5 Ways to Stay In Love Forever

All people do not show affection, that does not mean that they do not care, i am a Leo, my husband is a Capricorn, a marriage doomed to fail. I hate showing affection, my husband craves it. Keep in mind, just because he don't show it, does not mean he don't love!

If he's not spending time with you,go buy a ticket and tell him that you and him going a way

don't make it a big issue on who to prioritize. If u make ur spouse ur #1 thats all mean all in the family are #1, the kids and the spouse. U don't need to argue on who to prioritize. I hope u all gets my point. ;)

wer happy now i hope it will stay forever, inlove with each other, ;) we do the same thing..

I like Aish because it helped me respect my woman and keep our relationship in a happy mood.

I've been married for 9 years and my husband has never done any of the things mentioned above until a few weeks ago. Our life seems so much sweeter and worth living!

I belive in all of these. I practice each one. Its hard when your the only one that does. Sad part is I am with a woman that treats our marriage like a business. I love romance, I am an artist, to be loved and to show it should be important to both spouses. If that is not a big part of your relationship, do not expect a whole lot out of it.

make her feel that whtevr u r doing its jst 4 HER happiness nt for any1 else....... talk to her openly i knw she ll suely b able 2 understnd ur true lovefor herslf........

I have been married for 7years. I have dreamt for a man who put me in first priority. Recently I have felt not well about my relationship. I try to understand what have been wrong with it and how can I stay in love with him. I consulted the internet and I found this is very true. This made my tear run down abruptly because It is what is happening to me.

Secret to a good marriage is seeing what You can do and not expect anything in return including being a priority most of the time we are always looking for what we lack instead of seeing what we have; when I started doing and not expecting my marriage took a turn bh for the better, but you need to be sincear and really really not even expect a thank you and your life will be much sweeter try it, what have u got to lose?

falling in love is good BUT staying in love is even better... thank you very much my friend:))

i have been married for 20 years,i can honestly say i totally agree with all of the above,its a successfull and happy marriage that you will have if you follow this really good advice.......thank you so much.

I disagree with no. 4 establish strong boundaries. Your spouse is NOT no.1 priority, not if you have children. Children are always your no.1 priority. spouse can be first, but not if you have children. Anyone that chooses their spouse over their children, makes a crappy parent. atleast, thats what I think.

This is why many parents divorce when the children move away.

Having children doesn't automatically mean you put your spouse on the back- burner. My parents did that and it caused their marriage to go through 30 years of hell/neglect. The belief that your children come before your spouse is a horrible way to live/think. A family is a whole. Love your children and raise them together. Don't neglect your spouses needs. You don't choose either your children's needs or your spouses needs. It should be viewed as your family's needs. Don't break down the family system.

Have you never heard the saying "Never give your child your complete and total world. They grow up, and then you're left with no identity"... It doesn't make you a crappy parent to put your spouse before your child you have together. Children grow up, they leave, and then where are you left if you've ignored YOUR life and YOUR marriage for 18 years ... You'll be left alone, divorced, and sad. Putting your spouse first doesn't mean you ignore your child's needs. Or that you don't make them feel as important as any other member in the family... But it does mean that you both make an effort to go on date nights, show a united front, and try to let them know how important they are. My parents have been married for 35 years and all children have grown and left... And because they made an effort to keep their spark alive throughout all those years they are still in love and want to be around eachother. I have been with my husband for 5 and we have one daughter together, and I can only hope to mirror my parents marriage. It's so important to keep your identity as a woman, man, and couple throughout your child raising years....at least that's what I think.

Your children are a priority yes. Safety and needs met. However, they are not to upset the relationship. My husband and i differ on discipline. I think he's to hard. But we talk privately and he hears me.He validates my points. We have well behaved children. I see a difference when he is gone. They listen but not quite as well. He is correct in his manner of discipline. He rarely would swat their bottom. Its more of him having higher expectations. I realize he is right. They are capable of more and maniupulate me. We are very much in love with each other. To the point we both feel an ache when we're apart for too long. Our boys are well loved and cared for. Our arguements was about them. We put us first. And talk with respect. I had a verbally abusive father. So I tend to want to sugar coat things. But for them to be men they need to know they cant do what they want when they want. And its not mommies job to cater to them. Another option is to write down how you feel. Every nasty word you want to say. Then calm down. Tear it up. And then talk to your spouse.

Children need the adults more than one adult needs another--dont forget this. By the way im a teacher and a parent.

I agree wholeheartedly Anna--that is in error. I was abused by someone who used this line of thinking--one of my friends was sexually abused by her dad-her mom said the same thing--the children ALWAYS come first! If not why have children?

Making your spouse number one is how you teach your children to have a healthy marriage.

Children yes, are important but it's more important for them for the parents to have a strong and good relationship ; they grow up more healthy and happy even though there father comes first.

I disagree, I'm in a marriage were my husband puts our son 1st. When the kids grow up and start there own life's most couples don't know where to start because they have grown so far apart. That's the reason why most couples divorce when the children are out of the house. Put your husband/wife 1st. Your kids would love you for it and you would be the best parent you could be.

I needed to hear this I love my husband so much but I worry I don't give him what he needs I will do these few basic tasks to makes him feel his value because I want to be his wife for life

There is never a perfect marriage, the two persons involved are two imperfect but when sincerely appreciates and understands other partner's weaknesses, then perfection will be found in them. Though i'm not married but i believe that each partner need each other to build a solid home. Pls keep on the good work, i'm learning greatly. Tnx

tnx 4r giving and sharing nice and respecfully advice to any one..

Than you so much for this! Me and my husband have been going threw some things here lately, and i strongly believe that this will be helpful for the both of us. Some of the points that he is trying to get across i ready here, and vise versa. So Thank you again!!!

Thanks i really luv dis, though i and my man are doing everything possible to build a solid home, so thanks for sharing this.

thanks for your advise.it's so helpful.

I have enjoyed reading your advice. I am usually the one giving advice these days, but I have found myself in a situation where I need to hear from a wise person. thanks...

Only those who value family life as the foundation of humanity can grasp the wisdom one find in such advices. I truly appreciate the above and will use them in my marriage classes. Thank you a lot for sharing such wonderful advice Rabbi. Please share more if possible.

Rabbi Great words of wisdom! Thankyou ! for the message displayed here. We forget the small gestures that keep us as a couple and as I am a statistic of divorce all that is extolled in these words have given me meaning for my future relationships. Best Regards Rick W

The core emotional need of a woman is to be cherished. This is the husband's number one responsibility. That means making her feel loved and appreciated, that she's your number one priority. A man's core emotional need is to feel respected by his wife. When he comes home, he wants to feel that there is at least one person in the world who thinks he's got what it takes. That means getting off the phone when he walks in the door... fantastic!

Just Reading this Reminds Me of My Spouse and how he does all of these things and We Are A Blessed Couple. I Love Him And Appreciate him dearly. I also reciprocate these loving actions in return... But All in All These Are the Key Ingredients!! Love It!!

Its more than perfect. Its all about reality in life and marriage. May GOD bless, guide and protect you so that you can keep on educate people and rescue as many marriages as you can.

More people need to see how important this message is because so many of us forget to show love to our spouses.

I have issues with bitterness and anger and this has affected my relationships in the past badly. I do fall in love with people easily but easily fall out of love with them if they dont live up to my expectation. I need tips on how to stay forever in love with a particular man without wanting to have a reason to leave them

Your husband needs to be #1 even though he is grown. This does not mean time. It means value. You might want to look at your children as your joint "project" that you are busy with. If you really have no energy for him, then get a babysitter at regualar intervals. Look at the other aspects of your life as joint projects as well. You can also look at the rest of your life like this. Because we are number one to each other we care about each others concen. For example, when he has a deadline you can be supportive because you know that he is #1 (NOT his work!!). You can also keep in mind that the work is supporting you and your joint projects (i.e. putting food on the table for him, you and your children). When your mother needs help, his help and understanding is letting you get a huge Mitzva of honoring your parent. It is YOU that are #1 (NOT your mother). If you look at everything this way, you will be more sensitive and you will gain. Its the small stuff and the attitude that counts. Good Luck!

these words make me feel better. that i am not the only one that thinks like this.

I have married for 2yrs and it has being ups and down but i belive that your advice will be fruitful in my family.

meaning after you find the right person for you. Please read the 10 things people should look for in a marriage somewhere on this site. BELIEVE ME, if the other spouse is involved in a triangle (drinking, gambling, drugs), you can forget about all these other suggestions....it just will never work. That article is a must read for every "single" person out there. This article is a must read for an engaged couple.

Since we are celebrating our 60th anniversary, I feel entitled to add one way you did not mention: laughter. My wife always answers the question "How did you do it?" with that method. We can still make each other laugh. It really is important.

I have this freind of mine who is getting married some time soon, i know he is subscribed to Aish.com but am going to print this and give it to him. Am also uplifted by this (i will make sure when i get married, i will try to cherish my wife and make her feel like she is a part of me through and through). Thanks alot Aish team

no empty words, do sth specific for the other party. men are not superior to women.

These are wonderful points - three cheers!!! I have been happily married for 9 of the last 15 yrs. By coincidence (?) my marriage started turning around for the better when I began learning the torah perspective on marriage - including getting off the phone when my husband comes in, which I do 95% of the time. Occasionally, it's impossible. I often say to my phone friend, so he can hear, "My husband just walked in, so I'll talk to you later". A little stroking for his ego - it works wonders. Makes him feel like a million bucks. And, when he feels good, he makes sure I feel cherished, too. Like "Anonymous" said, it works both ways, yes, but, since men & women are different by nature, it working takes different routes.

My husband and I are still in love and best friends. We were 19 and 21 when we married 40 years ago. It feels like the years flew by. All of your advice is very good. I must admit I didn't always get off the phone when my husband came home. He was very tolerant of that. Now i realize that it is just plain rude even if the person entering your home is not your spouse. another thing that has kept us happily married is that we see most everything the same way. Clearly we were meant for eachother. Since Hashem is #1 in our lives we have learned not to be self centered. that is also an important thing in a marriage as well as a friendship. now the bonus we are reaping together is our wonderful grandchildren.

what about respect your wife and cherish your husband? The husband should also get off the phone when the wife walks in the door. Double standards like these have been an oppressive force in my life, and so probably for many others too.

Very nice said. Words of wisdom.

I Understand that a wife comes first. But after being divorced and getting remarried my wife feels like i should''nt spend any time with my children because they aren''t biologicly hers. This is dangerous and incorrect. IMHO.

These are valuable points of concentration. Sometimes, however, a spouse may not be able to fulfil one or more of the precepts, but if there is love there, then there is understanding.

For example I have been happily married for 47 years, but in all that time, I cannot remember my wife ever getting off the phone when I got home from work. I admit that at first this bothered me. But I have come to realize that though my wife''s need to have social interactions with her friends is very strong, she loves me exceedingly -- with words and deeds. And she has amply demonstrated that she is as proud of my accomplishments as I am of hers.

Are you married b/c you sound like you''ve got the ideas pretty down pat. I was wondering if they are actually put into practice...

yeah, hard to read this and not wish for all this from your spouse, but your spouse is reading this too and working on him/herself not to wish it all from you too! Lets give it all to our spouses and let them glow...!

Sorry to point this out, but articles we read are meant for us to learn from and not for ''my neighbour'', or ''my spouse'' . Per the last sentence of the above article ,''You''ll enjoy giving more than receiving.'' Its about our duties not our rights! Thanks for this article - helping me better understand the depths of marriage!

My ex should have read it

this article should be required reading for every couple as a matter a fact by every young man and women prior to begining the dating process!~!

Thank you Rabbi Dov Heller!

Very well put and will be a great assist to me in my counseling sessions and for my spouse and myself.

How beautifully put!! And a wonderful reminder of how to make your marriage -and therefore your own life a constant joy!

I also enjoyed the following comments very much, as well.

I would say that I also agree with the two additional comments made by others - that Hashem and Torah should remain at the center of the couple and the family, and that the couple much remain sensitive, caring and attentive in terms of keeping each other happy in respect of their physical relationship...

I have noticed the request for prayers this Shabbos, and will keep these persons in my prayers -

This is part of the marital contact and agreement. And should be enjoyed as such.

excellent!i think its brilliant to know these type of things

Please can you post you husbands hebrew name and his mothers hebrew name? So I and everyone else reading this can Daven for him. Wishing him a speedy recovery.

PLEASE I NEED A PRAYER FOR MY HUSBAND IS 80 YEARS OLD, WENT TO THE HOSPITAL LAST WEEK HAD OPEN HEART SURGERY DOCTOR SAID HE WAS DOING GOOD FOR HE''S AGE, THEN SOMETHING WENT WRONG YESTURDAY HE HAD SURGERY AGAIN PLEASE I NEED PRAYER FORE HIM TO GET BETTER CANNOT LIVE ALONE I AM 79 YEARS OLD NOT IN GOOD HEALTH, ALL MY FAMILY IN ISREAL BUT MOTHER 4 SISTERS 2 BROTHERS ARE DEAD, WHAT LEFT ARE COUSINS, PLEASE HELP ME

It is vital for the partners to satisfy each other sexually. Husbands need to care enough to learn about how to pleasure their wife. Wives need to care enough to train their husbands in this sphere. Sexually frustrated people rarely make good mates.

I think the point about making your spouse the No.1 that the article was making was that when you expect your spouse to come home, be there for him!
Plan your schedule that at 6Pm (for eg) you will have those few moments free and will not have a diaper tio change then. Greet him/her and spend the few monets showing interest in his/her day/outing or whatever it was.
Then you can go and put the kids to bed/bath etc..
But if you are doing those actions when he comes home every day you will show that his/her hoemcoming does not mean anything to you.
Great article!!! Marraige needs chizuk and lots of hard work at every stage!!
Keep the love fresh and alive and surprise your spouse!
Invest in your marriage and this will be the best guaranteed investment that you will ever make.
And remember, none of us are perfect and eventually you will love your spouse''s faults! Be patient and you will build a nest of constant happiness for yourself.

Rachel seems to AGREE with the article about prioritizing. It sounds as though they were always No. 1 for each other, but that depending on the circumstances, this did not always translate in the same way. She mentions that when her mother was ill, she was No. 1--but with her husband''s approval and encouragement, thus making him the true No. 1. Being No. 1 doesn''t mean not changing your kids'' diapers because your husband''s home and you want to spend time without interruptions. It does mean that there is an underlying understanding that there''s a mutual commitment to building a home together, and changing the kid is part of the job. For the husband and wife to make each other the priority is the strongest foundation that this home can have.

Yes, I am agree with Rachel, make a top priority project. And everyone nedds to do totally sacrifices.

Some of the readers have confused the definition of priority. For example, rearing children certainly takes up a preponderance of time. Between overseeing schooling and tending to their physical/emotional needs, there is not a great reserve of free time or strength left for other activities. That does not mean that they are a priority over a spouse.
How then to determine who is the priority in your life?

Who do you want to share with? Simple. Who makes the difference n your life, who is so important that your very existence would radically change without that person. Who do you share the ups/downs with, the questions/concerns you have, the successful /happy moments, the laughter/tears? Your kids will grow up, marry, and separate from you. Your job is not your definition, unless you find your mind occupied with it 24/7. Your friends today may be elsewhere tomorrow - people move, schedules change. Who do you have? Who do you want to have in your life? Who must you have?

You chose a particular spouse for a reason, presumably compatibility was a major factor. So spend time sharing. How much time? That depends on what you can spare. But you can not cultivate a relationship without communication. Share lives together. If there are kids, you have plenty to talk about. But share more. Share yourselves, your deep thoughts and your spirit. And hear where your spouse is coming from. Your will become closer, until you truly become one. You will not question your priority because it has become part of your identity.

Because then at least HE''D have the perfect marriage!

:(..... (tears)

thanks for this wonderful article. I was married for 30 years and I am going through the 2 year without him. The most importing thing to remember is that if your spouse is hurt,YOU feel the pain and if your spouse is hunger for food you are also hunger for food. ALSO important thing to remander is that you are part of his/her skin and that you are his/her best friend for life, this means that you should tell him/her things everything about your problems inc fears and know that it would not be on the front page of the paper and the internet tomorrow.
thanks again for a wonderful article!!!!

The second paragraph of #5 is a one-line synopsis of the book The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate by Dr. Gary Chapman. I highly recommend it for EVERY couple. There are also special editions for children''s and teen''s love languages, also one focusing on helping men. They are available fairly inexpensively in the Amazon Marketplace.

I partly agree with Rachel. It is hard to put your spouse first when you have young children. and you take turns at being the priority. In theory it is great to put your spouse first, but it doesnt always work. id like to know how others manage it!!!

keep it up till 120

You always send the right thing on the right time.

I''m sorry: A spouse is an adult. I find it utterly ridiculous to suggest that another adult should be the No. 1 priority on a regular basis when there are young children in the household. Luckily, I guess, my husband agrees with me. And we''ve been married 25 years. We also are good at prioritizing -- when my mother had cancer, SHE was my No. 1, while my husband held down the homefront. When he has a major work deadline, that''s his No 1. And when I was desperately ill, I was no. 1.

let me know what you think

I never got any of this. No wonder I stopped giving! very sad

This is the best advice I have ever read concerning relationships!Excellent :-)

B''H, I absolutely love ts article,especially since I''m a soon to be kallah. It is important to make HaShem and Torah the center of our lives. To respect,love, understand and our spouse. Todah Raba.

Just a little reminder of things we already know. I love you.

Wonderful advice for couples contemplating marriage, for newly weds, and for old timers

This is very good advise. I appreciate it and will put it to practice.