_(english).jpg "Taking the Spiritual Dive")
_(english).jpg "Genetic Screening for Breast Cancer Genes")
_(english).jpg "When Bad Things Happen")
_(english).jpg "Judaism and the 12-Step Program")
+.jpg "Knowledge and Wisdom")
+.jpg "Moshe, Miriam and Prophecy")
+.jpg "Don't Give Up")
_(english).jpg "My Son's Yarmulka")
My son will soon be turning three, have his first haircut and start wearing a yarmulka. I approach the time with anxious impatience. At every opportunity, I ask Michael whether he would like to put his yarmulka on, trying to get him used to it. But the truth is that I don't really think it's going to happen. It's hard for me to imagine that a product of my womb will openly declare his Jewishness to any and all who see him.
My father can't even imagine wearing his yarmulka outside the home. How could anyone be so foolhardy to expose himself to a world he believes hates Jews so ferociously? Living in a Hungarian village as a child, he would run terrified from his home to school, knowing that there were ruffians waiting all along the route to beat the little Jew-boy up. Then the yellow star, and the darkness that followed.
Even after the concentration camps were liberated, Hungary was occupied by religion-haters, and identifying yourself as a Jew could lose you your job, or a place to live. It's no wonder he taught me to actively avoid exhibiting physical indicia of my Jewishness.
My father still enjoys being ethnically anonymous in a crowd. When he immigrated to the New World, he discovered that people are not very good at judging your racial origins by looking at your face. So that if you do not put out any obvious signs, people will not guess that you are a Jew, and you can listen to work colleagues make anti-Semitic small talk without being afraid.
For my father, wearing a yarmulka means the private world, the home. It means that you trust the people you are with enough to expose yourself to them. To wear a yarmulka outside is like undressing your most private parts in public. When he was in Israel the first time, my father wore his yarmulka in the street. It was an extraordinary experience; he was able to bring his secret private space out into the open.
For a Jewish woman, it is much easier sit on the fence about these issues of identification. The Jewish dress code for women focuses on covering things like elbows and knees; for females there is no outward expression of Jewishness which all the world can see. When I was in college, I fought my fear of publicly proclaiming that I was a Jew and started wearing a Magen David necklace over my clothes. Surprisingly, my father did not object when I paraded around his office with this conspicuous ornamentation.
But after a while, the Magen David no longer satisfied the need to announce my Jewishness to the world: it could be too easily hidden away if needed; and it had no religious meaning. It was just about me volunteering to decorate myself Jewishly.
My husband, Moshe, just about never takes his yarmulka off. His worst memory of a surgery he had as a boy was when the nurse took his yarmulka away, and when he cried out for it in the night, they wouldn't give it back to him. Moshe has traveled through Western and Eastern Europe, never removing his yarmulka, never covering it up. When someone advised him to take it off at work, he said as long as people were coming in with rings in their ears, noses and navels, he was coming in his yarmulka. He's a third generation American and just can't see what all the fuss is about.
My son is named after my uncle, who taught himself French and disguised himself as a diplomat to hide from the Nazis in Budapest during the War. We don't know how he died. We assume that someone recognized him, and then all the Gestapo had to do was strip him, find the circumcision and, as was their practice, shoot him into the Danube. Bodily symbols are very important in our history, our culture.
Three years ago we imprinted upon my son one indelible sign of his Jewishness. In a few weeks he will show to the world another sign. And in doing so, he will announce his allegiance to our people in the public domain. For him, it will be a coming of age. For me, a coming out.
_(english).jpg "Holocaust Lamentations")
_(english).jpg "Choosing Homeschooling")
(15) Anonymous, June 8, 2005 12:00 AM
This was truly an inspiring article. Jewish identity is not something to be trotted out on specific occasions, it is something that is constant, and the source of a Jew's identity, always. Of course, the specific externals are less important than what we really are, but as all Jews know, the externals influence the internals. So to emphasize something like kippah-wearing is much more important than it would appear.
Ma'aseh sheHayah: We once got home very late, and my six-year old son fell asleep in the car. We carried him inside and put him in his bed. No sooner than we had covered him with his blanket he awoke and asked me to go back to the car and get his kippah! I always take my kippah off before going to bed; I don't where my son learned to sleep with it, but I'm not questioning it!
(14) Rahel, June 4, 2005 12:00 AM
In Paris... hum, stereotypes...
Maybe some people would be interested in knowing the last declaration of the French President: "I don't care if the French voted 'no' for Europe, since Israel is the only true democracy in the world anyway".
After having been asked about it on another board, here is what I answered:
About French politics:
The President is Chirac (the man who said that Israel was the only democracy). The former First Minister, Raffarin, is now out and the new one is de Villepin.
Anyway, I really wanted Sarkozy to be the First Minister, but it didn't happen. He's halachically Jewish (his grandad was a rabbi) and very good for us. He's also a big friend of President Bush. The polls say he'll be the next President, and now one ignores his origins.
Anyway, now he has a kind of "combined" Minister, both interior security (police, laws) and finances.
My uncle (ambassador of Israel in a country, I can’t say more for privacy reasons) has met many French politicians, and told me most of them (apart from leftists) are friends with Israel, but pretend to like the Arabs because they need their oil.
I never hide I’m Jewish. I can tell you that most French people either don’t care (aren’t interested in religions) or are interested in Judaism - many even find it fascinating.
Again, I’m not talking about Arabs (the ones I know are no problem - but I know that in some places where they are in majority they make it hell for everyone, attacking Jewish men and raping Christian girls) & leftists who don’t dislike Jews but see Israel as a friend of the "mean America", and since they always want to defend the poorer people, they defend Palestinians (although they can become disgusted very rapidly if I ‘innocently’ tell them about the details of terrorism – or the lack of rights for Muslim women).
I can even tell you that polls show 1 Frenchman out of 3 supports Bush / war in Irak.
What I really regret is that only the raging leftists make themselves heard, and that many Americans tend to generalize because of it - and apparently some French people too. As a very patriotic French girl, I’ve had not so nice comments by some Americans, including by other Jews. I would like more people knew all the facts before judging (don’t hesitate to inform your friends of what I said, it's good to know before you speak, especially before you speak badly of a whole 60+ millions people country).
Although if I had to chose between my faith and my nationality my French passport would end up in the trash can, I tend to get upset a lot when people attack France (not the government, but the *people*).
I could also say that the French have elected an Israeli singer to represent them at the Eurovision - no big thing, but would an antisemitic people do it, when they had plenty of other candidates?
Thank you.
A proud Orthodox Jewish French girl.
(13) Merlock, May 29, 2005 12:00 AM
It's Too Bad...
...that your father feels he needs to hide his Jewishness so hard, even today. I'm glad, though, that your husband and now your son will be able to proudly show themselves.
(12) Yonaton, May 26, 2005 12:00 AM
In Paris today...
I'm from New York, but studying in Paris, France for the semester. Although everything we hear in the news about France is negative these days, the truth is, that I see people on the street wearing their yammaka and their tzizzit out on the street everyday. Unfortunately as with anywhere in the world, you need to be carefull where you wear your yammaka and where you don't, but imagine, that today, with everything going on in France, all the anti-semitism going on here, people are still proud, and still wear their yammaka in public. When I think about these people, I wonder why so many Americans are so scared, shy, or just embarrased to wear their yammakas. If they could wear it here, where it is really dangerous, how much easier should it be for everyone in America, where we are not scared of G-d forbid being shot at, mugged, or spit at. Wear it proudly. Great article.
(11) Dawn-Renae Kittle, May 18, 2005 12:00 AM
Thanks for the story.
Thank you for your story and the bravery of writing it. Will email it to my husband, who also has qualms of wearing his kippah in public.