Louisiana Jew

Progressive! Feh

I have to say the attitudes in your town surprise me most Evangelical Christians I have meet love Jews and although they still want us to convert they view us as a holy people near and dear to G-d. Most of them I have met go wide eyed when I tell them I’m Jewish they think I’m related to Jesus or something. I guess I’m just lucky.

You are NOT psychotic. I think whoever diagnosed you was clearly wrong. I have seen psychotic people before as I suffer from some depression and anxiety from time to time. I also have a lot of reasons for why I am sometimes depressed. Please fire your therapist or psychiatrist.

I TOO AM JEWISH --- HAD TO LEAVE NY MANY MANY YEARS AGO BECAUSE OF GANG ACTIVITY --- I AM NOW IN CALIFORNIA AND I HATE IT HERE, AS I AM NOT A LIBERAL "TYPE" --- THOUGHT IT WOULD BE BETTER IN THE SOUTH FOR ME. IS THERE NO PLACE AT ALL FOR US?

Yes, "Vampirella..." this is a name for a Jew? Feh! However, to answer your question, yes there is a place for us, it is called Israel. But before that, there is a place for all Jews...wherever we are. I am a progressive and am very much home in the Dallas/Fort Worth area of Texas where we have a thriving and RESPECTED Jewish community. To me, and I could be VERY wrong, you sound as if you have a persecution complex. The only place I had problems was in Connecticut where I entered elementary school a few months after WWII ended. Being the only Jew most kids had ever met or known, I was given a hard time by kids who had lost their dads in the war because they wrongly assumed that they died to save the Jews. California? I lived in Los Angeles, Hollywood (part of LA), Van Nuys (ditto), Bakersfield (part of Oklahoma ), Buena Park, Anaheim, and Garden Grove. Never had a single problem. We had lots of shuls to pick from.

Southerner Christians tend to respect religious conviction and tend to admire observant Jews. Jews are more of a curiosity to most southern Christians then an object of hate. Most southern Christians know and appreciate the Jewish roots of Christianity. Many of them still believe that the Jews are G-d’s holy people and they must support them.

Of course there's a place for you. It's called ISRAEL! You'll never find your place anywhere else.

There is no need to apologize for taking a stand for who you are. I can understand as I am too the only Jew in a Southern Louisiana town. Yes, shine the light as the beautiful Jew that you are!

Dear Loisiana, God bless you and inspite of everything you've been through, His hand has been on you all this time.Actually you are stronger than you realized,and have been,...even as a child,you're special,God has got a purpose for you. Talk not of strenght til you heart has known , and fought with weakness,through long years alone... Talk not of virtue, til your conquering soul,has met temptation and gained full control. Boast not of garments all unscorched by sin, Til you have passed unscathed thruough fires within.. Very few men and women can meet this qualifications... like the Special Forces in Israel.. God chooses nothing but the best to train ( it's intense ) for his divine purpose.......Your moma didn't raise you this way, it was suppose to be this way, God has a plan for you.... Don't apologize, Don't lose heart, God bless,protect, and guide you

May God bless your heart and soul and help you to continue to grow and help others learn.

You have NO REASON to apologize - those knuckle draggers were going to have a brainless, false picture of Jews no matter what you did - & you did nothing wrong, THEY did! I hope you saved some of those test papers, because if it was just two years ago, you can sue those teachers, & you should! Go to the ACLU!!

What a shame you went thru this!!! Everyone knows about the holocaust, the camps, gas chambers, the beatings, starvation, disease, torture, random murder, etc - yet the discrimination against Jews continues. So sad!!!

You do not have to apoligize to anyone about anything-not even to yourself. Now you are old enough to decide for youself where you will be and what you will do in life. It is your life. Come home to Israel-you will be welcome here an appreciated for who you are & for what you are. You can " make it" here. Ask for G-d's help & His blessing take practical steps(Israel Aliyah or Nefesh B'Nefesh, Chabad, etc.) Be totally proud of yourself an your Jewishness. In my opinion, you shoudn't waste your time trying to make a "good" impression on non- Jews or trying to "correct" their views of our people-and, why would you want to do that? Come home, Dear Soul-and, than you will really be able to grow an to actualize yourself & your true potential. In Israel-you will with G-d's ample help-be loved.

I can fully simpatize with you having grown up in Wash DC in a neighborhood that didn't have one Jew the good thing was that the people there were very nice to us but going to Park View School I was called a Christ Killer a dirty Jew etc. 8 years old what did I know about christ but now I can tell you that if anything it made me a better person and a gung ho Jewess I have 2 daughterrs and 6 Grandchildren who are practicing Jews and very proud of it just emember we are a special people in all respects and have given this world more than any other people in science Medicine and nobel peace prize winners so I say with great pride AM ISRAEL HAI

I understand some of what you have gone through. I moved to North Carolina in 1977 and have experienced much of the same at times. It has made me a stronger Jew. As a male, I had an option. Four years ago I began to wear a kippah/yarmulke all the time. Before that, I stopped going to work on the Sabbath, and started regular attendance at services. I became active in my synagogue. I am a member of the Board of Trustees. When the rabbi goes on vacation he has chosen me to conduct services. The place where I work has "holiday" party around Chanukkah time, where the Christian's put up decorations. I bring a special Hanukiah that avoids state regulations. It uses glow sticks instead of candles or light bulbs. Staff uses to put Valentine Cards in everyone's mail box (there are 64 female employees and 3 males in this health care agency). This year, I fashioned Mobius strips that had the words, "Ani l'dodi v'dodi li" in Hebrew lettering with the translation, and placed them in everyone's box. The people there have stopped trying to convert me, and respect my Judaism. I also have Fish on the back of my car. One contains the word "Gefilte," another contains the word "Science," and the third contains puzzle pieces. There is a license bracket on my car that promotes www.messiahtruth.com, a website that debunks Christian proselytizing to Jews. In other word, fight back nicely and be "in their face."

I remember working on a film shoot in Nashville in the 70's and one of the cast saw my star of David and walked up and whispered in my ear, "I didn['t know you could wear that. I left mine at home." I told her, "Only on the set and at the hotel." That was 40 years ago. I live in a city now where being a Jew is still a jaw dropping revelation, but I take this as an opportunity to make Jews user-friendly, and have people get to know me, and in most cases I am the only Jew they've met (and this is 2011)! But if I can change one person, and they go away thinking, "Hey, she's okay." Then they will tell another person, "Jew's aren't so bad." Will still be condemed to Hell, probably, by many of them, but maybe the next generation will grow less and less angry at us. I can only hope.

contact the local Israeli Consulate in the South or Chabad in New Orleans. There are all sorts of programs. You truly deserve a healthy happy experience in your homeland. We're waiting!

Jessi, Your life hasn't been an easy one has it? Growing from a girl to a young woman is hard enough , but doing it without close friends and with an ill mother is so sad for you. I'm so sorry for the loss of your Mother. How wonderful she told you to remember who you are. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A very tough part of your childhood is that you had no one to take that burden of mean selfish bullying kids off your young shoulders. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Please don't feel too badly about your actions at that time. Maybe those kids will one day regret their horrible behavior toward you and toward Judaism. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Keep your determination. I wish we could go back in time to make your young life easy for you. But you have full control of your circumstances now. Grow from that adversity and thank G-d everyday that you have perservered to become the person you are. Keeping the Anger will limit you, please try to work it through.. Thank you for posting this. Your article has given us hope for all the young Jewish women who are finding their way.

Hi, Jessi. Your story has something in common with what I went through a few years back. I was in school and just tortured mercilessly, by (irreligious) Jews and non-Jews alike. I don't think it was because I was obviously, outwardly a Jewish girl, but I do think that was part of it, as my religion was mentioned on a continual basis, even though the taunts and name-calling were mostly words that are degrading to young women and not about my religion. My classmates went really far in their cruelty and torture and didn't stop at name calling and humiliating me in public. They figured out how to put a small recording device on my backpack and they always told me about everything I did all the time and I was so freaked out because I didn't know how they did it and assumed maybe any one of them would follow me for certain times during the day, since I did run into them a lot, but I had figured we all go to the same places, no big deal, other than the mean things they's say really loud to me and about me. I soon found out. Anyhow, even though they were the bad ones and invaded my privacy, I was not living the kind of life i was proud of, and that Yom Kippur, when I was reading the Al Haits and recognizing all I did wrong and apologizing for everything to G-d, I burst into tears when I read out loud that I made a Hillul Hashem-a desecration of G-d's name, as I felt I did by not living up to being a good Jew and having people wacth me and listen to me, the only observant Jew in their lives, and see that if I am what a Jew is, they wouldn't want to be one, be near one, or respect one. It was a really hard Yom Kippur for me and a really hard year. It took time and a lot of Torah study and self-reflection and introspection and thought, but I am finally on the way to being a person who could make a Kiddush Hashem-sanctification of G-d's name, as a good Jewish person, wherever I go. It's not easy. I try every day. I have all the faith that you can get there, too. Keep trying.

First grade was the first time I felt different from my friends. My parents moved to a small town because they could not afford the Heights here in Cleveland. Mind you this was a public school in which we said the pledge of allegiance and then as a class sang J*sus loves me…. After the first day my mother told me to say G*d loves me instead… We moved to the Heights a few years later….

Jessi, you have no idea of how many people have "been there, done that," so you have not a single thing to apologize for. I live in the buckle of the bible belt, Texas. I've learned how to deal with the morons who echo what their preachers tell them. "You're a Jew? Don't you know you're going to hell unless you take Jesus into your heart?" I hand them a business card that tells them to read Genesis 12:3. I'm going to modify the card so that on the back of the card are the 7 Noahide laws. No arguing, no accepting anything they have to bray; as Jack Webb used to say, "Just the facts." If you were here, you''d get such a hug! I congratulate you on what you have done.

I´m brazilian, but I spend 14 days every month working among people from Louisiana. I work in a oil Rig here in Brazil. 98% of the americans who runs the rig are from Louisiana. In the beginning, I thought the people of Louisiana are much like the people in Miami. As far as I remmember, in Miami I had good time with the christians americans, no problems, no jokes, etc. When I started to work with these people on the rig, it was a shock. I had never experienced the so called anti-semitism. And I know it was because of my jewish condition. They respected me, always talk to me, always being frindly, etc. But things gone bizarre after the christmas (and it was in the same days of channukah). The supper at that night was "special" a christimas feast with all that extravaganza. (I don´t mind to celebrate christmas, most of my friends are christians and I always have fun with them) But the case was, because of channukah, I wore my kipah, and light up the candles in a small room on the rig. After that particular day, all the americans (specially one of them) changed. No more nice talkings and whatever I´d done it was wrong and a reason to complaing about my service, and they felt that it was ok to be rude with me. Well, I had to quit teh job. And I got a better job - with british people - and they accept my jewishness. Now I´m working with people of Louisiana again. They don´t know my religion. They don´t need that. The only who needs to know is G-d and no one else.

I read the Louisiana Jew article and was stunned. I grew up in Louisiana in a town less than10,000 and as far as I know, there was only one Jewish family there and they were well respected in town. They went to temple in a town about 30 minutes away and everyone knew that. I was very involved in school, in all the sports, knew absolutely everyone in town. If anyone would have said anything I would have known it. The daughters went to school with the rest of us all thru high school....she was in various clubs, etc. One was a little older than I was and moved to California, but the girl my age was voted into the only sorority in town. The mother was one of our favorite teachers, some of her best friends were Baptists, Methodists, etc. and they went on trips together. In all the years from birth till I graduated and went to college, I NEVER heard a single unkind word about Jews in general or about the Jewish family who lived in our town. On the contrary, we were taught in school, church and home to respect the Jewish people. I just thought it might be nice to hear a good report.

Big hugs. You are loved by G-d and by many of us fellow Jews. That's the beauty of being Jewish. Read, study and live Teshuvah. None of us are perfect. We all struggle. Welcome to being Jewish. Thank you for shining your light and inspiring me today.

You've got the point - "To be special, to shine the light." In other words - be Jewish. We have a "how to do it" list - the mitzvot. You don't have to be apologetic or to be worried about "bad" impression. Antisemits hate Jews no matter who they are - good, bad, rich, poor, religious or not. They don't need "reasons". And for the other people - be sure that HaShe-m gives them understanding and He will never leave you all alone. P.S And IF you are alone in Lousiana, dont forget, that you have "big family" here in Israel :-)

Thank you for sharing your painful life experience. Our three oldest children all struggled growing up in America. They all went to Israel and have flourished. Please visit Israel. There are programs that are free (Birthright) and others which are for longer stays. The Jewish soul feels at home in Israel and I I would not be surprised if you felt at home there too.

i so understand how u feel. my family is jewish and when my grandmother fled ww2 and docked in loiasianna off a boat in 1943 we all experienced massive rascism.some jews denounced judaism to protect themselves.i was so glad to read this i thought i was the only one. u may email if u want.in shalom sophia

While I was reading that, I thought you were writing about growing up in 1950s Louisiana. When you said that you are 18, I was shocked that students are that ignorant and prejudiced in the twenty-first century. You don't owe anyone any apologies. There isn't any handbook telling you how to handle that kind of prejudice. The parents and teachers should be ashamed that they perpetuated those anti-semitic attitudes.

I'm so, so sorry you went through all of that. I know those may seem like empty words, but I really am sorry. No one deserves to be treated that way, and you reacted the only way you knew how. Don't feel bad. It's very difficult to get called names and be bullied and 'not' fight back. Since you feel you reacted wrongly though, from now on just try to be the person you want to be. I really appreciated you writing this article. This happens to many Jews, unfortunately, and it's nice to know that each victim of anti-semitism is not suffering alone. G-d bless.

Just remember one thing that is so important - never did you deny who you were. You did not cave to assimilation just to fit in and your reactions to anti-semitism, especially in such formative years and without a good support system are understandable. I am very proud of you for your determination and hope you can now learn and grow in Judaism and come to learn all beauty that is there waiting for you.

Thank you for writing this painful, yet important piece. Although, I disagree that you that need to grant an apology to anyone. I too was the victim of violent and disturbing antisemitism in a town where I was one of the only Jews on Long Island, NY of all places! While New York has one of the largest per-capita Jewish populations in the world, with Long Island in particular having Jewish enclaves, the truth is that there are pockets of the Empire State, where Jews are as rare as in the deep south. Your experience resonates with me having been spat at in school for being a Jew, being perpetually told that I personally killed Jesus, being physically thrown off of a school bus that "didn't allow Jews" according to my class mates and having my classroom desk, locker and home vandalized with swastikas. These memories are painful and in many cases helped to shape the man I have become. Like you, I acted out and did some things I wish I had not. But ultimately, I came to the same conclusion, which is that as Jews living in antisemitic areas, it is crucial that we hold ourselves to a hire standard and be the best example of what people can be. While our pain and trauma caused by the abhorrent acts we experienced may illicit an instinct to give into ourselves and accept the beating down others are giving, we as Jews must persevere as our ancestors always have, with strength and dignity. You do not have to apologize to anyone because you feel that you have reacted to your persecution in a way that you feel undermines other Jews. Instead, you can move forward with your head held high and know that for thousands of years, forces larger and more vicious have fought to undermine Jews throughout the world, but we continue to thrive. And you are now one more link in the great chain of Jewish history that is too strong to be broken by ignorance. You can now live as monument to Jews and show your community what it means to be a Jew; determined, proud and strong.

I am in tears...I am in tears, I don't know what to say or what to write, I could only imagine what you've been through!! Your mother raised you well, people continue living their body ( rather than their soul) till the ripe age of...40, 50? or 60? Not 18. But your mom raised you well, at 18, life is ahead of you, make this the first day of the rest of your life. Gooo southern JEEWWWW!

Thank you all for your support and comments; I was not expecting it. <3

Reading this has been a Proustian moment, to say the least. Growing up as a Jew in Arizona was not easy. There were many other Jews around my community, but I had few Jewish classmates, and given that I was bigger than most of the kids, it became a special point of pride for some kids to pick a fight and win, though it usually took more than one of them to do it. I was whipped with Christmas lights. I was tied to a fence and had swastikas drawn all over my arms and face. One special young guy wanted to literally crucify me - he went on and on about how he was going to go to the lumber yard and find the "splinteriest" wood available and do to me what I did to Jesus (and it wasn't until years later that I understood the irony of this kid living on Captain Dreyfus Avenue). It was never easy, and I mercilessly won more than a few of the fights that others started, but if it could be done, I always tried to turn the other cheek. I've carried this weight with me for a long time, but I believe that these things helped shape who I am today, and I'm proud of the person I see in the mirror. Keep standing up for yourself, and for your beliefs, and be the best person you can be. I'm not religious, but I do believe my study of Torah has given me a solid foundation to build a happy, healthy life, and every day I try to be a little bit better. You're on the right path, Jessi. Know that you are not alone. Best of luck to you. You have nothing to apologize for. Be yourself and don't let anyone take who you are away from you.

Most of my life has been lived among non-Jewish peoples. My husband & I have some Jewish roots, but we also have Native American & other roots as our families are: "...designer people." Designed by G-d from several racial, cultural, religious backgrounds in the melting pot of the United State of America, over many years. It's stunning to me that people are so ethno-centric towards: not just Jews but toward whoever is different in whatever manner. G-d creates us all so He must have wanted us all. Ehtnocentric behavior happens in all cultures, all races, everywhere, but it is ignorant & wrong. G-d help us not to treat people in this manner.

I cried when I read your story. I learned of anti-Semitism when I was 4. And, it was on another part of the world, in former Soviet Union. But, every detail in your story brought back pain, old pain. But, you are much stronger then you give yourself credit. At 18, your whole life is ahead of you. Take your readers advice: go to Israel. Experience a joy of being among Jewish people. Surround yourself with our history, so you feel free and proud of whom you are. Here is something for you to think about (I discovered that when I was 19). G-d takes VERY SPECIAL CARE of the Jews, who encountered anti-Semitism at early age. G-d keeps them safe and makes sure they get their fare share of happiness. You will be the lucky one, you'll see!

"Whenever the word "Jew" is heard by their ignorant ears, they'll think of messed up me, with the Star of David dangling around my neck." Actually whenever they hear the word "Jew" they should think of how THEY messed you up, and feel remorse and sorrow for it. They are the ones who should be apologising to YOU, not the other way around.

which means basically you should be proud of yourself!

As someone brought up as a Christian, I am horified that you were treated in such a manner. Please except my apology for there ignorance. If they truly believed in G-d and were true Christians, you would have never been treated like this. Forgive me...but I call these people "Hollier than Tho" and it just makes me sick to my stomach. I have always had to upmost respect for the Jewish People and Religion and lately because of a dear friend from Junior High School, I have been learning more about the Jewish Religion and People. Thank you for sharing your story and I dearly hope your heart may heal. You will be in my prayers...

I live in the panhandle of Florida... very Baptist. I proudly wear my Magen David, and have experienced the same looks, whispers etc. When people find out that I am Jewish they say "Well jesus was Jewish" like that makes it ok. I just smile because I know the G-d of Abraham will protect me and guide me. I am sad to think that in 2010, anti-Semitism is alive and well. Stay strong Jessi, your Mom is proud of you.

I live in East Texas probably not too far from you and Ive experienced many of the same things. The thing is...I don't care let them talk all they want. It just shows how ignorant they are and how their religion is perceived. It is sad really, because if these people that we've encountered traveled to any educated part of the globe, they would be the outsiders, just by their sheer stupidity and bigotry. What do you do though? Absolutely nothing! I still enjoy my lonely Shabbats and the funny looks when people pass by and see a menorah in my window.

I am touched with your article. I had an experience like you years back. I love wearing my Magen David around my neck wherever I am. But my mom doesn't want me to wear it because she was and still is afraid of being discriminated. But I stand firm with my beliefs and there is nothing wrong in telling the world that we are Jewish. So, why apologize? Smile because you are loved by G-d and is a precious Jew.

Nothing to be sorry. I had a similar experience in south america. If I were you, I'd take a year off before or during college and I'd go to spend a year or two in Israel at Aish or Neve Ierushalaim. Nothing can give a jewish soul more satisfaction than studying Torah in a friendly environment in Jerusalem. (I'm talking from experience) All the best!

I'm also so impressed with your unique understanding of who you are. Wonder whether any of those very ignorant non Jews would apologize for their behavior which is unacceptable even for christians. Yes it's necessary to be a "light unto the world". However sometimes the blind never see the light. Your Mother definitely raised you right! She must be very proud of you!!!

Your mama raised you right! I'd love to see a writing campaign to every newspaper, church and school in your area about this; they NEED to be educated. Having experienced some of this myself, I tell those sort of non-Jews that we had religion first, they got it from us, and for us, if it works, there's no need to fix it. It's as good today as it was when the G-d of Abraham first made Himself known. Throw a little Bible at 'em, but always do it from your own source of gratitude - that inner gratitude we have that we ARE Jewish!

Those who treat Jews the way you were treated contradict themselves in the most blatant of ways and deny the One in Whom they profess to believe. They were all wrong, very wrong. I can assure you that judgment from above will be against their ways. Meanwhile, Louisiana Jew Jessi, forgive them all and know that God will forgive you of any and all wrongs you have done. I don’t see a need for your apology.

To thyin ownself be true. I remember the shame I felt growing up and was called christ killer ,dirty Jew , and where were my horns and jews must be burried standing up etc.I am not a religious person , but very proud to be a Jew .

I am proud of you, you are unique, you've stood up to the entire world around you. like Abraham. Study all you can about Judaism. Read the great writings of our leaders and rabbis, it will give you courage and faith to stand up to all your advisaries in life.

Back in the late 80's, I was the only Jew attending Bartlett Middle School in a small town in the Deep South. I hid my Jewish identity as best I could - oh, I tried so hard to fit in with Them. And I succeeded, for a while. The other kids found out I was "different" when one of my teachers, after midwinter break, made a point of asking each student "And how was your Christmas?" I was, of course, asked "How was your Hanukkah?". This teacher had seen the notes from home, you see, when I had been absent over the High Holidays. After that, nothing was ever the same - I lost all of my "friends", I was taunted, tormented, and physically attacked in terrible ways. The telephone at home rang incessantly with threats for the "disgusting Jews", for the "christ killers". I had a swastika painted on my locker. Our house and car were egged. "Don't show your face in school again - we'll kill you." I was terrified, and I was 11 years old. "If that's how They live," I thought, "I don't want any part of it." I never pretended to be one of Them again. Now I'm living in New York City. I am once again the only Jew, this time in my firm (not New York!), but I carry myself with pride as a Bas Yisroel. I know my parents and ancestors are proud of me. As yours are of you. Hashem loves His daughters and takes care of us wherever we are, whether in Louisiana or New York or Georgia. Take it from me, the girl who was you not too long ago... use your experiences, bad and good, to shape the rest of your life. You'll never forget what it was like to be a Jewish girl alone in an ugly and scary world. But you'll be a better person and a better Jew for it. And from now until forever you will, as you say, "shine the light" on everyone you meet. You will have a beautiful life.

Sorry you had such a rough time--I too grew up in La., but had other Jews to relate to--yours was a lonely life. Hope you are living in a better area. Where were you as a child?

It is no crime or sin to protect yourself and that is what, in the face of constant bagering, you did. I am proud of you for wearing your star. I live in a small town and am surounded by evangelical x-tians, and sometimes seemingly small things bother me: door to door missionaries, a puss at my husbands Tee shirt with Hebrew lettering, the lady down the street who calls us "you people", a congregant who in an effort to 'understand' ask when we stopped sacrificing people! And, of course slights in the news... You are so young!!! Don't waste anymore of your valuable life in regret. Those people are ignorant. That's not your fault!!!!

Wayne - I do not need to apologize for a bad impression I made to anti-Semites who already had a poor perception of what Jews are. I don't apologize to Nazi's. =)

Do you have the stamina to join an Aish Hatorah experience in Israel. There is no good reason for you to remain in such a hostile environment For your mental well-being you certainly need a rest from that Louisiana .

You have nothing to apologize for. We are proud of your strength. Israel needs more people like you. My advice is to move to Israel where your strength will be appreciated. G-d bless you

You sound like a gem. Keep the faith.

You made this Jew PROUD!

You do not need to apologize. You are a Jew - it is a badge of honour to be part of the most detested, disliked, most persecuted people on the planet. To wear your Yiddishkiet among all those goyyim...no easy task - in the absence of Jews - the devine presence will always seek out a Jew and hold him/her tight. You have something they do not - a Neshama. This is what they hate. Be proud - marry a Jewish man, raise children, make aliyah. Learn who you are. Choose life.

When I read this I thought the woman writing of her past would say she was in her thirties, or older. You are so mature, and I have no doubt it's due to all the real life you have been through, your mother's illness and death, you're mental/emotional health, and the anti-semitism. These are things that bring a person way beyond their chronological age. At 18 you have discovered and been able to differentiate your behaviors (body) and "innocent jewish self" (your soul), understanding that we are made of both is fundamental to Jewish belief, and you have realized it all of your own. You are amazing! Don't be upset with your passed actions, it seams like your illness was the cause (your body) and not you (your soul). Now you are ONLY 18, get help. Move. Do everything you can for yourself, contact someone you trust, who can help you deal with the major issues in your life, and help you sort things out for yourself. Louisiana is not the place for a beautiful soul like yourself, you dont have to be a warrior and fight alone. And lastly pray to G-d, He only wants what is best for you, talk to Him, He really listens.

Don't take it as a responsibility, but just think about that one or two who will discover what a great adult you've become. It happens at all the class reunions (again - you don't have to go there for it to happen, G-d will make it happen the right way) - the class nerd is rich and witty, the jock is pumping gas, etc. Forget the actual Jew-haters and the others whose beliefs were too far gone to disprove, but at some point you'll probably see a glimmer of one of those open-minded bystanders discovering what a swan you were after all.

under terrible circumstances. I was also bullied my entire childhood. Living well is the best revenge. If you have medical care, treatment for the manic dpression can help you live a normal life. If you can, move someplace where there is a strong Jewish community. You deserve to be taken in and nutured by a community after all you've been through. Good luck!!

I grew up in a town where my father was a successful business man. The fact that much of my family was jewish kept from us because it would have resulted in the destruction of his business. I only recently found out that my father's family was jewish (secretly since the 15th century) and there is strong evidence that my mothers is as well. Much had to be hidden for a very long time because of what you are going through. I am now in my mid 40's. You are not alone, find a good friend who is Jewish, study, and go to Israel.. You must do what is in your heart and soul. It is Jewish. Be Proud.

Jessie, I appreciated your essay, but I don't think you have anything to apologize for. You are a teenager, going through more than the usual teenage angst. I hope you are getting help for your bipolar disorder. May I suggest that NAMI, which has an affiliate in your area, to help you adjust to living with bipolar disorder? I too was raised in a town where my siblings and I were the only Jewish children. I too was discriminated against. I heard painful comments and put up with discrimination. Now in my 60's, I know that while it hurt at the time, I grew more compassionate of others and more loving in the long run, due to the way I was treated. You can too, and i hope you will. I wear my mother's Star of David often. It makes me feel close to her. Just like your mother, she died two years ago. I was lucky to have my mother so long. You can keep your mother in your heart and hear her voice encouraging you any time you want. In the years ahead, I believe you will be a good Jewish role model for those who have not met other Jews. My best wishes to you.

Your parents should have been more supportive...but not by contacting the ACLU or an attorney! Instead, they (or some Torah-observant rabbis) should have instilled in you the specialness and beauty of what it means to be a Jew, as well as Torah. Perhaps they also could have sent you away to a Beis Yaakov (Jewish girls' school) to grow up around other Jewish girls and learn Judaism. There are a couple of great schools in Texas that accept girls from around the country who are in similar situations, and that would have been very close to you! It's obvious that despite your lack of a Jewish education, you "got" the true meaning of what it means to be a Jew: to be a light unto the nations (goyim). p.s. It's not to late to go to Israel now and study or to an Observant Jewish college and play catch-up! You're very young, and obviously motivated to find out what Judaism is REALLY all about! Go for it!

Jessi, don't feel bad. 1. You're NOT the only Jewish influence these people were exposed to. People travel, they watch television, they have relatives in other states. 2. Everyone realizes that there is no "prototype". If you met an ugley foreign person, would you conclude that all of their compatriots looked the same? Of course not - people are more sophisticated than that. 3. Most important, YOU DON'T KNOW ALL THE POSITIVE EFFECTS YOU HAD ON THE PEOPLE IN YOUR HOMETOWN, TOO. Perhaps something good you did resonated and made an impression. Don't be so hard on yourself. 4. Finally, remember that ultimately everything that happens comes from Hashem. It was His will that you were placed in that awful situation. See how much you have grown, and what a big effect this column you wrote has had. Focus on the positive. You can't know everything, and it might not be (I'm sure it's not) as bad as you think.

In the late 60's my newly-married-to-a-Christian mother moved me and my brother to a somewhat rural part of So. Calif where there were 10 Jewish families, 1 Jew in my school. Although my mother got us involved in some religious activities, after her brief stint in B'nai Brith, she was happy to pass as a non-Jew. I was dark (skin & hair) with blue eyes and unbeknowst to me until the subject came up, my peers thought I was Italian. I, too, proudly wore my Magen David or Mezzuzah. I was involved in more than one fist fight over the anti-Semitic remarks and charges of being a Christ killer. My father was a Holocaust survivor and he lost his sister and her family in the camps. As a young girl, this was ALWAYS on my mind and I dared to let anyone make me uncomfortable or ashamed of my religion because I knew first hand how Jews suffered to exist and freely and openly practice their religion. I harbored a resentment towards these small-minded bigots and as soon as I was 18, I moved to an area in Calif. that had a decent sized Jewish population and it was one of the best decisions I ever made. I urge you to do the same!! Your writing indicates a very intelligent and wise young person and this is an age that you should be happy and experiencing the joys in life. You handled things the best you could as a child (plus you were outnumbered) and you owe no one an apology!! It isn't easy being a Jew, never has been and never will be and that's another reason why you are special. There is a reason why we are called "The Chosen Ones." Keep the faith and I wish you the happiness you so richly deserve and the best of luck in life! I promise, you will look back on this in the not so distant future and it won't be as painful. Also know that much bigotry is multi-generational and no matter how hard you try, sadly, you may not be able to enlighten people, but you should always try.

As it is a mitzvah to teach our children how to swim, it is also a mitzvah to teach them how to defend themselves,in debate and if necessary as a last resort defend against physical attack. politics aside, it's an "avera" not to!

These are fanatic animals, you don't have to live around them.

You did nothing wrong to be mistreated the way you initially were. Jews as an entity didn't do anything wrong to be treated as they often are. Your behavior has nothing to do with how Jews will be treated in the future. If you were Angelic and ideal it would only cause more hatred, if possible. The best course is to blast the anti-Semites for what they are and expose them. That way, at least a few might listen and you will feel better about yourself.

as a young American Jew, i joined the army and became a paratrooper. I always wore a Mogen Davidin the hope that guys would not make anti semitic remarks in front of me.. It worked in my favor and if anything, allowed guys who were ignorant of judiasm to ask me things that they never would have known otherwise. Mypoint is, don't be angry but let them see an image that is positive.

I was very moved and inspired by the authors depth, wisdom, and desire to be a kiddush Hashem. I am sure that as she grows and develops she will be a source of great pride for the Jewish people.

You didn't apologize to the non-Jews to whom you showed a distorted picture of Judaism. Perhaps you should. If they only encounter Jews like the one you admit to having been, they may have very good reason for not liking Jews.

I too grew up in a very anti-semitic area. My life was threatened many times and I really thought I would die for being Jewish. Believe it or not this actually happened in New Jersey where technically speaking there are a lot of Jews, there just weren't any in my area. The truth is my parents failed me and left me to fend off these people on my own and it really messed up my life in a big big way. It took may years for me to be able to look other people in the eye for fear of rejection. It messed up my realationships and made me reclusive. It was a long time till I was able to relate to other's in a normal way with out fear. In the Army my commanders were very unsyimpathetic and I spent every Shabbat and holiday working. I was very distressed seeing all my non-Jewish friends getting all their holiday's off. When you can get to a Jewish community and stay there. Make Jewish friends and live a Jewish. Meanwhile contact a Rabbi and ask about a Jewish education. Great job finding Aish. G-d Bless

I was deeply moved by your story. It takes great courage to stand up, especially as a child, to people who are bent on bending you to their ways, on taunting you, on saying the kinds of cruel lies you have heard, that surely if they ever took the time for any personal insight, they would realize, whatever they claimed to be, they could not be. There should be no room in any religion, as it does draw, presumably on spiritual knowledge, for hate, for condemnation, for arrogance, and for the slinging of so many poisoned arrows. I think, and I deeply honor your soul, having read this piece, that you are and always will be, A STAR.

Jessi, You have so much to look forward to. You have an opportunity to be a bridge from Judaism as the faith that bore Christianity. You sound like a terrific person with a conscience and belief. I agree that you should pursue a case against the school...you definitely have one. But now, you can take your want to learn more about the positive of our identity and put it to good use. Be well and love yourself for all of who you are :)

Having grown-up in the late 40's and early 50's in the LA area, I to had these problems. The way to over come is to find your talent. My talent was sports. There always is a way to over come the opposition

I'm from southwestern Louisiana, I wear a very noticeable silver Magen David and I too realize that at times I was mean and angry trying to shield the hurt of feeling left out at times. I now go to a southern Baptist college in central Louisiana where their is one other Jew. I still wear the Magen David and I now realize that I am the only Jewish person or representative of Yiddishkeit that people will ever get. Sometimes the combination of being a teenager made me feel even more different than I was and angst piled onto insecurity and thus I'm afraid I was a bad and only example for many who never had or will encounter a Jewish person, let alone one interested in Jewish values. Had it not been for Aish.com, I probably never would have encountered a traditional Jewish perspective. Thanks to Jessi and Aish. Shalom Aleichem!

If you are still in school, Jessie, you may want to contact an attorney or legal aid organization. Harrassment of public school students for religious reasons violates the First Amendment -- and this would be just as true if the harrassment were directed at Roman Catholics, Mormons, Muslims, atheists, or anyone else who doesn't fit in with the dominant religion in the community.

You did the right thing. Your parents should have been more supportive. They should have also sought the help of the ACLU and B'NAI BRITH to contest anti-semitism in the school system that you attended.

Thats all you did in your life was shine your light you came across alot of small town let me say evil darkness you standed up and was strong.What happens when you dont stand up for what you belive in is some part of you is taken a way god bless you and may you shine your light with people who will love you for being you God bless

coming from a small Jewish centre in Canada, but admittedly without the challenges that you have had to face - I see no need to apologize whatsover

My son went to Tulane (new Orleans), where at least 1/3rd of the student body is Jewish. He attended Touro synegogue for high holidays, and met the Oreks, who have kept their company in NOLA because people need the jobs. Go down there for a weekend. The Chabad rabbi and his on campus are wonderful and will welcome you !

Believe a 72 year old man from Europe: Only hitting the antisemites cures them from their disease at least momentarily.Arguments do not help Courage Jessi

I am so deeply sorry that you or anyone has had these experiences. I was raised protestant (Christian) with a deep respect and love for the Jewish people and Jewish faith. Without the Jewish faith I would have no hope. To hear your story tears my heart in pieces, and fills me with anger and disappointment; and shame on my part. Most people are very, very ignorant and unlearned about their own faith traditions, even within Christianity. I can only say I am sorry and ask you to forgive; not because I or any of these people deserve it. But because you are a beautiful daughter of the G_d and He loves you deeply. Shalom

When I was in grammer school, we owned a motel and trailor park. I had friends, but also, I had to fight my way through school. I was wrong for fighting back, but I did not stop; instead, I sought ways to uderstand the crazyness of these people. My family and friends helped, kept me from becoming bitter. This is what I wish to share with you; if you become bitter, they win! Do not let them. They owe us, all of Israel, many apoligies, but do not hold your breath. Move on, with your head help high, because YOU stood your ground and did it as G-d would have you; loyal to Him. I thank you and may He bless you. Yehiel Shlipshon ben Phisel Avraham HaLevi

I am a non-Jew but grew up in a tiny southern town. I wasn't a church-goer and hung out with Phil Cohen. We were friends all thru highschool and we still exchange emails. There may have been anti-semitic people but I never knew about it. Phil never talked about it, either. I am a Noahide now and Phil just teases me for waiting so long to recognize how important he really was to the gentiles in town.

You have been given a special chance to be come close to Hashem. Hashem works in ways humans cannot understand. THIS is YOUR beginning and it is very unique. It obviously has been hard for you- and one can see why. I was one of three Jews at my school. The other two were my brothers. We lived in the Mid- West and I used to be asked about Jews and we killed J.C. and the like. I remember the swastikas and being told I am going to hell and "my condolences" when they found out I was Jewish etc...... Only now that I am older I appreciate it because I have the knowledge to know that thru a test comes the strength. Be strong, study with Aish Hatorah and strengthen yourself Jewishly. It is that you are a Jew and a Jew is truly unique. We are a nation- the only nation- Am Yisrael. Be proud. You are growing and will be able to one day be in a place where you will recognize and love your unique heritage.

Jessi, don't be so hard on yourself. You're OK. You are freeing yourself from those distorted feelings. People who are anti Semitic will stay that way no matter what a particular Jew does or doesn't do. I'm a lot older than you and have found so much to enjoy in our heritage. I hope you are living in a different place now and can make some Jewish friends and learn more about whatever aspect of being Jewish you enjoy. Good Luck.

Interesting. If u ever master it I hope u will write a book since it is the problem of so many Jews today. U are not there yet. U are apologizing. U have internalized the negativity. We see so much anti-Semtisim today in Arab lands, Eur, the media, and in the Far Left, and Jews are absorbing it and apologizing for being Jewish and for Israel being Jewish. I look forward when u can respect urself and I look forward to when the Leftist Jews can stop trying to outdo their fellow Leftists on dumping on Israel to prove that they are OK. It is not helpful that the Left has gotten into bed with Islamists nor that Leftists judge a person's goodness on whether they are Leftist. But look who is apologizing, Islamists? no, Leftists? no , but those born Jewish. This week a decision was handed down in a court in the UK. The judge was brought out of retirement to judge the case. "This extraord y moment in modern Brit legal hist y took place this week in Brighton — a city known for its strong affiliations with the Green Party and other Leftist causes. It was a case involving five defendants who had broken into the EDO MBM owned arms factory in January 2009 at the time of Israel’s Operation Cast Lead in Gaza. The five admitted breaking into the factory — which was exporting military equipment at the time to Israel — and causing £180,000 ($275,000) worth of damage. Despite actually admitting to an offence that would usually carry a substantial jail sentence, the jury acquitted them, accepting their defence that although they had committed a crime they were doing so in order to prevent the greater offence of Israeli “war crimes”. The Judge in the case, George Bathurst-Norman, was quite explicit in his summing up for the jury in encouraging them to employ their political prejudices against Israel in their decision". Also N. Ireland. Any1 Jewish want to apologize? (sarc) U prefer to concentrate on u than realize that u do not have the power, same with peace in ME.

Dear Jessi, You musn't feel bad. You, after all, are the one who remained unashamed of being Jewish throughout your 18 years of life, in spite of its taking its significant toll on you. Those in your town are the ones who learned hate from birth--you could have been the most psychologically sound Jew in the world and they'd have found a reason to hate you. You may tell them that infinitely far worse than a "supposed" commission of deicide- of a Jew, no less- (who, even per most true followers of the New Testament, were the Romans,) was the "loving" Christian's INVENTION of deicide (even if well-intentioned,) which has caused unspeakable harm, hate, torture, grief, and evil to befall the world for millenia. You are to be admired for your mesirus nefesh (self-sacrifice:the translation doesn't fully capture the meaning)-you should take back your apology, in my opinion, and be very proud of yourself!!!!

My mother was a diagnosed paranoid-schizophrenic; unfortunately she spent many years in a locked facility When I was 14 (in 1955) I went to live with my father (he had gone to court to get my custody). Both of them taught me to be proud of who I was and never to deny being Jewish, even though we were very secular. After all this time I still miss both of my parents, but I am also very proud of the basics that I was taught by them. You are just beginning your long life. There are quite a few Jewish Universities throughout the country and Israel (of all movements) that I am positive would be happy to offer you scholarships and financial aid. Please consider beginning the rest of your life at one of these schools, where being Jewish is the norm and not the exception. Please continue to write these thoughtful articles and keep us posted, about your progress.

If you weren't outraged you wouldn't have been paying attention. My sister is 19, she's feelin it here in LA. I'm a young 33, I feel it in Reno. My favorite psalm for this situation is one Christians love to try to bite off of us.... The lord is my shepherd baby. MINE by BIRTHRIGHT!

I understand the challenges of a small Southern town when you are "the only one". I am not Jewish, simply the daughter of a divorced woman when that was not the norm in this country and often the "new kid in town". You have made an amazing and courageous choice. I hear that you are choosing to be a light, when those around you are portraying you as darkness itself. I offer you my support and encouragement as you represent G-d in the way that means the most to you and to the world. Thank you.

Nice to hear from someone who knows better and wants to set the right example after all.

You did the best you could under very difficult circumstances. Even in the face of so much sufering you held on to your religion. Kol hakavod! Now you are resolved upon a positive life, learning lessons from the past and building a better future. You are on the road to greatness, and I wish you a strong, supportive Jewish network, so you will also learn to enjoy your birthright.

I am inspired by your amazing pride over being a Jew. I think the best next step would be to go to Israel and learn in a seminary (contact anyone from aish to help you out). You deserve to learn about our beautiful Torah and about how special you are.

Dear Jessi, Double your story for me. I grew up in the only Jewish family in a deeply anti-semitic rural town, and topped that by attending a Protestant college deep in the Bible Belt. But time has a way of resolving things. When I go back to the small town of my childhood, folks there now brag that they have TWO synagogues, Reform and Conservative! Additionally, I hear some strong pro- Israel sentiment from fundamentalist people. So hold your head up and smile - You and I are lucky to be part of the Covenant at Mount Sinai and to seek Adonai as His Jewish children.

Dear Jessi, stand strong and confident in your faith and your being a loved chilld of G-d. I am an 85 year old man of Italian heritage and growing up in a predominantly Protestant area I was constantly victimized as a child but I did not fight or defend myself but stood tall and confident that I as a child of G-d was as good as anyone else. My religiousheritage was Roman Catholic but I was fortunate tohave a liberal thinking parent who gave me the privelege of choosing my own faith when I was of responsible age. I have studied many religions and have decided that my belief in a supreme being is my faith and when my time comes to know more I will and my faith tells me it will be better. And so with you my dear --maintain your faith in the Hebrew Religion . One cannot wash ones hands of responsiblilty. G-d blesses you my child. Pete Maniscalco

I understand; I've been there too. I forgave you before you even asked.

Kids have always been and always will be anti-something all the way from the start until you leave HS. Especially in small schools where you can't sort of blend in or become"invisible" I was always the big guy around my small town so even now people don't bother me but they usually think I am some "old hippy" since I have a long beard these days. And I have been here for almost 40 of my 52 years. So you tend to even have just a certain group of friends and in my case they know about this "Jewish" thing and actually like that and all the things that come with that.

Jessi, please take good care of yourself. You are in need of healing, physical and mental, because of everything you've been through. And as others have written, it is most desirable that you get in touch with a rabbi to help you with the healing process. My best wishes to you, and may you soon be able to live in a Jewish neighborhood, which will greatly help your healing.

dear jessie you are great and we are proud of you or having the courage to do teshuva ! you will be a fine example to the jewish nation and the rest of the world !

All of us,wherever we live, have regrets about how well we should have represented the Jewish people in an anti-semitic world. Those who don't are the ones we need to worry about. It is a huge milestone that you have reached, to know that we are, every where we go, representing the nation of priests, the holy nation, and we need to be a light to the nations. Know that your realization of this, is your teshuva for having dropped the ball, when you really were not able to do otherwise anyway. I would be happy to have you write me personally (I give Aish permission to give you my address). We have children your age and we lived previously in Louisiana and understand the environment that you live in. We would be happy for you to visit us where we live in Florida. I bless you with strength, love and good friends. May we all merit to live in rebuilt Jerusalem soon!

I would be proud to be your surrogate Jewish Momma.First things first,you my dear, smile in the mirror and look at your beautiful face.Guilt is NOT your best friend,drop this guilt-- that is yesterday's news ! Be good to yourself.Your mother of Blessed Memory raised a wonderful daughter.Please believe in loving yourself first, after all you come from the best ''Our Proud Jewish People'' !! Aish has my e-mail ! Please contact me.By the way -- I live in the ''sometimes'' southern state of Maryland. I too have been told that I and my people killed a very famous carpenter !

Jessi, You need to stop apologizing. Your situation is far less rare than you imagine. I am still not clear why you feel the need to apologize to any other Jews--be they in Israel or in the South. You were victimized by those ignorant of so many things and if anything your story shows tremendous resolve and while some may call if stiff necked (a neck by the way upon which the Star of David was worn), it was your way of coping. At such a young age wait to see how many more positive things you will encounter. Getting through rough teen years in such a setting may have been unbelievably difficult, but here you are contributing a thoughful essay to a site like Aish.com.. Write on Jessi and hope that things will only be better as you see what life brings beyond your town 's borders.

Hi Jessi, I know exactly how you feel. I am raising my children in the same circumstances, a small southern bible belt town, and they have been subjected to the same things. How do we deal with it? It became a blessing instead of a curse. When I lived in larger cities, I did not have to work so hard at being a Jew. In fact, I did not do much at all. However, being under siege in a way, being under a microscope, made me work harder at it. We all studied Judaism in order to defend ourselves, and more so- to understand who we are. I learned Hebrew- because I had to teach it to my children. We had to truly know, understand, and live by our faith because it was constantly challenged. I sent the kids to Jewish camps, and as they got older, to colleges that had larger Jewish populations. We recognized the responsibility we had: we were the only representatives of Judaism our friends and neighbors would ever know, and we behaved as such. Yes, it is not fun, it's lonely, but G-d put you here to grow in a unique way. When we are around other Jews and Jewish resources, we appreciate what others may take for granted. The best defense against evangelism and anti semitism is to know the beautiful religion you already have- another just won't do for you.

Find your peace within you. G-d is right there within you. You are awake and alive and Hashem breathed your soul into you. He's always there with you. Don't be alone. Find Chabad and be part of a community of Jews, however small it may be there. See if you can go to Israel on birthright and understand firsthand that it's really OK to be Jewish. That's how I found out I didn't have to hide who I was. It was 42 years ago when I went and found a place where everyone was Jewish and I was really OK being Jewish for the first time in my life.

My dear fellow Jew, we have nothing to forgive you for! It is your anti-Semitic neighbors that should ask forgiveness of you! And if you gave them a little hell, they probably more than deserved it!

Dear Jesse, As you can see, your letter has brought alot of love to you. We all feel your pain, and as it says in the first letter above, you have got to get outta there and make yourself a life. Go to any city that has a major Jewish population (like Jerusalem or Florida,)but before going, go oline and find a Chabad house (chabad org,) and speak to a Rabbi or Rebbetzin (Rabbi's wife) so they can help you make arrangements to live there. All the wives of the Chabad houses ae SOO wonderful!They will teach you everything you need to know so you can decide what you want to do with your life. Continue doing what you love (if you are going to college) or find a job, but don't be afraid, you are doing the right thing. and certainly, don't apologize, it's not your fault. We are here for you and will always be here for you. If you want, you can ask Aish to give you my e-mail address and I wil love to talk to you and encourage you. Good luck!! Love, SH

The Supreme loves you so much, as you know. You are wonderful for having had to go through the crude that you did growing up. Ignorance is a terrible thing. You said it right in so many ways when you told your story. For whatever it means to you, I am sorry and would like to let you know that I wish to apologize for the ignorance that is around us. In a different time and place, we could all be the victim or the persecuted. I only know you through your note, but I love you for who you are.

You need not apologize. You are a Jew---one of G-d's Chosen People. We are not always doing the right thing, BUT we are G-d's representatives here on Earth. The enemies of G-d see us as the enemy, and express that emnity via anti-Semitism. NEVER GIVE UP. You need to connect more with other Jews----Jews who are proud and happy with who they are. Chabd is an excellent choice. If there is a Jew---ANYWHERE---they want to be there to help that Jew. We have a lot to be proud of, but we also have a lot to learn about being better Jews. When it is time to date, PLEASE do yourself a favor and only date Jews of good character. Don't confuse yourself, or setttle for less, by dating non-Jews. I speak from sad experience----which I have corrected. I am now VERY happily married to a wonderful Jewish woman. Just smile, be proud of who you are, and keep doing what a Jew should do. BE PROUD. BE HAPPY.

You are one of the bravest people I have ever read about. To keep up your Jewish pride with all the abuse you received is remarkable. Ninety-nine out of a hundred adults, never mind teenagers, would have capitulated. You have an exceptional strength of spirit that will take you far. Thank you for sharing your remarkable story.

Please take action to reduce and relieve your suffering. There are many areas in the U.S. and, of course, Israel where one may practice Judaism in a highly supportive environment. Please move if you can as soon as you can. Staying where you are sounds like a guarantee of further suffering. Please reach out to Jewish organizations, perhaps Chabad, or your most local rabbi who should be able to point you in the right direction. Please be sure to seek care for you psychological problems as well. I wish you success and happiness. May G-d grant you the strength to achieve your goals and help you to experience the kind of life that you want for yourself.

Your column struck a nerve as I have similar experiences and had similar guilt. I also grew up in an area with few jews, and almost no religious jews, somewhere in the Netherlands. I was bullied and by some it was real antisemitism and by others it was just because they new which button to push. In a christian high school I had to defend myself against 'jesus killer' claims as well, and people I did not know came to look for religious or political fights. As one of the few, or only openly jewish person they knew I was an ambassador to the jewish people and the state of Israel. I became an angsty teen with a chip on his shoulder. Suffice it to say, this didn't help my popularity much. With time I had a lot of people around me, but not close friends. The past few years I've calmed down, became more observant, and relaxed. That is the nasty thing about regret; the more you've changed for the better, the more you come to regret the pre-change past. I don't let it get to me anymore; I needed all these experiences to become the man I am today; and I've come to love that person. I wish you luck in your life's journey; as I can read from your self-reflection, you'll do fine.

As an American Jew in Israel, I forgive you for leaving a bad impression of Jews in your little town in Louisiana. I pray that you'll lead an exemplary life from now on and that someday you join the rest of your people in Israel.

I have respect for the fact that you care about the Jewish image among your peers. You actually sound more concerned about that than your own welfare. And you are right that sanctifying G-d's name is a very important principle in the Jewish faith. But I must say that given your psychological frailty, you must give priority to your own well being. I would advise you to find a supportive environment in which you will be loved for who you are - a Jewish soul with a strong conscience, the product of a special Mom. From what you write, those anti-Semites you've encountered would not accept you as long as you showed off your Jewish identity. You have no reason to blame yourself for their hatred. You may have suffered from psychosis, but no one could blame you for that. Their behavior, on the other hand, rings of evil.

You sound amazing and I really understand. I grew up in a place called Scaggsville, Maryland where no one had ever seen a Jew. My brother got beat up often on the way to school and I was so lonely I started sneaking off to church services with my "friends." Now I am married to a Rabbi and I live in Israel with all of my children and grandchildren. Come visit me! Aish has my e-mail. I live in Ramat Beit Shemesh. Keep writing, you are very good! A Jewish Mom.