Fighting Assimilation

Jewish education is key to survival. The high cost of day school is an obstacle. A Hebrew Charter school will allow children to get a proper education.

Where is the evidence to back up your claim that more Jewish guys marry out compared to Jewish women??? I can tell you quite categorically that in Manchester U.K. which has a Halachic Jewish population of 25,000, this is not the case at all. Would it not be reasonable to assume that because the offspring of Jewish women are 100% Jewish whoever they happen to marry, therefore they are not subject to the same ideological pressures or need to apply the same dedication to finding a compatible Jewish partner, compared to Jewish guys ?????

If these ten day holidays are ALSO available to Jewish people who marry out of the religion, which is what i believe you are advocating in your article, then it is an extremely GOOD idea.I live in Manchester U.K..Apart from myself, i know of at least 20 Jewish guys who married non jewish girls & all of them except myself have distanced themselves from Judaism not least because communal organisations have turned their backs on them.I am the only person in my situation who was interested (with my wife's backing)in sending our son to a Jewish school and my wife is an admirer of Jewish customs & values...I think that it is nonsensical and very counterproductive (to Jewish continuity)in these assimilated times for MAINSTREAM ORTHODOX Judaism not to recognise the offspring of Jewish fathers as being Jewish, whereas the offspring of Jewish women who marry gentiles are accepted as totally Jewish.

Dear Miriam,Please don't tell Todd to not give up: a man needs to know when to cut his losses. You have no idea what he went through as a Jewish single in St. Louis; I do. I moved out to St. Louis eight years ago, and started going to Aish events. I found the classes fascinating, but there was NO effort to help Jewish singles find each other. In fact, one time when I complained about this, the assistant "rabbi" told me that Aish is not a match-making organization. So what are we supposed to do? As much as I love Yiddishkeit, if Aish is presenting us with a Hobson's choice between a shiksa and growing old alone, I'm going to choose my shiksa girlfriend every time.
And I don't think a long-distance relationship is promising. Look, St. Louis is a major American city. Maybe if I were in a small town I'd consider it... Unaffiliated Jews marrying out is sad; but Jews who are committed enough to attend Aish's wonderful classes for years marrying out because they see quite clearly that the alternative is living a lonely life is nothing short of tragic.

Todd, please do not give up on finding a Jewish woman to marry. You may have to look outside St. Louis. You can try J-Date which has produced many Jewish marriages by helping single Jews find each other. Please remember that you are part of a chain that goes back to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. Don't get pulled into secularism. Stay Jewish and marry a Jewish wife. She is out there waiting for you to find her.

This is a truly positive approach to sustaining the identities of the next generation. It demonstrates our faith in the future and our commitment to our young people.

I really feel for you Mr Todd. I can imagine that you really feel disheartened that none of the girls who came to the classes are fit for you. Yes, I agree that it would be great if your Rabbis would go out and find some nice Jewish girls for you. It must be a very lonely city, st Louis.
However, I have two ideas for you. Firstly, maybe you can spaek to your local Rabbi about the issue. Have you met any Jewish girls in the city who are not attending the same class? Maybe there are many eligible girls who study elsewhere or are un-affiliated. If you have any friends who are Jewish, you can bring them to the classes.
Secondly, it just may be that your city doesn't have such a large Jewish community, even though you have the gateway arch and budweiser headquarters. Your future wife may live in Chicago, or anywhere. Please don't give up! Try to look around for someone Jewish. I'm sure you don't mean to write off the outreach done locally, or generally. I bless you with the best of luck in your search and life.

Your article exemplifies the problem. It's not about keeping Jewish people Jewish! It should be about a love and respect for HaShem and Torah!!!
I can't help but snicker a little as my gentile 'Christian' faith has dissolved and I reject such lawless practices as Christmas in favor of Passover remembrance while a Jew is kneeling at the foot of an idolic tree!
Perhaps the answer is to give American Jews a greater understanding of the G-d who brought them out of the land of Egypt and made them a people.
It's true, Jews, like every other culture are being mass assimilated, but you act as if today's Jew is some pure bred which is just not true. The northern kingdoms have long been scattered into the nations and modern Jewrey has no proof of their identity.
Instead of trying to keep Jews culturally Jews, why don't you teach them Torah?

The Jews will always be a nation. They cannot ultimately be destroyed. There will always be a jewish presence in the world as promised by G-d. Now, if you choose to intermarry, you've set it upon yourself to cut your lineage off once you have kids with your gentile partner. You're Jewish lineage ends with you. When moshiach comes in the end of days (which is now) you'll feel pretty awkward then, trust me...

Isn't there anything Aish can do as an outreach organization for this age group to help save them from inter-marriage?
There is really no place for the 22 & over age group to connect to Judasim. Most shuls are filled with married adults with little children or baby boomer baal-teshuvas. There is no place for singles in this age group to have a Shabbos experience. I have seen too many kids get lost that haven't connected to Judaism because there is no place for them. Especially, the artistic non-academic type that is already struggling to figure out their lives.

I agree with you completely. I am a mother and I didn't want to send my children on Birthright for that reason
BUT, you are lucky. There is a fantastic Jewish community in St. Louis. Please search them out and get connected. Don't become an intermarriage statistic.

Todd,

Do you really feel the failed outreach in your community is reason for you, who has summoned up the courage and spiritual identity to attend Torah classes, to follow your neighbors?

It is you, because of your connection to your faith, who can be a lamp of Torah wisdom to your community- it's always the few who lead the many.

When you find a beautiful Jewish girl with her admiration of your commitment, you will carry on the torch of your faith together to the next generation.

t is YOU, who staunchly attend three years of Torah classes, who are part of the next leaders of our nation.

That was my typo. Thank you for the correction, Sam. To be Jewish, one must be born from a Jewish MOTHER, or convert according to Jewish Law.

I live in a community without any single women[within 15 years of my age either way] with two exceptions-and they aren't interested in Jewish men[which we have a surplus of.]I have to use matchmaking services and search beyond a 175 mile radius to even find any single Jewish women. Meanwhile, I'm alone.
I haven't any family or single friends. I'm depressed and sorta overwhlemed by whole prospect. Yet, I'm old enough , and experiences enough to know that if I go out and hook up with anyone, I'll be "The Jew" in the relationship and without "companionship"-just company.

Can it get any worse?

Did Moshe have to bring the people into the land so that they could become the covenant people of the one true Mighty One? Did Daniel make his stand against assimilation in the land of Israel? If one wants to stay away from discos or raves raging away on the Shabbath, is Tel-Aviv the place to go? Is going to a place where 65% of people supposedly of Jewish descent are not shomer Shabbath
something that should inspire one to observe Shabbath? To be truley Jewish is
something that is inward. Pay attention
to the words of the Shema that is said
twice a day.

I went to Israel over a year ago on an Aish trip (mission). It was fabulous and I learned a lot. But outreach has failed in my city (St. Louis) and I can't remember when the last time I saw a new Jewish girl walk in the door (I've been attending classes for 3 years.) So when I give up (soon) and find a shiksa to marry, I don't think there'll be much point in bringing her to Israel for a honeymoon. Perhaps it makes sense to publicize birthright more (I never heard of it until recently) or to have a more meaningful version of it. But if outreach isn't done effectively below the age of 40 (which it clearly isn't) then there is going to be nothing more to do than lament the mixed marriages and... oh... give them a nice honeymoon as a lovely parting gift.

Birthright made a rule that anyone who is in a full time Jewish educational system is not eligible for their program. Why? I assume because they don't need Birthright to remain loyal to Jewish tradition.
So... the most effective proven method to fight assimilation is to educate your children from diapers until chupah in a Jewish educational system. You'll get the most for your money

Umm. I just want to correct the first commentary that says it is required that to be a jew you must have a Jewish father. It is in fact the mother that must be Jewish...

Thanks for being so straightforward! your last two paragraphs are really on the mark, and well said!

This is worth of consideration by Jewish donors.

There is only one definition of Jewish- to fulfill the criteria of either being born from a Jewish father, or having converted according to Jewish law.

A non-Jewish father, non-Jewish name, non-Jewish appearance (being Jewish is not an ethnicity, so no special "appearance" can lay claim to being the "Jewish one") or non-Jewish practices cannot change the status of one's Jewishness.

If you fulfill one of the two criteria listed above, you are 100% Jewish in the eyes of every halachically observant Jew.

At the same time, if your non-Jewish sounding name unintentionally misleads Jews into thinking you're not Jewish, you might find it helpful to identify yourself to Jewish people and organizations. We can't expect Jewish organizations to be prophets. :)

Are you kidding ?? Pay people to marry Jewish ? That's indeed what you are proposing. Ok, "reward" people for marrying Jewish. Still silly. A previous commenter was right, it's a bandaid on a very big wound and will not mean a hill of beans ("oh wow, if I don't marry the person I think is the love of my life and marry a Jew instead, even though there's barely any around that are remotely attractive and will take me 10 more years to find, I'll get a free trip to Israel !"). Please.

We can't solve this problem until we address what's turning people off to Jews and turning them on to Goyim. Let's examine the stereotypes and ask ourselves where they come from. First of all, women do want to marry Jewish but see their options dwindling and the pickings left over are pretty unattractive - men who don't take care of themselves or their appearance and are nebbish, weak mama's boys who whine and complain and don't know how to behave on a date (let's face it, this stereotype is not far from the mark).

As for men marrying out ? Look what they think they have to compare to - Jewish women who are demanding, prissy, whiny princesses who are less free with their bodies (let's face it, we have to talk reality here no matter how many elephants are in the room - we're talking about non-Orthodox men in today's world, and non-Jewish women are by and large more comfortable with their bodies, what's the old joke ? The difference between a Jewish girl and a non-Jewish girl is the Jewish girl has real jewelry and fake....ok, I won't say it in polite company, but you get the idea). What hear about most is the way you have to earn a Jewish woman's love and attention. The most common complaint about Jewish women is that they are demanding.

What are doing to fix these impressions ?

Most importantly, since there are more men marrying non-Jewish women than women marrying non-Jewish men, what are Jewish women supposed to do in areas that are not heavily populated by Jews ? If they're not religious, what reason do they have to search the world over when there's so little of Judaism that is important to them in the first place ?

One final point - no matter what anyone says about "inclusion", the reality is Jewishness is not a race, it is not in the blood, it's a _religion_ with a very long, tried and true tradition that maintains that one's Jewish SOUL, one's heritage, is passed on through the _mother_. That's it. If you don't think it's fair, tough. That's the way it is. Take the religion as it is, or move on to something else. If a Jewish man marries a non-Jewish woman, their kids are not Jewish, no matter how many holidays you teach them about or how much you keep them away from shellfish. It has nothing to do with being elitist or with discrimination. Anyone who says that is ignorant of Jewish tradition - we are *supposed* to be separate, we're NOT supposed to fit in or please anyone else. We're supposed to be examples to the world, and we can't do that unless we set ourselves apart. If it's uncomfortable to you, instead of expecting Torah observant Jews to change their thinking, find out about the religion a little more and learn why we are so steadfast on this and why we think our tradition, our heritage, is so precious to us that we're willing to shun men who throw their heritage away by marrying non-Jewish women. As for women who marry non-Jewish men, at least your kids are Jewish, which is why you're more likely to be embraced - no one wants to lose your kids to intermarriage. I myself react stronger to men marrying out - how dare you make yourselves unavailable to perfectly beautiful, wonderful Jewish women ? Thank you very much for abandoning us.

The solution to all this ? KIRUV. Pure and simple. Nice idea, this birthright thing, but just let Aish and others like them continue their work, contribute to their cause, and be nicer to non-frum people who show up at your Othodox shul looking for answers, despite their not being dressed appropriately. Stop ignoring them, stop judging them, and BE NICE.

Michael,
What a wonderful idea! I couldn't agree more! What could possibly be better than hearing the voices of brides and grooms jubilantly experiencing eretz yisrael for the first time? How do we implement this plan? Which philanthropists are willing to provide the financial backing or the seed money? I have long held the belief that we need to strategize a way to bring young married(s) to Israel where one or both spouses have never been before. Within my sphere of influence my husband and I know six couples where the fiancé/wife has been to Israel (even lived in Israel short-term) and the husband has never been. There's something very powerful about experiencing eretz yisrael with your basherte...especially if this is your spouse's first time going. When my husband and I married we made the commitment to travel to eretz yisrael during our first year of marriage. Baruch hashem we were able to fulfill this plan. What outlet is there within the organized Jewish community to bring our brides and grooms to Israel? Kol Ha'Kavod, Michael - I really hope you can make peoples' dreams come true with this birthright honeymoon. The philanthropists need to recognize that young adulthood in the 21st century has been delayed from the ages of 18-25 years to 26-30 years. We need to better penetrate this 26-30 audience. We're losing too many people in their 30s. What a milestone a trip to Israel can be for a chatan and kallah! If one person such as me knows six couples where one partner has never been to Israel, how many more young married(s) are out there? Thank you for your article.
~ Elianna

The article was wonderful and I've married out of the religion twice - Baruch Hashem I am now divorced and Orthodox. What can we do to get this to be real? We see the problem, you mention a solution but you should also include how we can help get it going.

First off, I want to say I think Birthright is a great program. It's actually fantastic and I think people would certainly benefit from a birthright honeymoon - however I noticed you said only every American Jew. What about their spouses who have not converted? Are you excluding them on purpose or with intent because I have to say that a "honeymoon" with only half of the marriage present isn't going to get you very far.

I have to admit I was slightly offended by your article which would essentially negate my own Jewish identity based on the fact that I'm not ethnically Jewish. You're not bean counting you say. Quality over quantity. Sorry but my last name doesn't remotely resemble Stein or Greenberg or Levy and I am a Jew. Scanning newspaper articles aren't likely going to bring me anywhere on your radar - unless I apparently marry another Jew (or even a person wish a "Jewish-sounding" last name) which will then have me added to your assimilation list - but not me really - it would be my spouse. Since when did Jewishness become based on a last name?

In appearance I don't really resemble any other Jew I've seen - but that doesn't make me any less Jewish. Where do you draw the line? Lighting Shabbat candles? Being shomer Shabbas? What is being Jewish? Maybe you ought to define that for me just so I can make sure I'm official.

You know you can't have it both ways.

If you want to keep Jews Jewish then maybe you should be more accepting of all Jews. Including Jews of different backgrounds. Maybe you should address more, the little discriminations some of us live with and ask us why we are Jews and what keeps us faithful. You can't mourn after what you've lost if you can't keep what you have.

This whole debate boils down to one thing. Did your parents (or those who raised you) give you Jewish values growing up? That's it, end of story. People cannot be forced to change, nor can they suddenly "see the light" until a moment of spiritual crisis comes. This moment may never come. If you are raised with tradition and see the importance of it, you will pass it on, period.

"But based on birthright's experience with college-age and post-graduate youth, it certainly seems like a good place to start."

Based on birthright's experience? What kind of statistics are you looking at? I'm surprised at Aish.

As Jews, aren't we commanded to treat others as we wish to be treated ourselves? People who choose Judaism and live a Jewish life sometimes are much more learned in the ways and traditions of Torah than people who were "born" Jewish. I think that people with the same views as Mr. Freund are worrying too much about the downfall of American Jewry and should focus on more import issues, such as being true to oneself and living life as G*d commanded. As one woman commented, her husband described converting to Judaism as, "coming home". How could anyone take such a beautiful spiritual experience for granted and shun someone just because they weren't "born" Jewish. Am I wrong, or is this a classic case of "discrimination"...something every Jew should be fighting against.

Everybody is entitled to their own personal choice on what they choose to believe or celebrate. From my own experiences with having a double celebration of "Christmukah" (Christmas/Chanukah), I feel that combining different holidays and cultures is a fine way of enhancing one's heritage while becoming more flexible in appreciating diversity.

I am one of those 47% of Jews who married out of the faith. But, I would not say in any sense of the word, that I have assimilated. My husband agreed even before we began dating, that if we got married and had children, that he would join with me to raise our children Jewish. Although, he will not convert and I don't ask him to do it anymore. He is not a practicing Catholic, but believes in what he was taught all of his life. He does enjoy the Jewish Rituals that we partake in at home. We only celebrate the Jewish Holidays (ex: we celebrate only Chanukah in our home, not Christmas at all). I am very connected to my Jewish Faith. I am involved with my local Chabads and believe wholeheartedly in following as much as I can of Jewish Halacha. I believe Hasham understands what I am capable of following and not following at this stage of my life. My brother married a Jewish woman, but I would say they are not observant whatsover. They call themselves cultural Jews. Me, who married a Catholic, is more observant and am more knowledgeable about Judaism than my brother and his wife who are both Jews. I am glad you mentioned in your article the fact that Jews who marry Jews are also getting assimilated. I would say that my brother and his wife are more assimilited than I am. I do not want to judge my brother and his wife, but I just wanted to say that marrying someone outside of your faith may even make you more observant than if you married in the faith. I feel I am more connected to Judaism than my brother is. I could be wrong about that, but I believe it is true.

I'll be the first to say that Birthright was an AWESOME experience. We saw so many things we never knew about and learned alot about Israel. Sadly, we learned almost nothing about Judaism. Bless their souls, they [or someone] did make sure to provide enough condoms for the group] but precious little of this inspiration lasted long enough to make a real impact. I'm the only one of my six friends who went on Brithright to be dating a Jewish girl and none of us have any kind of immediate plans to increase our involvement with the Jewish community. I don't believe this is the answer to the problem of assimilation at all. It's a heckuva gimmick and I'll be the first to enjoy it but it'll just be another great freebie that we get for being born to a jewish mom. Yay!

I find huge problems with this article as I have found with many other comments fearing assimilation and encouraging elitist grouping. It is the same problem with faith schools (of which I have to admit I am a member of), and that is with all the fear of 'our' numbers decreasing, it only sets to increase worldwide anti-semitism. When the fear of inter-marriage goes as far as damning people for celebrating the secular side of a non-Jewish festival, or worse when a parent keeps their children in 'Jewish bubbles' incase they might end up falling in love with a non-Jew (oh the horror!), it serves to isolate the Jewish community from the rest of the world, and stops us from ever dispelling the myths in Anti-Semitism that exist.

Years ago if a Jew married a non-Jew, the whole family sat shiva, cried their eyes out and refused to speak to him/her again. Then they realized and acknowledged the true tragedy of intermarriage. Nowadays, when a Jew announces his/her engagement to a non-Jew, the parents meekly accept it. They might even be surprised if their son or daughter did come home with another Jew! Intermarriage today is a spiritual Holocaust and the way we are losing our people is a tragedy. The Nazis tried to destroy us physically, now intermarriage and the 'demoncratic' American way are destroying our people's souls. Few families, even Orthodox ones, are unaffected. One of my first cousins is a non-Jew and my husband, a baal teshuva, is the only
religious member of his entire extended family. Of his ten cousins, half married out. They are all descendants of a great 18th century rabbi from Prague yet they have no knowledge of their amazing heritage and some of their children today are sadly, goyim. Trips to Israel like Birthright are nice and enjoyable but they are just a bandaid on a life-threatening, gushing wound.
Only a true, intense Jewish education and active outreach programs on every U.S. campus and community might have an impact.

I hear a lot of these statistics, and I can't help but wonder what the statistics are for children of intermarried couples. My father was Catholic, but I always knew I was Jewish and grew up to marry a Jewish man and keep a Jewish home. In fact, there is constant conflict between me and my husband's family because in my opinion they are too secular. My brother's fiance was raised similarly. They too will build a Jewish home. Having one Jewish parent doesn't 'take you out of the races' so to speak.

Also, I think a birthright honeymoon is an awesome idea. Only couples already interested in furthering their Judaism will attend classes. Education is crucial to build on the momentum, but you need to grab their attention first.

I am a Jew by choice, which may or may not be important. I see alot of what is happening with Jewry here in the US and I really upsets my wife and I. We made a trip to Israel in 2006 and decided to move to Israel when I retire in 3 1/2 years. We want to live in a place where Judaism is still intact. Given the volatile climate of that country, we have little concern, we want to be where we feel that we belong. American Jewry is in grave danger and if something isn't done to stop it, will be a footnote in future history books. American Jews have it "too soft", they are in a comfort zone that most are not willing to leave. Jews deserve to live free of fear but at what cost?

I fail to see how these birthright programmes with their UJIA/Zionist Agency agenda of showing tanks rather than torah and yuppies rather than yeshivas have or will do the slightest to stem intermarriage. Their view of jewish identity is donating to The UJIA and eating pita falafels. It is at best indifferent and at worst openly antagonistic and contemptuous to everything that Torah and Aish stand for.
The only answer is EDUCATION of Judaism rather than Judaica. As Rabbi Wein writes for a fraction of the cost of these grotesquely expensive birthright programmes we could open non-judgemental kiruv kollelim or Aish branches on university campuses throughout North America and Western Europe. It is only this that will stem the tide. The Zionist way doesn't stand a chance.

I asked an employee of JCC in San Francisco whether they had any social activites for jewiS young adults - he looked at me puzzled and very seriously asked me "WHAT DO YOU MEAN SOCIAL ACTIVITIES???" I gre up in Chile. We had dances, movies on Israel, Speakers about Israel and Judaism EVERY WEEK in the local Synagogue and Jewish Community Center. FREE for anyone who wanted to attend!Here I cannot find any of these events. But mail us a check is expected!!!!

An interesting, eye-opening article and interesting (and enlightening) comments. Birthright is a nice idea, and perhaps beneficial for some, but studies show that in terms of real, tangible benefit, a Jewish Education (for children and adults) is what really works, in terms of commitment to Judaism. This makes sense - because why should one give up a potential relationship with a lovely non-Jew, unless one knows why his/her Judaism is important? A complete Jewish education can give us all those answers.

When I was growing up, everyone received some type of Jewish education in and outside of the home. We did not change our names and didn't give a damn about Christmas and Chanukah competing for second place. We pretty much were reinforced about the history and symbolism of Hannukah and didn't equivocate it with gift giving. We knew that Chanukkah always was at the same time of year despite people saying it was early or late. The rabbi in our community really made a concerted effort to involve and let children feel a part and parcel of Judaism. He didn't care about your financial situation. He cared about your love and pride in your heritage. Now there are very few commited individuals such as this rabbi. There is one very unique person on a crusade to save the Jewish people. His name is Rabbi Buchwald of the National Jewish Outreach Program. He is trying to turn the tide and bring people in doubt or those afloat without a specific objective to reach out to. He enables various communities to get a taste of learning and understanding. We need a lot more people like him. Of course the family is indispensable to getting the support and learning as well. Sometimes that is not always possible. But one rabbi and of course a family that had a lot of pride in their heritage made an enormous difference in never thinking of looking at any other philosophy or belief but that of Judaism.

Although I am what would be described as an "assimilated" Jew, I worry about the state of Jewry as well. The problem for me is that I wasn't raised in a so called Jewish community and some of my identity has been eroded because I thoroughly enjoy the trappings of the Christmas holiday and the season as does the woman written about in the article. I also am fiercly proud of being Jewish too. So many dilemma's for me.


We live in North America so you know how can we expect people to only marry their own kind. I know it isn't as simple as all that, but maybe we need to just let the chips fall where they may. Personally I feel completely excluded from most things Jewish. Even reading articles on this site, it seems that some families just take it for granted that we all live very Jewish lives. I wasn't raised even having Shabbat, and I feel like a stranger with my own people.

I have never felt welcomed in the Jewish community, and I always feel like an outsider. With that said I also don't like the idea of conversion just to keep the numbers up. For me there is no question of who is Jewish and who isn't. If you were born of Jewish parents you are Jewish, if you weren't born of Jewish Parents, you are not Jewish! If you were born of one Jewish parent whether father or mother, you are half Jewish. Simple!

I am married to a man who is not Jewish. We celebrate Shabbat, keep a kosher home, belong to an Orthodox synagogue and send our child to a Jewish day school. I grew up in a very assimilated family and attended Sunday school at a Reform synagogue, but spent years in Israel as an adult and became more observant of mitzvot after returning to the U.S., meeting my husband and choosing TOGETHER to commit ourselves to a vibrant, Jewish family life. The community has embraced us and our child, with all our imperfections, and we are grateful for the support. Intermarriage is not the problem -- it is one of many symptoms of assimilation and the preference for secular/humanistic liberalism over authentic, God-centered Judaism, its traditions and values.

ANYTHING YO GIVE A POSITIVE SPIN ON JUDAISM,ISRAEL AND ENCOURAGING JEWISH EDUCATION IS WORTH THE INVESTMENT

I'm not Jewish, but I too fear the trend of Jews marrying non-Jews. Jews have, and will continue to enlighten the world, and I pray for their preservation AS JEWS.

Joyce Moore

Thank you!
As an Orthodox Jew, I am reading and hearing all the time about the assimilation rate increase. And it always depresses me. But you have proposed an idea in which we can actively try to do something about it. Kol HaKavod, and
May this idea come to fruition!

01/01/2007
I am not surprise to see our people drifting away.We are too lay back. our religion is very boring. When I arrived in Denton at Texas Womans University,I was so lonely.Every religion was so active reaching out for thier students. There was no single jew. Muslems, Chritians and Budists were having activities almost every month. There was no body to welcom me. Christians were always hot and excited to reach out to people but the jews who have the right hand of GD were no where to be found. I was a lonely foriegn jew. We are loosing our people because we are to cold. We are not so excited about our religion.We should reach out to our young ones in the local schools, colleges and Universities. My son goes to a junior college. The first day of school, a religious group came to thier school to talk about GD Almighty, and to talk about purity and modesty. He was so happy that some one was able to present those topics to them. Now he has joined the group of young ones who talk about modesty,smoking,drinking and GD. Unfortunately they are christians, but where are our leaders? These are the reason why we are drifting away. I thank Birthright for the good work.
Victoria

what a fabulous idea to have a birthright honeymoon!!!! it would help a couple get a foundation - something to strive for and connect with. brilliant. I wish I had money to give to get it off its feet. I am sure there is some Aish sponsorer who could sponsor at local branches across the country.

Judaism needs more clarity today, not less.

In a well-written article such as this, it is appropriate to state clearly that Jewish males who intermarry do not have Jewish offspring, which no Israel honeymoon can alter.

A tragedy, but wishing it away with Jewish "culture" versus our Jewish faith detracts, rather than adds, to our confused world.

It's good to hear that birthright is successful. But curious why so many who live here in Israel are not as stimulated to live a Torah life or reconnect to their roots? If birthright works, sure do it for newlyweds. But what about all those who are still single?? What I'd love to know is what exactly makes birthright succeed, the age of the kids?? the madrichim? the program?? Yes, I also came on a program when I was in high school (not free in those days) and had a great time - and yes, I came back, but it took me a long time to take upon myself the yolk of Judaism, and I think it had more to do with my parents memories of the old times than anything else. I think Judaism may have worked better in the shtetls, when keeping Shabbos and kashruth was predominant in society. But since we don't live that way, I'm thrilled that aish exists on the computer and in real life. Kol Hakavod for all you do.

We all have a soul mate, some Jewish some not. I am a not but a soon to be. I subscribe faithfully to a fully observant outlook on life and we are raising our children in ways to bolster their Jewish identity. Sadly enough this is not always the case, but, never give up on what HaShem has in the plans. Faith and Trust is what the Rebbe teaches, we must keep this, think well and be well, we have free choice, but as long as you have kept their feet firmly planted in Torah and family history, they will never lose their "strenght" in being a Jew.

The previous post intimates that practicing Judaism and raising children as Jews is enough to continue the Jewish people, and making non-Jews feel accepted as a step toward inclusion is a good thing. However, there are many Jews for whom the first proposal is not enough, and the second is not desirable. Regarding the first, traditional Jewish sources clearly delineate who may considered a Jew and who may not, which has nothing to do with what they do and do not practice, and there are people who choose to live by the guidelines presented in these sources, which is their prerogative. Regarding the second proposal, if a group decides to include everyone in it, that group loses its identity - it becomes identical to the entire population and stops being a group. It seems unfair to ask a group to foster its own disintegration by encouraging it to include everyone. Encouraging a non-Jew to feel accepted, many of those Jews who have decided to live according to the traditional sources assert, does not make him/her Jewish and they should not be forced to change their minds about this. For these people, the goal is not to ensure the continuation of Jewish practice or Judaism by anyone regardless of their identity, but by people whom, according to what they believe and are entitled to believe is Judaism, are considered Jews.

Re the article"fighting assimilation"
I haved talked with the conservative rabbi og the shul I presently attend in Toronto, and have written to the Toronto Board of Rabbis, suggesting once a year the Rabbis address their congregants and suggest they introduce singles of whom they are aware to one another. So far I have not been successful. I have not been successful so far. I will continue trying.

While I support Judaism it's a simple fact in a free nation people will do what they want to do.

This is not some third-world Muslim country with arranged marraiges and death to those that covert. Is that what some Jews want, the ghettos again?

America is a big problem for those seeking to be "separate" themselves from other Americans. We tend to have a common culture and people tend to assimilate.

Judaism to me is not a race no matter much rhetoric some Jews come up with. It's a religion and I'd suggest that Judaism be open to conversion like it was in ancient times.

How many countries can Jews name where they have the freedom and prosperity they do here? Is it that bad?

I also read the article about the newlyweds who proudly celebrate Xmas in the NY Times, and was really horrified and saddened. This article and initiative is a great and very fitting response!!

I don't meant to offend anybody, but an interfaith "practising Judaism" family is but a pale shadow of the true Jewish home, which is a fusion of two Jewish souls.

All I can say is OUCH! Even if you are "raising your children jewish", will they stick with it, if you have already showed them that there is an "alternative" by intermarrying? And, are these children really jewish? What about Jewish men who marry non Jewish women, would it be ok to raise their children "Jewish"? Hashem Yerachaim!

our last nameis considered a "Jewish" surname. Actually, although my mother's family did not intermarry, my father's dad converted to Judaism, in Russia, after attending conversion classes, a mohl, a mikveh, a procession through the Jewish quarter of their city, and a bet din, before he married my grandmother. So intermarriage was not unknown in my family. My husband converted to Judaism and explained to questioners that he had "come home" in his heart when he converted. My brother's wife also converted to Judaism and his children and mine are committed Jews. Oddly enough, I see a lot of push against conversion, and against Jewish identity from our own people. There still seems to be an attitude that there is something "downscale" or anti-intellectual about being Jewish or expressing your Jewish identity.

My paternal grandfather also converted to Judaism in Russia with all the above trimmings (ha ha) and flourishes. My husband also converted to Judaism and explains that he feels that he has "come home" also. My daughter tells people that she comes from a line of Jewish women who are devastatingly attractive to non-Jewish men. I was reared with a clear committment to Judaism although I was in a small town. Our children were also reared in the same small town and still maintain a kosher home, etc. As my husband converted it is not truly an intermarriage. I have seen so many people who have converted to Judaism because they were called to their Jewish nature from a young age and then it is not unusual to find an ancestor who was Jewish. The people who are attracted to practicing Jews are attracted to something more than the physical so I truly believe. Perhaps, Anonymous #23, Aish wil let us get in touch with one another.

What can anybody do about it?

Yes, it would've been easier if I'd married in my faith....less explaining. But I've been blessed with a husband who encouraged me in my faith and supported raising our son Jewish. Granted, he didn't have strong ties to Christianity and when he started coming to temple with me he said it made more sence to him than any church service his mother dragged him to. But it helps that my temple welcomes interfaith couples so warmly. That warmth makes a big difference when it comes to creating a Jewish home.

""I am aware of numerous interfaith families (including my own) where the family only practices Judaism and the children are raised as Jews.""

That's good. If the wife is Jewish, the children are too and they should live that way. It's just that Some Non-Jewish husbands are not as supportive and don't want the family to practice anything unless they practice both his and her religion. but if he is supportive, she can help him learn more about Judaism.
Also, there's the issue that if the wife is not Jewish, then the children won't be either. And so in order for them to have Jewish children, she has to convert before having them.

In response to the person who responded before me about intermarrying, and raising children in a Jewish home -- If the mother isn't Jewish halachically, the children aren't Jewish halachically. This is true even if they're keeping mitzvoth, and even if they THINK they're Jewish. When daughters who THINK they're Jewish, but aren't halachically Jewish, marry & raise children, they may THINK these children are Jewish, but halachically they're not. It can get very messy a few generations down the road. The solution? Jews marrying Jews (whether Jews by birth or halachic conversion), and raising Jewish children in Jewish homes. Real Jewish children in real Jewish homes. (I hope the person who wrote before me thinks seriously about this.)

That sounds like a wonderful idea.

The problem of intermarriage will not be addressed by giving every Jew a ticket to Israel, "regardless of who he or she marries." Yes, more needs to be invested in Jewish education and the type of education that engenders loyalty of Judaism and the Jewish People. Trips to Israel are a means to this end, but the way this author would work them they would be the end.

I would fund such a project. But the problem starts long before the wedding. I too saw that article and was heartsick. In today's NYTimes, there are a few Jewish sympathizers, and only one who sided with "us". How tragic that Jews should get such pleasure from something so foreign!

B"H

Ofcourse a Rabbi CAN NOT marry anyone non-Jewish despite that non-Jew wants to raise his/her kids Jewish. Jews should (indeed) marry each other, not non-Jews. Btw; Embracing Chr*stmas by Jews, disgusting! May HaShem bring the Jewish people back to Judaism.

Wonderful idea. Even though there are a lot of opportunities for young people to elect to be exposeed to their heritage, most elect not to do so. Sharing a trip to Israel might be the cattalist to start the couple down a more positive path.

All my grandparents were Jews from the Austro-Hungarian Monarchy. I have no use for any God being a libertarian. I still feel that my ethnical identity is Jewish, in spite of having married an goyish atheist. I don't know Israel and have no inclination for the middle east and feel that wanting to return to Israel after almost 2000 years of being European, I still feel Jewish.
I should have married a nice Jewish intellectual girl I met in NYC almost 50 years ago, but I was afraid to inflict a proverbial Jewish mother on my eventual offspring (Woody Allen).
Shalom and git yontef to you,
Robert Laszlo Schmolka

Despite the glowing reports, birthright is basically a failure and Freund's recommendations to extend the concept to couples who marry other Jews (another problem we won't go into here)will merely intensify the problem.

Birthright notwithstanding, there is no quick fix, quick magic bullet to deter assimilation. A free 10 day trip just ain't gonna do it. The glow disappears quickly.
Indeed, birthright degrades Judaism and those who have some sort of commitment by offering the trips only to those who have never been there before.
And of course because the trips are free, with no reward so to speak, of prior work for the Jewish community via youth groups or Jewish school attendance
or something similar or no minimal demand even in the form of volunteer work within the community post trip, birthright as a free trip is worthless; actually less than worthless--many students see it as a desperate, degrading bribe. After all, these are the same students who somehow get the money for vacations around the world, are willing to work gratis on internships and compete to spend money for exotic credits.

No, as the late sociologist of the Jewish community, Daniel Elazar obm, wrote years ago, the limited communal funds should be expanded for services to the inner core of Jews; he conceived of the community as seven rings with the center being the most committed with diminishing interest outwards. Jewish schools and camps, Jewish organizations, synagogues, even theaters and the arts would benefit; the benficiaries' Judaism would be strengthened, expanded and validated.
And the community would also be strengthened by realizing Judaism is attractive, no need to beg others to remain.

The wife of an old friend of mine, a non-observant jew, took a trip to Israel in her twenties. Several months past, and i heard nothing about the trip. I asked her how it went. She said it was nice. That's it. As Rabbi Noach Weinberg from Aish Hatorah said in his
famous "bafoofstick story" if you don't know what you are looking at, you won't appreciate it. Along with any trips to Israel, there must be preinformation AND post trip information about Judaisim, Jews special place with
G-d and the world. Otherwise for persons who are quote bagels and lox, check book Jews or I'm a good Jew, because all that matter is that I have a good heart (a cardiac jew), will never see the specialness and beauty of Judaisim and will gravitate towards intermarriage (the sytudies show the majority of intermarried persons do not follow Judaisim, this is especially true of the children - as their parents do not know much about it, and it is easier to be a secular, knowing one language christian than to be a Jew).

My Grandparents are examples of inter-religion marriages. Max Levine married Angelina Marchetti. Nana converted to Judaism, so my father was born and raised in the Jewish faith. However, Grampy Max was not a good example of a husband, father, and man. He left the family, and my grandmother converted back to her families faith. Grampy Max went on to marry another woman of a different faith, and he was the one to convert. None of their four children continued practicing their father's faith. When my father married my mother, an immigrant from England, he converted to her religion of choice b/c he was not practicing either of his families faiths, and did not feel that his children should be raised in a dual religious household (one, or the other, he felt). Assimilation is more complicated than a simple marriage, and often goes in more than one direction. I live in a city that has quite a large Jewish population, but you would never know it, except for the new Jewish Community Center they built and opened around 2001. Some of the perceived assismilation has more to do with the silence of the group. I am not advocating radical, aggressive tactics against others, but sometimes one needs to find a non-combative way to make their presence known, so others know they exist. I believe our local Jewish community found a way to do just that, and continues to make their presence known through community outreach programs in a predominantly Catholic town.

years ago it was ok to wear a mezuza on a chain to identify who you are when trying to meet other jews. now there is no way to tell.we desparetly want to be accepted by society and we lost our identity.it is the responsibility of every parent to give a child pride in being a jew give them a jewish educations and stress marrige to goym is not acceptable. liberal attitudes towards assimilation does not work if you dont keep a distance.

"interfaith ministers," whatever that might mean. Now how about finding out what it DOES mean, instead of complaining about it. Happy New Year & Shalom.

Honestly, I found it amusing (and a bit distressing) that this article's author uses a christmas tree as "the indicator" that "Cindy Chupack, who was a writer and executive producer of the hit television series Sex and the City." had been assimilated.

Myself, I am more alarmed when I see those who could be assumed to be Jewish producing such prurient, lascivious content as Sex and the City.

The G-d of our fathers seemed to spend a lot more time talking about adopting other culture's idols - and one of our culture's biggest idols that we worship with abandon is extra-marital sex.

That, to me, was an earlier and more grievious indicator of assimilation than was a decorated tree for the daughter of the commandments.

Excellent article and suggestion, but went off the rails a bit with the call to offer "Birthright Honeymoon" to any Jew regardless of who they marry.

There are Jewish men who marry non-Jewish women. Their children are not Jewish. This is unfortunate, and tragic. But no amount of "feel good" Jewish education can make it not so.

Offering these couples an Israel trip for the sake of Jewish continuity in their families is an oxymoron, and misleading to these innocent children, who are not Jewish through no fault of their own, and shouldn't be mislead into thinking they are, only to be faced with shocked disappointment when they get older.

On the other hand, if you are suggesting offering the trip to intermarried males in an effort to increase their Jewish awareness and come closer to their Torah heritage, that is wonderful. But that won't make their children Jewish, and it's important for both you and they to be cognizant of this, to protect their children.

Ideas and suggestions are to be applauded. We need to exercise utmost responsibility in their formulation.

...every Jew who marries a non-Jew, raises Jewish children, attends shul and is affiliated with the local Jewish community as a lost cause and practically not worth considering a Jew anymore, than Judaism will indeed reach a crisis quickly. Inclusiveness rather than "oy gevalt" would be a tremendous first step.

While the idea of a "birthright honeymoon" is a great one, intermarriage isn't always the end of Judaism for the Jewish spouse.

My husband, who was raised Baptist but is unaffiliated, agreed before we married that the wedding would be a Jewish one (very hard to find a rabbi to perform it), and if we had any children (which we didn't plan to do) they would be raised Jewish. He had no objections to this. Of course, the Christmas tree was something he didn't want to give up, & for several years we had one (with strictly secular ornaments, including a Santa topper), but (initially due to finances) we stopped having a tree several years ago. Also, my faith has become more important to me over the years, and while he attends no religious services at all, I go to Shabbat services every Friday night - something I never did as a child. Having never become Bat Mitzvah, I also went through the adult B'nei Mitzvah prograom at our temple, & while I don't currently keep Kosher or follow some of the guidelines that an Orthodox Jew might observe, I certainly do more than I was raised to do.

Yes, assimilation & intermarriage can be problems, but some of it is due to the lack of some congregations to make Judaism come alive, as The Temple in Atlanta has successfully done. Making Judaism important to individuals without simply saying it's "because I said so" will go a long way in preventing assimilation.

I have been divorced from a Sephardic Israeli man for 8 years now. Last year I met an Irish/Italian man who was already thinking about converting to Judaism (Before we met). He had told me he always had doubts about his religion and always believed in the hebrew bible stories. At first he thought the studying would be too hard for him but after finding a rabbi who was willing to work with him, he is on his way to becoming a jew. It's a shame that he is a rare bird when it comes to gentile men or women having such a strong belief in judaism.

Nowhere in your article did you mention "love"!
This is the example of why we have so many conflicts today, separating the human factor, and good ole love & respect, in the name of religion.
This does not mean one has to toss aside ones faith, but, interfaith marriages not only offer love, and happiness to those who find love and happiness with each other, but experincing each others beliefs, which then they start developing understanding and respect.
When you continue to block, alienate,and discriminate, because of ones upbringing to believe only what is taught to them, they are the ones who lose out on knowing ,experiencing, loving, and finding happiness with so many other human beings.
God created us all equal humans,made from all the same energy matter , only physically different,as the flowers, the trees, the animals, all living , breathing elements of this universe.
The sooner we all realize this,accept this, the sooner we will all live in harmony together on this small particle of this universe we call "Earth".
And with that, I wish all my brothers and sisters of the planet earth, a very Happy , Loving ,Respectful, Peaceful New Year!

People tend not to differentiate in interfaith marriages. They are all viewed as a "lost cause". In my conservative shul, I am aware of numerous interfaith families (including my own) where the family only practices Judaism and the children are raised as Jews. It would help if Rabbis would marry people who express the desire to maintain a Jewish home and raise Jewish children even if they are marrying a non-Jew. And encouraging the non-Jew to feel accepted and to learn about Judaism would be a wonderful step forward as well in terms of inclusion.