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Joe’s Impossible Bar Mitzvah

Joe’s Impossible Bar Mitzvah

Joe Greenbaum wasn’t going to let his autism and apraxia get in the way of celebrating.

by

Five years ago, I was in a store when an eight-year-old boy from our community saw me, came over, and said one word: “Rabbi.” I didn’t think anything of it until later that evening when the boy’s mother texted me to say that I had witnessed a miracle. I didn’t know what she was referring to until she explained that her son, Joe Greenbaum, is autistic.

Autism is a neurodevelopmental disorder that often includes social impairment, challenges with communication, and repetitive patterns of behavior. On top of that, Joe also has a form of apraxia, an uncommon speech disorder in which the brain struggles to develop plans for speech and as a result has difficulty making accurate movements when speaking.

Joe with his parentsJoe with his parents

The combination of autism and a form of apraxia meant that for Joe, learning to speak and communicate would be nearly impossible. And yet, through incredible tenacity on his part, and with the boundless love, encouragement, and support of his family, at eight years old, Joe successfully learned how to speak. When he said the word “Rabbi” that day, an insignificant event for most people, was for Joe and his family an absolute miracle.

Interacting with Joe, it is clear that he understands that there is a world around him that he is connected to, but yet not fully part of. He desperately wants full access and full interaction, but his primitive receptive language skills simply hold him back and deny him that full access.

Making the Impossible Possible

While at times it can be hard to fully know what Joe is thinking or feeling, there are times when it is clear what he loves and cherishes. At the top of that list are his beloved family members, who have shown incredible devotion, dedication, patience, love, and care to him and his siblings, including two others with autism, throughout his life. In a close second place is Joe’s love for Judaism. Since his early childhood he has been drawn to the sound of the Shofar, enjoys listening to Jewish music (Shlock Rock in particular), loves coming to Shul and kissing the Torah, and most recently puts on his Tefillin with more enthusiasm and excitement than most Bar Mitzvah boys.

The Bar Mitzvah boy celebratingThe Bar Mitzvah boy celebrating

This past Shabbos was Joe’s Bar Mitzvah at Boca Raton Synagogue. While other parents struggle to choose a venue for the party, select a caterer, narrow down the invite list, and finalize a menu, for the last few years, Joe’s parents were struggling with the question of if – and how – he would have a Bar Mitzvah altogether. It is hard enough for an autistic child with apraxia to learn one language, but to read and speak a second is practically unthinkable and unimaginable.

And yet, rather than be fatalistic or resigned to their son not being a candidate for a public Bar Mitzvah, Joe’s parents chose to imagine, to envision, to dream, and ultimately to make the impossible possible. With the help of Dr. Harold Landa as a Bar Mitzvah teacher, and Joe’s Aunt Nina, who worked tirelessly to help him learn Hebrew, they set a goal of Joe receiving an aliyah on the Shabbos of his Bar Mitzvah. Almost everyone around this devoted group told them it was impossible, unattainable, and an unrealistic and perhaps even unfair expectation to set, as receiving an aliyah involves the recitation of two blessings on the Torah. Nevertheless, with the support of Joe’s team, which includes his amazing grandparents, incredible therapists, as well as Rabbi Gershon Eisenberger and Rabbi Matan Wexler, Joe’s parents defiantly shut out the voices of negativity and of defeatism and tenaciously persisted towards the goal of Joe learning how to receive an aliyah and recite the blessings.

The next piece of the puzzle was Joe’s cooperation. An autistic young man will typically not do something that he doesn’t want to do. Over the last few months, Joe not only cooperated in the pursuit of his parents’ goal, but he has far surpassed it. With God’s help, this young man, who did not learn to speak until he was eight years old, not only received an aliyah this past Shabbos, but read the maftir as well. Watching Joe kiss the Torah, say the first blessing, recite the Torah reading and articulate the second blessing like any other Bar Mitzvah boy was to literally witness a miracle before our very eyes.  As Joe was called to the Torah, the entire Shul without instruction, spontaneously stood and with tears in everyone’s eyes, every person listened attentively and supportively.  Joe did fantastically and after we shared a few words about him, we sang and danced as he jumped up and down with unbridled joy and excitement.

Relentless

There is so much for us to learn from this extraordinary family and their outstanding son. Firstly, as the Chida famously taught, “Nothing stands in the way of will.” Joe has worked relentlessly overcoming all odds to be able to achieve what almost all of us take absolutely for granted. He has taught us that if we dedicate ourselves to achieving a dream, we can make the impossible a reality.

This accomplishment for Joe far surpasses almost anything any of us have done far beyond the age of thirteen. The Chazon Ish and the Steipler Gaon stood up in honor of special children as they entered a room. While others saw children with special needs labeled by society as disabled or even handicapped, these Torah giants saw only special souls capable of extraordinary things whose lives brought out the best of those around them.

Joe’s team has taught us to never stop believing in every single child, no matter his or her limitations. They have modeled how to never stop dreaming or setting the bar high, even when others tell you it is impossible, unrealistic, and unachievable. They have taught us how to persevere, despite being physically and spiritually tired, how to keep going, even when at times you desperately want to give up. They regularly remind us how to be grateful for the things that almost all others take for granted.

This past Shabbos, there was one last piece of the puzzle necessary to complete the picture for Joe and his family: the role played by us, his community and Shul. Enabling Joe and anyone like him to experience his Bar Mitzvah is not only the responsibility of his family, but is a duty of our entire community. Facilitating a Bar Mitzvah for an autistic young man requires patience, flexibility, and cooperation. We adults can learn from Joe’s classmates who just completed 7th grade at Hillel Day School. They, too, are part of his loving team and regularly make accommodations to enable his participation.

Every special needs child and their families deserve our unwavering support, love, patience, inclusiveness, and, when necessary, accommodations. Raising special children requires superhuman strength and sacrifices that are beyond our imagination. Lessening their challenges, being supportive and encouraging, are not extra acts of kindness. It is our responsibility, duty, and obligation to fill in our piece of the puzzle.

If you don’t believe in miracles, speak to anyone who was present at our shul this past Shabbos for Joe’s bar mitzvah and they will testify that we witnessed one together.

June 20, 2015

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Visitor Comments: 20

(20) Alex, July 1, 2015 10:33 AM

Thank you from Scotland

Im a 60 year old widow, with multiple health problems, including a stroke Aspergers, , and agoraphobia: Im a ba'al teshuvah, slowly finding my feet, sometimes three steps forward and two back again, but keeping going....this brought me to tears; thank you, Joe, from this oldie woman...you inspire me
Alex

(19) jacob, June 29, 2015 1:18 AM

Bravo

a very inspiring story… thank you for sharing it.

(18) Shlomo, June 25, 2015 10:37 PM

Supplementary Info

For all parents of Autistic children or children w/ learning difficulties: I highly recommend you check out the work of a therapist : Anat Baniel - a student of Moshe Feldenkrais, who has a system of teaching people How to move their bodies - in very organic simple movements that help develop the brain! She has worked w/ autistic children as well as dancers, musicians, & athletes.
She has a website and videos - I have no interest in her success, but I found her work VERY interesting and feel like it would be worth your whiles to check her out. Up to you...

(17) Boca Mom, June 25, 2015 8:17 PM

beautiful, and there are others!

My boyfriend has a son who is autistic and not very verbal in English, but never-the-less he worked with his rabbi (also down in south Florida, at a chabad) and also worked with him on his own. He learned to say the shema and his brachot - it was a beautiful bar mitzva. No one should ever give up on this goal - it's amazing what someone can do with some support and effort.

(16) Sue Deutsch, June 25, 2015 7:25 PM

So Glad to Read this Story

I am so glad to see this change in our community in the last few decades. I can remember many years ago when my husband(a teacher)advocated for inclusion of children with a variety of challenges. Our children were at a Jewish primary school and there were cases of children who had to leave the school and attend public school. This happened because their needs were not being met at religious schools. It was also rare to see a child with any sort of challenge have a Bar or Bat Mitzvah. When my husband suggested that such policies be changed, at a community meeting, he was told that Jewish children did not have learning disabilities! We were so glad to see that attitude change over the years. One of my husband's proudest moments, as an educator, was helping a young man who was severely disabled because of cerebral palsy, make his Bar Mitzvah. He was confined to a wheelchair, could only move one hand, and was unable to communicate, except via an early computerized communication system . We must continue to make all Jewish children feel that they are a welcome and precious part of our community!

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