The Bagel Theory

yes, this is a phenomenon among dispersed Jews the world round! We do look for that connection and no matter our level, to connect. Thankyou for this insight to our essence!!

I agree that it can be exciting, satisfying, at the very least interesting to be bageled somewhere in the secular world, since essentially we are all one people, part of one neshama, connected to the One G-d. But, how this reveals the extent of our assimilation in this generation!!! Shouldn't we be crying simultaneously with our excitement, that a Jew cannot be recognized until he reveals that miniscule drop of the "pintele yid" within him.

I've been bageled many times in my life, but this one was really exceptional: I worked as a nurse in the emergency room of a Los Angeles hospital for a number of years. One evening a woman came up to me and said to me that her father, a patient in the ER at that time, but not my patient, had seen me walking around the floor, had stared at my kippah and suddenly sat up and said something that sounded like "Braishis Barah Elohim". She asked me if I had ever heard those words. I mentioned to her that these were the first three words in the Torah. She was amazed that her father knew and said that.We were both was more amazed at the fact that her father had suffered a stroke some time before and hadn't spoken in several weeks!

The people who bagel do so to let me know that they, too, are Jewish. Because I wear a shaitel and dress in a modest way, I am easily identifiable as an Orthodox Jew. I love that my identity is obvious and am proud to wear my Judaism publicly. Like the times in Shop-Rite, when some woman will stop me and say, "My grandson is coming to visit and he's studying to be a rabbi. Can you help me find something here he will eat?" Or, when I'm at jury duty, and someone dressed very differently from me will come over to me and whisper, "how will we handle it if jury duty lasts through Friday and we need to leave earlier than everyone?" Although being tzanua (modest) and keeping halacha are values in and of themselves, for me, it is icing on the cake that it also lets others know what I consider my primary identity-an Orthodoz jew.

I must agree with all the reasons. This is precious to me. I now have a new phrase to integrate into my vocabulary. One short "bagel" story of mine is as follows: a man at a gathering asked me, if I was a MOT. What is a mot? I asked. He smiled looking at (what I was relieved to realize was) my necklace of the “Western Wall,” and not my chest. He said a member of the tribe, I was very young then, and this explanation did not help. I was not a Native American; my brother always said I looked like a "Polish waitress from Scranton." We lived in N.J., and apparently, my brother had visited some Scranton restaurants. I knew as a child adults thought with my blond braids, blue eyes, and high cheek bones, I was Polish. This mot question had me perplexed. He explained further. Jewish, you know one of the "Tribes?" This was his response. I smiled, and proudly said yes. Recently, my brother sent me the cover of a DVD of music and dance, from when he and his wife visited Poland. I looked exactly like the main performer, who was Polish. I doubt she was Jewish, I don't recall, she was Polish though. My brother spoke with her in Polish. By the way, we are Russian/Ukrainian Jews, heritage wise. That M.O.T. is my first bagelling to my recollection.

My wife gets her pre-Shabbos bagels regularly: "Excuse me, when is candle lighting?" But I got bageled this year as I was heading to Chicago for Shabbos and running late. A fellow asked, "Will you make it where you need to go before sunset?"

I repeatedly got bageled by the grocery cashier, who commented on my son's "cute punum" and often wished me a good Shabbos. Realizing that these bagels were the cashier's way of reaching out to another Jew and trying to tap into his heritage, I finally got the nerve to invite him for Shabbos. He was delighted by the invitation! Just like the author did, if you get bagled, reach back. You've got something to share, and the bageler wants a bite.

This article sure makes me nostalgic for the nights I walked home at 10:00 p.m from teaching several classes at Touro College in Borough Park, Brooklyn. I never failed to enter Miller's Chees store on l3th Ave for my swiss cheese and lox sandwich in a bialy (that's a bagel without the hole - not available here in Jerusalem)

I had an appointment for elective surgery and had to have pre-op testing. I went in to see the Anesthesiologist a lovely elderly gentleman who's name was Charlie Charles (not his real name, but you get the idea). As he was asking me many personal questions, had a 'funloving warm way about himself and an irrepressible gleam in his eye, I decided to ask him a personal question myself. With all due respects to your parents...what were they thinking by naming you Charlie when your last name was 'Charles'??? He gave me a broad grin and with his strong British accent proclaimed, "Oh, our last name was not originally Charles...it was changed"...really I replied....My last name originally was Yankelovich.....but the British had a hard time of it...so Charlie Yankelovich became Charlie Charles..... Yep I Had been 'bageled big time'!!!

I love being bageled and can relate to this wonderful e-mail.

I lived in a Jewish foster home for a short time while growing up and so although I know I am not Halachically Jewish, I still consider myself somewhat Jewish. I bagel people all the time: especially now since I live in the Midwest Plains where there are few Jewish people and no communities to speak of. I had to laugh out loud while reading this because I thought I was the only person to do this... I thought it was just me trying to re-connect to those good feelings that I had in that foster home. It was one of the first times I lived in a home without being abused...Also, although I know G-d, I am not a Christian and the Christian foster homes were less than kind when they found this out. I didn't celebrate the "Christian Holidays" and my Jewish family was just fine with that. I loved Shabbat and still do. It was an amazing time for me and I have always had a special place in my heart for Judaism and the Jewish people... how could I not? From severe abuse, neglect, missing my entire family by the time I was 12, feeling left out, ostracized, unloved and unwanted and then moving into being unconditionally cared for and quietly accepted... it made a powerful impression on me as a child. To this day when I speak about that time, I proudly say, 'When I was Jewish'... and yes, I've had to ‘knuckle up’ more than a few times when I was younger to defend my 'Jewishness'. I was not letting anyone take that away from me and I still don't. Although I am a lady now and can't throw up my fists like I did when I was younger, I have a sharp tongue and I am not afraid to use it if someone tries to make me feel less than I am for owning up to 'being' Jewish. Anyway, it is fun to know that I am not the only person who likes bageling. Thanks for sharing! :)

Wonderfull...whenever we go traveling I always find Jews....so I guess i am a "bageler." I don't even have to ask names....it's a feeling when you meet someone!

a kosher meal. he said how nice & turning to us, i forgot to order. My young son was annoyed since we had to share but i was thrilled.

When I first met my husband I knew he was special but didn't want to get involved if he wasn't Jewish. Without too long, he somehow managed to mention something about his Bar Mitzvah! Phew! We are going to be married 35 years!

sitting in a taxi with my late Zeida in Milan and he was talking to me in Yiddish.When we arrived at our destination and asked what the fare was being told:mamaloshen like that I have not heard for many years, no charge!

I really enjoyed reading this and plan to pass it on to my nieces and nephews who do not understand the past and the need to connect. Thanks.

I am an oncology nurse and an oncologist with whom I work was speaking to one of the paients in broken Spanish (the patient spoke very little English. Spanish was his primary language). I complimented the doctor on his Spanish and said "too bad the patient doesn't speak Hebrew or Yiddish. If he did, then I could translate." The doctor was shocked and asked me if I was Jewish. (More of a statement than a question..."You're Jewish!?!?") I told him I was. He then said (I get this all the time) "You don't look Jewish. (By the way, instead of asking what a Jew looks like, I ask what do "I" look like?). Are you "all" Jewish or just half?" I told him I was ALL Jewish. My father was a Holocaust survivor, I lived in Israel for 10 years, attend Chabad services, etc. He was shocked. So, I guess I was the "bageler" rather than the "bagelee". And yes, I must admit, when shopping in the supermarket and run into a person with a kippa, I always say "Shalom "Alechem". Very enjoyable article. Thank you!

I live in Japan, teaching English, and was out shopping with another teacher--a substitute teacher from another island, we hit it off uncannily quickly--when we were talking about names. She said, "... and my middle name is Yiddish for 'bird' after my auntie--you know it" (rather matter-of-factly) to which I replied with the name and we both grinned ear to ear.

My husband and I were in a bookstore. We asked someone standing next to us if he spoke English (he shook his head "no". Then, I picked up a book about neighborhoods in Paris and showed my husband information on the Jewish area. The "non-English speaking" Parisian overheard me, then, with a smile on his face, started talking to us in English. What a quick learner!

I did the bageling when we were in Liverpool, England for friend's daughter's wedding (secular). There was this family sitting in a tourist area and although there was no outward indications of Judaism, their behavior (and the fact that the older children had books) made me suspect they were Jews. I needed to bagel ,to talk to someone Jewish just to feel more comfortable in my surroundings.

I was in a bagel store and asked for mushroom barley soup. The man behind the counter responded with "katan or gadol?" and a broad grin.

Jessica, What a beautiful sentiment. Who knew so much spiritual depth could be contained in a bagel. I love your writing and your deep metaphorical references. Thanks for sharing the stories...An update perhaps?

IN a large corporate, I seem to be the only identifiable Jew around (or at least, in a building with around 8000 people I have yet to see a yarmulke around besides mine.) So, one day I am standing making coffee when a previously unknown colleague walks up to me. "You free at lunch today?"
"Why, you need me for something?"
"Yep- x from the next door company needs to say kadish and we want to get a minyan together!"

Bagelled at work making coffee (and yes, I did go to the minyan!)

I read with interest and much delight Ms. Kupferberg''s very enlightening theory,however, I do believe there is one essential element she neglects to mention, even though it is a common theme throughout all the encounters. In order to have a successful bageling encounter, one party must be identfiably Jewish. In all the cases, a person wearing a Kippah was appraoched. Even for Jessica asking the Chasidic gentlemen for a Siddur. Without those of us who wear kippot, I do not think bageling would be possible.

It's just before erev Pesach and I'm making today's 6th trip to the supermarket for, what else, a dozen more eggs.
I'm in the express lane with my one item, the checker places my bag on the counter, and remarks "Oh! the woman before you left her apples"
As I picked up my bag, the woman hurriedly returned. I offhandedly remarked: "Good thing you remembered, you're going to need those for tonight!"
A BIG smile spread across her face! and she asked "so what are you doing for Seder?"
THAT was a very satisfying Kosher for Pesach Bagel!!

A Russian immigrant had joined my Toastmasters club. In conversation with him, I mentioned that when my parents didn't want us to understand what they were saying, they would speak in Russian in our presence. He replied that when his parents wanted to conceal what they were saying, they would speak in Yiddish.

As I was being wheeled into the operating room for a minor procedue, the anesthesiologist introduced herself as Dr. Greenberg. I have one of those wedding bands that says "Ani l'dodi, v'dodi li" She noticed it and asked what it said and I replied smiling, "you tell me." We connected and I was relieved to be in good company.

In Cancun Mexico, my wife and I visited a small family tequilla brewry. The family members looked Mexican except for a young man who looked more European. He gave a humerous talk while conducting a tequilla tasting session for the tourists. I sensed that he had a Yiddisha shtik. I asked my wife to ask him what tequilla he would recommend for shabbat dinner. He knew exactly what she was talking about. He explained that his family was Jewish but were no longer practicing Jews.

I have been bageled at: the bookstore, the movies, starbucks, the grocery store, etc.
I am too shy to bagel other people. I usually just stare and hope to be bageled by someone else.

Thankyou SO much for this article! I sent it to so many people who all thought it was fascinating to be able to recognize that we all do Bageling. Genius recognition of Jews in Golut! May we have Moshiach NOW so we don't have to use that Bageling skill anymore!

While in rabbinical school in nyc, i drove cab to support myself. while driving i always wore a kippah, never a hat or cap.
obviously, bageling happened all the time. the most outrageous bagel was the time a man got in the cab and started to tell me the great thing that he had done for the jewish people.
he related that he had just gotten back from texas where he had proven to his fiancee's family that jews ,indeed, did not have horns.
i was not impressed with his great deed, but i now know that i had been bagelled.

If I meet someone and suspect they may be of the faith, I bring up an experience on one of my visits to Israel. That usually gets them out of the closet. Israel references are also useful to ferret out the self-haters as well as sympathetic non-Jews.

I was in a supermarket about fifteen miles from home and I saw a woman in a sheytl. I couldn't think of any good excuse to talk to her at the time, but I saw her again the next time I was there. I was shopping for hamburger buns, and I couldn't find any with a hechsher I recognized. There was one brand that had an insignia with a K and a V, and I had seen that on some foods before which reasonably should have been all right. So I picked up the package and went to the grocery isle where I had seen this woman, and I asked her, "Excuse me, but do you know anything about this hechsher?" She asked me who my rabbi was, and we were off. I also found out about a new (to me) hechsher that people in Rabbi L---'s congregation think is reliable.

i was camping in the mountains and we were swimming in the local pool the life gaurd began with a nonverbal bagel, by facing his innerarm outward displaying a tatoo this caught my eye as the tatoo was written in rashi letters after me and my sister nonverbal bageled back by staring the conversation began he had a tatoo with rashi letters.

loved it!

Jews, even if they call themselves secular, non-religious, atheistic, still feel, on a deep level, that they are Jews.They yearn to connect with other members of our people.
The first Lubavitcher Rebbe maintained that all Jews share the same soul, only the bodies are separate.(Tanya, ch. 32)
Kudos to the writer, who is gifted.

As a former vice-principal in Montreal, I must congratulate Doodie Miller for creating the word "Bageling" and his "Begel Theory of Judaism."

I live in Alabama, the redneck capitol of the United States. I was working in Walmart at the jewelry counter when a lovely woman and her daughter were investigating a piece of jewelry. I commented on her chai and asked where she got it, and she explained to me that she got it in San Diego. I was moaning about the fact that I couldn't get one in town yet, and the daughter got interested.

Like all children, she wanted to get involved in the conversation, and she was wanting to share what she had learned, so she started to sing...S'hema. To the baby's surprise, I joined her. SHE asked me! A lovely crunchy bagel in Alabama.

My wife and I(two Americans) were visiting a Tango Show in B.A., Argentina.I wanted a few photos and asked my wife to be in one picture. Seeing this another couple offered to take a photo of both of us. I thanked them with "Gracias" and tried to speak a few words in Spanish asking if they spoke English.They shook their heads and I tried French. Again,"No". The woman then asked,"Yiddish?".We joined them for dinner.

While wondering through venice in search of the "ghetto" section, we came across a mazuza on the door post of a building. Upon reaching up to offer a reverential kiss, the door flew open and we were ushered in for a shabot luncheon. However, to express our gratitude for the graciousness of the family, I went to hug the rebitzan only to find the need to protect myself from her husband, the rabbi. How was I to know you don't touch a women, even in Italy. Lesson learned. It's still good to be Jewish, even without the bageling. You never feel alone in the world.

If I suspect someone is Jewish and I am curious if I am right, I ask if he/she is an MOT...sometimes the response is knowledgeable; sometimes I have to explain that it means "Member of the Tribe" and then I get a (usually) positive response

Where did the term "bagel" come from ?
If it interests you contact me for the
source.

Nice to know there is a name to what I have been doing all my life. I am always being told I "don't look Jewish" so I always have to do the bageling. My husband does look Jewish and wears a large gold Chai. We came in from Europe one year just before the holidays and had lots of bottles of wine we were declaring and paying duty on. The customs agent said, "L'Shanah Tova".
We live in Tampa now where there are a lot fewer Jews than when we lived up north. People are always bageling each other, but names don't always work due to all the intermarriage here some Steins, Cohens, etc., are not Jewish and don't know what you're referring to.

I worked as a gallery manager/answered emails for a world famous quilting teacher. I saw a letter of inquiry from a woman in Israel, and I bageled her with a "Shalom" when ending my response. We are good friends now, and hoping to get her grandchildren and my children to become pen-pals.

On a trip to Venice witha friend a few years back....we were wandering through the ghetto on saturady....we heard singing from an upsatairs apartment ....the door was open and folks were walking in....we went to checkit out....it turned out to be a Chabd fabrengen....stoppped up, said hi, learned a little scnapss alittle....and my freiend, who was not jewish got a chance to see global bageling in action....

I am not, unfortunately, a world traveler. (My father's retort to "I just got back from Europe; have you ever been there?" was "No, but my father was born there.) However, I was in the Little Rock, Arkansas Airport, when I heard a cell phone go off, playing Hatikvah. When the fellow finished his call, I ambled over and said, with a wink, "Lanzman, they carry shotguns in their pickup trucks for you and me." He replied that he wasn't worried. They couldn't get their guns past Airport Security.

I work in an upscale retail store and we are generally required to ask for a name and address when writing up a sale. Whenever I see a Jewish name around the time of the High Holidays I always say "Happy New Year". If I'm absolutely SURE, then I might say "L'Shona Tova". It always brings a smile and a response.

The bagel game is a favourite of the South African Jewish community. We live in a resort town, and the influx of Jewish holiday makers every year means that we spend a happy few Sunday mornings on the boardwalk spotting fellow yids. The oddest things get said to us by people trying to work out whether or not we are MOTTs - my favourite to date: "I'm shvitzing like a kosher chazer" as said to us by an elderly gent not to long ago. What a mixed similie!

Your comments made me laugh. My father, not a survivor, is 83 and just retired from teaching at Stanford. One of his favorite things to do at the conservative High Holiday services on campus is to sit at the back with his kids and point out all the Jewish Noble prize winners, and there are quite a few. I learned from him that before I consider moving anywhere, I look up some common Jewish names in the phone book (before the internet existed) to get a sense of whether there is a Jewish community. I'm a boring bageler (not a boring person)--I always let people know that I'm Jewish, a member of the tribe. When my husband and I honeymooned in London 27 years ago, the taxi driver spoke Yiddush to us. How did you know we were Jewish? we asked. A Yiddishe punim, he said. Yes, my husband has a very Yiddishe punim. A good thing, I think.

Passing through Canadian customs the agent inquired what was our reason for our visit, we replied that we were coming for the weekend to see our daughters in-laws, he replied "visiting the machatonim?"

Love the name Bageling. We've always called it "Playing Jewish Geography" and have practiced the art around the globe! It's the look (esp. without a keppah) and then it's the talking and then it's the Yiddish word dropped in the conversation that sparks the recognition. The best event? So many to pick from but here goes: in Gdansk, Poland, on a cruise ship tour of the city, busloads of people brought to a church in the city for an "organ concert" only to arrive to find prayers in session. Many people went in anyway leaving groups of people standing around in the parking lot, not interested in going in the bldg. We started walking around to each group, saying "Nu? You weren't invited to the bar mitzvah either? They'll get no gifts from us if that's how they want to be! HUMPH!" and we'd crack up laughing as did many of the people in that parking lot. We're still friends with several of those MOTTs that we met that day.

The story is simple: I've lived in Israel since I was a child, Baruch Hashem. Being always surrounded by fellow Jews is lovely.

But I always bagel people online; many times I get emails from Jewish people who assume I'm not Jewish, and I enjoyed surprising them with replies full to burst with Hebrew and Yiddish :P

yes, we like to connect... reading some of the comments I never knew we like to connect so much; my 88 year old Czec dad is a Shoa survivor and he always bageled: he looked up people in the phone books for many cities, in the libraries of any city he visited and would tell me 'you see, we look for eachother, we want to know if he or she made it, if they're still alive'
many years ago he traced an old buddy in N.J.; the buddy 'advertised' in the local Jewish paper that my dad 'is alive & living in...', there was a section in that paper for this purpose;
may we always bagel eachother, forever.

This article really cheered me up! It is such a great feeling to be bageled, and one of the things I love the most about being Jewish.

On a recent trip to Los Amgeles, for a family Chanuka party, my granddaughter, aged 5, was overwhelmed by the 40-50 cousins, Jewish cousins, in the room. We live in a town with maybe 10 Jews including us. It was "amazing" to her. Next day we went to Disneyland. She had recieved a Jewish Star necklace as one of her gifts. She went up to a couple to show off her star, (to bagel?) I'm not sure except she really loves the necklace. No response, they weren't yids. Keep on writing, I love a good story.

I get bageled very often, mainly because im usually the only Kippah wearing guy in my office or at industry events. I work in the advertising industry. Not sure if bageling is restricted to jews only, but i get bageled by non-jews who want to show me the "get" the whole Jewish thing. Funny non-jew bagel stroy...names have been changed to avid law suits.
I was at a meeting with probably the most well-known rap mogul in the world right now. The meeting strated at 10am and at noon when people started to get hungry, lunch was brought in...lets call him "Jay" walked over to me and handed me a sandwich and fries from Mendys and said "i know you are Kosher from the fact that you're wearing a Kippah".... "i hope you like Pastrami on rye...I know all about Jews, my lawyer is frum"....

I can't believe it. I did not know that this bageling happens to everyone. Of course with my people, I guess you could call it baklavaing!! One man commented on wearing his Magen David, and people pulling out their Jewish symbols everywhere he goes, I just smiled as I read his comment and the others. It's good to know this happens to other people too. I live in southwestern Louisiana and my family is Christian, but of anusim descent. Now that I embrace my Jewish heritage publicly with the wearing of a medium sized Magen David (I used to wear a medium one, a smaller one, and a mezuzah at the same time). Now everywhere I go I meet MOTT (Members of the Tribe). And these people are like me- dissconnected from the Jewish community at large and we don't fit the profile of many Jews. Even when my family lived in Fairbanks, Alaska, the gas station attendent was Jewish and told a joke in English and Yiddish! Another time I was in Wal-Mart and a German lady chased me down with her two grandchildren. She said she was a German-born Lutheran who married a Jewish-American WWII verteran and was now raising her grandchildren Jewish. She made her granddaughter pull her Magen David out and even made both her grandchildren tell me their Hebrew names. It's amazing to all the different stories about the way we tribe memebers meet up at the strangest places.

Shalom Aleichem! Thanks for this wonderful story!!
Christopher

20+ years ago when I attended Goucher college in Baltimore, I was clearly identified by my Tzniusdik dress (a classmate commented, 'You can always tell who is dressed for an interview - except Rivky who dresses like that every day') and Hebrew name. I was amazed at
how many girls who I had nothing to do with came over to tell me 'I went to israel last summer' or 'my mothers hebrew name is Rivky', or the like. They all wanted to connect and I would never have guessed some of them were jewish. Of course then I had a little trouble when someone brought me her grandmothers Pesach cake to taste... Luckily I did not eat Gebrux!!

Great article, Jessica. Keep on writing. You are a great story-teller-- you really made me laugh!!

People bagel us all the time, especially my husband, a kippah-wearing doctor. Like the author wrote, Jews just like to connect. I also believe it's something on the soul level that compels us.
One of my favorite bagel stories was when we were in Paris on a flight back from Israel. We had stopped by a restaurant to read the menu posted outside just to practice our French. A man came over to us, said: "Zeh lo Kasher" ("It's not Kosher" in Hebrew--not French! I think he assumed we were Israeli), and led us to a kosher restaurant in the Jewish quarter where we had a great meal!

I've been doing this all my life and never until now knew it had a name!

I placed an ad in a senior newspaper to meet someone.I mentioned that I liked bagels and ham. A wonderful jewish man replied and we were happily married for 18 years, until his death two years ago.

I was rushing to get my morning coffe at a chain coffee shop last week, which was Chanukah, and the server behind the counter handed me my cup and said, "is tonight 3 candles or 4, I have lost count?"

Too Cute!!!And so true....so as always, make mine EVERYTHING!

We live in an NYC suburb where, fortunately, there are many other Jewish families, some of whom are Israeili. Every time we are anywhere - in a supermarket, the local Toys R Us or the drugstore, and Chava, my eight-year-old, hears someone speaking Hebrew, or sees a man or a boy with a kippa, she finds a way of wandering over to them and announcing to me in a loud voice, "I got a sticker for davenning at school today," or "Guess what parsha we're studying in school?" Already, she is an excellent bageller!

I wish I could remember one of my bagel
experiences there have been so many

Great story and terrific name for a theory I've had for years based on experience. The 1st was in an office where I was consulting. A young man was trying to... what I've called "have an excuse" but now know as "bagel"... to connect with me and start a conversation. He finally "bageled" me and of course mentioned that his grandfather did this and that. Just dressing, speaking and behaving like a proper Jew can make that connection with those "lost" to us over the years.

i regularly surprise people when i tell them i know they are jewish, whem they ask how i just say trade secret!

Yes we have all done this but it was the wearing of the Kippah has made it possible. When I use to wear a Kippah this would happen to me. I found when I don't wear a kippah and find someone else who does I would say something to that person

Great article Jess. I am so glad that so many people can relate to "bageling"!

The boy's Mom said to her young Christian son, your liking the Old Testament 'subjects' and stories is good, so keep reading them, but do not talk about this to your older brothers (all 5). Michael O'Donnell the youngest of six boys is today living in Jerusalem Yehoshua Ya'acov Ben Avraham enjoying bagels regularly.
Shalom,
YYBA

As a kid I used to call my mom "Ema" in publilc just so fellow shoppers would know I was Jewsih. Now, shopping wit hmy own kids, one of whom wears a kippah, I am bageled all the time.
Jessica put this common practice in such an understandable way,and it was such enjoyable reading!!!
Jessica Levine Kupferberg has done it again!

Upon arriving in Honolulu and waiting for our luggage, we saw a huge billboard touting a Hawaiian Luau. In a low voice I said to my wife, Kain Chazer ess ich nisht. The couple in front of us as well as the couple behind us burst out laughing.

I have been "bageled" dozens of times throughout the years -- frequently when I am in elevators with my children. I first heard the phrase from Rabbi Mordechai Becher who, as he writes above, first heard it from you. I love it & have subsequently used it many times -- so without even knowing it you have been spreading fresh bagels throughout the country for many years!

My wife and I were in a souvenir shop in Paris in the summer of 2002. Reaching for my credit card, the shop clerk saw my wedding photo in my wallet, and said, "Are you Jewish?" When I said I was, he said he was too, as was the shop owner, and he presented me with another handful of trinkets, gratis, so happy was he to meet a fellow Jew.

I was in the train station in Girona, Spain. While I was in the bathroom, my husband, who does not look Jewish, started chatting with a man from Barcelona. Before departing, I asked him which way to the center of the town, which contains several churches, museums and a Calle or Jewish Quarter. The gentleman pointed the direction for us to walk and then said to me "and the Jewish cemetery is to the right." I looked at him with surprise that he would realize I would be interested in seeing the Jewish sights. He responded back "I can tell. You have Jewish eyes." We found out he was also Jewish and I had been bageled.

With no English spoken or known, the Korean man looked at my Kippa and said 'Israel' and gave a smile and a big thumbs up

Reminds me of the time that I almost bageled a kippah wearing gentleman in an airport while traveling singly and unconnectedly; it was simply so good to see the kippah!

Well written. A sentiment Ive always had. And I have been bageled many-a-time.

This happens to me all of the time, and I never had a name for it before! I love "being bageled" and have so many stories, I could fill an article.
Lately, it occurs more when I'm with my adorable 2 1/2 year old son, with his long strawberry blond hair (we don't cut it until he turns 3)and colorful kippa. Jews go out of their way to make friendly comments, and let me know they know he's a boy (non-Jews usually think he's a girl). It's great to be bageled!

In a court house, when the police officer finished inspecting all my belongings, he looked at my toddler and said, "she's a shaina punim."

I agreed.

my kids have 'accused' me so many times of 'bageling'!
I had no idea I did, now I'm sure I must have! they usually stand next to me to see how long I can keep it quiet!
one day they'll realize they did too!!!
living 3 hours north of Toronto, bageling is amusing; but right IN Toronto it's really funny to experience!!! (for those who don't know, there is a very large jewish population in Toronto)

I was once at Hershey park with a bunch of friends.we stopped at the kosher section 2 look at what was on the menu. we were just looking in that direction and hadn't even came close 2 order, when a lady in shorts an a tee shirt said "don't worry girls, its kosher".We were bageled!!!...I feel that once having the opportunity of being bageled...we should take the opportunity 2 be mekarev the bageler if they don't look openly Jewish... we asked her her name and where she was from and she was very impressed with the way we acted but couldn't believe that we were completely dressed on such a hot summer day!

Probably very true. When we were ( my wife and I ) coming back from shul Shabbat morning walking through the touristy area we were accosted by 4 guys from Brazil who asked us where the shul was and what time would mincha be. They probably had no intention of going to shul but being that they saw me with a kippah they felt a need to assert their own Jewishness. Avi

My 25 year old son and I were on a catamaran tour in the glacier country in Argentina a few years ago. We got off the catamaran at a scheduled stop and this blonde lady with a very cultured British accent comes up to us and asks us if we're Jewish. A bit taken aback... after all, how often does a complete stranger go up to you in a foreign country and ask your religion.... I replied yes, but how did she know we were Jewish? Her reply was "A Yid can usually tell another Yid is a Yid" Ok.... it turned out she was a London widow, traveling alone, and we spent some time with her for the next couple of days, until our paths diverged. My husband and I were treated to a home-cooked kosher dinner in her home in London that summer, and she visited us in NJ for a Thanksgiving dinner the following November.

We got lost in New York and after going over the same toll bridges repeatedly we ran out of American money (we were from Toronto Canada). They refused to take our Canadian money and were ready to call the police. A supervisor came over and said he would exchange our Canadian money for his American money so that we could pay the toll and then proceeded to give us proper directions to our destination. We asked him why he was being so kind to us and he answered that he had a feeling we were from the same tribe. (My husband was wearing a baseball cap with the letters for Chai on it.

"can you tell me your latke recipe??? Mine last year wasn't popular enough!" from a total stranger who saw my son with a kippah in a very non-Jewish neigborhood...we went from there to chicken soup and knaidlach!

From the author of "A Step to Freedom: At what Price?" Good to read from you again.

Jessica,

Thanks very much. I am uplifted at reading your article. I'm 51, and have been bageling since I landed "by accident" at Aish as a kid! This way of connecting brings a warmth of belonging and sharing that is very gratifying.

One example happened during a visit to Albuquerque, NM. We were going to explore an old indigenous (Anisazi) rock art filled canyon. It was getting late, and the gate was soon to close as we arrived. Shortly upon entering the gate, and ready to see the place at a very quick trot, we saw a ranger pull in.

At first, I thought, "ok, here it comes, we are going to get told to hurry, and scram"... But almost immediately, as the ranger (to the contrary) pointed out where we could park *outside* the gate and go take our time enjoying the canyon, I must have unkowingly dropped some kind of crumb. He lit up, and said, "you're Jewish? I am too." Yeah folks, you know the internal mental drill: 'what his name tag isn't Jewish; he doesn't look jewish.' So here we are, standing around in the parking lot, talking, sharing life stories, where we live, our families, our careers with their developments and changes, and we're having a great time. After he left, we went into the canyon for a wonderful walk all the way until it was getting dark, with a warm rich feeling of connectedness, even right there in a distant rocky canyon. Yum, great bagel! By the way, we're still in touch!
Best wishes all,
Peter Wolf

My father was in the AirForce so we traveled around alot.It was truly hard on my mother. So to keep her sanity she would have us kids play ;Find anew brother or sister and so we did.we found jewish relatives every place we ever moved. And we still pray for them daily.

Thanks!

This is one of the reasons I do not use a shaytl to cover my hair. I want people to feel free to "bagel" me.

I was once volunteering at a soup kitchen with my husband when a woman (another volunteer) came over to me and said that she figured that I was a fellow Orthodox Jew. It was nice, and we schmoozed for a while.

I love the idea that we Jews can connect to each other and never feel alone.

I grew up in Quebec where one bageled within a few sentences of meeting someone to let them know that I was Jewish before they said something anti-Semitic. It was considered good manners to save a person from putting their foot in their mouth publicly. This bageling was to non Jews. I was unaware of the habit until someone pointed it out to me.

It happens to me all the time...at the supermarket, at the airport...you name it! There's a guy wearing a kippah, or a woman wearing sheitl. You just say "hi". Is that "unspoken thing" thant links you as if you know each other, when in fact, you are perfect strangers. It always makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside ♥

I spied a young man in the distance with the visage of, you know, a Jewish person. I studied him carefully and he studied me back. Because of the angle and distance of his head, I could not see his crown. Upon reaching him, it was determined that he was, in fact, wearing a kippah. I smiled from ear to ear, knowing that he had the integrity of wearing his kippah. He, in turn, returned my smile. I remember it to this day. It was a welcome moment for a soul as ungrounded as myself, who had just gotten off of a very turbulent airplane ride.

My son-in-law, a rabbi, was in a Home Depot in the Southwest US when he was approached by a woman employee who asked if he was Jewish. Turns out she was part of a community of "anusim" - her ancestors were among the Jews expelled from Spain during the Inquisition and they still kept many Jewish customs in secret. She was interested in finding out more about her Jewish roots, and possibly converting. Another time, when my son-in-law served in the US military in an Arab country which will have to go unnamed, he was approached by a US expatriate. This person was working there as a private contractor and doing very well financially, but it was illegal for Jews to be allowed entry in that country and so this person did not want anyone to know they were Jewish. This person met with my son-in-law on many occasions and is now secretly shomer shabbos - and still living in that Arab country!

Waiting with my husband to get a car rental at a airport in New Hampshire I noticed a mother traveling alone with her 2 year old daughter. She was struggling with the stroller and a baggage cart. I offered to help her to her car rental and she accepted my offer. After getting to the car and helping her get the child into a car seat and luggage in trunk she thanked me for all my help. I said, "this is my mitzvah for today" and she said, "this is your mitzvah for the week. I guess I had just been bageled

I was on a very small dude ranch with my children near Cody, Wyoming, where we stayed sequestered in our cabin over Shabbos. As dusk turned into darkness, my children stepped outside and went into the main lodge. There, an 83-year-old lanky cowboy (hat, boots, and spurs included) sidled up to them and asked them in Yiddish, "Is Shabbos over yet?"

We were standing in line (many years ago) with our children when a child behind us in line became anxious and step on my toe. The women the child was with (Mother /Grandmother) aplogized and then turned to my wife (I don't wear a kippah and my wife doesn't "look Jewish") and said "Shalom- yo all". Needles to say- they were from Georgia.

I have been spreading the idea of bageling for years now in my lectures and did not remember where I first heard the term. Your article has reminded me that it was from you and your husband, when my family and I spent summer in La Jolla teaching at your shul. We had a wonderful time, had the merit of teaching Torah in your warm community and had the pleasure of being your guests for a Shabbat meal. My hope is that the verb "bagel" will eventually make it to the Oxford Dictionary, and that more importantly, Jews will realize how much their souls thirst for connection to their people and their heritage, as manifested by bageling.

I was bageled on an elevator. An elderly woman walked on, saw my yarmulke, pointed at my chest (I'm 6', she was about 5'2") and said LOUDLY (without any prior introduction), "If I am not for myself, who will be for me, and if I am only for myself, what am I?"

A lot of Sundays, like this one, my husband David likes to have hot bagels with lox and cream cheese and so I get to savor these, too. I think there is something very sweet about talking to a "landsman", someone who is Jewish, as there is this shared heritage. When I was in Egypt recently, there are people who are very much afraid of being open about their Jewish heritage. Even at the remaining old synagogue where it is said Moses stopped at the well. These things are sobering. On the other hand, I think it wonderful to find out the background of anyone I stop to greet and meet. We're all in this together. I don't believe that there are such unique souls as "Jewish" souls. I think we are all JEW ELS or jewels of God. So I see a greater story running. I have trouble with anything that sounds too exclusive. Bageling is great and bugeling, too. It's that time of year, of red and green and lights everywhere. I LOVE this! The ecumenical flavor also adds to the beauty of winter. It's warm, it's cosy, and I admit to loving a tour through the neighborhoods, dancing with reindeer and other creatures. So I say "nay" to those who are always so upset about these apparent mergers. We can keep our identity and bagel keeping these things in mind!

Love the article. I myself was bageled at a game of Poker recently. Which in turn caused a domino effect of bageling. I was slow at betting my hand when a girl across the table piped up, "It'll be Tisha B'Av before you bet." Needless to say I bageled back, "Stop Kvetching." Another guy across the table then said he was a Finkelstein on his fathers side only so he only understood one of those comments. After the hand was played, a timid voice from a guy across the table said, using a Jewish word incorrectly, "Well, that was a schlep." Later he whispered to me...I'm only a quarter Jewish.

One of 30 students in a private school said he celebrated a different holiday , he was Jewish. In probing more I (teacher) found he's recently Jewish. So I brought an electric menorah, dreidels, and chocogelt, to teach all my students about Chanuka and how to use a dreidel. He lit the menorah in the office window daily, complete with the blessings. We found two more Jewish students this way.

Great stuff Jess

Happpy Chanuakh

We are the 2nd largest Jewish Community in The Philippines, founded a little over 3 years ago.
This article struck a particular chord, because we are called "The Bagelboy Club!" Because we are an Expat community, based in Angeles City, a major tourist town, we advertise and know each other as Bagelboys...
We aren't a formal group - I guess it would be hard to find a group more informal than we are - but we celebrate all the Holidays, have had a bris, a wedding, and hold a monthly breakfast.
We like to think of ourselves as a Shul, but feel more comfortable with the informality of being a "club."
We'll be holding our "3rd Annual Channukah Extravaganze" the last night - we'll have a small explanation of the holiday for the non-Jews who attend, light the candles, and eat. We expect about 30 people, including 5 kids.
The question we ask of anyone new we meet is a simple one: "are you a Bagelboy?" Works well for us, and we are a cohesive, if totally dysfunctional (and growing) group. Anyone who wants to know more about us - folks from Chabad visit us once a year - please email us at: acbagelboysclub@gmail.com.
Happy Channukah to all from The Philippines!

Thought you might find this interesting. In the Philippines on Luzon (main) Island north of Manila is a group of Jews that call themselves the bagel boys. I just emailed them a copy of this email and they'll get a kick out of it.

In my early 20s' before I came on Aliyah, I used to go to dances in the centre of London. Most of these dances were advitised in the Jewish Cronicle but were not totally Jewish so I used to wear a Magen David and wait for the boy who was dancing with me to ask what it was. If he did then I knew he wasn't Jewish but of course if he didn't (or said that Magan David is nice) then there was no problem at accepting a date. By this article seems I was bagelling!!!

This something I do, but never thought this was being done by many others.

After spending almost 10 yrs in a small south-west town with no synagogue or Jewish community, I found that I never left home without my Magen David being prominently displayed for all to see. I was always grateful for those "flashers", who would remove their Jewish symbols of faith from underneath their shirts or jackets, to let me know, I was not alone.

I can't recall ever being bageled, but I got something better:

I made a joke to a friend about what I called "RumBam RamBuns" (Rum bun and Rambam). My Japanese-Hawaiian Calculus-Physics teacher asks "Huh? What about Rambam?". I ask, you know about Rambam? It turns out that years ago, he had considered converting to Judaism, and though he didn't go through with it, he still highly respects Judaism.

My 11 yr old son is made up of ( and resembles all 3); Italian, Romanian and Filipino. To say the least, this observant Jewish boy looks as Jewish as a bear so he says.
During his first week of middle school in 6th grade he met a boy in the halls from his previous school. Once the bell rang they said good bye agreeing to meet at lunch; my son yelled to his friend as he walked away; "sit by the home lunch table, I have shnitzel today". My son said me 3 other boys showed up at the table, all Jewish. And so, a bagel clutch at a public middle school was born.
( I bet some girls heard it too but in 6 grade, girls dont sit with boys at lunch!)

This article has gladdened my heart...

During this festive season, I 'out' my working area by using a Snowflake & Stars theme instead of the ole 'red & green'. This gives me the opportunity to decorate, using silver tinsel and blue. The silver stars, also, along with snowflake shapes have caused many to comment what a unique theme. The curious eventually ask, how I came by that theme. My fellow Jews thank me with a sense of pride.

I also make it a point to give to Jewish charities, during the time of year when United Way asks us to give.

Before we made aliyah, I worked in an office building in St. Louis, that had shared bathrooms on each floor. One day I was in the bathroom when a woman from another office came in with a screen from an air conditioner unit. As she started washing it in the sink, she glanced at me and then quickly looked away. Almost under her breath, she said, "I just can't believe the shmutz on this thing. It's just full of shmutz. I hope I can get all this shmutz off of here." Of course a conversation ensued. I love being bageled!