If you are involved in a quarrel with another person, it's easy to think that it's entirely his fault. The wrong things that this person said and did are loud and clear to you. It's not easy to be aware of what you personally said or did that was wrong.
A question to keep asking yourself about any quarrel you become involved in is, "How did I contribute to this?"
Even if you feel that the other person is one hundred percent wrong, and you are one hundred percent right, you might still have said or done something that was partially a cause of the quarrel or at least a cause of it becoming as heated and bitter as it did. You might have been totally right in what you said or did and didn't have any way to know how the other person would react. By asking how you contributed, factors and patterns might emerge that you can eliminate in the future.
(from Rabbi Zelig Pliskin's book: Harmony with Others, p.42, www.artscroll.com)
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