Insults are based on the insulter's subjective point of view. Realize that the person is making a "to me" statement. For example, he is saying, "To me you seem selfish." Ask yourself, "On what is he basing his insult? Is it based on fact or opinion?" Then ask yourself, "Do I agree with his basic assumptions?"
If you let someone's insult bother you, it implies that you consider his opinion of you to be more important than your own opinion of yourself. Actually, if you agree with he says, try to improve yourself. If you disagree, disregard the insult.
(Chayei Ha'mussar, vol.2, p.208; Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Happiness," p.296)
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