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I'll never forget the first time I decided to put on a yarmulka. I was 21 years old and living in Israel. It felt so natural; I was so proud to wear it as I walked amongst the rainbow of Jewish people who had come back from so many different places to live in our land.
I felt there was a flashing neon sign on my head that read, "Hey, see this skullcap? I'm Jewish!!"
I'll never forget the first time I came back to America, wearing that same yarmulka. It felt so uncomfortable. I felt there was a flashing neon sign on my head that read, "Hey, see this skullcap? I'm Jewish, I'm Jewish, I'm Jewish!!" I don't remember ever being so self-conscious as I was walking off that plane. I remember walking down the airport halls afraid that I was going to be the target of some anti-Semitic remark.
In retrospect there was even a deeper fear lurking in my heart, a fear I was too embarrassed even to admit to myself. "If someone did say something anti-Semitic, would I take the yarmulka off and walk around in a baseball hat the rest of my life?"
On more than a few occasions in those first few weeks back in America I could feel myself tense up in public, preparing myself for this dreaded moment.
It came about a month later. Outside on the streets of Boston, watching the Boston Marathon, I heard a loud voice behind me in the crowd yell, "Hey you x#&#*!%! Jew! Why don't you go back to Jerusalem where all the money is!?" (He obviously didn't know too much about the Jerusalem economy.) I spun around humiliated and enraged, glaring at my attacker in the midst of this crowd. He was a large anti-Semite, and not one of the more sophisticated ones. Hanging out of the window of his car he yelled, "Jews make me sick!" just before driving off. My face was flushing; I was seething with anger... and embarrassment that I was wearing a yarmulka.
I never took the yarmulka off, but I did learn a valuable lesson that I believe contains within it the most important response to anti-Semitism.
The reason for my fear and my embarrassment was because I wasn't really connected to the reason why I was wearing my yarmulka in the first place. Oh sure, I could tell you all the reasons why, but I was just mouthing words. I didn't feel the power of those words with my heart.
The yarmulka incident was like a wake-up call to me. I had to ask myself, "Why did I really want to wear a yarmalka?" Because of tradition? Because it made me feel more religious? No. I wanted to wear my yarmulka because I wanted to live up to the reason that the Rabbis decreed it should be put on: a constant reminder that we, as Jews, should walk humbly before God. A reminder that we should act in a way that embodies the very essence of the Torah's values -- goodness, selflessness, responsibility for helping others, honesty, integrity. In this context, wearing a yarmulka was truly the greatest of honors, and one that brought with it great responsibility.
The greatest way to respond to anti-Semitism is to bring more Judaism and Jewish values into your life.
After I understood this, my self-consciousness changed to gratitude and a deep pride that I had the privilege of trying to live up to what Judaism represented. Instead of wanting to take my yarmulka off, I wanted to go out and buy a bigger one. I then realized that the cause of anti-Semitism is also the solution. The greatest way to respond to anti-Semitism is to bring more Judaism and Jewish values into your life!
If someone attacks Israel and you truly feel gratitude for what a gift Israel is, then his or her attack not only doesn't affect you, it makes you appreciate the gift even more. If someone attacked you for giving Tzedaka, charity, and you understood how important Tzedaka is for the world, it would only make you want to give more.
Just think for a moment what it would do to people who were anti-Semitic and anti-Israel if they saw that each anti-Semitic or anti-Israel attack was met with only a deeper resolve, gratitude for, and commitment to Judaism and Israel! What would they do if they saw that each thing they said or did only worked to inspire us more Jewishly?
They would immediately run out of ammunition! They would see that their hatred is only making us stronger and more grateful.
Every time we read about someone attacking Israel, we should start planning our next trip to Tel Aviv.
Every time we hear of a synagogue being burned in Europe we should want to go to synagogue even more. Every time we read about someone attacking Israel, we should start planning our next trip to Tel Aviv. But it can't be something that is a forced response, it has to come from our hearts, from our appreciating even more how precious being a Jew truly is. If we can find this kind of response within ourselves, then anti-Semitism will become the grinding stone upon which Jewish commitment and pride is sharpened.
It's been many years since I chose to put my yarmulka on, and I'm happy to report that I wear it with deep gratitude and pride. What makes me even happier, though, is that my 6-year-old son is even prouder of his.
(49) Alice , December 1, 2005
Thank you.
Dear Rebecca,
Thank you, Thank you, and bless you again and again. The Jewish people are lucky that you have become a Jew. As a blue-eyed blond, who doesn't fit the anti-semites mould of "Jew", I am continually amazed by the highly intelligent people who make anti-jewish, anti-israeli remarks in front of me, and to me. This article made me remember why we are so blessed.
(48) farah , November 17, 2005
I once read a story about a jewish rabbi in Russia who was send to a prison in siberia. his crime? possessing a prayer book. every morning he was forced to run in the ice and snow without shoes for several miles. imagine running in snow without shoes while fasting on Yom kippur, instead of sitting in an air conditioned synagogue. living under psychological pressure is not any easier than physical pain and maybe even harder.The ability to take any kind of suffering with humility depends on how connected you feel to God. if the spiritual conncection is not strong enough you only feel pain when insulted, and if it is strong, you will only feel joy and humility in your heart. I don't think that people who feel ashamed of wearing a yarmulke, are wrong to feel so. It has to come from the heart and it also depends on one's personality.
(47) Rebecca , November 15, 2005
Rude Awakening
I have always had a deep passion for the Jewish people, a passion that I though was universal, as it seemed so obvious that such a beautiful people could only be admired and revered.....
I thought it was universal until my husband and I decided to persue conversion a year ago, and WOW, out of the woodwork the anti-semites come streaming, like termites out of a rotten tree. It has been a hard slog, and as well as the obligitory 'turning away' that the Beis Din do (which are very clever, by the way, and it's not immediately obvious that they have given you a difficult obstacle!) there is the turning away of practically everyone in your past life, family and friends.
I love Judaism in the deepest parts of my soul, and I do think it will be worth it, as I would rather be warm inside the Jewish family, than remain cold in this rancid anti-semitic world!
(46) Ann Brady , November 15, 2005
Yarmulkas Bring Joy
Shalom dear Rabbi Levine,
We live in terrible, hard times. True, there is much beauty in this world if you look with the eyes of your soul wide open; but human suffering clouds it over.
There have been occasions, recently, when I have seen young men in their teens, walking proudly down our city's streets, yarmulkas and fringes dancing with their youthful steps.
Always, I have paused to watch them pass, feeling great joy in my heart that such good should be fresh in the hearts of the young, even in this dreary world.
Thank you for your timely article.
God bless,
Ann Brady
Canada
(45) Jonnie Sofer (Ms.) , November 15, 2005
Although Rabbi Levine's essay made several good points, I felt its basic philosophical thrust was simplistic - and even naive. I believe adopting Rabbi Levine's practices will fortify us Jews, but do little to diminish anti-Semitism.