years ago. The question is what should you do if you find yourself in such a position? In my case, I just went with it. The first time, out of hope. The second time, it was partly hope and partly out of regard for the good 6 or so years we had previously spent together. Would I do it again? Well, probably not. Or rather I would avoid it as much as I could. Then again it seems people get what they avoid most - becomes kind of a pattern in my case. I started with me moving to a different country within Europe, then a partner moved to a different continent - perhaps the next one will move to a different planet for all I know! or maybe I will... :)

my name is justin, and im currently 17 and going away to college, and as you have guessed, yes, i have a girlfriend, and this is not a fling. however she did not get accepted to the college as i did...heres the kicker... im going to school in florida, shes staying up here for community for the time being to try again next year....the emotional stress is taking a toll though, and hitting her as well as me, hard with depression. i will not break up with her over this, but i need to do this in order to make a life for us, unlike most long distance, ill be back for summer, and in 4 years the hell will be over..i keep telling myself that, so why does it still hurt us soo much =(

I was in a similar place four years ago. But it was I who was leaving and my boyfriend who was staying. I had one summer with my love and we did fine. Then, I had two summers without him, and we were fine. It will be a lot of work, but if you and your girlfriend truly want to be together, and work at it, you will stay together. It hurts so much, and will hurt more than you expect. Just know that as long as you have her, you haven't lost. I wish you two the best. Four years goes by a lot faster than you think.

Over a year ago I started dating the most amazing man in the world, 7 months into our relationship he left for graduate school, 2 hours away, we get to see each other most weekends. We are planning on getting engaged soon, and married in a little over a year when he is finally done with school. I would have to say the biggest thing keeping us together is trust. I know that no matter what, he loves me more than anything. But, don't get me wrong, it is really hard to keep it up, so that it where communication comes in. Good luck, no matter how strong your relationship is.....long distance relationships SUCK! Keep the faith, keep the love and most of all, enjoy the time you are able to have together!

I may say that long distant relationships can only last if the two partners come to an agreement of their status.

a true eye opener. Kudos juststice, PH Nig.

I think it is extremely important that when you do spend your time together there is a sense of normalcy. Some of my favorite times I have spent with my boyfriend are when we are lounging around or even going to the grocery store. The relationship should grow the more time you spend with one another. We like to live by the motto of taking it "day by day". Some days are going to be harder than others, as in any relationship. Take it slow and get to know each other as much as you can with the time you have, whether it be in person or through a computer. My boyfriend brings out the best of me and makes me strive to be better, healthy growth together and apart are vital. No worthy growth can happen without the foundation of trust, respect, honesty and loyalty.

I have been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for 2 years and i completely agree with this statement :) Very well worded.

I'm preparing for this...my boyfriend of 2 years will move to dc in june, then he goes to college and a year later i go to college. it'll be easy for us to keep in contact, but it could be as many as 6 years before we meet in person again. thanks for your advice and tips, we're both determined to make this work whether it's 2 years or 6 until we see eachother again!

That sounds great. If only my fiance had seen that before she decided to break my heart and throw in the towel of not only the engagement, but also the relationship. I feel as though maybe if i had gone back with her to the states, then she would not have given in to her loved ones' pressure. I also feel as though she doesn't give me enough credit regarding my feelings towards her. Well, needless to say, ever since she sent me an electronic "dear john", I have been sleepless and without thought. thanks again. Sleepless

currently im in LDR with my 2years boyfie.for the first month,it were way too hard.we missd each othr,i thnk about him alot,n to make it worst,we couldnt skyped and mail ech othr bcuz of the bad intrnt cnnction at my place.lucklly enough,my boyfrend is matured enough to handle this.he acted really calm and alwys txtd me evry hour to show me his love.frst one year,i can trully see and feel how is the person im fallng in love with,what our next future,is he are totally in me and never leave me in whatevr condition?n to be suprised,he did so well.we wrote a mnthly love letter,monthly present and continuasly txting and calling every mnth and day.im so blessed by the god to meet this wonderful man.evn though we fight like any others regular couple.but the way he handle it imnpressed me soo much.the key is to not make a big deal about small thng.trust and enjoy every sec of your LDR.dont thnk too much about it and honest with ur self and ur partner.dear anwar,may our love will keep strike and stronger everyday.we.ll be toghter soon..patience is virtue

i am in a LDR for past 8yrs. now, and lately from past 6 months things have drastically changed. As if i no longer know him or even myself for that matter. We fight more often than not and somehow it is 'MY Mistake'. I feel tired and very low about myself.Watever i do or however i try to overcome all of it, i just keeps coming back.It never ends. I have a darkness i no longer can hold. I know he is the only guy who understands me, lovs me truly but now those sweet nothing moments are no more. He finds everything more important than me. I feel terrible for both of us. Sometimes i wish this all never started. He is very young and wants to live his bachelor life, but being older to him my situation does not allow me to give him time. He knew he wont get that time and was OK with it, but now when the time of action has come, he has started regretting all that he will miss. We are not at the same place anymore and somehow i am blamed for this. Watever he did earlier brought me confidence about him but now he has started to claim those moments as a favour to me. I dont know wat to do. I just live in a hope when we will be together everything will be blissfull although i am not very hopeful as i know things have started to end. We are just carrying the corpse our relationship around. We are 'Terrible Two'

I just ended a 3 month LDR; I am in NY and he is in London. We were set up by a mutual friend. He flew to NY for a weekend, I flew to London for 5 days and then he flew back to NY two weekends ago. We were in touch every day, at least by e-mail and skyped at least twice a week. On his last visit, I asked where it was going as it had been 3 months and I'm in my 30's and am not looking to just play. He said that we were "going with the flow" and that he enjoyed spending time with me and getting to know me better each time. I expressed my concern over LDRs that you don't see each other in "real life" as it is all vacation and long weekends. He said that if we continued, we would find a way to spend more time together. I thought it was a positive conversation, but a week later he called from London and said that he thought about it and while he thinks I'm wonderful and we have a great comfort level, he doesn't think we have a strong enough emotional connection for either of us to have to devote significant time to see each other and he doesn't want to lead me on. I am very sad and am worried that I might have pushed him too much given that we had only seen each other three times. My friends think he is not looking for something serious and it was good I figured it out now. He has great bachelor life in London, nice apartment, big group of friends and loves going out to party. For those who are in LDRs, did I push too soon or was he just not ready or I was not the one?

I, like the others on here am in a LDR with a wonderful man who happens to live in Canada and I'm in Colorado. This is a first LDR for me, it is alot harder than I thought. We've only seen each other 2x, but we talk and text at least several times a day. We care about each other so much, it seems lately things have been tougher for me- time,separation- all the things that come with a LDR. It's nice to know I'm not alone, even though I sometimes(lately actually)I feel lonely. I'm not exactly sure how to deal with everything, but thanks for posting your thoughts & feelings.

I met my bf online, but we've only seen each other twice in our 3 years we've been together. Its really hard too because I have school and can only see him in the summer, and he doesn't have a job at the moment because he is helping his family right now. The only times I ever got to see him is was for 3 weeks for my birthday and for 2 months in the summer. But the hardest part about this is that if he lived in the same country as me I KNOW I would be able to see him more, for he lives in Colorado and I live in Ontario :( It's soo hard sometimes the extreem desire I feel for him and how I wanna be with him soo bad but I cant because he is a long 24 hour drive away...that or $800 plane ticket...plus he isn't much of a planner like me, he lives for the moment but i like to plan, so I never really know wen I will get to see him next. As hard as things get though I would never leave him for anything in the world, and thanks all for everyone who puts there stories up because it makes me feel like im not alone and there are other people in the world suffering in the same way as me and understands how I feel, thanks and good luck with all your long distance relationships!

I totally agree. I am currently under a long distance relationship and it's very tough. There are a lot of bumps on the road and its driving me crazy. He became very controlling and he became very grumpy. We fight everyday and it takes more that 4 hours of fightings. Another guy came into the picture and made everything worse. It came to a point that I love them both and I really dont know who to pick. It's like Dream guy versus Mr. right for me now. I dont know what to do.

its your fault for trying two boys at the same time.it should ever happen in love. why do u have to keep an option wen u alreADY HAVE SOMEONE IN YOUR LIFE. INO DISRESPECT, but i honesly hate such people who dates two people at the same time and then asking others who to choose. very mean and very bad.

I met my boyfriend, online he lives in upstate ny. and I live in Toronto,Canada. we see each other at least twice a month. It's a little harder for him because he of his job. but it's been a a year and a half now, and I know for a fact he loves me, and he's not ready yet for marriage I know some of the reasons, so I will wait. we do everything together, I met both his parents and siblings plus friends. He talks about me to his unknown friends. It a four and a half hour drive, but i'm used to it now. He calls me after work and before bed, he spoils me very much. It's hard, but he's worth it. He treats me like a princess, and he says he's not going anywhere, and he will not break up with me.

Having an LDR is quite hard, but ofcourse if you love each other there will be no reason for both of you not to survive, its just a matter of trust and loyalty to each other..It can survive yes!!, may God Bless our relationship of my very loving hubby..

Great article. I have been in two long distance relationships - one that ended when we moved to the same city, and a year later got married. Having activities in common, trust (even if they are in the same city they can still be cheating!), and communication is all really really important. CoupledTogether.com has a great connection tool also that you can use to share things - and the blog there has fun ideas too. If you found the right person, it doesn't matter how far away they are.

My relationship is going from a 50 mile distance to a 5 hour distance next week. Thanks for the article! I am going to blog about the challenges that come with the change. Hopefully a little humor, a lot of driving, and a little patience will be the key.

My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for a year and a few months. It's hard. The most difficult thing in the world. But it's those moments you hear their voice and see them even for a couple weeks that makes it so worth it. This article inspires me to continue to work on our relationship, even if he is 5,000 miles away in the UK!

It's really and truly extreeeeemeely haaaaaaard and at times i feel like i want to shoot my brains out.I also wonder if it is worth it when i start having all these question marks running thru my head.I don't know how long i will be able to handle this until we meet for the very first time and gradually work things out to start livinving together.We met online 11 months ago and as she is currently finishing studying at the uni,we still have to hang in there until she can relocate with me.I live in Canada and she is in Spain.

i wish i sa this article earlier, it would have saved ma relationship.

i met him as he came for a 2 month job he has were i live. he seemed as a good guy to hang out with and well eventually we fell in love with each other. we would hang out and go on dates before he had to leave but then my dad thought it was pointless for us to be together if he was going to leave( he lives 2 states away) he comes every summer though. anywais he left and i was sad of corse and well we talk almost every day and have set out boundaries and trying to maintain a bf and gf relationship. its kinda hard for me because i do trust him its just that im left with that insecurity "If" he does stop loving me what would happen????he tells me he feels the same about me..which is kinda funny...but so far its good and i cant wait to see him:)

it a hard thing to do n i dont want to get myself into coz i think it just tests how much u trust ur loved one bt because i love him i m forced to b in a long distance relationship............

I started a relationship with someone who after 3 weeks of dating got an awesome job opportunity 8 hrs away. We have been together for almost a month now and are going on a vacation to see family and friends for a week and will return to her leaving for this job the very next day. Everything has happened so quickly and we have decided that this will be very hard but we don't want to regret not trying. I have asked the question in my head over and over why is this happening to me. Then i try to turn around and find the good in it. I have alot at home I need to handle and alot going on not to mention a child that i have joint custody of and if it ever comes down to wanting to move to be closer to her working that out will be a small battle but I would do it if it all becomes worth it and the relationship remains strong. It's only time right now to put in a lot of effort and a lot of understanding and a lot of FAITH, HOPE and TRUST!!! Until then..i will miss you every single day Amanda and i am in this 100% because you are worth it.

My friend lives in an assisted living place 3 hours from me. We have gotten to talking again for about 3 months. We could always talk. Because of extended family responsiblities we could not get together earlier. We had gone together for about 15 years. I really do love him but I am not sure if we will ever have anything but what we have now. I am thinking it is good. We talk two times a day. It makes the days go better for both of us.

We have been doing long distance since 2006. As in any relationship the honeymoon period was gorgeous with him flying up to visit me every two to three weeks. I have children and he doesnt, allowing him more flexibility to travel. The difficulty has always been the 'missing' one another. But with work and lots and lots of compassion, communication and patience we have managed to come to terms with it. The difficulty now is that we have both decided that we are happy in our respective locales and for a variety of reasons neither of us sees oursleves moving in the next couple of years! I am committed to staying here so that my children can finish school. He has business interests where he is and feels there isnt enough here busines and interest wise for him to move. I understand that but the difficutly for me is that now that I dont see how and when we will come together. This has had a big impact on the way we communicate or the way in which I want to communicate; I feel I want to speak only once or twice a week at the most. I would much rather speak every now and then and when he does come up enjoy the time we have together. In a way it feels as though this makes the relationship much more casual which seems to suit the circumstances of distance much better.

This story started about 28 years ago when I was 14. I met this great guy, friend of the family. He on the other hand was 21. A big no no back then and even now. We did spend time together and enjoyed every minute but because of the age difference I was off limits so we just played it safe and remained friends. Long story short, he was transferred to a far away place and to avaiod the pain of telling me he was leaving he left without saying a word. As facebook would have it we reconnected about 9 months ago and started talking on the phone A LOT. i was glad to finally find him and reconnect and man did we reconnect. It's been really wonderful but the distance makes it tough. We talk almost daily rarely missing a day and talking for hours at a time. We are older now and both well established in out cities. We try not to pressure each other about the future and take it one day at a time. I believe if we are meant to be together we will know when that time comes. I am a stable female who supports a child and he is a successful male who has multiple jobs and a home just like i do. Is it easy, no, but it's doable for now. He provides for me when we are together and I do travel to his city as well as he does to mine. He pays for gas and everything I need when i'm there which is very different from the men I've dated it that past so I appreciate him and respect him for that because I don't feel as if he's using me until something better comes along. We are very committed to each other and I believe we will get to be together soon. Time will tell but long distance relationships can work if you trust one another and have similar goals for the future. Women need to be independent and not insecure. That plays a big part in this. If you know he loves you don't doubt him TRUST him.. Insecurity alone can ruin the love that you share. i'm keeping what I have and I'll be patient. Only time will tell. Feel the fear and do it anyway.. :c)

I found that writing poetry was an eminent way of release the emotional weight that is so often seen in long-distance relationships. You need to express yourself when there's a psysical space between you two - reach out! I became a poet and found inspiration when I first got into my long-distance relationship. I never wrote poetry before in my life.

thanks..... I met this really great guy when i was staying at my cousins house and he is my Mr. Perfect lol

I have been alittle stressed about my relationship. I meet my boyfriend in a semester away program in LA. We dated for 6 weeks and decided to have a long distance relationship when I move back to boston. It was great the first couple of months but now my boyfriend cannot afford to see me. He is also not working and looking for a summer job. We haven't seen eachother since March 29 but we do talk daily. I am just upset lately because I feel like eventhough he is broke, he is not keeping up his part of the bargain. I went down to LA in March so he was suppose to be here in June. I am going to visit him in August but I feel like 2 trips in a row on my part is not fair. To make matters worst, my mom feels like since he came to Boston in Jan and I came to LA in March he sohuld be coming here next. Am I being selfish and should just see my boyfriend if I have the money or should I wait for him to come to boston?

I'm going through the same thing now with my girlfriend. She doesn't make enough $ and does not have the vacation time to see me. I have the means so I go see her as much as I can. If you think your boyfriend would go see you if he was able, you need to bite the bullet and go see him 2, 3, 4 times in a row. I know its not technically "fair" but if you're both in love and this is merely a temporary money issue its not worth putting the relationship in jeopardy just to prove a point. Some things are more important.

The hardest part of moving away to be with someone is that you leave your life and friends behind you and it can be kind of lonely when you get there. I was married to someone for 10 years that I met online. Now I've been with someone I met face to face for four years. The face to face is more real. Life isn't perfect. Sometimes there are problems with jobs and life in general but we both face them together. Head on. I beleive that I kidded myself about my first husband and who he really was....And I wasn't the best person I could be either. Now at least I can say that I work on myself everyday and I am a better person. I don't expect my partner to magically make me into a saint. Now he is working 300 miles away in another town and I see him once a month. But I continue to work on myself and gradually I have become easier to live with and more tolerant of other people and less controlling. It's not easy but I face myself in the mirror every morning...for better or worse. I guess that the problem with long distance relationships are that you have a tendancy to build the other person into what you want them to be in your mind.....not who they really are. Now I have a much more realistic outlook of who I'm with. I don't try to make him into something he's not.(well I did at first) But now I know the only person I can change is me. And I'm changing for the better everyday...I can actually track my progress. I just lost 20 lbs. I ride my bike, I swim, I walk my dog, I go to meetings for support. I live a simple uncluttered life. I am making friends easily and effortlessly. Life is good.

Katherine- you should do what your heart tells you to do..If he feels the same way then there is no reason not to give it a shot.You don't want to spend your whole life wondering "what if" I am close to y'alls age too.And i went through the same thing.And i can say we are so happy together and can't wait til we are married.

Writer 155 I loved your advice. It's so true that we we're young we love so easily that sometime we forget to follow our head as well. Katherine in Florida - you are so young. Don't let your entire life be caught up in a boy hundreds of miles away. Why not live your life try dating guys closer to you and stay friends with Mr. New York. If your paths ever cross again in the future than you can pursue a relationship. Have fun - you're so young to be so committed. Best of luck Ann

Writer 154.....I am 75 and divorced...been there done that. My suggestion is first examine your head...then your heart.... ask yourself what do I want to do...then ask your friend what does he want to do regarding the current relationship as it stands...how you feel (heart) might be important but it might be frightening to him. If the answers or positions are incompatible then try compromise; if that does not work. ask your heart how it feels, is it all torn apart....afterall you have had a long time in this budding affair. If your friend does not meet you halfway then you need to come to grips with whether continuing this onsided affair is beneficial, is it in your longterm best interest...then make a decision. Believe me if the decision is not really what you want (heart) but is best for your longterm growth...you will get over it ...in time..trust me. Best of Luck...sometimes decisions affecting ones life is not easy...not easy at all.

This Guy and I dated in the 7th grade and then 3 months later he moved to New york. We didnt have any contact until the 8th grade when he wrote me a letter. This Back and forth love letters across the miles went on for 31/2 years. We then started talking on the computer and he felt that the relationship wasnt working because we were far and he believes that relationships should be personal at the time and moment. So we were friends talking here and there for until the time today, we are both now 19 going on 20. I talked to him and told him how I felt about him. I know he feels the same way about me but he still feels that relationships should be personal at the time. We both would like to see each other again but we dont know when or how that will happen. this is 7 years worth of love. What should I do?? let him go or follow him??

the funny thing is that you can not even know if your Long Distance Loveer is REAL or not. or how to be 100% sure that he/she is real ?

we have met in India, both foreigners, he is from Europe, I am from USA. First we called each other every day twice! He was even very emotional about missing me over the phone, then he started getting irritated when I would expect his calls and he would begin "skipping" a day or two. I explained how I felt about it, I was just missing him so much, gotten used to our frequent communication. Now it seams like he still loves me but needs his own terms on when to call me. I am backing off, I am taking a break from this torture but still in love with him. We first had plans to visit each other, and now he is asking me to "go with a flow" ... I am slowly drifting away with a flow of emptiness in my heart. No more e-mails, no more calls from me. I am going to let him pursue me. Hopefully we can be happy together one day, but for now it is only a dream. I have left alone all my worries, my expectations, my curiosity (what is he doing, is he faithful to me kind of thoughts) I trust him, I believe in him. Whatever happens in the future we can't know, but in this present moment it feels very heavy, hard but I am holding on, just growing strong in my patience and keeping myself busy as much as possible. Wishing all who is going through LDR to treasure your precious moments together, not to expect anything from each other. No one owes you NOTHING! Give your beloved your love as a gift and do not expect anything in return.

So after reading MissingHim's comment, i have a little more hope. My guy and I started conversing in December and now we are moving toward exclusive relationship status and marriage...we went to college together...have kept in contact, but were never in a relationship. Now we are getting to know each other as mature adults and over the miles, for me, it gets difficult because he is a face-to-face person and I am a greeting card, text message, love letter, late-night phone person. I believe we can work if we put in the work. I just need encouragement from others in long-distance relationships or who have been in long distance relationships and succeeded.

I am having a LDR, with my ex-boyfriend from 14 years ago. I found him on Facebook and we have been talking 3-4 or more times a day by phone, email, text, Skype. We had a great relationship when we were together the first time, although we were young (20 & 22), and moving in different directions. He got scared and we broke up. I since moved to a different city not far from home, but he now has moved to a whole new state. After both of us had cruddy relationships, we are at the same place, wanting to settle down and be married. We are having the best relationship now, because all we can do is take things slow and really get to know each other. I have never had a relationship like this. We are now talking of me moving to where he lives and talking marriage, a home together, and possibly starting a family. I believe LDR's can be the best thing for a relationship, because you have to really talk and listen to each other, which doesn't always happen when you can see each other all the time. Other things get in the way and you don't get to know them. I can't wait to see my new love and start a new life together!!! IT CAN WORK!!!

I am in a long distance relationship with an amazing guy in Florida. I live in Texas. We met online and ever since the first time we spoke I knew that he would change my life… in a good way….I knew that he was “The One.” He is my kochav -- star in the night sky. I refer to him as My King because I honor him everyday. He also honors me. We respect and trust each other. We keep communication going. He has made it VERY clear that he wants to marry me and start a family with me. I am so proud of him…everyday.

I think LDR works, I met my boyfriend in London, we are both foreigners. I met him one day before i travel back and the chemistry was there, Love at first sight... We have been calling each other since we met 1 year ago till now, everysingle day, thanks to Skype and thanks to Ryan air, there are cheap tickets to London, we are so inlove when we are together. Everytime we have to meet, it is like forever to wait, and when we are together, time flies away... We really had good time, the sad thing again is parting time.. LDR is tough, i mean it.. Loneliness in front of skype is torture, I can feel we both miss each other, but I am ready to fight for true love, 10 months more I will be finished with my schooling and we will soon be together.. Better wait, than losing a real, absence makes heart grow fonder.. I still have the butterfly in my stomach.. Looking forward to see him again next month :)

if its possible to work,we both want it too but its really hard.maybe only time will tell,until then just have to enjoy each others company via the internet.... armpit

I met my bf in Greece on a trip. He lives in the US and I live in Canada. We make it work with webcam at the very least once a week and try to plan trips every 2-3 months. What keeps us going is knowing we are making plans to make the move (I will move since his job does not allow him to). Having an end to plan towards helps in more ways than one could imagine.

This article is amazing. For almost two years I've never thought to search for an answer online. The situation I'm in is drastic though, and it seems it's only on my side. I am talking to a girl, and we both care deeply for each other, but she lives in Vancouver and I in New York. I always feel like one day I'll lose her. We are not technically together, but we talk almost every day, and we've grown to be very attached. I met her while she was visiting NY two summers ago... it was so long ago and feels like yesterday, and sometimes it's so hard to just deal with things without wanting her around. She wants to move to NY badly, but legal restrictions are preventing her as a foreigner, which makes things worse for us. It is at the point where she already feels that it would be impossible for us to be together, and that crushes me sometimes. It's almost just a matter of time... but if I read this before, maybe perhaps it would've helped me out more...

im moving away for college oceans away from my bf.We have been together for over 1.5 yrs now and are a very committed minded couple.This will go on for almost 3yrs and js thinking about it is making my mind boggle. I love him so much and i donno how will i handle not being able to see him every day.But reading all the posts really helped,i believe we'll be one of the couple who will get out of LDR with a happy ending.I am trying very hard to stay positive and he has been VERY understanding and matured about the whole idea,we also have future plans. I think doing all the homework before will help ..i js need every one's best wishes now!!

I've been into a long distance relationship too back in 98. Half world apart. Calls between US to Philippines was 40 cents per minute and it lasted 2.5 years. Airfare is almost than $1,000 two way. Now we have VoIP and it is much much cheaper like 12c per minute (from Onesuite.com) from US to Philippines and Philippines to US is just 2.5c. Now if we only have VoIP before maybe, just maybe our relationship never had to end.

met this wonderful guy thru a chatroom...we've been enjoying each others company thru emails and msn,but big distance problems..one lives in europe the other in usa.dont know if its possible to work,we both want it too but its really hard.maybe only time will tell,until then just have to enjoy each others company via the internet....

Hey everyone. This is a toughie. I live in a town that is 5000miles away from my boyfriends. Last year, after 5 months of doing a long-term r'ship, I eventually moved the 5000 miles to my boyfriends town. I dreadfully missed my friends, my family, my old lifestyle - and my bf wasn't willing to compromise on living anywhere else, so I decided to move away. I've only been gone a month but I miss him terribly! I feel like going back, but then I think the same problems will arise (missing my old life)... and if he is unwilling to negotiate, what does that mean? We still love each other and talk all the time and believe one day we'll be together. Just find it a shame that I have to do all the sacrificing!

DISTANCE DOES NOT MATTER IF TWO HEARTS ARE LOYAL TO EACH OTHER. HE'S IN BRAZIL AND I'M IN CANADA (FILIPINA). I WAS IN RJ, BRAZIL 6 MONTH AGO. WE TALK EVERYDAY AND TEXT MESSAGE EACH OTHER. WE HAD BEEN IN LDR FOR A YEAR AND HALF. WE BUILD OUR RELATIONSHIP BASE IN TRUST. A COUPLE WHO ENTERED A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP MUST AGREE THAT THEY ARE IN COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP. NO MATTER HOW LATE AT NIGHT MY FIANCE TEXT MESSAGE ME TO LET ME KNOW THAT HE'S OK AND WANT TO TALK BEFORE HE GOES TO BED. HE TELLS ME EVERYTHING. EVERY SINGLE THINGS HE DO IN DAY TO DAY BASIS HE SHARED IT WITH ME, AND SO AM I. WE KNEW THAT WE LIVES THOUSANDS MILES AWAY FROM EACH OTHER, BUT THE FEELINGS IN OUR HEARTS WILL NEVER CHANGE. TRUST, RESPECT, LOYALTY, LOVE ETC. ARE THE KEYS TO MAKE LDR. WORK. AND COMMUNICATION OF COURSE. MY FIANCEE IS COMING HERE IN CANADA SOON. IT'S JUST A MATTER OF TIME WE WILL BE TOGETHER.

thanks ver helpful it makes me worry less but it is difficlut especially when u truly love that person

For the past 2 yrs we have been living far apart, me in the other end of the world he's at UAE..A workign mum, studying and with one child is no joke! We meet once in every 5mths or half a year and most of the time we chat via SKYPE or MSN and to be truthful..its really challenging.. Lots of ups and downs, jealousy, unnecessary arguments and it hurt both parties deeply.. He's still in UAE and i'm in my own county...i just hope he would come back to us and not work there anymore..coz money can't buy LOVE..

What about the challenges faced by married couples being geographically separated?

These are tremendously helpful tips. I've been in a long distance relationship for 5 months now. I've flown to see this love of my life just about every month since we first met. Initially my feeling was I would move to his home town to be with him (bringing along my 4 children. He has 2 children of his own). I was ready to jump right into it but that changed after the first time we spent time together with my children in tow. We realized some of the challenges we faced and decided it would be best to wait out a school year before making any final decisions about taking our relationship to the next level. He has informally asked me a number of times to marry him and of course I've said yes; however, the issue of a move for one of us is imminent. My moving to his home town would mean splitting up my children (leaving an older one behind and taking my 3 younger ones with me). It would also mean separating my children from their father (or vice versa if my love should ever decide to come to my home town which is highly unlikely). Long distance relationships present it's own set of challenges; however, happy endings can still result. That's the desire of my heart....

he's in japan and im here in the philippines... almost four years now of our distant relationship, but still not used to our situation...we get to be together for a month every year and it's really hard, esp. everytime he flies back to japan, it's like a month of agony and undrying tears. I still miss him though we talked everyday. I seem selfish since i had to demand time from him just to communicate with me, and im guilty. He thinks i don't trust him, but it's not my point. i just miss him. but we're planning to wed next year. hope everything goes well with us.

I'm into year two of a relationship with someone 1,500 miles away and it is the best, healthiest relationship I have ever been in. We plan to live in the same town in another six months, so now we're on the downhill slope! It's been 100% worth it.

I was with a guy for five months before an unexpected moved forced us apart, its been three months away, and i still have another eight. It hasnt got any easier, it hurts more everyday. But Im lucky enough to see him every weekend, it feels like a dream. It is possiable to do, and it works, because he just asked me to MARRY HIM!!!! Hang in there everyone you will be togather in no time!!!!!!

im going on my one year. we started out together for nine months had rocky moments..but were still here and are willing to work for eachother. ive been away from him for three months..i have to be away from him for another five. i visited him september 18th. and it was magic. we talk everyday, and i trust him. as well he trusts me. the wait is killer. and the non physical contact is the worst. not being able to see his smile or hold his hand. its tough. but worth ever minute. i just know now to cherish togetherness more than i did back when i thought it would always be around. this helped, i know we can do it. hes my everything(:

This article is eight years old, I am not Jewish, and I ran across it unexepectedly - but this is my life. Very, very truthful and helpful advice. I am going to share this with my loved one, who I am sure will agree. Awesome. Thank you for the insight. I've been suffering through this (strong language but that's how I've felt) and I have not been able to adequately explain my feelings to him or to others. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

My boyfriend and I met in Israel but we both live in the states, me in NJ and him in Ohio. We've spent the past 19 months flying back and forth to our respected cities, meeting family, friends and having an amazing time, we've developed a very loving relationship over the time, but its so hard, life changes so often and we have both missed out on a lot of important times couples should be together for... and whats even harder is who should move where, and when. Although we've been able to handle the distance, it's been a long road but we're never bored and there's nothing i regret from it :)

just started this LDR thing. shes in ottawa and im in toronto. weve been together for 2 years and she left 3 weeks ago. it feels good knowing that these things work, and if we were meant to be, than theres nothing to worry about.

I am in that situation for one and a half year. My boyfriend and I were dating in the States for over 1 year, than I had to move to Brazil, where I am still. He came to visit me about 6 times since I got here. And we just got married!!! In about 6 months, please G-d I will be back to States. This is an exemplo that w/ true love and trust, a long distance relationship is possible.

I am in the midst of surviving a 9-month long separation from my love. 15 days into it, and I already have nay-sayers. Reading your comments gives me hope and reassurance that we can do this. Thanks!

me and my boyfriend have been together for awhile, we've known eachother for about two years and we've had bumps but now we're really in this and well a few weeks ago he had to move to wyoming for a job, while im stuck in Tennessee. but hes making really realllly good money, and i think if we can get through this then we can get through anything. so i wont give up because it will all be worth it in the end... after reading these stories i think i can really do this =]

I would just like to say that this seriously creeped me out. Because my boyfriend lives in Biloxi.

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 1 year. 10 of those months were normal. We saw each other every single day literally. Then he had to go to military school. He now lives 8 hours away :'(. Its hard. But I wasn't appreciative of the time I had with him before. I visited him this weekend for the first time in 2 months. (it was a special event in his school) Omg though it was the best thing. I'm really paranoid and before that weekend I had not talked to him in 3 weeks so I was really thinking that he forgot about me and didn't love me anymore. But wow was I wrong! I don't think I've ever had so many butterflies in my stomach :) my advice for everyone would definitely be to stay strong because even if it doesn't feel like it now, your relationship will be so much better and stronger at the end because you have both proven that you have what it takes to stay together no matter what. And I know there are some days you just feel like breaking down and just giving up(i've had lots of those days), but pick yourself back up and stay strong because life goes on. Appreciate the time you have together or the phone calls or email. Time does not stop ticking ever and if you guys are meant to be then everything will work out.

I have met someone that I feel G-D has brought into my life, It is a long distance relationship that deserves the chance to survive. My affirmation is our feelings can and will go the distance. know and believe this Robert it will.

Me and my girlfriend went out for maybe 3 months and then she moved to brasil. (im in the states). So weve been talking and its been 2 years since. She is not able to move back untill her college is done and she can barely visit. And were basically stuck for the moment.

am goin thru one right now and wat really helps is that we started out in the same place and then she moved about 600 km away to complete her education. we talk about the dates we hav been on so far and plan to relive them again. we both maintain diaries which we share with each other when we meet and keep in contact with each other thru sms and phone calls. pls remember that a LDR can produce superb or disastrous results. if you can survive through it then the bond between the 2 of u is much stronger than a normal couple and if it dosent work out then you will feel as if you have died inside. stay positive and never let go. be strong and remember that he/she always luvs u. do not fall victim to doubt or be possesive. best of luck to all of you

i kinda laughed at myself reading this i am so going through it especially the omg he didnt call me parts like i feel as if he doesnt care anymore or i am losing him i am definatly the one that needs a constant update and it causes alot of anxiety if i didnt hear from him really sucks but then he is the one with the anxiety if he knows ive gone out or was with a guy friend the article gave me hope that it will work out and i am not alone in how i feel just need to keep faith in the fact if u love one another u love them for a reason and are holding on through the difficult seperation for a reason if u hadnt had love u wouldnt be able to hold on thanks for helping me have a lil more strength to keep it goin

Ive been going out with my boyfriend now for 13 month and i have loved every minute of it! At first we used to see alot of each other, we would both catch the train to see each other and vise versa.I get sooo excited when i go down to see him, i have never had this feeling before. However, the last 4 months have been difficults because he got a new job which he then became full time which is fgood or he wouldnt be able to pay for his car, insurance etc. I am currently still at college going into my second year and that is also full time. i have just got a part time job so through the week i am at college, and at weekends i am at work trying to save up money. With him having a full time job and me at college and at work, we do not see each other! and we cant possibly see eahc other witout quiting our jobs! We ring each other everyday and i get so excited just to hear his voice, i really do love him to bits, but its getting too hard and i cant cope anymore ! I love him soo much and just want to see him! What solutions do i have ? Help please

I went to school with my boyfriend 19 years ago and I found him online and we hit it off right from the start we both enjoy the same things and I am crazy about him, the sad part is he lives 950 miles away from me. We have been doing a long distance relationship for 7 months now and weve had our ups and downs just like any relationship. He doesnt want to move were he is so I am the one that is going to move. I am scared...would like to know some opinions on what to do. The economy is not helping either because I want to ba able to get a job before I move down there!!! Ugh Help but everyday gets harder and harder without him

Thanks for the article. I like a guy who lives in another state and it's 6 hours driving. We call each other and write e-mails. Sometimes he is really busy and there are days without receiving an e-mail or a phone call from him. I got upset and worried too when I didn't hear from him. Sometimes I even cried because I would start thinking that he might have forgotten me and stopped liking me. I thought about his every word and if it may mean he likes me more or less. Like never before, now I will try to enjoy every moment of my life and live the present. True love lasts forever and if G-d planned to put the seeds of love into our hearts, it will grow and never stop growing and nothing can be destroyed what G-d has joined.

Thanks to everyone who commented on this article and for the article itself, it really made me believe that I can work through the difficulties and have a successful LDR. I am 17, my boyfriend is 18. We've been going out for 4 months before he had to move to America for university. Now we live miles and miles apart, a visit to see him would take 12 hours on a plane. When we decided initially to have a LDR, we expected it to be hard, but we were hopeful. A month later, my doubts began to creep in and I kept questioning if it was worth it through suffer through the nights of worrying, thinking he might hook up with another girl, thinking he might grow more and more distant. We hit a rough patch a month in and we had to reevaluate our relationship. We both love each other and I do believe that one day, we will get married, and I'm happy to say, we sorted it out. Each day is tough and I'm learning to stay positive in the present and not think about the past and the future. I won't be seeing my boyfriend for another 6 months until he visits, and I really do believe that we can make it until we can be together fully again, whether it be another 4 or 5 years because we love each other. Thank you for this article.

Pretty good points. Just make sure you keep the line of communication open and call every now and then. Long distance relationships doesn't need to be costly - http://blog.onesuite.com/?p=254 If you have a webcam then use it as much as possible, it will help fighting the loneliness. Good thing we have internet now, just think about a couple of decades ago when long distance calls re darn expensive and mails will take a week to arrive.

I Been In A Long Distance Relationship For 4years And Now We About Get Married Tomorrow'.

Dear "Suffer" If you love her and want to marry her, why does she have to be the one that moves... you move... or do you not love her as much as you say.

My boyfriend and I met in an online game. We live in different countries. When we got into this relationship, we both know that it's gonna be long distance since we both aren't yet financially ready to relocate. We built this relationship far away from each other but I did get to visit him for 8 days after one month. It was great and wonderful, we were still ecstatic about the whole idea of being in love. My next visit was 6 months after, and during that time, we both were more comfortable with each other already. After I got back though, I noticed changes from him. He used to cannot let a day pass without calling me or chatting with me. This time though, he got so busy with work and his friends and he was always out. Our phonecalls were shorter and most of the time when I call him, he's always about to go and can't talk. I felt so neglected and so not special. I tried my best to understand this phase in our relationship but no matter how hard I do, I couldn't help feeling forgotten and taken for granted. He knows I wanna talk more but he just can't find the enthusiasm to do so. He said he hates the fact that that was all there is to it in chat. He told me to get on with my life, enjoy with friends, while we wait for 4 months when he's coming over my place. I trust him and he trusts me. I just do not understand the sudden shift in how he communicates with me right now but I am working on it. He still calls me and goes online but not as often. This article really opened my mind that it is just normal. So thank you author Liba Pearson, you helped soothe my heart a lot. Romance will have its own phases. Good luck to us having LDR. Only us can truly relate to how damn hard our relationships are.

I have recently been thrown into a long distance relationship after being with my girlfriend for 10 months. She has only been gone for a little less than a month but i feel like im going insane everyday! Ive never felt like this before, it is as if I have lost my mind and I feel like no one else understands. It is comforting to read some of these comments along with the tips, to know that this is ok, and i just need to think positive. However, thats the problem, i cant think positive. I have to alway be thinking of everything negative that "might" happen- maybe she will find someone else, maybe she will start enjoying being single all over again, maybe she will like where she is and choose never to come home, maybe she will just all together loose love in me. Now unlike many of you she is only gone for another two months hopefully, but since i am new at this i cant seem to wrap my mind around this. This is tearing me apart. Do you have any suggestions to help me think positive and get through this???

i have been in a long distance relationship for 23months and i think it totally sucks cos its been really hard on me . We haven’t seen each other in 11months just cos of school, work and the cost to travel around (he lives and go to school in London and i live in the united state). Sometimes i just feel disconnected from him and the relationship because i don’t really have any moment to hang onto from the last time we met. He just seems to busy and i had to be the one that went "looking for him kind of" he only took me out on a date a day be for my flight back to the United States (all in the name of his work and school he was just way too busy for himself). I just don’t know what to do its just too hard and I don’t want to be the clingy one I was already named to be cos I am a kind of person that wants some there close to my heart to always be there for me at all time. But that is just not the case for me here I just feel like I am all alone in this relationship and the one that is always complaining just cos I am trying to make sure I can give my whole heart to him without him tossing it around or smashing. But all l am doing (is just trying to hang on to a lil portion of me incase something bad happens to the relationship). It’s sad that he doesn’t see that because I find it harder and harder to explain or tell him how I really feel about him. I am not able to cos he doesn’t pay attention to that extent to get to that in our conversations and we never really talk about when or how he would come over here or I would go over there. This type of conversation only happens whenever I bring that up and we never ever get to a conclusion of what we would do together to better our relationships. Even though it’s a long distance relationship, It just seems like I want a lot more from our relationships than I love you I miss you and I would marry you or I want to be with you. I mean we put our relationship in its rightful place the distance wont have to be a problem all the time. and most of the time when I make him mad or he mad me mad HE NEVER CALL ME or EMAIL ME . He doesn’t even contact me at all nothing I am just always there on my own hoping that he calla which in the process I always end up being the to call him. To me that like of attitude coming from him means YEAH YEAH YEAH SHE WOULD CALL ME WHEN SHE IS READY TO TALK. And that hurts me a lot cos I always want to communicate with him no matter what and that just assures me that everything would be fine despite the distance. I mean he his almost we both would be 23years old this year and we both know what we want for and in our lives cos we are not kids anymore. ( AND ONE THING I WOULD HAVE LOVED HIM TO BE HONEST ABOUT IS FOR HIM TO TELL ME ITS OVER WHEN HE THINKS HE IS DONE THAN FOR ME TO GET HURT FOR A LONG TIME FOR NOTHING. Seriously I just don’t know what but all I am doing is waiting for the next time me meet again face to face.

I have been in a LDR for 5 years. It started off long for the first 3 years, then was one year of living in the same city, then was one more year of LD. Fortunately the deal saver has been that we've only lived 120 miles apart this whole time. However it has still been extremely difficult. LIke any good relationship trust is the foundation for success, and we both know that we can trust eachother, so that has probably been the catalyst for remaining together. However, neither of us wants to live in the others city. After one year of being at a different school, plans have changed and she wants to go to a different school in the same city. I don't like that idea and in fact resent it that she won't consider coming back home. I want her to move back down to her hometown nearer to me and live down here so that we can have a normal relationship and start a life together. I want to marry this girl but by staying so far away she is making it so hard on me. I don't want to give an ultimatum but I also don't think I can handle two more years of long-distance. Maybe I should have ended this thing long ago and I am just a sucker but love can be the worst thing ever when coupled with distance over a long period of time.

Enjoyed the article. I've been in LDR for 2yrs now & the distance has gotten easier..which may be a problem. At first I missed him a lot since I am a relationship type, while he wasn't even looking for a relationship. We see wach other every 4-6 wks but the visits last about 4-6days. Financially he can not provide for me & my kids & I refuse to take care of a grown man. He also helps his mother with his handicapped brother. I want to be with him and I KNOW we can have the best life together but sometimes I feel like letting it go because even he doesn't have a plan in place as to when we will be together under one roof.

I was living in Toronto, Canada with dual British and Canadian citizenship. She was living in Hong Kong with two kids, American citizenship with permanent Hong Kong residency. We now live in Atlanta, GA. Just do it.

Great article! In every relationship we have to speak about the things that we need (well, once we know what they are) and make sure that our partner is listening. Yes, long distance relationships may seem different, but that doesn't mean they aren't "normal". I was in a LDR for 2 years and we now live happily together. the blog at www.coupledtogether.com has great ideas and advice for couples doing long distance.

I meet this amazing man. Our first date was 6hrs long and would have gone longer if I hadn't had to go get my kids from their dad's house. After that day we spent every single day together and each date was amazing. then a couple of weeks later he had to go back home. He lives in another state on the other side of the country. And I live in the midwest. I know he's been talking about moving back here, and even tried to get a job while here. We decided before he left that we would see where this thing with us goes. The time apart has been hard on me, He really is the man I have been dreaming of finding, and a whole lot more. We have been sending text messages to each other and calling. I find myself having to restrain myself so that I don't smoother him. Your tips are helpful thanks:)

Thanks for the advice, me and my boyfriend have only been together 3 mon. and he has to go back to Alaska for 4 mon. to work. 4 mon. seems long but i think once i get used to him being gone it will go by pretty fast. The only thing im scared of is he wants to go back to school next year at UAF and Im not sure we can survive 4yrs. apart. Anyways i now have a lot to think about, your advice has helped, Thanks!

One of the trickiest things i find is anticipating our next meeting. By the time months have passed and you see one another again you are all worked up. I tend to analyse everything i do and say around my partner and then when we part again these things play on my mind!

Thankyou so much for your advice. My boyfriend had been together for 5 years when I chose to go and study in Germany for 10 months. We're 7 months down now and 3 to go, and it hasn't been easy, but we've managed it somehow. All your advice is 100% good. I'd just like to add a couple more hints: Skype and webcams: it's a great (and cheap) way of keeping in touch. Sadly it relies on both people having internet access, but if you can make it work, then you definitely should! Webcams can sometimes also be quite painful though. I would say limit how frequently you use them. They tend to give the impression that your loved one is so close until you hang up and you realise how very far away they are. Loveletters: You should definitely try to get into the art of writing loveletters. Yep, that includes spraying a bit of perfume on to the page, drawing silly lovehearts and planting a lipstick kiss on the envelope. All these things help. Be informative: One of the most important things I would say is that each person informs the other about their daily routine and any new people they meet so that each person still feels a part of the other one's life. Goals: When the distance period is over, make sure you both share your ideas about what will happen at that point. Will you then be ready to make a serious commitment to each other? Will you then move in together? Having shared goals and things to look forward to really helps time pass by, and strengthens your relationship. Best of luck everyone, you can do it!

My wife took this temporary job for 6 months 1200 miles away. I am taking it much harder than she is. I don't want her to know I am a mess with out her but I worry about losing the love of my life and mother to my kids. I am sending letters, emails, texts, and calls but I have to space them out so she doesnt feel overwhelmed. This sucks.

I'm in the same boat- It feels like I put in all the effort and he doesnt care, although at the back of my mind, I'm sure he does. It horrible though, I'm constantly almost calling him up and telling him I hate him etc...

I really appreciate the article, it gave me a lot to consider. I am currently on the verge of possibly getting into an LDR myself and now have some 'food for thought'. Thank-You everyone, including the ones that commented on the article. One final word, I hope everyone the best in their relationships that could very well be what could start some very practical, rewarding, hard earned marriages.

Wow so I'm not the only who feels this way!! This is so hard, my boyfriend of 2 and half years has moved up north about 11 hours away. But it's even more hard because we have this distance between us and plus his roomate is a women. He's a firefighter so he live in a bareick and share this home with her for the time being. I'm so sad but trying to be strong. I love this guy!

It's good to hear from a lot of people who are making LDRs work. I have been with my boyfriend for about 4 years now and we've been living together for 2. I have to go away for school for at least FIVE YEARS! Originally we had planned to move together but then the current economy does NOT allow him to quit a perfectly good job. So it looks like we'll be doing it long-distance for a loooong time... I really hope it works and my heart breaks at the thought of losing him. I really really hope it works, and much love to everyone else here who is doing it now. Best of luck to everyone!

Well, I'm in the middle of one. It's been 9 months of being apart from the start of our relationship. It's not true that the guy puts more effort in every case. Not in my case. He puts little effort into talking to me and seeing me. We live 4 hours apart. I pay for every trip all he has to do is get on the plane and he constantly, lately, changes the date of when we'll meet again. When we're together it's amazing, like nothing I've ever experienced. But, when we're apart, he doesn't communicate and it feels like he doesn't care. I'm confused all the damn time, but don't want to give up on what could be great some day. It's very very hard and lonely.

I myself have been in a LDR for around 2 years now and i have never looked back on it. We live 3 hours apart from each other. She is at college and im studying at university but we are always true to each other and do travel to see each other as often as possible. Every relationship has a bumpy moment, on my birthday last year my GF hurt me and said it wasnt working but this was due to work and stress getting to her and now she is perfectly happy again after i showed her what a little effort can bring. The smile on someones face after you have been apart for so long can't ever be replaced with a better feeling and now we are due to be married soon when she moves here. LDR do work and can lead on to great things, do not give up.

I am currently in a LDR and I will tell you it is alot of work. We just hit our first year of being together and we meet off a computer game both in our twenties.. We both have had our ups and downs and we both have lived together.. He decieded to move back to his home town for a bit and do some closer with his family. Which I had alot to do with that cause i felt he needed to do so.. I didn't want a family to resent me for taking there son away from them and into another state. We live about 9 hour apart driving and 3 hours plane. After he moved back we broke up a week later and then end up getting back together two days after that. But we have had our ups and down just like every relationship. LDR is very hard since you can't see your soulmate every day or even feel them every day but if you keep a good outlook in your relationship good things will come to you.. Now we have known each other for a year and on month and after he moved back to his home town he didn't want to come and tell me he enlisted into the Air Force naturally I went off my rocker cause I was thinking we already live 9 hours away and now your leaving me to over seas if you he gets shiped over there. My view though is if you can't be by your spouse and be strong and you can't do a LDR then you will be able to date anyone in the service either.. For the ones that don't want to do LDR Best of luck but personaly i think you will value the word love and apperciate you have when you with someone..

I had a long-distance relationship with a Jewish and single woman from Toronto in the last half of 2008. Steve in comment #91 stated that "the woman doesn't want to put the effort into it that the guy does." I think that happened in my case. Being from Halifax, there aren't too many Jewish singles here. I met this woman on SYAS. We clicked on e-mail and a bit on the phone when we connected, about once a week to once every two weeks. Our schedules but especially hers toward the end of the relationship took its toll. I e-mailed her and called her more often than she did. There was an emotional disconnect. After six months I was fed up that she didn't feel as passionate about us than I did. My e-mails went from sweet to confrontational. This ended in an e-mail fight. We broke up in November 2008. I wrote some e-mail and Facebook messages to her that I missed her and wanted a friendship (apologies and truces). The thing is that it would be highly unlikely that we'd end up getting back together or even reconnect as friends. In some ways I sensed a reserved way about her, she'd fit in well in Nova Scotia, where people are reserved and keep to themselves. Maybe if we were in the same city, couples counselling would have helped us, who knows. Possibly in another time and place, we would've been a great couple. Most people don't really date the same person twice, so I'd say it was a good thing that relationship ended, this wasn't a good fit. Finding someone more passionate, more emotionally connected, and more of a match, would be better. Better luck next time with someone else from another city.

Dont blame it on the woman. it does take two. in my situation we've been together for almost two years. A two hour car ride doesnt sound like much, but it doesnt work well with our schedules. its probably one of the hardest things i've ever gotten into. but every minute of effort is worth it.

I just got out of one.....and we only lived 4 hours away by car, 1 hour by plane. Trust me, they are very difficult. I've tried 4-5 of them and they never work out. Why?? Because the woman doesn't want to put the effort into it that the guy does. I've seen it time and time with myself as well as with other buddies of mine. I would HIGHLY recommend against them.

all i can say is that it really works.. i've been in a LDR for almost 2 years... & although its truly very sad sometimes.. its worth it.. it helps you realize how much someone casres for you, & all the commitment put in the relationship really gets you to understand what love is about.. i only see him once a year.. & let me tell u its worth is

Ive been in an LDR for 4 years!! i love him more everyday.

Great Article! I have been in a LDR for a year between Spain and Australia, so trust me I know what distance means! It is very very hard but possible, just check the testimonials available on Waiit, the Long Distance Relationship community website if you have a moment of doubt. Good luck to you all!

I've been in a LDR for just under a year now. I know people usually think of LDR's as when two people meet face to face, then one moves away. Well what about if one person lives in England, and the other in Austrlia. We met when we were both on holiday in Canada, we swapped MSN addresses at the end of my holiday (I was there for a week, him for two.) When he got back to Australia we started chatting over msn, and in February this year he asked me out. I said yes, obviously. We havn't seen each other since, it's to hard for us to see each other - he's at college, I'm in my final year at school and it's to expensive to travel half way round the world for week on holiday. It can be hard, never knowing what they're doing. But with trust and a good amount of comunication it can work. When he leaves college he's planning on spending his gap year in England with me - and apart from that, we wont see each other again till he leaves university.

I''ve been in an LDR for 11 months now with a soldier deployed to Iraq, he still has 4 to go. It didn''t start out as an LDR, fortunately. We met during my junior year of high school and were together for 8 1/2 months before he left. I''m now a freshman in college waiting for him to come home from a long and dangerous trip away from home. The hardest part about this relationship has been the danger. Had he been somewhere safer this might be easier, but that''s not the case making the anxiety and worry a very stressful burden, especially when he would get sick and still go through with completing missions. We have fought, despite how hard we try to be nice and understanding of each other. Because of the extremely difficult and delicate state of our relationship we try not to be too demanding and nitpick, but when one of feels that something has been bugging us for long enough, it eventually comes out. We usually make up shortly after, realizing that we still love each other very much. Even when the fights are bad we still find ourselves wanting to make this relationship work. He wants me to be a major part of his life and I want that as well. Just like the movie “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days” I may love him, but I don’t have to like him right then. LDRs can work-no matter the age and/*or* circumstance for which the relationship is long distance- it just depends on how much both people want it to work.

if u are really into this guy or girl u shouldnt really kare how far that person is.. i noe its allready hard the way it is now but as long as ur with that person that all should matter... so dont kare wat other people think as long as u noe ur love for that person is true and u kan handle this long distance realtionship its all good

I've been in a LDR for over a year now with a wonderful man. We met online. We fell in love pretty soon after we started talking. We both admit that we have never been really in love until we met. We were to possibly marry last summer, but I got scared. He was great about it and we agreed to let the Lord to guide us. It's gotten to the point now though since about eight months ago that I am the only one making most of the effort to go see him. He lives about 2 1/2 hours away. We keep agreeing that we need to see each other more often, but it never happens. He has mentioned many times meeting me halfway...It NEVER happens. I am still so deeply in love with this man...But have come to my breaking point. I wrote him four letters since I saw him last. It took that many to finally hear from him. In the letters, I made sure to let him know that I couldn't keep doing this. It has begun to effect my health and sleep. I got a letter the other day (After I sent two basicly breaking up)from him. He didn't even comment on anything that I wrote him. We've always said that if we were to end things that we would do that in person...Well...How can this be done when he makes no effort to see me and I refuse now to make anymore efforts or spend my money going there? He's a wonderful man...I love him...But I need him to realize how I feel. Friends keeps telling me to let this relationship go and get on with my life. I love him...But I have to. I haven't heard from him since I "broke things off". I told him several times in my letters how deeply I love him. My heart is breaking as never before. I don't know how he will respond or maybe even show up to see me in person...I'm not putting much trust in that. Please give me your thoughts.

IM IN A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP AND WE MET ONLINE. WE ARE STILL GOIN ON FOR EIGHT MONTHS. WHAT I HAVE TO SAY IS THAT CONSTANT COMMUNICATION SUCH AS DAILY CALLS, CHATTING ON YAHOO MESSENGER AND USING WEBCAM HAS HELPED MY LDR. IT GETS HARD BECAUSE UR GOING BY WHAT THE LOVED TELLS U. I HAVE MY INSECURITIES AND I TELL HIM THAT TOO. AS LONG THERE IS FREQUENT COMMUNICATION, LOVE AND TRUST, WILL MAKE THE LDR POSSIBLE. HOWEVER, LDR WILL WORK DEPENDING ON THE COUPLE

i am currently in a ldr with my boyfriend( we are together for two years now), he only travelled three months ago to work and it's so hard 4 me to accept the idea of being away from him, the problem is that he is suffering alone there and to get over his needs towards me he decided to stop telling me anything intimate like i miss u or i love u....etc and his justifying that by telling me that words means nothing but what really matters is what i did and i will proof to you that when we will meet. i will be pleased to hear ur comments

Sorry Adrian but it sounds like you are angry, and the words you used I find scary. We are all unique human beings, and therefore when we fall in love, we don't know why it happen. I have been in a LDR for 14 months now, and it sucks don't get me wrong. But, what I am trying to say is that you can lie to yourself or be honeest with yourself no matter how far you are from the person you love. And for me the hardest is trusting that the love will endure, every time we see each other, it's still there but it's the time in between that's a nightmare, and in our case it sucks because of a visa situation. We are young and we are getting confronted to the desperate solution of getting married which neither of us wants. Politics are the problem as usual. And I wish there was a how to, but at the end of the day, just like in any other relationship, either both think the person is worth it, and they are ready for it or not, and no matter what there is no guarantee the hard thing is being in an LDR, one always gets the feeling one invests without getting something in return.

hey sarah, i just read your comment, and just wanted to drop a line and say i have been through what you are going through right now...i just started an LDR for my dreams as well this will last for three years....though my situation is a bit different we've been together for five years and have future plans....but i hear that you are afraid and i was so afraid too went through crazy nights thinking im crazy for doing this...i still think i am, but deep in my heart i know if i dont do this it would in the long term burden our relationship...so in ur case what im trying to say is from all the thinking i've done in the past few months...my conclusions were if i back out i may hold a little bit of resentment which can make our relationship suffer, if i do this and our relationship lasts then it will make that much stronger, just thinking about how much we'll appreciate our relationship when we're together again will be amazing, and when we're back together we'll both know that our relationship is strong enough to endure anything. Plus a bonus point is think of the nights your back together missing each other like crazy ,)how i've dealt and how im dealing is looking at the positive side of it....if you let go of your fears you'll see that alot of good can come out of it.....plus you'll be a stronger person because of it...hope this helped...

I was in a LDR with my boyfriend for 2 years, it was hard but we were determined to make it. We only saw each other over the summer. We got married the summer after my 2nd year at college and i returned to college for my 3rd and 4th year. Would i wish this for anyone? Absolutely not. Is it possible if you have to? YUP if you really know this is the man/woman for you. All the best!!

I am currently in a LTR with my boyfriend of 2.5 years. He recently took a job thousands of miles away, while I stayed to go to nursing school. Some times I find it really hard, especially because he works alot and doesn't call every day. Sometimes I even get crazy ideas in my head that he might just never call me again or decided I'm not worth it. But when I do talk to him again, he reassures me that he isn't going anywhere and he loves me. Even though there are thousands of miles between us, I know that he is my best friend and it will all be worth it when I finally get to see him. I wish everyone in a LTR good luck!

I endured a long distance relationship of ten months and I would never, ever go through that again. And I wouldn't recommend it to anyone, if your idea of a relationship is trying to keep it alive for more than a few months, then your idea of what constitutes a "relationship" is different than mine. No matter how "honest" you think the other person is about how they feel about you, you can never be sure of what they are up to. True, you can never be completely certain about a partner who lives with you either, but distance and time apart DOES result in people growing apart, no matter what nonsense they say. I thought my ex was truthful with me, but then found out on the day she returned from her ten months aboard a cruise ship that she was dumping me. Yes, this is just one example, but it happened. If it doesn't happen to you, then you are lucky. Why would you choose to be with someone--especially those of you who've never even MET the person--when they are so many lonely, lovely single people right in your own town/village/city? I think long distance relationships are an oxymoron, and are nothing but a waste of time. (P.S.-- The sliver of sunshine in this whole episode is that I went on to meet an absolutely beautiful woman who doesn't believe in living in a different country when being involved in a relationship, and yes, I'll likely end up marrying her. So, while I would never go through another LDR again, having experienced one certainly taught me a lot about love, honesty, and self-awareness.)

i am in a big dilemna, my dream has been to go to work in latin america, i prepared this over 2 years, and last year i met the perfect man. we have been together for almos a year now and i have never been so happy in my life. however, i still wanna go to latin america, and i have the confirmation that i can leave in a few months for one full year. i am already sad of thinking not to have him anymore, but im also sad of thinking to leave my dreams for a man. i will try to have a long distance relationship. maybe it possible to meet twice during this year. i am afraid though to suffer too much without him, or that we lose interest in eachother. we both knew from the beginning when we met that i will leave but we kept on going as it was so intense, i am happy that i went into this relationship, but lately i cannot deal with the whole situation anymore. i am curious about your experiences, how did you deal with this kind of situation?

This is my first time to have LDR in my life. and i never guess it is so hard to do. I never met before with this man. There is an ocean seperate us. its been almost one year we have good relation but never meet. During the time i fall in love with him but i know there is doubt between us if our relation will not getting work. And it makes me feel into deep sadness. But i know he is serious man by saying he will come to visit me soon this year. And i am sa glad to read this article. its realise me that to build a good strong relation not because we always be together but learn also even we are separete in long distance as long as there is Love between us this relation can work succeed. Thanks God

I've been in a LDR for 6 months now, I agree it is really difficult but it can be done. If you and your partner want it this bad, it will work. Don't listen to other people, they will say that It's not worth trying, but it is! I hid my relationship for 3 months, scared of what people would say, then i looked it up, and they seemed a lot more common then i first thought. So, i told my parents and they were fine with it. It's soo hard not being with my boyfriend but you have to stay positive, and think that you're so lucky having someone like your partner to miss. I dont believe I'm only 14, and i feel like this, but i do. And ive never been happier, LDR's can work, they just need a lot of effort. xXx

Thank you for your tips and great info on LDR. I am currently in a LDR, and we are getting to know each other in the process. I have had a long distance relationship before, and an Ocean separated us, but we had an connection every weekend by phone, and 2 to 3 times a week without fail via IM. This relationship is closer we are both in the states, 14 hours apart. My job, 6 on 8 off, have me crazy on the days off. His is the typical 9 to 5 off on weekends. Phone time is never, and I find myself sitting by the pc waiting on him to log on, scheduled or unscheduled. I thank you for the advice to keep myself busy but I find this relationship a bit harder than the first...maybe because of the "ocean". I hope to apply these tips to my anxiety attacks..and hope things will work out with our communication problems.

U sure have some really cool ways to maintain a LDR. I am currently in one right now, and we love each other whole heartedly. We are 5000 miles apart. She in australia, and me in singapore. We are currently 14 right now, planning to meet in 6 months time. Its really agonizing to wait that long. We talk on IM everyday, but sometimes I feel she is gradually losing interest in me. Her parents support our reltionship, and the ironic part is, her mum told me not to break her daughters heart, but in this case, i am afraid she might be the one breaking my heart. Help please? An answer is rilly appreciated.

My boyfriend lives 3,000 miles away and he's been that far away from me for about a year now, and we are still going strong. Even if he's all the way across the country, things somehow manage to work out. When things are ment to be they will be. You just gotta put in alot of work and if the person is worth it then it will work out :)

Hi "C". In answer to your question - Oh yes, we definitely had hard times, but never considered ending our relationship. My husband is a very calm, positive person so I think the stress was more on my side but as hard as it was, I knew in my heart that our relationship was meant to be...I always knew that he was my "beshert". So, yes, it's the most difficult test of your relationship and your love for one another but, when you do finally get to share your lives, your relationship will be rock solid. Let's face it - if you can withstand distance for long periods of time, you can weather any storm together. Lots of luck - hang in there! It will be an amazing love story to tell your grandchildren some day :-) PG you too will have a happy ending.

This question is for Michal. Congrats on your relationship staying strong and your baby boy! My boyfriend and I met in middle school... And started to date when we were 14... Now we are 19 and go to separate colleges... I was wondering if you and your husband had very hard times during your LDR... Like taking stress out on one another and almost ending your relationship, if ever... Just wondering, an answer would be greatly appreciated. :)

My husband and I met when we were 17 and 20 respectively (15 years ago) and had a long distance relationship for 6 years. It was not at all easy to be separated for long periods at a time but it build an extremely solid foundation for our relationship and BH we will be celebrating our 7 year wedding anniversary in May and have a beautiful baby boy. You have to both be completely committed and make every effort and work hard at the relationship. The rewards at the end make it so very worthwhile.

The writer described the various situations which occur and can occur based on a long distance relationship, after the people met in person, first, and had started to establish something between them. I would be most interested to have the writer comment on what and how one is to deal with a long distance relationship when one meets someone via one of these dating services, who lives and works far away, and who has no reason to normally be in the same vicinity as the other? This is the sort of situation with which I have found myself.

Granted, there are exceptional situations where one is so taken with someone, even long distance, that he or she can and does establish that important relationship; but, that might only occur, if at all, after an extended time.

Any ideas to ease and improve the situation?

Thank you.

Absolutely life's not fair. But if something (or someone) good comes along then don't let go.

My husband (also named Daniel) and I met and married (second marriages for us both)when I was 38 and he was 41.
At my age, you don't buy green bananas, as the saying goes.
Now he has a terminal illness. We've been married 7 years. It's up to Hashem how much longer I have him.

I have not seeing my fiance in a year, she had to go back to her country Brazil because her father suffer an accident, thnks to Hashem he is fine, and I am still in the US working to get her the fiance visa so we can tie the knot..But thank to G-d he has give us the strength to be apart. This coming July thanks to G-d I will be traveling to Brazil to see my fiance. If you have faith it will be ok,and this thing being apart has make our relationship more mature and strong.

Roo,
Your comment telling people "either get married or break up" isn't fair..Life is not always black and white. Some people can live in a bubble by having a 3 month courtship and getting married at the age of 18 but this doesn't necessarily make their relationship better (or worse).

I am getting married in September to a man I met on Jdate. We spoke for four and a half months before we met in person, and then it was love at first sight! I would never trade those months of getting to truly know each other, dicussing values and goals. It's hard planning a wedding while he is in England, but trust goes a long way. If you believe in bashert, then distance, as hard as it is, should be a small obstacle.

My wife and I had a long distance relationship for 2 years before we were able to marry. We spent countless hours on the phone and saw each other only once a month. One benefit that has not been mentioned is that we learned to communicate....really communicate....a relationship built upon words and love and openness. Communication is the key....and to this day (12 years later) we are able to be together with our children all day long and we still talk and talk and talk....one benefit of a long distance relationship....a wonderful skill to develop.

I met my fiancee on JDate in September, and we talked for four and a half months before I went and visited him in England. Because we had gotten to know each other so well, it was pretty much love at first sight, and we spent the most unbelievable ten days together. I recently went back to England for Valentine's Day, and he took me to Paris and proposed. While it's terrible being away from him, I would never trade the time it took for us to get to know each other. Now I'm planning a wedding for us, and while it's difficult to make some decisions because my fiancee is not with me, there is so much implicit trust and respect between us that things have been going very smoothly. I will be moving to England after our wedding, for a lifetime of happiness.

work out for the couple. I am talking from a very painful experience. I dated an ex boyfriend who I dated in college- at the time he was living in NY/ Born and Raised Brooklyn, NY Guy. Then he married another woman when I married another guy- when we all graduated from college- 2 decades later he was a widowe widower, I was divorced, and he loved in another state. we dated for 10 months, and we fell in love, but the fact that I would have to move to his state- to uproot my son and myself, change from living my city life to a suburb life in another state, he thought I could not handle the change- plus step parent issues, but I felt in the name of love I could, but he did not give me a chance top prove myself, and he listened to many,many Yenta Nay Sayers who pressured him to break up with me. So Via Telephone, on the Third Day of Chanukah in Dec. 2003, when he and his entire family had the flu, he blew us off- and broke my heart over the phone in a mean callous way, with no remorse or clear cut reason to break up that way, to add insult to injury he married months later another woman, who fit his lifestyle to a tee!~and despite that his kids hate this woman, and one has moved out he is still with this woman, making babies with her. And he thinks that what he did to me is not wrong at all! I have Baruch Hashem never spoken to him since that awful night, and not seen him. I pray he remains in the state he is in, and I never run into him. I could never handle seeing him, and I hope Hashem spears me ever to run into him.
My son once saw him in our neighborhood, and passed him up, I was speared that fate for I was cooking for a Yom Tov that time, but thank G-d I did not see him with his new wife, that would have teared me up inside- because my son was very unnerved by that encounter.
But the lession here, is that long distance relationships can't work unless a 100 percent sacrfices are made by both parties- not one sided.
relationships are hard enough but adding this to the equation only causes harm, no good can come from it. I have not met one person who is an advocate of this type of relationship at all.
So watch your heart and be careful.
Mazel to all of us to find our Basherts.
May Hashem care for us always.
signed:
a concerned friend.

Orthodox Jews have a brief courtship and get married. No premarital sex. I met and married my husband in 3 months. No need to drag out a courtship. It isn't healthy. Either get married or break up.

If you're in the States you can get a phone plan from almost any phone company or cable company that includes all you can call for 25-40 dollars a month.

My phone bill last month had over 6000 (that's six THOUSAND) minutes of talk time, all to my long distance love. His wasn't much smaller.

Total cost? Less than $40.00 .

There are also internet programs such as Paltalk that allow you to speak to and SEE your beloved online, in your own private room you can create. Very good quality video and sound. This helps a LOT.

Sometimes either he or I will even carry the computer cam around the house as we do housework, cook, do the dishes or whatever. It gives us a sense of being there with the other, even when we aren't.

I've been in this long distance relationship for over 5 years. It is very difficult and VERY important to keep the lines of communication open at all times and relate to each other as caring, MATURE human beings do.

Finally this year it looks like we are getting our long awaited break and will be able to move forward in our relationship in person. :)

It is easier to cuddle up to the dog in your home but not so fulfilling.
Seriously, I beleiev if you love someone you can weather everything,

"We have been together for almofst half a year now and haven't seen each other since the day we started."

Sounds like a long-distance fantasy or a prolonged rationalization of a too intense first day. 4 years pining for someone you have spent one day with as a couple is not a relationship but an unhealthy obsession.

We met 4.5 years ago on the net, not a dating site but a Jewish forum, we unintendedly built a relationship the old fashioned way, by correspondence.

We used Skype, Yahoo messenger, email and phone and SMS - mobile short messages. True, we literally invested thousands into comms with each other !

We met face to face 10 months into our relationship (by this time we had already decided to marry), my DH relocated (continents)14 months after we met, we married 18 months after we met and we have been married for three years with our first baby due at Pesach.

We are very, very grateful for the distance which allowed us to really get to know each other very well. I would not change a thing about our LDR courtship, it was perfect in every way.

I think one of the biggest challenges is not getting to do things together, to share activities. My girlfriend and I decided to start a private internet blog to learn parasha together each week. It gives us an activity that is uniquely and exclusively ours, and helps us stay away from the pattern of just telling each other about our separate lives.

I totally agree...My fiancee and I have been regular daily Skype and MSN users for the last 3 years...It's not ideal to be separated but if you are committed to each other and you have enough time to see each other at least every 6 weeks, it can be done.

HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD ABOUT SKYPE??? I have few friends who went through successful LDR, and attribute the success to Skype, the program which lets you speak to each other endlessly with no phone bill. Just make sure you have a computer and internet connection...Downloading it is very easy. Buy a speaker and headphones and you are all set to speak as much as you want.

LDR sometimes lures me into a state of confusion. We have been together for almost half a year now and haven't seen each other since the day we started. We know that we like each other very much, we are basically crazy over each other. Lately however, communication seems to be at bleak. It's becoming harder to talk to each other because of work etc and everytime we talk, it seems like our conversation becomes really dry. We pretty much talk about the same things most of the time. Yes, we are still dying to talk to each other. But it's just that things are not what they used to be anymore. We call each other because we miss each other's voices. But it's getting to the point where we need to crack our heads to keep the conversation going, otherwise there'll be awkward pauses and silence. We don't wanna let go of this relationship cuz we have come so far now and deep inside, we know that we are the right ones for each other. Sometimes i wonder whether it is my problem of not being initiative enough. Sometimes i wonder whether we can survive the next 4 yrs of being apart. I really hope that things will work out between us.

HI my name is Ida and i live in NY.I have been in a relationship with my husband for 10 yrs this new years of 08.I ben living in America for 8 yrs so all those yrs we were having a long distance relationship.My husband lives in my country which is Kosovo-Europe and i live here.I tried to bring him here 6 yrs ago ilegal and he has been cought.The reason i tried ilegal was because i wasnt a citizen and didnt have the right to bring him here.Now 2 yrs ago i became US Citizen but because he broke the law 6 yrs ago,his papers got denied. WE are very upset because it has been so hard for us being so far from eachother thinking he will her the papers and will be together once and forever.Its not fair to the goverment leting people getting the papers so easy here and me as a us citizen having difficulties to have my husuband here. They are forcing me to bring him here ilegal again. We been married for almost 6 yrs.I travel every 2 months to europe to see him.I don;t know but it has been so hard and its getting harder. I cant go back to my country because its a poor country.Here i finished college and have family and friends.I want a life here.Guys reading my story hopefully helps anyone:) keep hoping:)
thanks i guess i am not the only one!

I enjoyed Liba's article. More importantly I loved the comment section. I have been involved in an LDR going on 6-7 years now. I live in NY, he lives in CA. We went to High School together and it was our 25 class reunion that promoted renewed contact with each other. We both feel a special connection and believe we are meant to be together. Our LDR challenges and real life circumstances (I am a single parent, he is not along with job/finacial and family issues) have negatively impacted our relationship over this past year. It seems like we have been squabbling over every small thing that comes up. We both are trying to determine what has caused this along with trying to turn our relationship back around to what it was. I have to be in total agreement, LDR's are very hard especially when life circumstances do not jive with timing, patience can be tested to the limit and experiencing communication breakdowns. I would really like to hear from anyone else who has been trying to maintain an LDR for longer than 5 years. It would help immensely to hear from you especially some positive and encouraging input on longer LDR's! Thank you!
To the Editors: Please send any information/articles/weblinks you might have on longer LDR's

I have lived with my b/f in Africa for 4 months and it was intense, I had to leave for 4 months. We are now half way through. There are power cuts and internet is useless so no emails! His mobile was stolen so we have had 4 phone calls since I left. I'm going insane with the lack of communication. I feel like he doesn't care although its difficult for him. I am booked on a flight back on 31st Jan but feeling why should I bother! We have serious plans together but the lack of communication to me mean lack of care and to him probably just getting through the time apart. Nice to know I am not on my own on this one! Thanks guys

I met my post HS GF through the internet. We parted years ago due to being 19 and stupid, (not knowing a keeper when you find one)and her going off to finish college. No fights, no arguments. 24 years later I am Dv'd, she is getting Dv'd. Very similar problems. Three months talking and emails, then met in person. Love at first sight. Still going strong but hard at times due to a medling ex. Decided to wait 4 yrs so our kids would be out of school, then one of us would relocate. In the meantime, I have a huge house I am rebuilding while she tries to get her crap together with the ex. Now cancer set in for her and she has that to deal with. I am there for her in spirit, but one of these days I will just go 1300 miles to her house and crash the gate and be WITH her no matter who care or gets upset about the ordeal. For me its very hard because I know what its like to be stuck with the wrong person. I stayed 14 yrs till my kids were old enough to decide where to go. They live with me full time, no contact with their mother. I think I am about on the edge between teenage girls and an LDR, and lets just throw a life threatening disese in there, just for spice! If you find someone who loves you for who you are, dont ever let them go. As for us, We will be ok. She LOVES Me for ME.

I recently broke up with my bf. We only dated offically for 2-3 months, but we were good friends for 2 years. He lives in London, constantly traveling as a consultant, and I live in NY. It's hard enough to keep up with each other due to time difference and the horrors of only being able to see each other once every couple of months...but we also had difference in our expectations. He is not looking into marriage as an option until he's in his mid-thirties, whereas I was thinking the next serious person whom I date will probably be someone that I would consider getting married to. So due to our differences in expectations and the distance, we decided to end the ordeal. That's not to say that we don't care for each other. We like each other a lot... just a sad sad conclusion to something that was so good...

Thanks to be able to share my concerns, i just hope i get some advice or some idea of what to do. My boyfriend and i have had a terrible ordeal, due to living seperately in different continents and having immigration difficulties, we have been forced to live seperately for 8 months now. I am the one who can't visit him freely - immigration rules - he can, but we obviously don't have the finances and his job is also tricky. We strongly feel that our love was planned in heaven, but keeping it going every day is the hardest part, especially if we don't know that we will be able to be together any time soon. We keep in touch through email, sms and the webcam every night and weekends almost the whole day, but it is still difficult. I wonder, does anyone out there go through this difficulty and does anyone out there have advice for me... I would like to believe there is hope, but can you really ask this of a man, when you don't know if you'll be able to be with him considering the immigration difficulties?

I am in a relationship for 7 months now and I live in Shanghai and my boyfriend lives in Germany. It's true its not only difficult to overcome the time difference, the environment, culture, the language, etc. Each couple has to deal with this. Each time you get a misunderstanding its even much harder to deal with but just as I would continuously tell my significant other whatever happens "we have to make it work!!!" It's really a question of commitment on both parties concerned and never letting go. If you think you have already found someone who wants the same thing with you, then you will find a way to "make it work!" Thank you too for this website and for other couples who share their views. Am also learning from them.

I would give anything to be in driving distance of boyfriend I get so angry and upset when others complain that their boyfriend/girlfriend is far when its only driving distance away. My bf is in california and i'm in miami we both are broke college students that can't afford to buy a plane ticket 2 see eachother...It been 6months and its so painful and I don't know what to do. I want to see him but I don't have the funds or the time to fly out and visit him! I'm so sad all the time and I don't know what to do and deal with all this pain

You know, if feel kind of selfish because my boyfriend is only 3.5 hours away, but I feel like sometimes he is in isreal. I do realize now that we arent the only crazy people that put ourselves thru so much pain, just so maybe one day we can be together like a "normal" realationship. so thank u to who ever makes this website, u truly helped! For everyone else, keep your heads up, stand strong, and it will all turn out the way it is suppose to!!

I googled long distance relationahips and clicked on this link. It's just comforting to know that other people are in the same situation, especially since I am in the states and my boyfriend is also in Israel. Weird. Also, that I have the easiest type of long distance relationahip! Thank you so much!

I really miss my boyfriend..We are oceans apart..And i need all the help I can get. It seems the long distance is not only my issue. Im so thankful I googled the topic "long distance relaitonship" because reading your website made me realize how many couples encounter the same situation as we are. And It is a relief reading how many succeeded and end up happily together. Thanks so much. You helped me realize how to overcome some of the doubts in my mind.

I work for a fire department in Missouri. My work day is 24 hours long and then I have two days off. I told you that to tell you this. I met my Girlfriend this summer and we didn't start dating untill the first part of Aug. And it was exactly one week befor she was moving to Fl. To attend collage and live with her uncle. I have found it very hard to cope with the distance but we talk once or twice a day on the phone. I told her I loved her for the first time over the phone and really wanted to do it in person you know to capture the momment. I have her on my mind al the time and by just reading this web site I feel better about our reationship. Your probably thinking why is there some big bad tuff firefighter talking about this on the web. Well I'm not sure but it makes me feel better. My girlfriend aked me to google long distant relarionships and I could not remember the one she said so I picked this one. And it really helped. I just want to say "Thankyou" to whoever put the time in to making this web page you have truely helped.

That is sooo true... Right now my bf is out west working and at first I wanted to hear from him every day and if he never call me or called me back I was very upset over it...Now that I look at it he is very busy working to making good money so he can come back home to stay with us..But we did talk about that we needed to talk more then once every 2 weeks...So now he calls 2 a week even if it is to just to say hello and love you... that means more anything..... Long distance does pressure you into know if you are meant for each other or not.... thanks for your feed back you are sooo true on what you are telling people thanks again

i ve been so depressed lately due to the fact that i think if i fail school. i wont see my boyfriend who lives a half hour away because i ll be grounded. but i have to remeber that i m takking courses i like, and that its all in my head. i m going to pass! is what i m telling myself, besides its my senior year. but idk when i dont talk to him its really sad how depessing i get and get really bad thoughts in my heead but when he does talk to me i feel amazing. but i also have to realize that if i do get grounded he said " he ll be with my no matter what, even if he cant see me for a year" thats what keeps me strong. but he also told me how he was goiong to date a gril in canada and that somehow was comfarting to know that if he can date a girl in canda without seeing her. a half an hour for us isnt bad at all <3
i read this article to not feel so alone .and it helped

I agree that long distance relationships can be very challenging. My wife and I have been in one for over a year before we married. But it worked out. Why? Because we know that we would be together one day. Faith, trust and deep emotional communication helped us thru this difficult times.

I have been in a LDR for 4years and when we came to the part that we should start our life together, she start to panic and she chosen her career over me, when I asked her why this if there is someone else in ur life she was saying no but … she can't with all the reasons in the world she said … and when I told her I will come there so that we can talk face to face she refused saying there is no chance to be together so she rather not to see me.

Hi..I agree 101% that a LDR is hard. I have been in this relationship for almost 2 years now..I just recently became engaged with the most wonderful man in the world. He is an outta town construction worker 10 days on and 4 days off.. I am from another province but I am moving to his province soon.. It is an 8 hr drive from his place to mine but another 6 hrs from his work place to his home in manitoba and then he drives another 8 hrs to come see me...thats why hes the best....I love him to death and cant see life without him... I read articles from time to time to see when it will get get easy ...hahaha which i dont believe it ever will....but reading those articles are great....it lifts you when you need a life and reassurance that your not alone....and the feelings that come with the LDR is natural...so dont think ur going crazy....lol....

Hi!...i loved this article, and reading the comments it's great!, i have been in a LDR for about 8 months or so...and since we begun the relationship we have been apart, and it's very hard!! cause he cannot come very often, and i am glad to know i am not the only one who freaks cause one day we don't call eachother...and get really upset for tiny things and i know it's the distance...so...we will see...thanks for the relif...
Lucy

is good to read this because now I'm having a difficult time with my loved one and i needed to read that things things will always happen... thank you for your article, i really needed.

I really really enjoyed your article, ive gone through the things youve done (freaking out on my bf when he doesnt pick up the phone, getting unreasonably edgy).. Ive been in a LDR for about 9 months, my boyfriend's in the navy and we met when he was on leave. He was stationed in CA, and i go to school in MA... i got a summer internship in CA to be near him but now im back in MA and he is farther way... in Hawaii... but the relationsihp's still great and im going to hawaii for thanksgiving break.!. and yes LDR costs a lot (ive freaked out on him again about this)

It is very hard to have a long distance relationship. I live in Minneapolis and he lives in Pittsburg my heart aches and feels so lonely at times, this article helps to know we are not alone. Its been 18 months and if he wasn't such a wonderful person I wouldn't do for 18 days. If this doesn't work I will never do it again, but for now I have to follow my heart.

I have just entered to a long distance relationship for a week, and I feel terribly uncomfortable. There is some kind of fear haunting me, and I know I need to fight against this feeling in order to go on smoothly. We just had a fight (lasted a couple of days) about phone calls. I am so glad that I found this article online. The part on missing phone calls is so true! Thank you so much! I feel much better now, and I learn a lot from the article! Thank you!!!!!

I enjoyed this article. I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 3 years even though he lives in Minneapolis and I live in New Zealand. Sometimes you feel like giving up, but you just have to remember your man is going through exactly what you're going through. You gotta help eachother. Thanks for reminding me.

I'm two and a half years in... and neither of us has moved.
But this was helpful.

This is a wonderful & very helpful article & I would just like to thank you! It's really helped me out!

I really enjoyed reading this. It is very helpful, I'm young and have a long distance relationship and often find it hard, very hard. I get sad sometimes and maybe a little selfish when it comes to the time we spend together. But seeing how to meet in the middle maybe him and I will be a little happier.

This article was a big help. My boyfriend is moving to Australia and I am in Canada. We have been having some seperation issues and this helped alleviate my tension somewhat! Great Advice :)

my boyfriend and i have been dating for a year and a half, i know we are not married and its not half way around the world, but we are plannin to get married and its an 11 hour distance. we are both in college and i am financially independent, doing the math that means im broke because all my money goes to school. we have been an hour apart, but that was never a big deal, i just cant stop crying and neither can he. i take comfort in that i read some articles about it online and think, "thats silly (whatever they are talking about doing, like talking about expectations and meeting in the middle, etc.), aaron and i did that a long time ago." its still so hard. it makes me happy to think that people all over the world are dealing with this too.

I feel better to know tha ti don't have to go through this alone. I am in Australia and my boyfriend is in Africa....talk abot distance. We have been apart for over five months and are going to be for a further five. But the distance has strengthened us and we have grown to appreciate the love we have for each other. We communicate on a daily basis and find time for each other despite our busy schedules. We have learnt to be content even in this difficult situation, and we give each other the support that pulls through every day of our journey . Your article has made me realise that this is only a test of time and when its over, we will have the greatest reward of all "each other". All it needs is commitment, trust and patience biult on the primitive, but strong feeling of love. We all will make it. Trust me i know.

I'm so glad, I'm not the only one out there who feels that way. I'm German, he's American. I met him in December (about 3 weeks before I left for Germany again), came back to the US for a 3 weeks visit and I'm going back this weekend. And it's sooooooooooooooo hard... We had to say good-bye today. We won't see each other for 2 months. No idea how I'm going to live through that.
I'm usually the one who needs to talk to him all the time when we are apart. I restricted myself to no more than 2 calls a week, 'cause I not want to bother him and get on his nerves with me calling all the time, eventhough he once said that he's never bothered hearing from me. He, though, tends to don't call me for like a week and then sends like ten messages within a half-an-hour.
Jeez, I miss him already...

im only 17 and im in a long distance relationship and it was love at first sight i live in england and he live sin spain and all this stuff about being all planned about what to do when u meet and things i think is stupid would u do that here no exactly. and if u like this person so much or love them like me then and the love is as strong back then you have no need to worry because love is the strongest emotion in the world and it can keep people together!!! so dont worry n just think how lucky you are.

I've been involved a man since JUN.
He lived three hoours away then transferred to SA, TX. Our relationship is growing and I realize slow developments are good. I'm falling in love with this man and want to hear from him daily and panic if I don't. There is no need to panic either and he has given me no reason not to trust. But it's hard, that's all I can say...I don't want to lose Joe or drive him away with the notion that I'm needy. Not needy just need reassurance more often...When I worry that I haven't received an e-mail, he will call unexpectedly...so really I'm the crazy one...also I heard on Oprah that if a man claims he is busy this means that he is not really into you. This is comment is driving me nuts...

Even though it is only a three hour distance it seems like forever. It sucks because we just started dating when I had to move and I am so much in love. I jump to conclusions to fast and you guys really helped to make me understand that I have to take it slow.

i need all the help i can get in this particular issue. thank you so much.

Thank you so very much for writing this article! I live in the US, and my fiancé lives in Austria. Until now, I have gone crazy when he didn't email me, or I couldn't get in touch with him on the phone. But from now until our January wedding, and even just until we see each other again in June, I will rest assured.

Your tips are so practical and true, but it's hard to see them, unless someone else tells you. It's one of those situations where you're too involved to be rational.

So, thanks for making me rational!

Sincerely,

Crystal

I want to thank you for your very helpful article. I could relate to everything that was written. I have been with my wonderful boyfriend for three years now and he is currently serving in the military while I am in college. He is in CA right now, soon to be deployed to Korea. It's the hardest thing being away, but the best advice is to look to the future and then you will realize what you are fighting for to keep your relationship together. Thanks again for the very insightful e-mail. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one that thinks about the things that are mentioned in it.

Your article helped a lot but it still hurts! I take it that all I can do is swallow the pain, talk things out with her, and send her things. I'm only 17 and she lives an hour and a half away driving. I have no car and she can't drive yet. Our phone bills are massive and I'm pretty much working to talk to her. Although it's defintely worth it, I don't have a chance or an opportunity to send her anything. Heeelp!

Your article is very helpful indeed. I have been in a long-distance relationship for 1 yr now, and i just found out if i don't go there to live that he is going to move on. But we also have a trust factor right now. I can't trust him very much because of girls. He say's he love's me but i doubt it lately.
Your article is a great help though thank you.

You're right, it's no fun sometimes. I'm in Poland most of the time, and my boyfriend is in Britain. Both of us are in steady jobs which neither of us want to leave. We're both independent people, and kind of thrive this way, with daily e-mail and phone calls.
The high of seeing him for the first time in a couple of months is beyond description, but it's so painful to separate again.
Love to anyone else in the same situation.

This article described EXACTLY how I feel in my long distance relationship. I felt like she was describing me!. My boyfriend lives in Germany and me in the Caribbean, we have had our relationship for 8 months. So are we have had 4 months apart the first time. And one month the second. It is hard as you say... But I am trying to move there since he has 2 more years of university to complete.

I'm married and the long distance factor is really starting to put a strain on my marriage. I'm also expecting my first child in January. If anyone is out there and would like to talk or has a similar situation please feel free to email me.

I found hope in this article because my boyfriend and i have been together for almost a year. the last 2 months have been extremely difficult for us and we haven't talked in a week. I sent him this article in hopes that he'll read it and open the lines of communication again. i can only hope this has an impact on him like i do. thank you for such a wonderfully written article and new insight to my Long Distance Love.

Its never to late to try a new realatinship.

I found a wonderful man on AOL almost 2 yrs ago. We have continued our LD(2000 mi) relationship online/by phone/ weekend visits which is very rewarding for both of us as independent adults. Although our relationship is monogamous, the time between visits sometimes is almost more than I can bear. I need to be held !! Always think before you commit to this kind of a relationship....can you survive the lonely times over the phone?

I fully agree with article I only tried a few time but it shows people are not that honest and both times when they get out of the car I am looking down at them though I just 1,65 m

I also learned where the exclamation point is on the keyboard

Very nice article, very well thought out and also I feel entirely accurate.

Excellent article, I am in this situation with my boyfriend living in S.A. we only have the phone and letters to keep us going.Waiting patiently for him to relocate to USA as we are both not young,
Your article has given me some encouragement and hope for my dreams
Karen.

Random tips for surviving this.

1) See each other as often as posible. That will depend on how far from each other you are and how you can travel. I just got back from a vistit with my Girlfriend who lives 3 states away, we had lunch together. But I have a pilot's licenece and access to an airplane.

2)Shop around for phone deals. Calling rates vary a lot shop around. You *WILL* have a big phone bill you can at least try to keep it under control.

3) Email, enough said.

4) Enjoy the time you do spend together.

I'm gonna be a female male chauvinist and rules girl here. I don't think the woman should pick up the costs of this at first. I think she should let the guy call and spend his money to come and see her. Women have a great capacity for self deception. Mr. Wedding Wonderful may only have been entertaining himself while he was out of town and bored. He may not have been serious and he may have a girlfriend at home for all we know. However, we women are great hands at misinterpretation and will turn ourselves inside out only to be disappointed.

The only way you know if a guy is serious and if he's going to treat you well and not take you for granted is if he's the one making most of the effort. I've been there a few times. When they expect you to make the moves and "share the costs" it generally means they're lonely in their out of town locale and are doing this till something better comes along locally. One guy I knew actually was serious but because I had spent all the money he expected me to make all the sacrifices in the relationship. He also expected me to support him.

Long story short...girls let the guy chase you and spend his money at least until you are VERY SERIOUS as in MARRIAGE if that's what you want. If it isn't what you want then look for someone local. You'll have more fun that way.