Gossip

2. WHY GOSSIP?
Q: Do you ever tell others disparaging information about a person just for the sake of gossiping? If so, why?

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me."

Not true! Words can cause tremendous anguish and irreparable harm.

Jewish folklore tells the story of a man who slandered the town's rabbi. Later, he begged the rabbi for forgiveness, asking to make amends. The rabbi told him to cut open a feather pillow in the wind. This he did and the feathers scattered everywhere. "Now I'm forgiven?" asked the man.

"Yes," answered the rabbi, "as soon as you go and gather all the feathers." "But that's impossible!"

"Exactly. When we speak badly about someone, the damage spreads and has far-reaching repercussions. It is impossible to fully repair."

Words are powerful. They can tear apart relationships and ruin reputations or they can build and inspire.

Just about everyone gossips, eager to share and listen to the latest dirt. Why? What's the allure?

The Talmud compares a gossip to a snake because both attack their victims without tangible benefit. The snake bites and poisons a human being but receives no nourishment in return. And the gossip gains nothing by destroying another's reputation.

Gossip is not just a curiosity about the lives of others. It is an attempt to elevate ourselves. It's enticing to knock people down and instantaneously feel better about ourselves. We think we can bypass the difficult struggle in earning genuine self-esteem by overcoming our character flaws.

In the end, we lower ourselves. Like flies drawn to dirt, we ignore the good in people and focus only on their faults. We become petty and mean-spirited, looking at the world through negative, cynical eyes. We cause immeasurable pain and breed mistrust in the process.

Words have the power to bring theoretical ideas from the mind into the tangible world, creating reality. With our speech, we can either turn people into objects, stripping away their self-image, or we can elevate ourselves by affirming the good in others, showing respect and building a benevolent world.

The next time we're tempted to focus on the negative in someone else, let's channel that criticism inward and take a good, long look at ourselves. True elevation comes through improving ourselves, while searching for the positive in others.

• We derive a pernicious kind of pleasure in knocking others in order to elevate ourselves.
  
  

• In the end, we lower ourselves, becoming mean-spirited and negative.
  
  
• Next time we're tempted to focus on the negative in someone, let's take a good, long look at ourselves while seeing the good in others.
  
  

BACKGROUND SOURCES

1. A person shall not cause pain to his fellow man.
Leviticus, 25:18

2. Death and life are in the power of the tongue.
Proverbs, 18:21

3. The one who gossips stands in Syria and kills in Rome.
Jerusalem Talmud, Peah, 1:1

4. Gossip kills three people: the speaker, the listener and the person being discussed.
Babylonian Talmud, Arachin, 15b

5. Be very careful with gossip because with it you will embarrass yourself, for one who denigrates is merely projecting his own fault onto someone else. It's natural to take your own faults and point them out in others.
The Ways of the Righteous, The Gate of Loshon Hara

6. Who is the "gossipmonger"? One who carries reports and goes from one person to another saying, "So-and-so said this! And I heard such-and-such from this person!" Even if what he says is true, he destroys the world. Far worse is "Loshon Hara," the evil tongue. This is talking disparagingly about someone, even if he says the truth. One who actually lies is called a "slanderer."
Maimonides, Mishna Torah, Laws of Character Development, 7:2

8. Whoever has compassion towards others will be shown compassion from Above.
Babylonian Talmud , Shabbat, 151b