The Dead End of Jewish Culture

Christianity and Islam seek converts; Judaism doesn't. (The Druze, as I understand, don't seek converts either, and their community is quite small and insular compared with the others around them.)

Some of us are coming back to living a Jewish life. After living a secular life full of nothing; some of us are returning to our Jewish lives.

I think this article should have mentioned statistics on what belief systems to which Jews tend to convert. It's not just Christianity- Atheism, Islam, Buddhism, and Hinduism are other popular belief systems.

I survived the Sydney silent holocaust - I moved to Israel. If you give a damn about passing on your heritige to your descendents, then I suggest you do the same - It makes life an adventure. Faith may have held our people together since the Roman expulsion, but it doesnt cut it for me in the modern age of reason. Neither does schmaltzy keechyness. Only the strong will stay the course.

Sara Yoheved Rigler has written another fine book that has been a big inspiration in my life and for others also. I highly recommend it: Bridge of Dreams (listed under her maiden name). It received quite a lot of acclaim in its day.

We ask: Kabetz Galuyotenu (gather the exiled). We ask, bring your presence back to Zion. We say, blessed be God who builds Jerusalem. Now what sense does it make to say these things and not get on the plane to Israel?

to become atheists, or become christians, which is worse?

The best way to preserve your jewish culture, traditions and make sure that you grandchildren will be jewish is to live in the promised land, Israel. Author's niece Jodi would of had much better chance to meet a jewish husband if most of the young men around her were jewish, like it is there. Israel is happy to embrace jews who want to return to Holy land and help to build a strong jewish state.

I was compelled into Christianity and I never believed in it. I have been on the path of Orthodox conversion long before I found a kind and generous Rabbi to help me. I just don't understand how anyone would want to give up Judaism. I suppose that their free will choices just like mine are made and free will means just that, however I just could not stop studying Judaica. I can't imagine for myself anything else.

the movies that come out showing only beautiful women place an almost impossible expectation for us women who are ''less than'' the men want it all. blonde hair/blue eyes/ $ and body. well if they canthave all that they are looking for someone who hasnt been born yet. impossible expectations, higher standaed of living causes no need to marry. the divorce rates are sky high. i have looked on jewish date sites only to find men who have never been married and at aged 50 want kids. WHAT?? where does that put us women who are 50 then? to be with 70yr olds? the men uahve unrealistiic expectations and are VERY SPOILED PERIOD. it is indeed a SHUNDAH. a shame. what ahve these gentile women got that jewish women dont have? how about asking that question instead?

The last comment #134 is so very correct. According to a study my Steven M Cohen MORE THAN HALF of the non-Orthodox Jews between the ages of 25 and 40 are not married! He described the double wammy of intermarriage plus the single problem as "leading to a non-Orthodox population MELTDOWN" in the US. We can't just fight assimilation by promoting Jewish identity in our youth American Jewish leaders must also work towards engaging Jewish singles into Jewish life and work towards getting them also engaged!

The national jewish survey from 2001 noted that the percentage of our american 30 year old who have never married is much higher than the national average. Look around. I still have plenty of friends still "waiting for that special someone." They are religious and non-religious. Many say that they want to marry, but can't seem to find their mates. Intermarriage may be one major threat on our survival, but what about the curse of the singles? What is the cause of this issue? Is it because Hollywood makes them think that a first date needs fireworks? Have we become too self-absorbed? Are women just too educated to consider marrying anymore? Are men too immature to settle down? I don't mean to offend, but our future depends on the chupah.

Catholics and christianity in general has been in decline for many years. You point to the intermarriage problem in judaism,which, I believe, is a function of the very great difficulty that young jewish men and women have in finding suitable mates. My children are in their middle twenties and have yet to get married. It is my belief that they are just about to jump to the other side and look for mates outside of judaism. So much for TRADITION!

I would like to remind all readers that equating Roman Catholicism with "Christianity" is a bit of a whitewash and simply, wrong. Protestantism is VERY different and cannot be equated with Catholicism as "Christianity".

except for a single verse, or even a single nuance on interpretation, denies the entire Torah" - Sanhedrin 99a It is with great lament to see so many, many Jews who don't even know Torah and seem only "naturally" to have nothing else but to "reject" Judaism. I wonder if those Jews had a chance to know what is a Jew?

Jamie, if you were to have a conversion in accordance to halacha, there would be no [justifiable] "exclusion". Understand that the very same set of laws that dictate how a Jew should hang their mezuzah tell us who is a Jew. :-)

Christianity in all it's forms relies that it's adherents profess certain beliefs. Judaism on the other hand requests that you accept both the beliefs and commit to accepting the responsibility of living a life guided by the Torah. When you convert to Catholicism, you do not need to bring a priest into your home to insure that you are well equipped to live a "Catholic life". On the other hand, any convert to Torah Judaism will have to demonstrate this to the Beit Din before their conversion.

So the "complete acceptance" is really the acceptance of just ideology. Being a Jew changes the essence of a person. The two things are quite different.

I was raised catholic I had jews who intermarried into my family. My uncle who was jewish for me became the most postive male rolemodel for me. I am more jewish then most of my jewish friends. As an adult I have always had a mezzuzah on my door observed some forms of shabbat law . I am intellectually jewish in many ways. I am educated and by most standards a good person. I give to charity. I am a man that any mother would love to see her daughter marry. According to traditional judaism I am not jewish. How ever my friends who are jewish care nothing about Judaism are not intellectual, never give to charity and observe no halacka by virtuehh of birth are jews.I attend a Reform synagague now. I think what catholicism and christianity offer is complete acceptance of a person as a christian and a lack of obessesion with race.

I think what we all need to understand is why Judaism and the survival of the Jewish people is so important

In Ethic of The Fathers 1:2 it says "The world stands on three things, on Torah, on service(prayer & mitzvos), and on loving kindness."

When we learn and practice, we bring positive energy and light into the world.
But without Jews, there is no learning Torah. And without Torah, there is no world.

The conclusion that Catholicism is "winning" is misguided and wrong. Catholics and other Christians are facing the same problems of lack of interest, involvement and religious observance as are Jews in America. It is much easier to blame Christianity because it is an easy target. I believe that atheism, agnosticism and secular humanism pose a much greater threat to the Jewish religion. How do you combat these backwards ways of thinking? Through education and intense study of the appropriate texts and disciplines. Simplistic reasoning and religious fear mongering will not suffice.

My most exciting time in all my years spent in the public education system was during my first philosophy class at a state university in ohio. The professor walked in and asked the class if anyone knew what philosophy was all about...nobody raised their hand to even attempt an answer. The professor then explained that philosophy studied questions such as "what is the meaning of life?", "what is art?", "what is the scientific method and how does it work", "does g-d exist"...etc..etc...From that moment on he had my complete attention...he did not mess around and got to the "root" of the problem, so to speak. That is the approach needed when talking to our jewish brothers and sisters today. enough of all these feel good pop psychology explanations for why jews are disaffected and indifferent to their religion. finally i will add that there is a common theme found in the stories of the great jewish men and women retold in the Tanach. they were not afraid to stand alone when necessary and they couldnt care less what other people thought of them for it. they understood that going with the flow and trying to fit in was overrated and they were better than that. now if only we could start thinking that way....

I was deeply touched by the article. It led me to thinking – yes. How many of us are slowly but surely moving away from Judaism. I myself have been married to a non-Jew. I am not defending myself or trying to say that I have done something outstanding, but just trying to convey my feelings to you.

I live in this part of the world, where for a civil marriage to take place, we require to give a notice period of 30 days. For 30 days the names of the persons intending to get married are pasted on the notice board outside the court. As I come from a very orthodox Jewish background, I was too sure that my family would not agree to this marriage in case they came to know about the same. Being very much in love at the age of 21, I decided to get married according to the other community. This closed all doors to Judaism. Part of my family disowned me and cut off all ties with me. There were times we met for a few marriages, or other Jewish functions, but I did not exist in their world. I was dead for them. Few members of the family wanted to keep in touch with me but were scared to do so. However, few of my family members did not give up on me. They forgave me for whatever I had done. Meanwhile, I did not give up on my Jewishness. By G-d's grace, I kept kosher at home, had a Mezuzah on my doorstep and also kept Pesah, which surprised many people. I really thank G-d for all this.

Many many years later, things started changing a little bit. The part of the family who did not think much about me, started talking to me slowly. However, they did not care much for my children and even their children distanced themselves from my children. There were a few weddings we attended, but as usual there were groups of these cousins and my children. They were always kept aside. Not once did anyone think of talking nicely to them, calling them over for Shabbath, or the High Holidays (of course, except the people who stood beside me). They were always aloof from my children. Of course, my children were growing and were deeply hurt by the way they were being treated. In fact this was a time when my children's minds were so impressionable, that any damage done would have been very difficult to undo.

My dear friends, I really request each of you from the bottom of my heart. Please do not forsake the children of such marriages. Try to include them in your circle. Invite them for high holidays, Shabbaths and maybe even a few birthday parties. Make them feel at home. Talk to them. They want you to do so. Do not show them they are different. You could make a difference to these innocent children, who could be in a confused state of mind of which way to go. Bring them back to Judaism. This will be a big Mitzvah to each one of you. Do not let go. Remember each Jew counts. If we maintain this attitude of aloofness, we lose a member among us. I am sure if such children are encouraged towards Judaism with love and understanding and not by looking down on them – for no fault of theirs, many more children will definitely be inclined towards Judaism. Every Jew coming back to Judaism, can add to our dwindling community. Dear brothers and sisters, this is not a story, but a reality that I have written down and have been living with, for so many years now. I thank Aish.com for giving us the opportunity to put our thoughts to reach all you dear little people.

I request each one of you to please pray for the people who have astray – for them – for their children to return to their roots. May G-d bless us and may he return all the lost sheep to return to its fold. Amen.

Read the article and would like to add the following.

I really do not know how we can stop this, but I request each one reading this article to please start praying for the ingathering of the Jews from the places we have been scattered in. I think only prayers from the bottom of our hearts, each one .... Praying every day.... will definitely save us from a major change and lead us to The Promised Land.

Maybe our Rabbis can also suggest a common prayer for all of us.

Mrs .Rigler is sharply right on her observations. Passion and cordiality between communities and nations survive on experiences from the past.In India the Jews came to Malabar, on west coast by 1000 AD.Their survival is not marked by hate or conversions towards the Hindu community. Still the affection and respect towards the jewish brethern survives in the Hindu mind.

As a divorced mother of a 12 yr old son, whose Israeli father abandoned him several years ago, my son said to me the other day "thank g-d I'm jewish" after watching Christmas cartoons. He thought the ideas were silly and did not want to take part in this country's majority's religious and culture beliefs. He also couldn't believe that the man the Christians were worshipping was jewish. He is not an Einstein kid, he just has enough sense to know that our religion and beliefs are the oldest and make the most sense to him. Amen to that!!!!Perhaps I will have to move him to ISrael in the near future to ensure he will meet a jewish girl to marry at the rate the American jewish people are changing. Let's hope we Ameican jewish people will wake up and smell the Challah.

I was saddened by your article, though I was somewhat incredulous. I know many "Jews for nothing" but none who have converted to any form of Christianity.

Then, just today, a Jewish colleague told me how she had gone to St. Patrick's Catherdral to offer a prayer for her son and daughter in law! When I expressed consternation, she added that even her mother lights votive candles in church, just to cover all bases!

I explained to her that this was idolatry. She told me that she had always understood that they, too, prayed to our G-d...

I suppose the Church is correct in its belief in the enduring attraction of ritual. Would that we could educate our own to find meaning in our own heritage.

Relationship is what young people need. They need to know the reality of G-d...that He exists...that He sees and hears...that He cares. I don't think the cultural rituals are as important to today's young people as are relationships. The ALmighty is not a far-away G-d, and a close relationship with Him...a spiritual connection...is the only thing that can bring them back to their roots.

The article is intereting but I dont think that it is fair to condemn non-Orthodox Judaism on the base of examples about Mendelssohn or Hertzl families.
I can as well give you the example of one of my Hassid cousin whose 4 out of 5 children have gone away from Judaism once they turned around 18-20 years old.

I don't know this author's family, so can only comment on my own. My son was also raised in a secular, but obviously Jewish home. He also met and fell in love with a Catholic girl. When it came to the wedding though, it was clear that we would not step foot in a church or participate in any Catholic ceremonies. So, my son and daughter-in-law found clergy (both Rabbi and Priest) that had no problem with a joint ceremony. For the most part it was a Jewish wedding. The name Jesus was spoken once, and frankly, as an American, who did not raise my son in an extremely orthodox way....I felt good about the beautiful, blended ceremony. When they decide to have children.....then we will see if we can get along as well.

As an observant Jew who (with my husband) converted to the Reform branch of Judaism four years ago, I must argue that it is unfair to automatically blame Reform Judaism for the phenomenon of American Jews intermarrying and/or leaving Judaism. Contemporary Reform Judaism is a vibrant celebration and cultivation of the partnership between G-d and Jews, not the "watered-down", culturally assimilated version of Reform Judaism that was promoted 30 years ago. Reform Jews ARE aware of the 613 commandments, DO draw life lessons from the Torah, DO pray in Hebrew, and DO consider themselves very much different from Christians. Reform Jews DO believe in the one G-d and reject the Christian concept of a "God-man" (or any other "savior") acting as an intermediary between humanity and G-d. The impetus behind Judeo-Christian fellowship is the desire to eradicate old misconceptions, prejudices, and hatreds between the two faiths by acknowledging that both share a common heritage (namely, the Ten Commandments and a belief in one G-d). Establishing such interfaith communication is valuable, because it teaches Christians that Judaism is a viable, living faith centered on the Torah - not an outdated, dying religion that is meant to be "replaced" by the "New Covenant" of Christianity. In addition, Reform Judaism actively discourages interfaith marriages. The fact that Reform congregations do not discriminate against interfaith families who are raising their children as Jews does not mean that Reform Judaism is in the "business" of promoting interfaith marriages. If anything, by teaching children of interfaith marriages about the Jewish faith, contemporary Reform Judaism is sparing these children a confusing "half-and-half" spiritual identity by raising them to embrace, and practice, Judaism.

My father was raised religious. My mother converted to Judaism a year or so before they wed. However, neither of my sisters were instilled with the love and zeal my parents had for Judaism. I have that zeal in me and long to share it with the community and to, one day, my children. We cannot permit this tradegy to continue.

I found this piece to be very powerful. Thank you. I'm now in my mid-forties -- after attending Sunday and Hebrew school from ages 4-16 and then marrying a Catholic man - now divorced after 20 years of marriage, I'm finally re-discovering Judiasm: lighting Shabbat candles, re-learning the Shema and reciting in twice a day, attending a women's Siddur class once a week at my local Orthodox shul. It's taken me this long, but I guess it's never too late.

Enjoyed your article.

The growing Christian influence seems to be evangelical rather than Catholic. They offer a "personal relationship with the Lord" and a more spiritual outlook away from ritual and do's and don't's, so it seems more free. This is what happened to my step-daughter, who now lives in Indiana.

My girlfriend's son married a "nice Catholic girl", not because she was stronger in her religion, but that he had no feeling towards his. Jews suffering from detachment or apathy to Judaism will not care how their children are raised.

In the 1950s there were 6 million Jews living in the US; now there are 4.5 million and declining. Yet the philanthropies and reformers pander to marginal Jewish groups (such as intermarrieds) as if they will rescue the declining population. The prophets told us that in the end of days all the Jews will live in Israel. This can happen in one of three ways. Aliyah, assimilation, or gradual death and disappearance of American Jews. It's already happening.

You're a real jem and I hope you don't become lost.Gd believed in me as I grew and I found Judaism,finally,in my 40's.Why do the reform Jews need to take away my conservative synagogue? My new rabbi is just like a priest. Too much interfaith-not enough Jewish.

Never thought of Jewish Culture as an attempted substitute for the actual religion, but after reading the article i recognize the validity of what you're saying.
Very smart article.
kol ha kavod

The Dead End of Jewish Culture provides the reader with a deeply thought provoking message. In particular I liked the point Sara Rigler made in stressing that the focus on Judaica rather than authentic Judaism is the cause of the destruction of ONE QUARTER of our people. The Holocaust and countless tragedies throughout our history reduced our numbers and now when we are fortunate to be living at a time and in a place where we can thank G-D be totally committed Jews we are losing large numbers of our dear brethren.
My family grew up in Sweden and that is ehere we were fortunate enough to live untouched and in tact during the Hitler regime. My father was secure in his lifetime position as the head of the Orthodox community, yet at age fifty he immigrated to the United States. He was often asked why he choose to leave a country where there was peace and a good life in many ways. My father's response was that he neede to secure a safe Jewish future for his children and with the rapid rate of assimilation in scandinavia it was necessary ro replant his family. Your powerful description of planting gardenias in your home reminded me of this.
As a guide at two wellknown Jewish museums in Manhattan I am keenly aware of the older population who attend these museums. Also there are many school groups, however I often feel they view Jewish life as relic of the past. Their lack of knowledge of authentic Yiddishkeit is disturbing. I have often heard acquaintances state that once the grandparents were departed there no longer was a seder to celebrate. I shuddered when a fellow teacher at my public school spoke of shattering the ashes of her departed father. We curse Hitler for destroying six million and now we have Jews cremating beloved family members in free will.
Everyone of us must become involved in rescuing and preventing the continuous loss of our Jewish people. Chabad is outstanding in their rescue work- for indeed in building Chabad Houses all over the world they are bringing home and bringing back our lost people.
Everyone of us must become involved. We cannot stand idle while our future is threatened. Inviting people to our homes for Shabbos and Yomim Tovim is probably the most powerful way to display the beauty of our religion. We are often invited to our niece Cyrel where we participate in a very festive Shabbos dinner complete with the singing of traditional hymns and the sharing of Torah thoughts. Those of us who cherish our Jewishness must make every effort to be involved in sharing our appreciation and love of Yiddishkeit. We can contribute financially and personally. It is important to remember to be a living example of the teachings of the Torah. We must continously strengthen our own love for Judaism through reading and learning. We must display our love for our customs and holidays. We must show our happiness and pride in being Jewish. It is frightening that in the midst of plenty- yeshivas and talmud Torah institutions, an abundance of books for children and adults, in a country where one can practice Yiddishkeit openly and without fear we are loosing one quarter of our people. Let us bring this message to evryone arond us and hopefully we will gather renewed strength.

heartbreaking.
what can an ordinary person do to help?

Jews can "convert", they can intermarry, etc., but believe me, when they are older, 90% of them realize that if you are born a Jew, you die a Jew, and they end up embracing Judaism fiercly. There is xomething born in all of us Jews that will NOT be converted away - not with baptism, nor anything else. How do I know all of this? Because it happened to me and many others I know or have heard of.

Although raised as a Catholic I stopped believing
when I asked my nun how did she know a bible wasn't like other books in the library. (I was 6 at the time)
After having my knuckles wrapped by the mother superior I was dragged to I was told the following-
"You never question-you believe."
For me, there is but ONE GOD who teaches us all.
And, how sad that all jews do not embrace their
culture and religion-after so many gave their lives and continue to do so. I have always felt that without Judism there would be no Christianity.
Catholics my age (51) have dropped out in large
numbers because of what I just stated and various
scandals within the church.

Sara only partially got into the WHY's of desertion from the Jewish faith.

There are two oher key issues: Most of us are descended from men and women who fled from Eastern Europe. From what I've read and understand, many frum people historically have been frum due to community and family pressure. So, when our forefathers got to America, most were more then happy to throw their tallis and tefillin in the garbage, since they "escaped" their old lives and could do whatever they wanted here with no one watching or caring. We are descended from these people, who gave us little or nothing Jewish.

And, have you ever been to an evangelical Church meeting? They are FUN, they are EXCITING, there is live music and dancing! They are drawing Jews by the hundreds of thousands. Nobody is droning prayers in a foreign language for multiple hours. BORRRRRING!!!! The rabbis need to put some life and fun into the routine Shabbos davening, or they can kiss the 95% of American Jews who are not Orthodox goodbye.

You so perfectly, beautifully articulated the sad reality in which so many of our contemporaries live. As terrible as it is when Judaism is devalued right from the beginning, it's at least as terrible when chldren are interested and excited about their Jewish identity, but never fed anything substantial to nurture those sparks. I remember our USY group in a Boston suburb as a very committed, inspired group of teens, but when we sought to find meaning in our prayers, we thought we had to do so by adding "relevant" readings from such great sages as Bob Dylan and Paul Simon. I would wager that, had anyone exposed us to authentic Torah observance, we would have lapped it up.

It was refreshing to see certain facts addressed that are often overlooked, disconcertingly by those in outreach fields. one very negative trait I have noticed is the unwillingness on the part of some "non-sectarian" orthodox kiruv organizations to work with other orthodox perspectives, even denying the viability of those Torah approaches - as even being "Torah". The consequence is that many opportunities for reaching such jews are lost in the drive to 'convert' them to a *certain* Torah approach - instead of to Torah - resulting in many jews being lost to - Torah!

Although I do agree with Sara Rigler on a number of points and maybe overall with the theme of her article, I feel that an important side has been overlooked. As Jews, we are constantly under pressure to conform. Sara’s niece is one example of the pressure to conform to the society around us. We all want what we see instead of searching for our souls desires. Keeping up with the Jones’s is how we fill our spirits, but alas, it is only a temporary fix. Whether or not we keep Kosher or pray three times a day is not the make or break of this downward cycle. The path starts with coming in contact with our inner spirit and asking,

“How can I serve you better?”

Whether that is observing Halacha or meditating, or going to Catholic Mass is an individual’s choice. There are many ways to find our relationship with G-D. As a Jew, I am constantly looking to this relationship and I am very worried about my children growing up in a society that idolizes objects, status, and superficiality. Avoda Zora at its worst. The world is a big place; much bigger then it looks, and the only place I want to be is in the Jewish Homeland, Eretz Israel. All Jews should want this and never let anything get in the way of this desire or in some cases, its actuality.

The worst thing a Jew can do is to be Judgmental about any other Jew. This is Sinat Chinam, unjustified hatred, and is the reason that G-D allowed the second temple to be destroyed. If we ever want to have a third temple, we need to Love our fellow Jews, even if they are on a different path then our own. Keeping kosher, praying three times a day, and obeying Halacha are only one approach to having a relationship with G-D. They work and should be seriously considered by all Jews that desire this relationship, however, just because Sara’s niece chose a different path doesn’t make it right to have judgment about it. It is sadder that an observant Jew now has to consider this person lost to Judaism instead of exploring another path as a human being looking for G-D. Hashem did make the whole world the way it is. We should all love each others differences as a celebration of that creation. If the path for Sara’s niece is to stray from Judaism, however sad it might be to us, its G-D’s plan. We should love and accept each other for who we are. We have no control anyways so let it go and enjoy the ride. Maybe we can develop a deep and powerful relationship with the Creator, and maybe we cant. All we can do is to never completely close the door and G-D will always be waiting just beyond sight, to love us back.

I understand Sara's concern about Jodi, but it won't last forever.

My mom is multiracial, and found out about her Jewish family when she was in her late teens. She didn't begin practicing Judaism, just Jewish culture and that's what she passed onto us (her kids).

Then we began to gradual more observant, and now we're all undergoing a halakhic return, and we're Jews of color. We will not let Judaism die out in our family and finish Hitler's work.

Jodi, or her children, may return.

Amen to your article. When I think of all the hassle I received for becoming observant in my late 20s and early 30s, reading articles like this one validate for me every single day why what I did (and am still doing) is right on the money. The bottom line? A relationship with G'd and committed Jewish children. Although my father, who was a holocaust survivor, was not able to come to peace about organized religion, I can't help but think that he was smiling from the next world when my son received his bris this past June.

I loved the article "Dead End of Jewish Culture" but I think the author is wrong when they say Catholics "don't strive to inculcate in their children a love for Catholic culture." Of course they do, they just fail. Catholics would love to have a Catholic culture or, more broadly, a Christian culture. As a Christian, I look at my\ Jewish friends in awe and with more than a little envy. They still have a vocabulary and holidays and foods and dances that are uniquely Jewish to augment their deeply religious life. From the article I gather this combination of religion and culture is not the norm but the communities I’ve seen are a beautiful picture of what it means to be one of God’s Chosen People.

I think the article makes a powerful point about keeping Judaism authentic, rooted in G-d and Halacha instead of diluting it by keeping only the "culture." However, why weren't G-d and Halacha enough before? Why did so many early immigrants trade their Judaism for the "Godlen Medina?" Why were the early movements (reform, conservative etc.) so popular and influential? Why is it that most Jews nowadays ARE assimilated/ intermarried? Furthermore, how many Jews "leave the fold" despite being raised and exposed to observant/authentic Judaism? If the editor has time, I'd like to hear the responses.

I think that the greenhouse allegory is exactly on target. It is impossible to transmit Judaism in Small Town, USA - without an environment ot nurture it. Each of us need to live in a Jewish community where we are in the right "climate" if we are to thrive. Without the right climate, we may possible hang-on, but we certainly won't flower - or make buds - or plant seeds.

nice article - very well said.
Thank you.

This is clearly a well written article that has uncovered a raw wound in a manner not often seen.

I agree with everything in Sara's article except for the comments on intermarriage and converts. As someone who is studying for conversion and would be intermarried it is extremely fustrated to have someone put me down constantly saying that I am part of the problem. This is not true. One of the reasons I have been studying for a few years now is that I do not want to yet convert because my husband is not Jewish and I would then be intermarried. So I hold of on my conversion because this fact bothers me so much. I keep kosher in my home, I teach this to my children, we read torah through aish programs we talk and talk and talk. I have over the years removed everything that connects me to my christian past from the house and explain in detail the reasons for this and why we are not christians (not that we truly ever were..it was a cultural thing).

I think it is unfair for Sara to put down those who are intermarried or wanting to convert. Yes there are some for sure who do it for the wrong reason and are more into the cultural aspect. But there are those such as myself who will not completely convert because I respect that as a Jew I am not to be intermarried and therefore I do not follow through on my conversion because of my great respect for this.

Those who truly convert struggle enough, we need to be supported and nurtured, to be treated as tho we can be part of the solution and not always looked at as the problem.

I agree with the author on this and it upsets me greatly. I returned to Judaism after 20 years of not observing my Jewish identity. I came back due to the three catastrophes in my life at that time. These are 1) The death of my youngest brother due to the terrorist attack on 9/11 {He worked at Cantor Fitzgerald} 2) I lost my job of 4 years 3) My wife of 10 years left with an ex-friend.... I found a synagogue and started again. Since that time {2 1/2 years} I have gotten a new job, and got back with my ex-wife. I now enjoy two Jewish communities in my area 1) The liberal minyan & 2) The orthodox minyan... I must prefer the Orthodox minyan. I too think that the reform movement has damaged the Jewish religion.

I pray to G-D that it is not too late. It is too late for my family, as my brother married a non-Jew {and so did I}...

My ex-wife is now considering conversion to Judaism, which makes me excited...
Shalom,
Michael

I am a 'Baal Tesheuvah' (apologies for spelling) I do not really care for that term. I grew up in the South in an extremely non-observant family though both of my parents and theirs were Jewish. I have become increasingly observant over the years to the point where I am 'shomer' and keep kosher. I daven Scharit, Mincha, and Maariv. The path back for me was through REFORM Judaism. I still cannot keep up with the speed at which my congregation davens at. Indeed, Orthodoxy has few resources for those individuals who did not have an observant upbringing or attended Yeshiva. How do you expect to attract a non observant / secular Jew if no one takes the time to explain much less teach what it means. Will you sit them in a Talmud class on Bava Kamma and expect them to understand or even be able to appreciate the experience.
You can't take a the family car to a Formula 1 race and expect to get the car to even finish the race.(translation; the car and the student do not have the 'equipment' for the task at hand). I struggle every day with being observant; which includes going out in the world with a Kippah on top of my head. Bashing our Reform brethren or quoting statistics that Rav Mendelssohn’s progeny left our religion is not really helpful, and seems...I stress seems a little judgmental. What is needed is to commit resources, teachers, synagogues, and Jewish institutions to reach out to the unaffiliated to disenfranchised, to disinterested and engage them on many levels. I do not in this short letter mean to imply I have all or even any of the answer. However, now more than ever the Jewish people to find a way to stop the 'hemorrhaging' of Jews from our people and engage those whom are only peripherally involved B"H.

This article displays an unfornate trend in American Jewry. However, it brings the matter to our attention. If we want Judaism to survive, we must derive a new solution.

Again good article Mrs Rigler and aish.com.

This article makes me shudder. Living here in Melbourne, Australia it appears we are 2 generations behind the USA experience. Baruch Hashem we have one great advantage here in Melbourne about ~50% of Jewish kids go to Jewish schools..

Hashem should help that we should be meritorious "zocheh" to see the intrinsic beauty in Torah and Mitzvot and impart this to our kids and grandchildren...

I justLOVE your articles! You named it!Wherever one goes, the problem is the same as in the states. And it is very hard to fight against it. Thank G-d there are people like you-and aish.com!You don'tknow how many people from germany areinspired by their articles. Is it allowed to widespread this article by translating it?

JUDAISM WILL NEVER DIE OR GO THE POINT IS THAT EVERY JEWISH PERSON REMAIN STRONG AND KEEP AWAY FROM PEOPLE WHO TRY TO DESTROY THERE SOULS.

not only is jewish culture a sad substitute, but in reality, there is no such concept. food, music etc...it's all there in order to help us serve Hashem better. Would there be such a thing as cholent if we would be allowed to cook on shabbos? what is the point of moving, emotional music if we don't use it for davening? No wonder children see through the farce of maintaining a "culture" with no meaning behind it.

I was brought up a Catholic and always from a child found it an unappealing, somewhat ridiculous religion, cruel and anti-female. I could never understand Christmas, Jesus wasn't even born at that time of the year, it seemed so phony to me. Then I read 'Exodus' by Leon Uris and for the first time there was a religion that seemed real and genuine. I will never understand the appeal of Christianity and I can't understand your niece Jodie being attracted to it after having the advantages of a Jewish upbringing.

I love these articles because I so often feel completely isolated in my experience. Briefly, I was raised by two Jewish parents who wanted nothing to do with Judaism. With that said, they still couldn't help but pass down some of the culture which I am eternally grateful for. Growing up I ached desperately for Christmas and even to this day I enjoy the sounds, sights and smells of this holiday. I have often thought of converting to Christianity because I feel truly welcomed by them, and I enjoy the rituals. Jewish rituals seem so much more complex to me, and because I haven't grown up with them, I feel ashamed when am confronted with other Jews who have clearly grown up practising Judaism. I have never felt that Judaism is particularily welcoming, especially to people who are more on the fringe. At the same time I am also fiercly proud of my roots and I am pleased that I at least know a smattering of Yiddish and it means a great deal to me, since my mother was raised in a Yiddish speaking home and a religious home. I don't know the answer to this problem, but one thing I know and that is other people continue to pass their culture on, like my Italian, portugues, Chinese friends, but Jews seem to become more homogonized, even when they continue to practice the religious aspects!

I am still in search of something and I hope I find it in my Jewish heritage, but am still undecided!

Marc

Grew up in camden like you.My late sister did the same thing as your niece. I stayed the course and gave my children a yeshivah education. it works.

The authoress speaks the truth. Too much time is devoted to ritual and not to the core of Judaism - which should be devotion to G-d not Bar/Bat Mitzvahs,
Hadassah, all the other social niceties that allow Jews to claim they are still practitioners.

The reason for this phenomenon is simple: lack of exposure to the TRUE beauty of Judaism. Take my story for example. I was raised in a home where there was belief in G-d, b but it was with an understanding that the laws were for "those times" and no longer apply (e.g. the reason Jews were prohibited from eating Pork was because there was no refrigeration in the desert, etc.). I think this is fairly typical for most American Jews nowdays. I think most non-observant Jews view Judaism as something really strange and foreign -- so many strange rituals and practices ("you mean THEY can't even turn on the lights on Saturday!?") To me it seemed like such a harsh, and unbearable yolk -- why should I even bother!

And sadly, I didn't. Like many of today's Jews, I intermarried. The marriage failed, and I am in the process of divorce. Although, it wasn't the main cause (her verbal abuse and lack of kindness were), I came across emails to my wife from friends of hers who said it was no surprise, since "Jews are bad people, etc." It seems that many who leave Judaism think somehow they can blend in and be just like everyone else. Well, you can "leave" Judaism, but it will never leave you. Those of you who are considering following my path, remember that at BBQ, you'll always be "the Jew". In any case, after my wife and I separated, I hit rock bottom. I was in such a deep hole, I couldn't find my way out...

But behold!! Hashem, the holy and mighty one, reached his hand down into the hole and pulled me out!!!

"If I did not fall, I could not have arisen; if I had not been in darkness, it would not have been light for me" (Midrash Tehillim 22).


I picked up a copy of the Stone Edition Chumash (http://www.artscroll.com/Books/stoh.html -- this is THE one to get as it has the commentary, which is key) and learned was Judaism was really about. I learned that Hashem LOVES me, that Judaism is MORE beautiful and spiritual than Christianity, Buddhism, or Taoism COMBINED. I now savor my Torah studies now -- I enjoy reading the commentaries of Rashi and Rambam. Had I realized any of this earlier, had I known how LUCKY I was to be one of His blessed people, I would have followed HIS ways from the start. It is no burden, but a joy.

I guess my point in writing, is that there are many like me who are coming back. Baruch Hashem!!

Now, regarding the "draw" of Christianity...


Anyone who does even a cursory study of Torah knows that the whole concept of Jesus is absolute nonsense. Christianity combines pagan rituals (notice that the Christian holy-day is SUNday -- in honor of the Sun god) with an much earlier Egyptian myth -- that of Isis and baby Horus (e.g. http://www.near-death.com/experiences/origen046.html) -- along with misquotes and mistranslations of the Torah. I guess the Emperor Constantine never expected the masses to learn of this.

Interesting trivia: ALL the major greek gods was born on December 25th.

Years ago, my husband and i had the pleasure of sharing a shabbos meal at the Rigler's home in Jerusalem. Her family is an inspiration to jews growing in observance. It's bashert that i've come upon this article. Currently i'm attending an egalitarian conservative synagogue, and it is serving it's purpose: i'm seeing how ridiculous this type of judaism is. to me, it's feel good judaism, not real judaism. unfortunately, i had to move out of brooklyn to realize this! the frightening thing is how quick many of the women in the congregation are to take on men's mitzvot, but how slow they are to do the few mitzvot assigned to women. (and there i am, sitting in the back, separated by my own doing because i WANT a mechitzah, knowing that i'm keeping taharat hamishpacha, lighting shabbos candles, and taking challah when i bake.) at any rate, i wholeheartedly agree with all of the points in this article, and know that unless we offer our own children more of a religiously commited lifestyle, we cannot expect them to further the generations.

I think that your problem is the lack of G-d. There is no need for Judaism if there is no G-d. Without G-d, there is no sense for doing Jewish things, no desire for such devotion. Many Jews "convert" to Christianity because Christians offer them a personal relationship with G-d through Jesus. What does Judaism offer? At best, the survival of a people group. Here in the USA, the Jewish people are not threatened by death. So why be Jewish? Modern Judaism permits so much and offers so little.

I was convinced that the end of the article would say "natural environment"...ISRAEL.....
GREAT ARTICLE as always

I'd like very much to see another article written answering, or simply covering, all the comments written here. Some of them are quite shocking, belying ignorance and severe lack of information on what it is to be a Jew (most notably the reasons for matrilineal decent and how they do not point to prejudice of any kind, and why exactly it is that a Jew becoming Christian is indeed worse than identifying oneself as atheist). Others reflect realities that are quite complicated and really need to be addressed. But I do agree that most in the Orthodox community need **serious** lessons in Kiruv ! They can be quite unfriendly, and although it has more to do with fear and having trust issues, they need to get over it and inquire of a new person who they are and what questions they may have. Like many articles on Aish.com have said over and over, a smile from a Frum person can go an amazingly long way.

I grew up in the Reform movement. In "Sunday school," we were taught that the reason for Kashrut laws had been public health and that because now pork and shellfish could be safely eaten, those Kosher laws were no longer binding.

After I became more religiously observant 20 years ago, thanks to Aish, Chabad, and Young Israel, I began to be able to see how the average Reform "rabbi" lacks the in-depth Torah knowledge of the average high school Yeshiva student.

I read that the very term "Orthodox" was an invention of the German Reform movement to make its newly created religion seem like a valid alternative to frum Torah and Mitzvah observance. "Orthodox" Judaism is simply normative Judaism.

To me, it's grimly ironic that the Reform movement, which was designed to eliminate anti-semitism by making Jews seem more like Gentiles, started in Deutschland!

Su., 10/30/05

I think it is very sad that Jodi asked her grandmother if she was Jewish. Why didn't she know that? From the article it seems that Jodi's parents were not too interested in making sure that she grew up Jewish and valued all that it means to be Jewish. It is easy to blame the community, or town, or other religious traditions, but the responsibility lies with Jodi's parents to make sure she knows what is important. My religious traditions are a big part of my life. They were a big part of my parents' lives and as a little girl I knew the religion of all my grandparents. I knew because someone who thought it was important for me to know told me. My parents. As a mother the buck stops with me also. My kids know about and practice their religion because that is how I raised them. They might chose other traditions as they become adults but for now they have religion in their lives. It is my responsibility. I hope Jodi and Brian have children and make it their responsibility to tell them all about their wonderful Jewish great-grandparents.

What an excellent metaphor for modern American Jewish Life. It actually begs the whole question of Diaspora.
Alan

Having been a Christian (in many different denominations before deciding to chuck the whole thing and converting to Judaism--long story I won't go into here) you've got it all wrong. Christians don't teach anything about their religion that makes it seem more valuable other than the simple focus on the afterlife. That is the most important thing in Christianity--heaven vs. hell. To stop practicing Christianity condemns you to hell, to continue assures you the rewards of heaven. Christianity merely uses fear tactics to retain, and attract, its adherents. It isn't rocket science. It isn't something inherently more valuable or beautiful in the religion. It's fear. Jews don't do that. Jews don't focus on the afterlife, we focus on the here and now, and the repair of the world. However, that repair seems to be so far out of grasp that I believe what happens, more often than not, is that hope is lost. 'Why bother working toward "tikkun olam" and following the mitzvot if they aren't going to make any difference, anyway?' I believe may be what's on the minds of today's young Jews. Hopelessness in our society is nothing new. The late John Lennon wrote a song "Nothin's Gonna Change My World" indicating that even he had lost hope several decades ago. Christianity teaches that our rewards will be in heaven, not here on earth. That can be attractive to someone who has lost the hope of a better world.

Judging by the number of responses, this seems to be one of the most imprtant Jewish issues today. Something has to be done about these problems. Some people wrote that when they went to a Shule, they felt unwelcome. To these people, if you're ever in Sydney Australia, come to Central Synagogue, and I'll try as much as I can to make you feel welcome (I'm the guy who gives out the parasha sheets in the men's section). If we all do our bit, including making newcomers feel welcome, inviting them over for Friday night dinner or Shabbat lunch, and even forming a committee to welcome them, then I'm pretty sure we can help put a dent in this problem. For Jews who have married non-Jewish people, maybe a conversion information night would help - this would include what the conversion process involves, who will be teaching etc. These might be less intimidating since if it is open to all those who have married out already (and only those who have already married out), many people there would be in the same situation.

On the subject of conversions, I recently typed into my seach engine "convert to Judaism", and NOT ONE Orthodox conversion site came up. There were ones for Jews converting to Islam, to Christianity, but the only one for converting to Judaism was one run by a Reform Rabbi. Why is there no Orthodox conversion information website that is readily available? This would also help those who have married out and their spouces find out about conversion from the privacy of their own home, as some may be embarrassed at first.

One last thing - if we all act as ambassadors for Judaism, such as wearing a kippah or a Magen David while doing good, such as hekping in a soup kitchen, or even at work, we may find that we're surrounded by unaffiliated Jews! It happened to me, when I started wearing my kippah at work (I already did at home), many of the other workers came up to me and told me that they were Jewish. If we all act as Jews should act, with kindness and love, then we'll beat this problem, like we have every other.
From
Ben Wittenberg, 18, Sydney Australia

I found your viewpoint interesting. I was raised Catholic and along with many of my peers, no longer am a practicing Catholic. I think the Catholic Church can be too ritualistic and out of touch with current issues of many younger people. Although I am not Jewish I enjoy the aish.com newsletter very much and was introduced to it by a close friend who is Jewish. Thank you for your article.

As a Reform Jewish convert and seeker of truth I disagree with Sara Levinsky Rigler's analysis of how do we continue transmitting Jewish religion, ideals, and community. She herself formerly taught Vedanta a Eastern Hindu based religious philosophy as she must not have found examples or friends and family that could show her the beauty, wisdom, and practicality of Jewish life, teachings, and practice. Our children learn by our example as much as our formal teaching. We live as a minority in the world and there are many ways to serve God and live a Jewish life of example. Many congregations have mixed marriages just as in Moses' day of the mixed multitude. I support and encourage all people of Faith to practice love, good deeds, charity, towards all Jews & those of other faiths to fix this broken world as G-d's partners.We need UNITY & Encouragement among Jews not Division!

I can see that Sara's article is really a justification of her decision to move to Israel. Jewish environments exist all over the world and many resuscitated the 'greenhouse' of modern Israel particularly after the Shoah. I find it troubling that the sole characteristic of the hubby is that he is a Catholic - Is he a nice Catholic?

This article states what many of us already knew, but it makes the point of what we have to do. Stop worrying about which Chanukah candles to use, or even how to SPELL Chanukah. Make a Jewish life in your home, show your children what to do and how to live Jewishly, or they will fall away. I had two sons with a non-Jewish man, and though they went to Hebrew school and had bar mitzvah ceremonies, neither of them are religious. They are not married or with someone "special", but I can see where this is leading. My older one said if he marries a non-Jew he will never convert, because "I can't hurt you or Grandfather that way." That made me proud, but only for a while. That is his only reason? And my other son doesn't care at all, but he is not quite 20, so I hope it will change. My second husband and I have been great examples for them, if that helps at all. Every Friday night I light candles, my husband have a Shabbat service, I bake challah, and then we go to services at our synagogue, where both of us are in the choir and are very active. But will it matter? My husband had 2 daughters with his first wife, before he became "religious again", and one became Catholic for her husband and has three Catholic sons. The other said she would not convert, but she married a Catholic as well and is raising their new baby as a Catholic. I cried at his christening, and when I got to hold him afterwards, I walked off with him and recited the Shma in his ear. But what difference will it make? Here are four little boys who should be Jewish, and they are all Catholic. And my sons aren't married yet. And we are only one family. Look at all the others. What can be done?

When I read this article, I felt tears well up in my eyes. I'm orthodox, Baruch Hashem, but I know others who aren't. I see the destruction and pain that comes from leaving a legacy of so-called Judaism (pesach where you have your choice of matzah or bread, chanukah where latkes are eaten while sitting beside an x-mas tree) to one's children. The "legacy" that is handed down is destruction- by giving this to our children, we lead them to their downfalls, chas v'shalom.
Yet that false legacy, is no worse than raising children in a frum home where they are not taught to have a love for the Torah. Anything that is an obligation, when done without love, becomes a burden, and burden's are often tossed aside. If we don't want the present and future generations of Klal Yisrael to continue to chas v'shalom diminish, then we must be careful to give them the GIFT of Torah and mitzvot. A gift that at times might be weighty, yet is never truly a burden, since it is accompanied by joy. If we can pass along the legacy- the TRUE legacy- of love for the mitzvot, rather than just a casual recogniton of something Jewis; of a desire to fulfill the mitzvot, for they're what make us who we are- Jews. If we separate ourselves, our families, our friends and children, from all that being Jewish is truly about, than it should come as no surprise to us, if they one day lose sight of their Jewishness altogether.
Each person has a soul, a spark- a pintele yid- inside of him. This spark,like a fire, needs to be fed more wood in order to burn bright. If no more kindling is added, than the fire will get smaller and smaller, until it becomes nearly non-existent. If we don't "feed" our children, if we don't pass down the greatness of Judaism to the future generations of Klal Yisrael, than over time their spark will diminsh, until it too, is nerely non-existent.

As New York residents, our family enjoyed the privilege of participating in conservative synagogue life and the option of various levels of activity in synagogue activities that frankly reflected our own time of life. We also enjoyed the availability of choice of synagogue and the ability to change synagogues or more closely ally ourselves with religious organizations that met our needs. All that changed when we moved south and our small Jewish community experience has highlighted the disastrous results of the lack of oversight, commitment and availability of options that must face others like ourselves outside major Jewish metropolitan areas. We believed in the USCJ membership and relied on it and joined a synagogue that boasted it but never had to test it until we moved here. And now, as our children fall away from the mean-spirited, chaotic culture of the only available conservative synagogue in our town, as congregant after congregant seeks assistance from USCJ and then merely realizes that he/she can only take it or leave it, as we hope for the day of our youngest child's barmitzvah as the day we will no longer have to financially support this synagogue, we are left with the dismal realization that there is in fact no oversight of conservative synagogues, that USCJ membership is mostly about synagogues paying dues and supporting USCJ and that the egos, fears and self-promoting visions of a few can transform a synagogue into a giant seventh grade lunchroom table filled with posturing, bragging, gossiping and an endless downward spiral of nastiness that ignores the fact that in the end its value, importance and relevance are nothing.
I know, it is unfashionable to verbalize or write about the obvious, it is deemed
negative and nothing is worse than being negative, right? Wrong. Describing the behaviors that are ruining the opportunities for our children to enjoy the aesthetic, warm community of a functioning synagogue is not more damaging than ignoring the fact that these opportunities have been destroyed. In our home we can use any chance we have to distinguish between Judaism and our synagogue, but in fact, this is not enough. We can speak of having courage to be Jewish but our teens can recognize the fear of personnel who as they say "kiss up" in order to preserve their jobs. We can speak of the importance of learning and education but our teens recognize the uncredentialed congregant in "charge" of our school and youth group. We can emphasize the importance of tzedakah but cannot explain the fact that our congregational meetings have slandered and screamed accusations about synagogue personnel from rabbis to education directors that forced them out of their jobs. We can remind our children that they are Jewish, we can teach them about Jewish tradition and culture and we can expose them to all things Jewish but without a positive, consistent community opportunity and experience our children, like all social creatures will drift to those who give them acceptance and consistency, even if those communities serve them cheeseburgers. I agree with the author that to perpetuate Judaism we need Jews, but passing on our culture is not enough. There are many non-Jews who like Jewish food and will eat a bagel or a latka before church. We need to retain our parent Jewish membership and nurse and cultivate our children's Jewish identity. In our case, a real organization of oversight that required, expected and assisted a failing Jewish synagogue from falling into what it has become would have been helpful.

My mother is a Kohan from an incredibly strict Orthodox family. My father was Levite of a proud Jewish, but not overly practicing. I was brought up Conservative, kosher home, etc. I speak Yiddish.

I also grew up in the deep segregated south. A "Hanukah" bush, Easter eggs, were unheard of. Few Jews, but we had pride. What I've noticed is that the Jews of my generation, mostly those from up "liberal" north, cut their noses off, changed their names, and became secular Jews, ashamed of what they were.

You never see the Irish change their names, or act ashamed of what they are. We have allowed gentiles to set the parameters. I was brought up if someone called me a Jew, not to run and hide, but fight, make the person sorry he said it (and I'm a female). As a result, not to many of us had to fight. We didn't change names or try to have a Hanukah bush. I know who I am, I just wish that the Jewish parents of the last two generations taught their children pride instead of shame.

Also, Judaism, even with different views, is not known by our own people. Sure people know Passover, but do they know about reincarnation beliefs, etc? No, but they run to Buddist priests and Hindus because of their spirituality and reincarnation. We don't have to worry about gentiles, we did it to ourselves.

Fear not the loss of Jews to Secularism or Christianity or any other non-Jewish life. There are reasons why those who leave, choose to leave. Better would be to understand why they're leaving, than to bemoan the fact that they do. Judaism is under attack from strong challengers who make sound arguments. If not for this, Jews would not be so willing to depart. What is needed in Judaism is to see a heart love rekindled for Hashem, not just lipservice. Those who have it, know what I am speaking of. Jews tempted to depart need to see Jews who have this love. Without it, religion is just lipservice. Hashem is real only to those who love him.

TO SARA RIGLER

jEWS DEFECTING TO OTHER RELIGION'S IS ALSO A PRODUCT OF SECULARISM.
CHRISTIANS HAVE ALWAYS BEEN TEACHING TO EVANGELIZE THEIR bIBLE BASED BELIEFS.tHAT IS PART OF THEIR MISSION!!(I DON'T BLAME THEM FOR THAT!!)i DON'T SEE ANY DATA SHOWING THAT THEY HAVE BEEN SUCCESSFUL IN THAT, CONSIDERING THE!!
THE jEWISH MISSION IS NOT TO BRING THE WORLD TO jUDAISM...IT IS TO REPAIR THE WORLD UNDER HASHEMS RULE!
THERE ARE FAR MORE JEWS LOST TO FALSE GODS OF SECULARISM, THEN CHRISTIANITY WILL EVER EVEN COME CLOSE TO GETTING.
SO I DO NOT LIKE THE SUB-HEADLINE IN THIS ARTICLE -jEWS ARE FLOCKING TO CHRISTIANITY. iT IS NOT TRUE!!
jEWS ARE FLOCKING TO SECULARISM AT THE UNIVERSITIES AND T.V LAND, EVERYDAY BY THE HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS ESPECIALLY THE NEW GENERATION. THE JEWISH PEOPLE HAPPILY & WILLINGLY PAY LOTS OF MONEY TO GO TO THE UNIVERSITY TO LEARN THERE IS NO GOD!!(OR THE CREATION STORY)...AND BY THE TIME YOU GRADUATE THE UNIVERSITY, THEY HATE ALL FORMS OF RELIGIONS ESPECIALLY JUDAISM & CHRISTIANITY!! THAT IS A FACT!
iT IS NOT CHRISTIANITY WE MUST FOCUS ON, IT IS THE FALSE RELIGION OF SECULARISM THAT IS SO BAD FOR JEWS!!

I myself studied Catholicism for about 14 months, with the plan of converting to Roman Catholicism. I guess this comment field is too small to go into full details as to why and how I came to appreciate and then to embrace Catholicism, but suffice it to say I found it a refreshing change from Judaism, and really any other religion I've studied. The "trappings" such as saying a daily rosary, praying to saints for specific issues, stations of the cross, etc. really intrigued me. It was what I needed at the time of incredible spiritual upheaval. And there's still a part of me that admires those of true faith who find solace in a God figure.

My mother's brother married out. My Brooklyn cousins are Catholic. Same eith my mother's sister. Her kids are Jewish...but don't tell my cousin Mikey*. He's Southern Baptist, and don't try to tell him otherwise. His sister considers herself both...she married a W.A.S.P., I wonder if their daughter, or her kids, will ever even know who they are? I see generations of lost Jews...
I am the only girl in my generation on my dad's side. His sister married Jewish, kept kosher, etc...His wife is part Jewish, I think on her father's or step-father's somewhere...Don't get me wrong, she's really nice...the whole family loves her, its just part of the point.. .Another cousin. not married, another, married out...

My parents each didn't know the other was Jewish when they 1st got together... My mother still doesn't like to admit it. We were raised Chiristian until we were 6... At school we had Christmas and Easter vacation, pagents (the dreidel song thrown in)...
Aside from our parents fighting about what religion we were, our main link to Judaism, our only Jewish community, was the Moshiac Times. Somehow, the Shpy managed to keep the last embers alive...

My brother fell prey to the messianics. I fell to the, "I'm Jewish, but..." Judaism was my heritage, I worshipped nature. Anything to get around telling people what I was. To avoid that look. "Oh, you're Jewish..."

We came so close to being lost. Outreach Jusaism got to my brother a few years ago. He is now studying at a yeshiva in Jerusalem.
I went on Birthright last year. Just a little adventure. Just so you know, you can get hooked your 1st time. As soon as the plane landed, I knew I was home. I came back a month later. Next Shabbat, I t will be 1 year (CE calendar) since my 1st Heritage House Shabbat.

See you at the Kotel.

I am amazed by the fact that even some of the most ardent people against intermarriage do not realize that Judaism will not survive purely as a religion of "culture". It is no wonder that the children marry out of Judaism! They seek the spirituality that they have never had because they have grown up thinking that to be Jewish, all one does is make blintzes, matzah balls, and marry other Jews to preserve the "race". These thoughts need to be replaced with something much more substantial and deep - such as viewing everything in life as a gift of G-d and a firm understanding of the fact that Western Civilization cannot thrive unless there is a core group that believes in a formless spiritual deity. It's about how we educate our children - not what they do after they've had a religious upbringing lacking a backbone.

I was once an Hillel Director for a southern college. I was shocked to find that 64% of college age Jewish students married out of the faith!!! Of those, only 4% raised their children as Jews!
These Jewish students then found themselves in various Christian denominations, with no idea of what was going on. To appease their spouse, many have joined "Messianic Synagogues".
I was shocked to discover that these "Synagogues" were more Jewish than the Reformed, and most are along the lines of Conservative synagogues. They have Jewish litergy, Torah study, keep Kosher lifestyles. My question is...are they Christians, or jews?

Tradition, culture, lifestyle, religion, etc are equally devoid of real meaning for our children, whether Jewish or Catholic. Each "tradition" will continue to trade those children who are fed only old and empty shells. They will be searching instead for real, fundamental, useful, knowable and personal truths about God. Those who learn to seek out, recognize and feed on these truths of God will find Him, know Him, and never leave Him.

My father is a christian-raised atheist. My mother is a mostly secular Jew. Her mother is a divocee atheist, who raised my mother and her sisters as secular/Reform.

My great-grandmother grew up Reform, as did her mother before her. My family was at Rodef Shalom in Philadelphia when it first affiliated with Reform Judaism in 1873.

Until I left home, I had never been inside a Jewish house of worship. To the best of my knowlege, my mother has never lit a sabbath candle, except in my home. But, she passed to me a genuine devotion to G-d, to Judaism, and to the people Isreal. And that, not halacha, is what forms the core of Judaism, and the very heart of leading a Jewish life.

I'm now propbably "more observant" than anyone in my family has been for generations. I celebrate sabbath, keep kohser, and pray at least 3 times daily. I taught myself Hebrew, delved deep into Torah, and teach and write on Kabbalah. Sara Rigler is very right when she says that Judaism without HaShem is empty and meaningless. But halacha is not HaShem, and it too is valueless without His beauty. I have met too many frum frum frum Jews who worship G-d on their lips who do not carry the light of HaShem in their hearts to think otherwise. Torah will always be a Tree of Life to any who cling to it, and sometimes it is those whose grip is the most tenuous who hold most fast.

I cried when I was reading this. I'm only very young- just 17. But this really upset me. People who probably aren't even rejecting the Torah and its teachings, but just don't consider tehm important enough.
I was engaged to a non-Jew (at 15, I said I was young) and what eventually caused me to break it off was studying more about Judaism and realising what a loss it would be if I gave it up for this guy.
I wish more people would consider their Jewish heritage important. Then they'd at least study Torah and Mitzvos, and it would be a lot hard to randomly reject Judaism, because they'd actually be thinking about the religion when they reject it, not how they perceive it.

Sara Rigler has made a brilliant observation which, if heeded, may help to change the way some rabbis view their religion and their responsibility.

As a Christian married to a Jew for over 30 years, I have sought many religious answers. One question plagued me for many months. Finally, I went to a Conservative rabbi and asked if it was possible to be a Jew and not believe in G-d. The rabbi responded, "I only care if a person is a good person."

I was stunned by the answer. Judaism is based on the Torah and laws of Moses. Here was a rabbi who said that the most important commandment was superfluous!

Until Judaism becomes about G-d instead of about man, it will continue to loose followers.

The story is super, yet how sad and true it is...my parents have origins and roots both Jewish, Mom from Mexico, (sephardi) Dad from Sweeden,(askin) both their families converted over time, to the catholic/baptist/catholic faiths...this story is heard a lot, during Chanukka/christmas time both the Menora and the trees are up and displayed... somewhat humorous to see, and then again sad... assimulation taking place... however, this one has made a decision to Return...Rite of Return... back to our original Roots of Judaism... Full Fledge... some family not so happy, others nod in agreement, but its MY own decision to do so... May HaShem bring back all those who have been scattered to the nations...

You wrote a very passionate article. Thats wonderful. In response to the various and sundry comments, I just wanted to point something out to the people who were placing blame on other Jews for wrecking up the Jewish religion. A Jew is a Jew. No matter what shul they attend. Because of the modern day and age, there will constantly be arguments over laws and which Jews are breaking them (no matter what sect of Judaism they belong to). --And making other Jews feel bad by speaking Loshon Hara is the ultimate wrong thing to do (which is what we've all been doing here while we've been doating [spelling?] on ourselves and what wonderful Jews we all are). You should never even think Loshon Hara about another Jew, much less speak it. Its almost like killing someone. Even if we aren't mentioning a name. You hurting yourself, hurting that or those people you are speaking about and speaking to, and you are also hurting Hashem because he created that Jew. So just don't do it, put always in the back of your mind that it is one of the worst sins in Judaism to commit. Like throwing feathers to the wind. You cant recollect them and take them back.

For someone whos not so religious, one small comment (such as you are to blame for the wrecking up of our entire Jewish religion or I think you should keep a kosher household and its wrong that you dont) could make them uncomfortable when theyre not ready to hear it and push them further away than they may be. So instead of making a negative difference by being cold and grandiose, make someone comfortable if what youre looking to achieve is more religious Jews and less inter-faith marriage. Why doncha invite an old friend from the reform shul over for Shabbos lunch one day?

And the other thing I just wanted to say before I went to bed, is that its really most important to love and do kind things to other Jews (*even* if you do not know them, and you might want to throw in a random act of kindness , they are called mitvos along with the other 613 in the Torah, for a non-Jew because we're all just people.
Do not right someone off even if you think there is nothing to learn from them, because there something to learn from everyone.

In Pirkei Avos it does say among other places that the world is dependent on three things, Torah study, on the service of Hashem, and on kind deeds.


Please think about it.

Sincerely
Esther

I very much appreciated the juxtaposition of the cure (Torah Judaism) with the painful end result of assimilation and intermarriage

Yasha Koah

Kol hakovod to the author. I hope she will get her message to a very wide
audience.

I too grew up with one jewish parent & one Christian Parent. My dad side is Jewish, he also asimalated into the gentile world. There was no talk about being Jewish, I didn't even know I was a Jew until I was an adult. How much I've missed out from not celebrating the joys and sorrows of being a Jew until I went over to Israel in 97-98.
And to go to the Wall to pray for the first time in Jerusalem.

Would my story be helpful to reach younger, seeking Jews?
Please let me know how I could help.I live on Long Island.
www.angelfire.com/theforce/oneishashem

also, see the abridged version at www.tfmc.us

I am so sorry for you and your family.Hopefully"Jodi"will one day return to Yiddishkeit or maybe her future children will.May you no longer have anymore suffering in your life.I wish I could scoop up all the unaffiliated Jews in my area and bring them to my home for a real Shabbos meal.

The bottom line is that people are going to do what is meaningful to them. Spirituality and religion are deeply personal subjects to people. You can't force people to accept a religious life within the confines of Orthodox Judaism. People live Jewish lifes in the context of Reform and Conservative Judaism because those contexts and definition are meaningful to them. You can show off and make a case for Orthodox Judaism all you want but the bottom line is that people are going to do what is meaningful and best for them. No religion or denomination is more right or correct than the other. As for myself, I am a member of a very Classical Reform Jewish congregation because not only the Classical Reform philosophy is meaningful and relevant to me but the most important part of a religious experience for me is worship asthetics. I like services to feel like a performance, with the big pipe organs, choirs, stained glass windows and a prayerbook with a rich literary feel in ENGLISH. I personally am very fond of Christian services (especially the Anglican Church) and find them as a Jew very meaningful and spiritually uplifting even though I do not accept Christ as my saviour because the music and the pomp and circumstance is much better than even the Classical Reform Jewish denomination. And I feel in that department Christianity does a much better job. The worship asthetics the majority of Jewish congregations of any denomination is an embarrassment. Now other people look for different things when it comes to religion. This is what I look for and find meaningful and relevant. Now people will no doubtedly say that I am missing things and will judge my level of spirituality and observance. But the fact of the matter is, is that is what works for me and under no circumstances will I EVER embrace Orthodox Judaism or an Orthodox way of life. And I think I speak for many other Jews and non-Jews out there.

I once heard a video-taped speech by Rabbi Dennis Prager, in which he made the point that intermarriage in America doesn't necessarily mean a Jew marrying a Christian. He pointed out that most Americans are not religiously observant, so when an intermarriage occurs, it's simply a secular Jew marrying a secular Christian, and therefore, the Jew doesn't necessarily feel as though s/he is marrying "out". I thought that it was a very apt comment.

It's very unfortunate to say at least that in such a country where the Jews live with such freedom make choices to abandon Yiddishkeit.Personally i find this such a tragedy, because there are all these positive conditions in place for the Jewish people to grow and to create strong, viable communities full of Torah and yet Jewish children chose to wonder of.It's not just a daughter/a son her/his family loses, but a small world the that the AM YISRAEL loses too.Torah is all about continuity.This article emphasises, stresses once more the need and the importance of chinuch for everyone, yound and old.

One of the major differences between Judaism and Christianity is that the latter informs their people that G-d is real and personal. As a people, we tend to think of HaShem as "out there somewhere" while Christians are taught that "Jesus" has a personal relationship with them.

We want RELATIONSHIPS, yes? The tragedy, as I see it, is that we have what "they" have, but we don't teach our children (or each other for that matter) that HaShem is in control of everything and that HaShem loves us as individuals as well as a people.

Christians have a touchy-feely kind of religion (especially the more evangelical denominations) while we tend to keep our religion cooler and non-personal.

We MUST begin to get the message out that WE can have an intimate personal relationship with our Abba. Then we will start to see what we want to see.

I am not Jewish, but reading the articles on Aish.com and listening to 613.org has certainly brought me to a point where I can now work on my faith one-on-one with God. I have been raised Catholic and have had mostly the same problems with it that many Jews supposedly have with Judaism....an empty religion. Having not attended Catholic sevices for years, at college I was introduced to the "Born Again Christian" comunity. The services were so faith-filled. The people were wonderful. The Biblical lessons were inspiring (until I discovered Jewish theology, of course). BUT, there was one problem. I could never tolerate the idea of "believe or burn". It made absolutely no sense to me. That very article of Christian faith is what drove me to find answers. A helpful Aish.com rabbi pointed me to the Noachide law and I am truly spiritually settled with it. Studying Jewish law and theology has made a lot of things that formerly didn't make sense while I was studying Torah the "Christian way", very clear. How can we, as Non-Jews, possibly tell the Jewish people how to interpret their own Scripture???

So why do Jews leave Judaism?? It's like asking why do Christians leave Christianity....for many different reasons. However, the Jewish philosophy is too solid, Jewish thought is too compelling, too filled with hope to stray from for very long. I'm sure you can't stay away forever from something this good. Christianity has none of this. The fact that Jews exist at all is a statement of G-d's existence in itself.

Do Jews know the treasure they have in Judaism? Lots do; some don't. But we Noachides NEED observant Jewish people to show us what love of G-d and each other is. We need more light in the world.

I am a convert coming from Catholicism, and I have to agree that it is the watering-down of Judaism that is leading more and more born Jews to leave it. People such as these often wonder in horror why I would WANT to convert, why I would want to keep kosher, etc. If only they could see the truly soul-nourishing Judaism that I do, not only would they understand but they would become more observant too. Thanks for a truly wonderful and informative website!

Ms. Rigler may have a gripe, I am convinced that the core of the problem her thesis (i.e., "Dead-End of Jewish Culture")addresses is in how we percieve ourselves. The most basic is that we refer to ourselves as "American Jews", which implies that we account ourselves as Jew first, American second.
And this is also how everyone else looks at us. This may seem to be petty, but no other group - ethnic, cultural or otherwise distinguished - identifies itself.
We need to change that perception and proceed from there. I have no doubt that all of us who firmly attach to Judaism, while clinging to the broad culture that exists in this country, would not for a nanosecond consider leaving here for any other place, including Israel. If this is not true, then why are we still here? Israel has been available to us for 50 years; so there is no reason for not to have "returned". We see ourselves as Americans - total, loyal unwavering. No less so than Italians, Germans, Greeks, Chinese, Japanese, and all the others. Even those from Arab countries refer to themselves as "Arab-Americans" (although I have known them to refuse to recite the Pledge of Allegiance). More can be said on this issue.
Another point is that Conservative Judaism needs to define itself in a strong, positive philosophy that carries meaning in today's world. It must shake itself loose as a watered-down version of Orthodox Judaism - at least from a rear-ward facing approach to today's needs. We MUST make ourselves relavent, as Ms. Rigler has mentioned, not by ones and twos (i.e., as in the occasional congregation), but as a single, unified organization that ALL Jewish Americans will be able to recognize. Especially those whose Jewish strings have been loosely tied. There must be a major effort to show that Judaism is not only a particular form of ritual, for which many young people, teenagers and older, have no "use", but a vital, dynamic LIVING philosophy, that has as much meaning today as it has had for four millenia. It was seen in the Yiddish Theater of 100 years ago, which, unfortunately is no longer around (it could be in translation, at least). And "back then", there were many other activities that kept Judaism alive and well. Maybe in this instance, it pay to look back, but only to see how it was done.
I am convinced that a strong effort in this direction would at the very least, retard the flow away form Judaism, if not reverse it.

Both the article and the comments regarding it were so far from my point of view that I was unable to relate to them. Beginning as a Protestant and through independent study I came to realize how primitive, pagan and destructive Christianity has been throughout its 2,000 year history. My wife and I converted to Orthodox Judaism together, and have raised our sons (now Yeshiva University students) to see and understand the origins (and deceptions) of Christianity.
Wake up people! All man's religions began with a single man's idea of "god" being forced upon his fellows - with one exception - Judaism. Hashem did not speak to only one man (Moses), He spoke to the entire Nation directly. He performed many miracles for the entire nation; then he told the whole nation to not forget to tell their children.
This convert urges you to teach your children; and to teach your children and anyone else who will listen the real meaning of the "proof texts" Christians use to "prove" JC was a member of a polytheistic godhead. If you haven't found the truth of these "proof texts" for yourself - do so. Start with things like Isa. 53, "a virgin shall conceive", etc. Get excited about how many have died for love of Torah at "Christian" hands. Then we will be able to Teach Torah to the world as we were meant to do.
Don't sit around and cry about assimilation... do a mitsvah... tell a Christian the TRUTH!

Any article discussing why Jews leave Judaism that doesn't address the effects of being a tiny minority in a country that is less anti-Semitic than it has ever been, and the inherent difficulties of meeting Mr. or Mrs. "Right" when 98% of people a single person meets is non-Jewish is missing one of the greatest causes of loss of Jewish identity. I grew up in a Jewish neighborhood where every girl I met until I was 20 was Jewish. Of course one of the reasons for this was that I HAD to. After all, all the non-Jewish neighborhoods were restricted. Goyem wanted to have less to do with us than we did with them. It was a lot "easier" when it was a lot harder.

Cultural Judaism is not the only false form of Judaism. Other forms that give Jews a feeling of comfort, pride, or safety, while disregarding the need for sacrifice in the service of the world are also responsible for Jews'conversion to other faiths.

If Jews would be willing to risk their social standing and even their physical security for the sake of justice, they would demonstrate the true meaning of being a Jew. I'm talking about abandoning the American public school system and supporting independent education in many and varied forms, so that the many who fail could at last succeed, and political correctness would cease its dominance as the de facto state religion. I'm talking about producing movies for entertainment that hold traditional family values in high esteem. (Yes,happiness can be funny, too.) I'm talking about simplifying laws and supplying funding for start-up microenterprise. And, notably, I'm talking about taking a bold stand against the gay-is-normal ethic of the gay rights movement, and supporting research, treatment, and education about homosexuality as a problem in emotional development. "Though He slay me, shall I trust in Him." Only putting the pedal to the metal will make Jews want to be Jews.

My father is a nonpracticing Jew, but I have only been in temple once, for a cousin's bar mitzpha, and to two Jewish weddings. I have been pretty much left on my own spiritually, and I do attend a christian, albeit noncatholic, church. I have serious internal questions about the nature of the Divine and what Christ is. If I had been exposed to my Jewish heritage earlier perhaps I would be more settled. In a way it makes me an independent seeker of HaShem, without "contamination" of native faith, but on the otherside I must put down my own roots. I feel a little robbed of culture, because of the sort of "on you own" way I was raised. Could this be why so many Jews are converting?

Smart and beautifully written

The story of Jodi reminds me very much of what happened to Judaism in Germany before 1933. Hitler only speeded up the process. Most Jews were totally assimilated and have even given up the Brith. I come from such a home and we celebrated X-Mass and Easter. I learned reading through the Stürmer and it was a tremendous shock to me when I learned that I belonged to THOSE people.Luckily for me my parents made Aliya, and so I am still here.
I believe the only future for the Jewish people is Eretz Jisrael!

When I moved to my present location, I went to a couple of Orthodox synagogues just to see if I liked them. No one said a shabbat greeting; I felt in the way. Luckily I had frum grandparents on one side and knew it does not have to be this way. I agree that Reform Judaism is a "religion" of convenience, which is not what any faith is supposed to be about, but outside of the Lubovichers most Orthodox do seem to look down on people who are obviously not "pros" when it comes to religious practice. While I've never been to either, both Christian chuches and Buddhist temples are known to be welcoming. The one time I went to a Hindu temple (for a lecture on Gandhi's legacy) people were very friendly; also the place was gorgeous with decorations everywhere. Compare that to the modern, bare temples I find cold and uninviting....

Am I the only one that has trouble with the above limited and narrow minded article?

As I understand it, our culture is where we come from geographically, ethnically and socially. For most cultures, the religious beliefs are separate and distinct.

I am angered when I read that I can be Jewish and love God, I can be Jewish and not follow any religious teachings, and I can even be a Jew and deny God's existence but, God forbid, that I become a Christian.

I am troubled by this hypocritical belief.

I happen to strongly agree that the Authentic Jewish life is characterized by the study of Torah, the observance of Shabbat and Kashrut, and the thrice-daily worship of God. If Ms. Sara Levinsky Rigler truly believes this then she should rightly call all Jews who reject God or do not follow His decrees, non-Jews. There seems to be a sickness amongst us of accepting anything and anyone as Jewish, except Christian Jews. What a shame and outrage.

The nation of Israel's strongest supports are Christians. Where we see love, we sow hatred and narrow minded "racism".

In my mind, Jodie probably never saw her heritage as a liability. Her liability is her mother's narrow minded view of what it means to be a Jew and love God.

Shame on you!

It is interesting that Sara Rigler comes to the same conclusions as some Christians have reached when asking the question: Why do our children leave our faith?
A culture is not enough to hold a person. As the multi-culturalists observe, culture is not an absolute, and indeed there are many equivalents in different cultures. Every culture has it's good food, it's thrilling music, it's interesting rituals. We cannot expect to raise children on culture and expect that they will adhere to that.
Faith is a different matter. Many people are willing to live for, and even die for, thier faith. Faith is about a relationship to the divine, rather than empty rituals. Faith involves bending one's actions to the will of the Holy One, rather than acting in the vain hope of bending the will of an idol.
What is the proper relationship to the Holy One? He is a loving father, who lays down firm rules for his chldren to obey. When they disobey, he disciplines them with love. When they obey, he rewards them. (I believe this is the reason for that prosperity of the Hebrew race which has been the object of so much covetousness.)
Parents who wish to pass their faith to their children will do well to follow that example. Moral instruction, backed up by lovingly discipline, will more often produce children strong enough to resist the blandishments of irreligion.
I do think, however, that Sara Rigler unknowingly explains part of the reason Jodi changed religion like it was an outdated dress. How can secularism be so acceptable? Is it not better that a person should seek faith and truth, than give up on finding truth and ignore the claims of the Creator on his creatures? One who is seeking, even if he or she looks in the wrong place, can be brought back by applying evidence. One who has chosen to abandon the search for ultimate truth isn't going to care about evidence.

Rose B, mother of three, in NC

-- I read this in the book vajikra (leviticus) 26:38. I know, that neither antisemites, nor philosemites will ever understand what it means, to be a jew. The sad thing is, that even jews are forgetting what it means, to be a jew. We are losing our faith.

Some people seem to misunderstand the liberal movements. Here's a brief outlined introduction of key points.

Orthodoxy (www.ou.org) considers itself bound to halakha and strives to make changes within it. It tends to draw a distinct line between halakha and science, society, or history which is not as clear in the Conservative movement.

Hope that helps.

Very good article on the effects of watered-down Judaism. Why do Jews feel that they must be afraid to believe when there are so many gentiles devout to their own faith? Ours is the divine religion, we should be proud to believe in its teachings and carry out its precepts! believe in resurrection, believe in heaven, believe in messianic redemption, and believe in our chosenness.

Another insightful piece from Sara Rigler. So straight to the point, so painful to read.

I'm a 4th generation (at least) Reform Jew. Our family is strongly Jewish, has no intermarriages.

While you may not like the fact that we drive to shul on Friday and Saturday, and that we may not be "kosher enough" for you (we eat no meat or poultry except on passover, so there's only 1 set of dishes for daily use), our "non-Halachic" Judaism doesn't cause us to want to be Christian.

Unfortunatly, many people who are simply non-observant will say they are "Reform" or "Conservative" even though they're not really affiliated with any of those movements.

If your niece had been part of a Jewish community through her college years--a member of a Campus Hillel, going to a synagogue--including a Reform one--I assure you she would have not wanted to get married in a Church.

Thank you for such an honest and troubling article. I grew up in a household steeped in tradition and culture, but found myself distancing myself from Judaism during my teenage years. There was no one there to encourage, guide or embrace me; I was quite angry with G-d for taking my father, and believed Judaism was just another division amongst people. I eventually completely distanced myself enough from my religion, and married a Southern Baptist. Having children helped put me on a path back to Judaism, and to G-d. Surrounded by a good Rabbi, modern orthodox sisters and brothers-in-law, classes and a passion for learning, I found myself coming full circle. Looking back, I would say my desire to assimilate and be "like everyone else" superceded my desire to "be a Jew." Hopefully, my love of Torah, my belief in Tikkun Olom, my constant evolution as a Jew has now helped plant those seeds in my children. I also try to plant those seeds in the Sunday School class I teach, which is NOTHING like the Sunday School I grew up on! And, as I watch my teenage daughter date a young man who was raised by a Jewish woman practicing Christianity, I cannot help but feel that Jewish people who are seeking answers outside our faith have absolutely no idea that everything they are searching for is right in their own "backyard." I pray for insight and awareness for all those straying so far from home. And I pray that we, as lovers of our religion, are there with open arms.

This article is very true. My great grandmother was ultra-orthidox and I, along with all my siblings, intermarried.

Having done that, though, I would like to comment on some of the responses. After I intermarried the only shul around here that made me feel welcome was the Reform one. While the conservative pushed away my husband (and in effect my whole family) the Reform congregation embraced my husband and encouraged us to learn more about Judaism. Not only did this teach my husband more about his families religion, but it brought me back in too.
I have gone from being an unaffiliated jew since my bat-mitzvah 23 years ago to an affiliated, sisterhood member, tzedakkah giving, only eat kosher meat eater, light Shabbat candles, just completed a Hebrew refresher course, and am about to take a course on Hebrew liturgy. All because of the Reform congregation around here. While I don't agree with
everything the Reform movement says and does, they have taught me that more important than what movement you belong to, we are all Jewish and we all need to fight for each other. Wasn't the Temple destroyed because of in-fighting? Should we, at this most concerning time around the world for Jews, be concentrating more on supporting each other than demeaning each other?

It's completely amazing to me that "Jewish culture needs its natural environment:" doesn't equate to the land of israel.

Israel's population has increased 750 percent in the last 50 some years while america has lost millions of jews? How many millions? Let's say that america had 5.5 million jews at the 1950's and since then the american population has doubled and the 5.5 million has stayed the same. So if you include the fact that 1.4 million jews are converting then you have around 7 million jews lost in america forever.

Come on american jews let's give israel a shot.

this article is frightening even to a non-observant jew, such as myself...however, the warm feeling of being jewish is in my heart, ever stronger as i get older!

I have done research into the origins of Roman Catholism. Maybe educating the children on the mystical Babylonian cult symbols in Catholism would educate them to know the pagan aspect of the religion. Thus deterring them later from accepting and even fearing to get involved with them. Showing them that "Easter," is the pagan festival of Ashteroth in the Bible. Christmas the pagan festival of Satunalia of Rome. Then comparing the pagan to the real festivals of our God, such as Pesach etc. I really do agree, that our festivals should be done to the ultimate level, because what the eye sees as alluring is what the person is attracted to. Unfortunately Eve, learned the hard way, and unfortunately many are following suit into paganism.
If they are told, Sunday has to do with the worship of Sun dieties, then Shabbat should be shown the utmost of honor. I guess many families now do not set the table, feasting and honoring it in the way that we know is correct. Yeremyahu (Jeremiah) stated to go back to the old paths. Maybe that is where we erred !!!

Having converted to Judaism because of love of Judaism and because I wanted to study Judaism for the rest of my life in a vibrant community, I couldn't agree more with Sara Rigler.

I keep kashrut strictly, and find myself criticized for it. I keep Shabbos by not turning on lights and not cooking, and find myself criticized by my community. There aren't enough classes in Judaism in my community. And no one cares. There aren't any Conservative shuls I can get to in my community, because they've all moved up north of the city out of reach of transportation.

I've decided to start my own study group with friends and see how it goes. Being part of a Conservative shul didn't work for me because, honestly, no one there cared about Hashem, Shabbat, Kashrut. It's all form, no substance. I'm going to end up someday as a Modern Orthodox Jew because they are the only ones who are committed enough.

I'm keeping my name out of this because I'd rather not distress the people in my community, but that's what I have found to be true. And I am saddened by this turn of events. Sara Rigler is so right.

The most frightening thing for me has been the question from Jews who were born Jewish: "So why did you convert to Judaism?" It seems that American Jews, at least, don't understand what a terrific religion they have...why wouldn't I want to convert to Judaism? It's the best thing there is! Thank you, Sara Rigler, for saying it like it is.

Sara Levinsky Rigler is too hard on Jews in light of her niece's wedding in a Catholic church. I was not raised in any particular tradition - my mother's side were Christian but my mother didn't raise us in a church except for an occasional summer vacation Bible school with the neighbor kids. Part of my dad's ancestry were Jewish, but had long been assimilated to where my father would have never identified himself as Jewish or of Jewish descent. As an adult, I began my own spiritual quest, and because it is mainstream and very handy I was associated with churches for 10-12 years. I had also gone to a Christian college and as far back as that, I was puzzled with a question: "If we're all supposed to follow Jesus, why aren't we all Jews?" During my years of attending church, I was haunted not only by that question but many others. I did not believe a God of love would have ordained his son to die an excruciating death - not a God who included "Thou shalt not kill" in his Ten Commandments. Coming from a troubled home where I was put down for everything I thought and did, and was made to feel I was never good enough just as I was, I chafed against the idea in Christianity that I was supposed to "be like Jesus," which to me was more evidence that I was not good enough as I had been created by God. Finally, being a thinking person all my life, I resented a faith journey that required acceptance of a decision -- that Jesus was God -- before the journey could even begin. Wasn't I allowed to examine the evidence first? (I was being an argumentative Jew before I ever knew it!). And there was something uncomfortably idolatrous to me about worshiping a human being and something a little cannibalistic about the Sunday morning ritual of communion -- the so-called "body and blood of Christ." I decided at one point that I was going to disassociate with all organized religion and go on my own quest of study, prayer and meditation. I began to study all kinds of history and scholarship, and as I tried to understand Christianity I kept seeing more and more references to Judaism. It was furthest from my mind to "become Jewish" when I started this quest, but everywhere I looked in studying Judaism, I saw myself and what I already believed. One God alone; the Messiah was a Jewish idea and would usher in peace -- Jesus? no peace, look around you; Jesus and all his followers lived and died as Jews and "Christianity" came much later as a result of the socio-political times and the feud between the minor Jewish sect who followed Jesus and the mainstream who knew he did not fit the description of the Messiah; and how differently the Hebrew Bible had been interpreted from the original language in order to make it "convenient" to point to the birth of Jesus. And I am barely scratching the surface here. But it all made sense, and it was the most freeing moment of my life to realize that I had been born Jewish -- just as I inherited certain physical characteristics from my various ancestors. Sara is wide of the mark as to why her niece chose to follow Catholicism - it probably has more to do with her over-arching love interest than her experience of either tradition. Sara talks about how much Christianity offers compared to "greenhouse" cultural Judaism. Having been in the Christian world for some time, I can say that Christianity can be just as empty, just as surface as any other path. Many Christians have not studied even the richness of their own tradition - they do not know there was no separate "Christianity" until the year 70 when the second temple was destroyed and the family feud became a permanent rift. For many, Christianity takes place in the pew on Sunday morning, the pageantry of Easter complete with bunnies and eggs, and the materialistic glut of Christmas that is observed by many Christians as their only nod to God, just as many Jews only show up during the High Holidays. What Sara has seen in her niece is a product of a time when it takes a lot of effort to follow any tradition. But Judaism -- and I speak from having formally entered in the Reform tradition that many seem to think is so lacking and so empty -- offers so much more depth, richness, and opportunity for a truly personal faith and spiritual life than Christianity, where you accept Jesus or you don't, and the rest is cultural too -- just as much as a lot of Judaism is cultural. Who knows if something really spoke to Jodi in her heart and she found a true way for herself in Christianity over and above the faith of the man she married. There is so much handwringing about the "disappearance" of the Jews -- but there are people like me who are coming to Judaism; who convert because of marriage; or who return after drifting away and oftentimes being raised in non-observant Jewish homes. Ultimately it is a personal choice, and judging from the experience I had with the outreach in my temple and in many, many books and articles I read, people are still finding Judaism does offer a unique and vibrant path to God.

Sarah
Torah is the only thing that enables a child of God to be a "Child of God." The Jewish people have much to offer, because of their roots in Torah. It is because of their Torah background that I, as a Bible Studier am interested in, and have much respect for the Jews. Their culture is interesting --but not life sustaining. I have not found it easy to find a "Jew" willing to discuss Torah, or answer my questions concerning different issues. I have wondered why.

BS"D

I was surprised to see comments from people saying what's so bad about a Jew converting to Xtianity?

Well the main reason is that Xtianity's main premise goes against the central belief embodied by "Shema Yisroel HaShem Elokeinu HaShem Echad" meaning that there is only one G-d. There are only 3 reason where Jews are required to give their lives and one of them is if we are forced to convert to another religion, so this is BIG stuff here.

Unfortunately a lot of Jews look to other religions because they grew up with a very diluted form of Judaism. I could have easily not just left Judaism for nothing but done what a couple of my siblings did and checked out Budaism and so forth. I just left for secular culture. Somehow though, I kept on saying to myself as a 19 year old that if I were to ever become religious I'd be Jewish. I, of course, had no intention of ever becoming observant but I never saw myself as anything other than a Jew.

Where did that feeling come from? I learned from my chassidus classes that every Jew has a "pinteleh yid", a spark of their soul that's from G-d. I was lucky that somehow I was able to tap into that pinteleh yid (but it took 10 years or so!) but some Jews aren't so lucky.

I hope that the 25% of Jews who have converted is incorrect. Every Jew needs to be involved in promoting Jewish education in however possible way we can.

each person must individually choose their faith, in the end. Look at me, a mother of two children struggling alone to practice Orthodox Judaism in a predominantly Christian world (at least where I live). Even the Jews I contacted are, at their shul, besot by conflict and politics, are at odds with one another. I left; but I still go on because I desire this for myself and my children with all my heart, mind and soul; and, I use all my resources to achieve this end. As one door closes, another one opens; Baruch HaShem. I will never give up my faith; especially at this late date; but again, it is my CHOICE to choose to carry on despite every obstacle. Not everyone has the same degree of respect, regard and love for HaShem. People are lazy or they don't care. I often don't think that it is a matter of whether they believe or not, they do; they just don't love.

an excellent primer on the future of some of America's Jewish community.

This article cuts me to the core, because I am intermarried and I am afraid for my children's choices. But Sara is honest and she is right.

I sadly agree with most of Sara Rigler's article. I don't agree with the comment that "Catholicism is winning". Christianity is the majority religion in this country; they don't have to push their concepts and ideas on us.....it permeates our American culture every day. The key is "teaching our children" who we are and why we're different. What distinguishes a Jew from a Christian and why? To get to the root of it all by discussing why Hashem chose us to accept the Torah....and what the consequences of us accepting it are. In doing so, the beauty of Judaism must be transmitted to our children.....so they'll want to continue on.......

I agree with Ms. Rigler.....the culture of Judaism only carries one so far..eating lox and bagels, reciting a Yiddish word or two.....If that's all someone has in defining their Judaism, they're likely to become assimilated, non affiliated, or worse convert to Christianity.

I being raised Reform and being about the same age as the author, have witnessed the deterioration of my people. Look at the statistics....the most assimilation and intermarriage have come from the Reform and Conservative sectors of Judaism. Why?

There's a whole host of sociological reasons for this but in my opinion, the Reform denomination has been to blame.

They have become more and more lenient and liberal. It's a diluted form of Judaism......their main premise, to me, is make Judaism accessable to the majority of people.....in other words, bend halacha to fit modernity....to make it convenient. After all, those olds stories in the Torah must be fairy tales to them...not lessons how to live our lives.....which Hashem in His infinite lovingkindness shared with us.



I changed my life and have become modern orthodox. That's what American Judaism needs on a grand scale. To promote Bal Teshuva.....to come back....and the reasons why it's worth the effort to "be different". Heck, most Reform congregations spend much of their time on Judeo-Christian fellowship meetings....to show how we're "all the same".....I'd like to see them spend more time on their own Jews.....teaching them how we're different, how we believe in 613 mitzvahs..or commandments.....I'm sure most of them don't know that....most Reform use "mitzvah" in the slang..as if it means doing a good deed.

They need to be taught why it's worth the effort to be different....how it will benefit them and their children.

The richness of our Culture and the glory of Judaism becomes a great light when we reach out, and enrich the secular society through cultural education. As a facilitator of Cultural Diversity Education, my Judaism, my culture becomes so desirable that even the most devout Christians wish they were born of Jewish Heritage. While non Jewish associations organize festivals on Saturdays, all Jewish community Associations can begin by organizing festivals on Sundays. Trust me the crowds will come to the park, or community hall. A festival with Jewish cuisine, singing, music and dancing. An opportunity to ask questions and understand our religious beliefs and practices for those people who are not Jewish. Keeping tradition alive is up to us. We just need to begin marketing ourselves instead of remaining a mystery.

It's not so unusual to hear someone say that "you must allow your child to choose her/his own faith", which seems quite reasonable. But, there's a paradox in it , right when you end up questioning yourself "how can I help my own faith to survive?". Nevertheless, I think Judaism has always allowed us to reflect on how to survive.

My husband and I are mid-fifties and have been Christians all our lives until we began honoring Shabbat 2-1/2 years ago and then reading Torah and Rabbinical parshat on Shabbat about 2 years ago. This past Channukah we came to a point where Jesus was no longer in the picture and the past 7 months we have been going through conversion to Judaism. As we visited and attended class at the Conservative Synagogue nearby, we saw the people going through the cultural motions of "this is how we be a Jew". Having come out of the "Charismatic" church, we were astonished that there was no "Love of HaShem" apparent, much less a "passion" for Him. Until I read your article, I couldn't "put my finger on" what was missing. You are right! They are preserving a culture, not so much the love and worship of HaShem. This, "love of G-d" we have missed so much. You are right, the Christians know how to "worship Jesus" and there is a strong attraction for people (including Jews, I guess) who want some real "relationship" and "life" in their religion. Sadly, they are worshipping a god that is a substitute for the One, True, Creator G-d of Israel. The hope comes from the prophet who says they will go back to The Land and they will know their G-d. May this time be soon. In the meantime, my husband and I would never go back to Christianity; we have "caught hold of the sleeve of the Jew and said we want to go with you because we have heard that G-d is with you".
Blessings and thank you for the article.

I feel for your pain Sara.

I tried for many years to show my relatives that Jewish ritual, Torah education and Judaism practiced in the home was the only way to ensure a Jewish next generation. The answer I received from my aunts and uncles was always "I'm Jewish in my heart and my children see that".

I remember how I embarrassed my parents were (I am sorry - may they forgive me some day) when we went round to relatives once and their 14 year old son (me), told the hosts that it was Chanukah and that that Chanukiah sitting in the glass cabinet should be taken out and candles put in it. My insistence brought a mad rush to run down to the shop for candles before it closed.

I once told my married cousin that her wonderful chopped liver made with non-kosher livers was still treif, no matter how “Jewish” it looked and I would not eat it. I wondered then, in my immaturity, why she was so hurt? Surely she already knew this! My childish attempts at kiruv using a very large sledgehammer did not help I’m afraid.

Judaism trapped in the heart does not transfer to the next generation. You need an active, meaningful and committed Jewish lifestyle in a Jewish community.

With cousins marrying Christians, Buddhist, Hindus and Muslims, you would think that now, 20 years later I'd take great pleasure in telling my aunts, uncles and cousins "I told you so!" I look at the photos of their children / grandchildren and I have no words. Only tears.

When, last year, my mother turned to the Rabbi and asked him what they could do about their youngest son, (my brother), who was going out with a non-Jewish girl, he told her that the answer was very simple. Turn the clock back 25 years and give him a Torah education and home.

The Rabbi told me afterwards that perhaps my mother had asked the wrong question. The real question could have been how is it possible, against all odds, that one of their sons became an observant Jew?

Probably the sadsdest thing that I've read in years. We must inculcate our children with authentic yiddishkeit starting at an early age. We as parents [grandparents] must take an active role in setting ourselves up as meaningful role models. We must give ear and heart to our children, without exception!!!~

Sunday, 7/28/02 common era

I was raised in Reform synogogue and attended "Sunday school," which I found to be shallow and boring. It wasn't until I turned age 40 that I began to think beyond "Jewish culture" and about undiluted Torah.
In my experience, the typical Reform "rabbi" doesn't know as much Torah as the average high school Yeshiva student. Reform "rabbis" are mostly social workers and "feel good" sermonizers whose Talmud studies are limited to excerpts in English.
The problem of purported conversion in the Reform tradition is a consequence of calling nice-but-Torah-ignorant people "rabbi."

Shalom,
Gerry

My parents were married in a church and yet my sister and I are religious Jews living in Eretz Yisroel. Keep in contact with Jodi, you never know.

This is one of the best articles I've read in a long time and agree. We should raise our children to love HaShem and His Torah first, then the importance of the Jewish culture and tradition because this is also linked with HaShem as well.

I was raised as a Christian...a Baptist. But in the depths of my heart and soul, I was seeking. The search ended, quite happily, in learning what Judaism TRULY is, not what I had been taught it was. My soul found where it belonged: as a Jew. It wasn't until fairly recently I learned my mother's father was a Jew, and she learned it then too. But while that isn't enough to be considered Jewish, I am Jewish by faith. I see the beauty and truth of HaShem and His Torah. And I cry when I see Jews by birthright not seeing that same beauty and truth.
We need to wake up and realize that we need to teach the values and beliefs, not just the pretty trappings. Anyone can enjoy blintzes and latkes. But HaShem chose the JEWS to be the light of the world.
Be that light!

While the situation is bad enough I can't believe that 25% have converted out of Judaism.

Shalom Sara;
What I see in this story is not Judaism vs christianity. I see a heart problem. Scripture records:'this people worships me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me". All must return, and love God with their heart,1st command, and love one another. We can't love one another when there is division in our heart with God. 1st God, then our fellow. Baruchot

Of course it frustrates and angers me that so many Jews have left their faith to join another one, but at the same time i must say i would rather these Jews embrace a religion of spiritual and moral decency like Christianity than become secularists and atheists and agnostics, which too many Jews are already."We are not talking here about secularism, not about Jews who opt out of going to synagogue in favor of a baseball game or the movies, but rather in favor of church." Though i'm not happy about this at all, I think its better that they do find G-d and faith, even if it be in Christianity than to lose any and all attachment to G-d in favor of secularism and empty liberalism.

Aliya!

Coming from a small town where there were few Jews, one of the attractions of Boston University was it's large population of Jewish students. It has even been referred to as Jew U!! There I studied Hebrew as a foreign language; and took a semester in Jerusalem through Brandeis.
I came from a home that was short on Jewish knowledge and long on love of tradition - neither of my parents could read Hebrew, but bought meat 2 hours away so we could keep a kosher home. And the most important thing they gave to me, was not how to daven - that I could learn by myself. But rather, love and appreciation and pride of everything that being Jewish meant.

How right you are about the way to prevent such tragedies! "Culture" and watered-down, inauthentic versions of Judaism have sadly decimated the ranks of our people.
A number of years ago, I was beside myself when I heard a cousin's granddaughter was about to intermarry. The impending wedding date was all too appropriate--Tisha b'Av.
I wanted to rush to this girl's home and change her mind, but how? I'd never met her, had only a vague idea where she lived, had no connection with her parents. But I knew that her great-great-grandfather (my grandfather) was a brilliant Talmid chacham who had died al kiddush haShem, and how could it come to this?
Well, Sara Rigler has explained how it "came to this": Years before this young woman was born, her branch of the family did opt for the "cultural," gastronomical, choose-what-you'd-like-to-observe Judaism described in Mrs. Rigler's article. And in line with the article's timetable, the young woman who married out (in this case, in a civil ceremony) was fourth generation Conservative.
Mrs. Rigler, thank you for so vividly depicting the roots of the problem, and for so clearly suggesting the authentic solution.

Well said. LAND+CULTURE+RELIGION=JEW!!!

I like Aish because they are not afraid to put Hashem back in Jews.

What Jews are doing to Judaism is a Second Holocaust.