(1) Don 5/31/2008 10:59:00 PM
Debt is more than just keeping up with the Jones''
The reason for debt isn''t always people buying junk they don''t need. Some people are in debt because of medical expenses, bad decisions, poor education which leads to not understanding what borrowing money means and how to pay it back quickly and especially the deceptive practices by the credit card companies that you don''t find out about until it''s too late. And unfortunately money is that last thing that anyone will help you out with. They need to know why you''re in debt, etc. and qualify they''re help. You have to be destitute and homeless before anyone will help with money and then it''s done with disdain most of the time. It''s just a game we need to learn how to play like any other part of life. It''s a blessing if parents actually teach their children how to live, but in reality the world shows that no one is teaching anyone anything. If only we were all raised with Torah this would be a wonderful world. But what do we do with this mess that we have besides praying for HaShem to come quickly and speedily and TODAY! Barukh HaShem!


(2) doron 1/7/2008 12:20:00 AM
leaders should lead down the right path
We have given all of our choices away to 'keeping up with the Jones' and we need leaders to lead us down the right path. Our leaders have become the concept of rampant consumerism and when our world is built on senseless wants and spending, our real leaders need to set the example for us. Let's see the school principals, the council representatives, the religious leaders, and the local government officials throw away their televisions in a public display! I bet that would get the ball rolling…


(3) Rosen 1/6/2008 6:51:00 AM
To Aron
I wasn't really pushed in any particular program in college. With my degree in parks/rec, I have been able to follow thru with a couple of seasonal or summer jobs after I graduated, but nothing yet permanent. I am already seeing career counseling in my area. I am still appearing to do all of the right things. When you say "re-inventing" myself in order to find a more permanent job, would that imply starting my own business? I live in the DC metro area in Northern VA where the jobs being offered are virtually endless. Thus, I have been applying to as many relevant jobs as I can. Since I am seeking job counseling in my area, my job counselor understands that I am a good learner and developer for my career. Not only does he say that I am on the right track, but many of my other counselors, friends, and family say that I am as well, given that I am energetic and proactive in my job search. It's much like a consensus similar to when the Jews saw before G-d with Moses upon Mt. Sinai....Financially, I try to make ends meet by working with what I can (both outside and at home thru chores), making stock trades/sells, getting tax refunds, etc....As for seeing that your name looked familiar, I was thinking of my aunt whose last name is Arons...All in all, I have been very resourceful over the past number of years, and should be bound to find work for hire in a matter of time, sooner or later.

(4) hershy 1/5/2008 9:08:00 PM

First of all Rabbi S. you ROCK. Second I think i have the solution to this problem. The value of a honest days work has lost its value. N ow if i want to deliver milk its considerd to be embaresing. My great great gand daddy who knew shas by heart delivered milk and i know 10 blat and its emabaresing. Its more embaresing the way i spell because of my great education in yeshiva. I say we all got to value a honest days work and not value a new car which will be trash in 5 years.People want to make millions over night cause they dont realize we are here to work. Adam liamal yulad.Y ou gotta sweat baby!!! Anyhow peace to everyone.And thanks to the Rabbi


(5) Wayne 1/5/2008 6:28:00 PM
half the battle
The spend, spend, spend is a result of the want, want, want. Half the battle (or more) is curbing the wants. I suggest picking up your television and donating it to your favorite charitable organization. Then do the same thing with ALL the tv's in the house. If you don't have 15 commercials every hour telling you what you can't live without (or what you have to have to impress your neighbor) it will be a lot easier to not spend, spend, spend.

Secondly, make a budget. (Don't panic, a budget is a plan on how you will spend your money). You WILL spend your money, whether you have a plan or not. Your chances of spending it prudently are immensely greter if you plan ahaead, rather than just spending until your credit card is maxed out.

Try it! What do you have to lose (besides worry and ulcers)?

Wayne


(6) sjhepner 1/5/2008 1:26:00 PM
Tearup yhe dredit card..
Bot rid of my credit card because I had Thousands of dollars to pay off with compounding interest from debts already paid..
read Paul Clitheros little book on TinSteps to Financial Succes,, which really works.. budget and save, no matter how small..it adds up..
dont live beyond your means..
Joseph on the Bible, in Egypttaught his Pharoh, the lesson of saving for the 7 leqn years...

we as Jews should internalise Josephs ideas of saving and storing..

Apparently, the Chinese are now the biggest savers, in the world..

spending carefully and wisely..


and saving for their childrens future...


we cant just live for today..

we have to plan for tomorrow,

plus we eeed a good cedit and savings record in order to plan and borrow for our kids future..


Tanks for youe our great ,thought ptovoking video...


(7) Aron 1/4/2008 4:23:00 PM
Rosen, that's NOT what I meant by getting your hands dirty.
No, you don't know me (I'm in Canada). But, yes, I am a career counsellor. Over several decades I've counseled thousands of students & most of them have done well, so I must be doing something right. Anyway, what I meant by "getting...dirty" has nothing to do with "proactively" seeking work. No, you misinterpreted me. What I meant was that the job opportunities in today's market lie in the more physical, tangible, realistic occupations. Jobs where, in effect, one must get one's hand dirty due to the nature of the work. We live in an age of extreme specialization. How specialized are the fields of parks services & hospitality? In your degree (which hasn't provided you a job after 2 years), you most probably studied broad, generalized, hypothetical areas that have little or no relevance to any real jobs. It's not your fault; you were taken in! Most college staff will push ANY programs & courses that will bring in $$$ & protect their own jobs & salaries--& the last thing they are worried about is YOU & YOUR future. So, in the final analysis, you should investigate some of the careers I mentioned in my 1st comment. Do I make myself clear now? RSVP.


(8) Lea 1/4/2008 7:38:00 AM
easy to say
when you see that in Israel are people that sacrified themselves by building up this country, and today they live a "decent" life in a "decent" appartment, and then are coming rich "olim" and buy in one shot a great villa in Jerusalem, or Raanana,...well let me tell you, it hurts!


(9) S 1/3/2008 8:33:00 PM
true
There's the neccessities and the luxaries. The neccessities are expensive enough. We can deffinately cut back on the luxaries like ipods and stuff


(10) Yisroel 1/3/2008 8:26:00 PM
What I learned first hand from a life experience
Dear Rabbi Solomon,

I would like to share with you and your readers the following true story that happened to my family and me.

It was July 4th 1999; my wife, 6 kids, and myself were in downtown Manhattan near the World Trade Center. The time was about 9:05 PM. I remembered then that the Macy's 4th of July fireworks show was to start at 9:15 PM. on the eastside of Manhattan along the FDR. So I decided to drive towards the FDR and go up town as fast as I could and get as close as possible to East 34th Street and the FDR to get to the main event.

So off I went. As I approached the FDR near the Brooklyn Bridge I saw many people walking quickly towards the South Street Seaport, I stopped and thought to myself " Hey we could see it from here too and with the Brooklyn Bridge as a background it's going to be spectacular and I only have minutes left before it starts anyway" so I followed the crowd to the viewing spot. As I got closer the crowd grew and grew. We were all excited. I found a fire hydrant to stand by, about half a block away and told my wife to take the kids and go to the seaport and enjoy the show while I sit and watch the car and I'll be happy with whatever I see from here and off they went.

It was 9:15 pm, show time. I saw hundreds of people standing by the seaport all looking up at the sky waiting for the GREATEST FIREWORKS SHOW ON EARTH to begin. Then it was 9:16, 9:17 9:20... 9: 30 everybody still waiting in anticipation, but no fireworks. I turned on my car radio to listen to the simulcast music, which they play while the fireworks are going off, maybe something went wrong with the show and they were announcing a delay. The music was playing as per schedule. So what's wrong? Why don't we see anything?

I realized that the reason was because this was not a viewing point. Who said this was? What did hundreds of people do, myself included? We followed some else who did not know what he or she was doing. How foolish and embarrassing that was for me as a father making a wrong decision for my family. But how about all the hundreds of fools standing up looking at nothing in the sky, they all must have really felt ridiculous.
(Try it once. Stand in crowd and look up at the sky and watch everybody do the same you'll have a good laugh).

Boy, did my family and I learn a great lesson in life. Just because everybody is doing it, doesn't mean its right!
After 120 years we are going to be embarrassed in front of Hashem, when He shows us how foolish we were in keeping up with the (Friedman's) merry-go-round.

This can be applied to many things in life. I have done just that.

Here are some examples.


1)I made a bar mitzvah for my son in at the Kotel and spent a whole month living in Geulah ( it was Tishrei) with the entire family instead of making a Fancy Flatbush style affair (for about the same price).

2)In 2002 I leased a brand new fully loaded Honda Odyssey Mini Van fully loaded, leather seats the works, after the lease was up I returned the car. I bought and old 1998 Altima today after 2 years I am still proud to drive it. Like they say "don't laugh it's paid for. I actually had leased my 2002 Honda from a very respectable leasing company "Wheels to Lease" that is how the license plate frame read. Today I have a better license plate frame it says " Wheels No Lease".

3)I committed myself to a disciplined diet, lost over 60 pounds and for the past 4 years I have kept it off. I don't follow the crowd and eat uncontrollably like everyone else.

Just because everyone is doing it, doesn't make it right!


Thank you for bringing up this issue. As always you give me something to think about.


Yisroel



(11) Anonymous 1/3/2008 6:00:00 PM

your approach towards why everyone is in debt is only speaking to one side. The other half who are in debt or woman who are working full time and their husbands are working two jobs (and I am talking about professionals) are just trying to make ends meet with the cost of living in a Jewish community, sending their children to yeshivot and day schools and then camp for the summer. Just the cost of the yeshiva schools are causing pain and debt to families all around the US. Much more needs to be done to relieve this problem because speaking from experience, I do not live to keep up with the Joneses, and I work full time as does my husband work two jobs and we are barely making it with the expenses that come along with living in a jewish community and paying tuition and all that comes along with that. SO not everyone is in debt because they want want want.


(12) gary 1/3/2008 2:26:00 PM

I love the poignant stories that make me cry, but most of the advice blogs are off their mark, like this one.
The debt we have as a country is reflective of our economic insecurity. We're in debt because the cost of living has increased above what our salaries pay, and these include things unexpected like expensive medical treatments and life phases such as having two children in college at the same time. Quality jobs with reasonable salaries and basic benefits are disappearing, even if the unemployment rate is still low it's only because if you work at places like Wal-Mart you're still technically employed. The debt is for real things like healthcare and a working automobile when your current one won't work anymore or needs expensive repairs. The debt crisis cannot be waved away by saying it's only because of competing with your neighbors.


(13) Andy 1/3/2008 2:05:00 PM
change needs to come from the top
a change in values need to come from the top.If the community Rabbis and lay leaders insisted on modest simcahs,homes ,vacations, cars etc and gave synagogue honors and showed other signs of respect accordingly the values could change.it is possible however it is a great challenge.it's been said that a custom is the most difficult thing to change. when asked how to deal with the problem of dishonest business practices a great sage replied that he wished don't steal was a minhag/ custom instead of halacha/law.


(14) Anonymous 1/3/2008 12:27:00 PM
I agree
One thing that I do with my children is to teach them to be grateful about aba working outside the home for a living and how hard he wroks etc....Ima works in the home with the kids etc...and look how hard she works etc...I have them doing the same chores except now they earn a minimal allowance($3 and $1 respectively per age bracket. This allows them to see the value of a dollar and how hard aba works etc.... We write thank you cards to anyone who gets us something. It's things like this that I believe help them to see the value of $ and what it is to be spent on and when it is to be saved etc....and how to be appreciative of others who do something for another. A chesed program is in action here and I have told our kids that chesed teaches us that doing for others is a way to teach us how to be grateful for what we have and not to ask ask ask all of the time.
As for the keeping up with the "Friedman's" I patiently explain that Ima and Aba do not have "that kind of money." I say it in a way that gives them a sense of well being and that they are being well taken care even though they may see see little "Joshy " with a new expensive bike and roller blades and yes a $100 skateboard(yes they do exist)?! and they are not upset. I do get them "things" to play with. They are not the expensive items and we spend time together and we get slushies as a special treat- not all of the time(it loses value if given too much.)
Well, this is what I can provide and I hope it works. Our children are taught that Hashem loves each and every one of them.
Be well.



(15) Liora 1/3/2008 11:33:00 AM
Constant Media Hype
It is hard to teach good values and the value of saving to your children when the media, Hollywood, movies, TV, Newspapers are doing an expensive and terrific job of yelling Spend Spend Spend at every person everywhere everyday.

We forget that there is a big difference between what we want and what we need. We are the 'get it now, pay later' generation.

When I was in the insurance business, trying to help people and families prepare for the future, I couldn't even get them to understand that for the price of a dinner out a month they could protect their family in case of disaster. They'd rather have the dinner out.

Take one dinner out a month, if you are a family with young children and buy a 10 year level term life insurance policy that will protect your family should the main bread winner die before the children turn 18.

Take another dinner out per month and put it into a well managed mutual fund each month. Watch it grow over the years and you'll have money to retire on.

Take the change in your pocket at the end of the day and put in a coffee can. Use that to go on a vacation each year with your children.


(16) Anonymous 1/2/2008 11:26:00 PM
giving
Lets take our children to old folks homes and reasure the old they are not forgotten . Teach our children the blessings of giving . This is one of the the greatist gifts we can teach them not material things.They can make cards with words of love and wisdom. We could take our children to hospitals to teach them the gift of compassion on the sick . They can buy or make a small tokens that represents love to give to the sick. Let them visit the homeless and find out their stories ,why are they on the streets and let them know they are loved too. Lets teach out children to give love , to give a listening ear and to give our time . When we give , it will come back many time over for good.


(17) Daniela 1/2/2008 7:15:00 PM
Keeping up ?
I've always thought it wasn't keeping up as in, "I want what they have" as much as it's been "what will they think of me if I don't have what they have ??" Conformity is a lot about wanting the security that you have it right, are doing the thing the right way rather than doing the right thing, that you will be guaranteed approval from everyone you think is running the show. Weird how the fear of losing approval is always stronger than fear of losing your house and car...


(18) Rosen 1/2/2008 5:03:00 PM
response to Aron's response
Aron, if you mean that I ought to "get my hands dirty" with my career search, I feel that I am by proactively applying to as many jobs as I can related to either park service or the hospitality field. With the park service, it may be sort of difficult since the hiring is limited and the National Park Service, in particular is rather underfunded by the gov't. Nonetheless, I'll keep on applying and applying, and eventually I will get a job offer...This afternoon, I successfully gave feedback on a technical error for applying to one position online relating to the job registration error, where I brought it to the attention of the HR dept.

Yes, I did graduate from college less than 2 years ago, but the job market is rather competitive. I do appear to be doing all of the right things when it comes to proactively applying to different jobs and following up on my application inquiries. I have and will be doing practice interviews and actual interviews, as well.

Are you a career counselor, Aron, or someone who I more closely know?


(19) Anonymous 1/2/2008 4:41:00 PM

I couldn't agree more - it is quite a serious issue here and I personally feel that the issue should be regularly addressed in schools and shuls. Many Rabbis lead by example and live modestly. We live in a very materialistic society where people are always chasing the next car, phone, gadget, always chasing never happy with what they have because someone else has it.

Due to restrictive finances, keeping up with the Friedman's was never realistic. I've come to accept what I have and rejoice in what I have and am thankful for all that I have. I am happy boruch Hashem and as long as we don't need to cut the food budget I'm even happier. People forget that happiness comes from within not from the latest gadgets and excess purchases. If you have too much money give more to charity - if you're never happy ask yourself why. Consumer spending is a false messiah promising nothing but bills and a feeling of emptiness shortly after the purchases have been unwrapped and the novelty worn off.

The best things in life cost nothing:
-good company, good community, a good word, a smile, an uplifting shiur, helping someone out - too many of us have bought into the all pervasive message of 'buy buy buy' and it's corrupting our souls.


(20) Anonymous 1/2/2008 3:59:00 PM

We worry too much about others' opinions that count nothing in life. Maybe we should spend more time with our family and friends. They love us for who, not what, we are Incidentally, I drive an old Honda, live in a house I can afford, saved for my retirement, and invested in our children's college educations. We may not be materially rich, but we enjoy life..........and no one is knocking at our door late at night to collect a bill


(21) Anonymous 1/2/2008 2:52:00 PM
How true his observation is.
Dear Whoever it may concern: I am in total agreement with Rabbi Salomon, things are totally out of hand, but not only because of the credit card issue, but because of scrupelous mortgage lenders, who got people in terrible trouble, when applying for a mortgage. We are in this situation. We were almost done with paying off our mortgage, when 2 of my kids found their sivugim and got married. In order for us to make the simplest wedding we had to take out a new mortgage to pay for the 2 weddings. After that it was for college education and seminary. When we were almost done for this debt, my 3 child got married, and the song and dance started again. In order to make the simplest wedding, you need thousand and thousands of dollars, don't forget yeshiva tuition that goes up and up each year; my husband who is a school teacher and makes barely ends meet, I work part-time to help out, we have to use our credit card for the basic necessities, like gas, sometimes even food, because, even, if we hardly spend anything on clothing, I never buy regular price, even though I need it, I wait until the things go on sale, we have never money left over. The problem is, that in this country, until you are being investigated, caught on doing something illegal, you can get away with it. There is no regulations, until now, because it became a epidemic proportion, the government never got involved, and with good lawyers, you can get away almost with anything. The middle class will always suffer, while the rich will take advantage of desperate situations. If you are working, not sitting in learning, as is the trend by the frum community, you will not have to go in front a committee to prove how much money you are making. A lot of young couples, who choose the Kollel way, become a burden to society or their parents. Even though they choose this kind of life, they still want the benefits of both worlds; Ruchniuth and Gashmiuth, the Torah and material worlds, that is the reason, divorces are so high. Not everyone is cut out for this kind of life, and the Bais Yaakovs, Yeshivahs should not push for it. It is great, but the g'dolim said: Im ein kemach ein Torah, Torah im Derech Eretz. After they have a couple of kids, they enter the Chinuch,Hashgacha or Kiruv world, where they Keneinehore make a good living. Our attitude and our outlook, when we send our kids to Bais Yakov or Yeshivah's should be, if you want to go into Chinuch, sit and learn for a couple of years, but not everybody is cut out for this kind of job. We have in our Yeshivas and Batei Yaakov teachers a Rabbeiim, that should not be teaching, because they lack patience and sensitivity. They chose this route, because this was the route open for them. Even though this is the case, they still think they are entitled too, and demand to receive from "both worlds". They have beautiful homes,(paid for with the help of their parents, grand parents, they go on vacations, their kids go to overnight camp, or they go to the country in the summer time. I was never able to send my kids to overnight camp, because we didn't qualify for the scholarships that are given in camps for the kids of Kollel parents; I never have and never will follow up with the "Friedmans". Even though I never lived above my means, I am part now of the unfortunate group Rabbi Salomon spoke about, not because I chose it, but because I was scrupelously exploited by a market that didn't have enough, and wanted more and more......Though I should be angry, and depressed, I am not, because I know I have a Father in Heaven, and as he didn't leave me and desert me in more diffult situations, He will be with me again. Kam Su Letovah. I enjoy your articles very much. Keep up the good work. ananymous 01/02/08 5:15 PM


(22) fred 1/2/2008 2:46:00 PM
Re: living above my needs
"Rent,food, yeshiva tuition is that above my needs. My paycheck doesn't cover more than my rent. My wife's the food but I'll try to cut back."

One can cut back on luxuries, even food or rent. But we can't cut back yeshiva tuition until we can afford it - our children insist on growing up *now*. If they're not taught when they're young, they will be lost. My wife and I currently pay about 40% of our net income to the yeshiva (and the cost has risen so much that we're paying as much for the two still in school as we did when we had four). So obviously some necessities have to go on the credit card


(23) Earl Curtis 1/2/2008 11:32:00 AM
That is not much money.
You alas over an unpaid debt of $17E9 or about $100/family. I use my credit card as money and pay $1000 to $2000/month. Once in a while, I forget, so I average about $100/month and pay some interest. I do pay, more or less on time, usually early. The credit card industry is/should be structured for this. I find it dangerous to use cash or checks and want to pay this fee.


(24) Sarah 1/2/2008 10:29:00 AM
Parents need to set a limit and be role models for their kids!
Baruch Hashem, we are a family with means but I make a concerted effort to be aware of and not buy into the latest trends. We have 4 daughters ranging in age from 8-18 and although they are really good children, they don't appreciate or have any sense to the value of money. As a parent, I have mad the decision that I will not purchase anything with a brand name that is beyond a reasonable cost. I will NOT pay $70.. for a teacher that has an alligator on it, even if I can afford it. I tell my girls that it is simply 'Bal Tashchis". I can easily buy them a tee shirt for $20 that is comparibly of the same quality and I insist on doing it. I tell my girls again and again that you cannot live your life by brand names and logos alone. Isn't having money for an education, camp, family trip, wedding more important than splurging on such non-essential items? I am trying to convey to them the importance of not being wasteful. This is a tremendous cahllenge to me since "everyone" has a 'Kipling" bag ( a $70-$130- schoolbag), and 'everyone wears "Juicy" and "Lacoste" and "Coach". We as parents, have gone overboard in spoiling our children by giving in to their every demaqnd and by feeding their insatiable appetites for more and more expensive by being afraid to say NO! This of course appiles to other ares in parenting as well, but that is another topic entirely. For now, if parents would have the guts to take a stand and a strong position in this area, we empower our children to have values and morals that are not so shallow. Hatzlacha!


(25) Anonymous 1/2/2008 9:56:00 AM

Some people do not try to live beyond their means. In fact, they are just trying to keep up with the yeshiva tuition payments.


(26) Anonymous 1/2/2008 2:22:00 AM
Pa'amonim
There is an organization in Israel that targets this issue like an arrow targets a bulls-eye.

They are pretty big here, as people here are just like people everywhere when it comes to this subject. They have great booklets, seminars, and assistance programs. It sounds like the U.S. frum community needs to set up a sister organization to Pa'amonim locally.


(27) Anonymous 1/2/2008 1:24:00 AM
That is an excelent advice
Thank a lot for this awesome and very important advice of yours, I will take it in my mind always. Thanks again.


(28) Chavi Hornig 1/1/2008 9:14:00 PM

I think many people feel compelled to keep up with the Schwartzes or Friedmans out of a sense of shame. They are embarrassed not to be sporting the latest fashions, cars, techie toys, etc. They are afraid that it will reflect poorly on them. This is a result of lack of self-esteem.
It is interesting to note that it is wealthy people who frequently don't mind bucking the flow and doing things on a much simpler, more austere scale, because their self esteem is strong enough to free them to do that which feels right to them.
Rafe Esquith, a fifth and sixth grade teacher in an inner city school in Los Angeles, describes, in his book "Teach Like Your Hair's on Fire", what he introduces as his six levels of moral development the very first week of school, and his students live up to them as a matter of course. I have paraphrased them for the benefit of my students, as follows:
I do what is right because:
1. I don't want to get into trouble.
2. I want a reward.
3. I want to please my teacher, my parents, or my friends.
4. I follow the rules.
5. I am considerate of other people.
6. I have a personal code of behavior and I follow it. I know what is right, and I need to be proud of myself always. (And I have to make Hashem proud of me.)

These are progressively higher levels. Unfortunately, too many of us get stuck at level 3. But our goal should be to reach level 6. If we can feel good about, and proud of ourselves, it will no longer matter what the Friedmans or Schwartzes or any one else thinks of us. As long as we have enough self confidence and enough self-esteem to act in accordance with what we know is right for us, we will have reached the highest level attainable.


(29) scot 1/1/2008 7:09:00 PM
Values
when we model and teach our children good values, they are more likely to internalize them and exhibit those same good values for their children. 'do as i do' is so important, and the Torah way.


(30) Alan E Longworth 1/1/2008 1:07:00 PM
Excellent topic
My mother's words are etched into my brain,"do i want it? or do i need it? Those few words have stood me in good stead thoughout my life. I have no debt but use a credit card for convenience. It troubles me that the credit grantors consider me to be and refer to others like me to be a deadbeats because we pay no interest. The answers to the problem are alarmingly simple. Do i want it? or do i need it? Thank you.


(31) Anonymous 1/1/2008 12:57:00 PM
living above my needs
Rent,food, yeshiva tuition is that above my needs. My paycheck doesn't cover more than my rent. My wife's the food but I'll try to cut back.


(32) Bill 1/1/2008 12:56:00 PM
debt is too available
The first thing we learn in high school economics class is that as humans, we have unlimited wants. In the normal world, our wants are limited by availability. In college, I may have wanted to go out for a pizza after a few drinks, but I knew that if I did that, it would eventually add up to make it not possible to pay my rent. My parents drove an old car because they didn't have the money to buy a new one.
What has changed today is the availability of credit. Today, credit is the easiest thing to get. Nearly every day I get in the mail another offer for a "pre approved" credit card. Until the sub-prime debacle unfolded, it was absurdly easy to spend astounding amounts of money on a house, sometimes with no money down.
As individuals, we can't fix everyone else's debt. But we can deal with our own. Personally, I buy most things with cash. I have a credit card, but I don't use it often, and every month I pay it off in full. And every time I receive a paycheck, I save some of it. Then even in between jobs (I'm an independent contractor), I don't have to take debt, because I live off my savings.



(33) Anne M 1/1/2008 12:27:00 PM
I Enjoy Rabbi Salomon
I enjoy Rabbi Salomon as I relish hearing someone with some good common sense, who is in touch with reality. Today we have many, many degrees but lack good common sense.


(34) Aron 1/1/2008 11:41:00 AM
Rosen, what exactly are you hoping to market?
You requested feedback, so here it is. From the articulate way you express yourself, you give the impression of being a grad or undergrad in the field of humanities or social sciences. Therefore, would I be correct in speculating that you've been seeking work in communications, or education, or human relations, or journalism, or publicity...or some similar "semi-professional" field? If this is correct, then you should be aware of some hard cold facts--all these fields are every bit as overcrowded as your experience has suggested. I know some folks, working in these occupations, who have said that new openings are not even advertised anymore, so as to avoid their offices getting snowed under by literally thousands of applications. What those employers do, instead, is just go by personal recommendations--i.e., that good old "who you know, not what you know" system. So, Rosen, do you think this is a market in which your "patience" will truly prevail? And oh by the way, if you're in the computer &/or office work field, things are equally bad, thanks to a ridiculous oversupply of grads from thousands of money-grubbing technical colleges. Well now, to finally get to the point, I believe your best strategy would be to turn your back on your pseudo-intellectual career aspirations, & prepare yourself to GET YOUR HANDS DIRTY. There are constant shortages in the areas of manual trades, trucking, manufacturing, medical technology, hotel & restaurant management, & many other HANDS-ON careers. Of course you'd have to undergo a huge paradigm shift to change your direction so drastically, but you should be capable of psyching yourself into it. Since you refer to yourself as observant, reflect on the fact that our ancient books state that everyone should learn a trade. By logical inference, this would definitely exclude career fields that are too overcrowded to be worth placing false hope in them. Good luck, & let me know what you think of these suggestions, by adding another comment to this article.


(35) Jennifer 1/1/2008 11:29:00 AM
Unsolicited comments
Think about the "compliments" we give to others. How often have we said, "Cool new car you've got!" or "What a great new (fill in the blank)." Women tend to be more personal, complimenting on new clothing, accessories, or expensive haircuts. Men tend to compliment more on electronics and "big boy" toys.

However, when was the last time we complimented someone on something that the person said or did?

What, ultimately tells more about the type of person we are, how expensive or stylish our possessions are -- or how we treat others and contribute to society? I certainly hope the answer is clear.

Maybe a very small way we could start to cut back on possessions and excessive spending is to compliment people on things that really matter in life.


(36) A 1/1/2008 11:19:00 AM
Just DON'T do it! BUT KEEP SMILING
I grew up in a wealthy environment but we didn't know it; my parents never showed it, never admitted it, in fact they were totally secretive about their finances,to the point (being the only jews in town) my dad was known as 'the ogre' or 'the cheap jew' (even by my brothers); materially we had all we needed: a nice roof over our heads (and maids) and lots of good food.
Fast forward and now I'm a parent, I too kept my finances a non issue with my kids; we talked about HOW to handle money, not about HOW to handle MY MONEY; I am not wealthy.
I knew when my kids cried 'you're the worst mother on earth' at the top of her lungs in Walmart or the Mall, that I was doing the rigth thing because THAT is what kids put parents through, so I turned the 'table of thoughts' around and would tell myself 'great!she's right on cue, and so am I; it's time to shut up and walk out of the store'. One of the keys to surviving saying NO was to say it no more than twice. Then SHUT UP (body language included). (once is ok, twice is a reminder, thrice is nagging so shut up). It toughens us up. We grow. It too is another situation that HaShem gives us because He only gives me what I can handle, even through these lovely kids who love to 'pull my chain'.
Know that when the world takes the road most travelled, that's exactly where not to go. Have a secret mental competition of how 'not to keep up' with the Joneses/Freedmans, try to find out if they are actually HappIER because 'they got' and you didn't; but most, be so so grateful for what do you have and weren't given, Thank The Almighty... had you 'gotten' what you couldn't handle you might very well have ended up hurting others badly and so yourself.
My kids are my very own 'burning bush'.
You have your own burning bush, and only you can see it, only you can deal with it.
Sometimes I blinked and blew it too.
Peer pressure, kid pressure, self pressure... just say NO, and do without credit cards if you have to.
And shut up. But keep smiling.


(37) Anonymous 1/1/2008 10:59:00 AM
Offer Praise
Your neighbor buys a new car?
Tell him/her, "That's a beautiful car -enjoy it". And mean what you say. It will make them and YOU feel good. Envy should not be involved.


(38) Saver 1/1/2008 10:51:00 AM
Thinking Twice
I live in one of the most affluent communities in the U.S., and although I live very simply in comparison to my neighbors I, too, have too much credit card debt, which I'm trying to reduce. Now, whenever I see something I want, I ask myself if I really need it. More often than not, the answer is no. Just taking that quick moment (between seeing and buying) to check in with myself stops me from going overboard with my spending. New Year's Resolution: pay off the remaining balance on the card!


(39) Elonna 1/1/2008 10:46:00 AM
Debt free
Six years ago I got rid of my credit cards. It took me two years to pay it off. I payed for everything with real money...either by check, bank card, or cash. Afer paying my debt, I kept one credit card and used it for an emergency only, maybe once a year for car problems. I also have a limit on my bank card for security purposes. Recently, I've gone back to using a credit card, BUT I pay the FULL amount every month, ALWAYS! If it's so outrageous I couldn't possibly pay the full ammount at the end of the month, I wouldn't buy it! Even my "new" car, I had my father find it at an auction and I payed in full, cash!


(40) Nettie Price 1/1/2008 10:43:00 AM

Credit cards should not have an open ended credit line. If a person takes a loan, there should be an agreed amount due each month. No monthly payment, stop the credit line. The credit line should not be a perpetual way of life. The borrower has to establish that he/she can payoff the debt. Otherwise it is a chronic life style where the borrower is in constant debt.The credit card companies created this life style and made it easy for borrowers to become perpetually in debt at enormous rates. The companies have no need to improve the borrower's financial status because that is how they make money. Perhaps, government regulation would be able to regulate the process but more importantly, I would like to make the credit card companies responsible for offering counselling to the people they have encouraged to become perpetually in debt. To continue to receive additional credit, the borrower needs to show they can payoff what they have already borrowed. Once the initial debt is payed off, then you can consider another debt.


(41) Anonymous 1/1/2008 9:48:00 AM
Machers Wanted
All Rosh Yeshivas, Rabonim and serious Balei Batim have to get together on this. They have to decide that in their kehilla no one can make food at a wedding, Bar Mitzvah, Bris for more than a certain amount of people. As far as sheva brachos go, I believe you make sheva brachos only if you have ten people. You dont have to go look for them. Sheva brachos does not have to be catered. The takonos have to be very strict. People have to know that they will be kicked out of shul and would not be able to go elsewhere. Unfortunately the credit Machla is spread among the frum jews. We have problems meeting our obligations and of course this is against our torah. lovei rosho vlo yeshalem. thanks


(42) Anonymous 1/1/2008 1:58:00 AM

We have to look back, remeber the wars, the Holocaust. What did people actually take with them?cars?jewelery?watches?toothbrashes?siddurim?tefilin?
now if we look back we'll understand what is really important, always keep in mind that we will leave this world not being able to take anything materialistic with us. Does this make scene to spend all ones time and energy on something that is so temporary? Every time you buy something for you child or yourself, explain yourself, tell them/yourself i'm buying so and so for this, I want this to help me do this in life. Try it! It helps us add a meaning to everything we do and everything we buy



(43) Peseach 12/31/2007 9:38:00 PM
A good start to controlling credit card debt
Remember number 10; Thou shalt not covet.
Let it cross your mind every day. Whenever you are shopping--remember number 10. When you are riding in your friend's beautiful car. Remember number ten. Don't covet. Internalize it.




(44) Yoni 12/31/2007 2:48:00 PM

When I was growing up in yeshiva, there was fierce competition on so many things that were out of us children's control. For example, the rich group of kids would walk around with their 150 dollar pair of sneakers while others were left with their bargained priced Nike. I remember peers begging their parents to buy them those most desired sneakers. I remember a kid who saved up his money for months to get a pair of Jordan sneakers. I remember peers looking at these "high-class' kids in jealousy and envy. I remember a kid who told his parents "I HATE YOU" because they would not buy him those sneakers. I remember so distinctly because that kid was me. No, we weren't poor. In fact, we were pretty well off. But my parents would not under any circumstance buy me such high priced sneakers.
Looking back, I think of how crazy that all was. But I was a kid. I didn't know better. I don't think it was those kids' fault. But if anyone should be blamed it would be the parents for not knowing how to say NO.
And although I think grownups and parents ought to be more mature about this, it's just not realistic. Putting a spending limit on simchas which has already been established does not get to the root of the problem but somewhat minimizes the pressure. I think this ought to be applied in yeshivas as well. The school administration should make some arrangements to maintain a leveled ground for all children.



(45) C. Roberts 12/31/2007 4:47:00 AM
Out of Town?
Hi,
I'm a frum guy living out of town in Gibraltar. I've lived here for 10 years.
In a small community with one Rabbi people learn to grow with, and from each other. It's clear in a small setting who everyone is and what they are capable of doing. Sure, some are more wealthy than others but becasue we live and are close to each other there is no need to compete. No-one keeps up with the Friedmans here!
I suspect that if people began to have a stronger sense of self (higher self esteem!) they would not feel the need to have to respond to every question asked of them. Someone strong can comfortably say "thats not a need for me or my family right now." It may be a small town mentality, but children grow up far stronger becasue of it. They don't ever become slaves to their neigbours! In fact when we send our children away to Yeshiva in Engalnd or Israel after high school, they are far stronger and more assured than their peers generally.

I've verified this point with Gedolim and recently a prominant psychotherapist in NY.
Think about it, the stronger you can be about yourself the less the need to feel good about yourself in the eyes of others.
Be well everyone...


(46) Batsheva 12/30/2007 2:08:00 PM
cash
my husband and i have made a new commitment to saving and spending our money. we now use strictly cash for all expenses, that doesn't include routine bills such as the electricity, rent, gas and phone, but for our daily expenses we only use cash. when you have cash in your hand you are less tempted to "spend away" you can feel the money being spent as opposed to just charging everything on the credit card and dealing with it later. that "later" always cones and we are always so surprised at how high the bill is. why not be realistic spend what you have in cash and dont get surprised at the end of the month with a heafty bill. so from now on remember to take out from the cash machine only as much as you can afford for groceries or whatever else you need and learn to live within your means.


(47) Anonymous 12/30/2007 10:03:00 AM
one step at a time
There is no one magic bean that cansolvethe whole problem, but there is a big thing that can be done in the Jewish community- the Rabbis need to get together and set a cap on how much a family can spend on a simcha-- especially weddings, but also bar mitzvahs and even bris milahs. Historically they have done it before and they can do it again. Families go into debt to marry off a child in style, and before they even have a chnace to pay it off, they have to do it again for their next child. aside from the pressure to make the wedding of the century, what does it teach the young couple who is about to start the massive undertaking of building a Jewish home? As an only daughter from an affluent suburb, and the first of my graduating high school class to get married, my parents wanted to give me the wedding of the century. My husband's parents wouldnt hear of it. I agreed with my in-laws. We finally got my parents to cut down on the spending, and had them give the saved money to a fund that makes weddings for orphans in Israel. The rest was given to my husband and I so we could start out respectably, because, after all, its not the wedding night that's important, but the morning after. Aside from the lesson our children will take from hearing how we scaled back our wedding, my younger brothers also learned a valuble lesson at the time. And of course,my husband's younger siblings learned a good lesson by watching their parents insist on a scaled back event, even though the tongues would wag. Unfortuanately, there are not enough people like my in-laws who understand this idea and not enough people like my parents who are willing to listen to reason. We need the biggest Rabbis that people in the community will listen to to take a stand and make a takana (ruling) about how much can be spent. People love to argue that Judaism rejects asceticism- and that's entirely true- but they get so busy belaboring the point that they forget the other side of the coin- that Judaism rejects excess as well.


(48) Ross 12/30/2007 7:55:00 AM
But people want the opposite
People are truly jealous of the guy who doesn't spend a bundle of money on a simcha or a car or a house...and gets away with it, by NOT caring what others think. People wish they also wouldn't be so self conscious. But we are, so even though we see those few who set the example, we just can't do it. We must keep up with the others. So let's get together in a community and admit this is what we think, and limit our spending, and to the guy who stands up and says, "No thanks, 'cause I can afford it!", let's not care about his extravagant weddings and objects, and let's just do what's right for us!


(49) Rosen 12/30/2007 6:51:00 AM
the market vs. working wages
I figure the reason why the economy is the way it is, would be due to most people living paycheck-to-paycheck, where the working wages don't always catch up to their debt. I, for one, am underemployed and working part-time. I live with my parents, where I am blessed that they have supported me every step of the way, even beyond age 18. It's difficult to find permanent, full-time work due to the competitiveness of the job market, and I have been applying to different jobs as much as I can, and usually I get responses from different employers in letters saying "You were rated as qualified, but we have selected another candidate." Getting back to my family, my dad took another job several months ago where he makes 3x more than what he made from his previous job to support my family including me, my mom, and my brother who is overseas finishing up college abroad. With me, it seems like employers tend to look for experienced candidates than those who are just barely entering the work force....As for the credit card crunch, while I use my folks' credit card, they insist that it is only for emergency purposes. In order to avoid my accounts going below $0, I have some overdraft protection in one, and I have recently been balancing my check book with another. My mom and I share a piggy bank where we put change in, and after about a month, we deposit it into a savings account. I have learned about working for money (as opposed to a random allowance) as early as I was 7 years old, so I am overall fairly disciplined with going about to earn it. Anybody have any feedback on my progress so far, and how patient I ought to be with finding the right full-time/permanent job in the job market? I sense Hashem will always be looking out for me every step of the way, too, because things do work out towards the end of different situations and other circumstances. I also attempt to do the right things by giving tzedekah and other mitzvot, as well as sometimes doing things above and beyond for people like when I am working, whereas I don't usually see other people involved with interacting with clientele as tactful as I am. The attitude of the economy still seems like the rich are still getting richer and the working class and lower income families are still struggling to get by as they seemingly get "poorer". And, I know G-d asks us NOT how much money we make, but how much we have given back to the community for the less than fortunate than us.