If your spouse portrays a picture of him/herself more
positively than you feel is accurate, accept it. Build upon
it. It is frequently a mistake to try to demolish this picture.
By building upon it, you create a more positive future
reality.
People tend to act in ways that are consistent with their
view of themselves. For example, your spouse might
say, "I consider myself to be very considerate." Let's
say you disagree and feel that your spouse has a long
way to go to fit this picture. You would like your spouse
to be more considerate, wouldn't you? Therefore, it is
best to express gratitude for the consideration already
displayed. By doing so you have a better chance of
having a more considerate spouse. If you argue, there is
a good chance you will end up in a no-win quarrel. Even
if your spouse ends up agreeing with you, it is not likely
that your approach will improve their character.
(From Rabbi Pliskin's book entitled "Marriage" -
ArtScroll Publications, 1998, Chapter One, p.31)
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About the Author
More by this Author >
Rabbi Zelig Pliskin is a noted psychologist and prolific author of 24 books, including Guard Your Tongue, Gateway to Happiness, Gateway to Self Knowledge, Love Your Neighbor, Growth Through Torah, The Power of Words, Consulting the Wise, and the recent Life is Now. Rabbi Pliskin lives in Jerusalem, and is the director of Aish HaTorah's Counseling Center and a senior lecturer at Aish's Essentials program and the Executive Learning Center. He was ordained at the Telshe Yeshiva in Ohio and holds a degree in Counseling Psychology.
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