Elul 18
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Elul 18

Let the honor of your friend be as dear to you as your own (Ethics of the Fathers 2:15).

Pride, honor, and acclaim have an attraction all their own, but our Sages warn us that these may be destructive (ibid. 4:28). The frustration people may experience when they feel they did not receive due recognition may be extremely distressing.

People who crave honor may sometimes attempt to achieve it by deflating others, thinking that their own image is enhanced when others are disparaged. The truth, however, is just the reverse: when one deflates another, one's own image is diminished.

Rabbi Nechunya's students asked him, "By what merits did you achieve long life?" He answered, "I never accepted any honor that was at another person's expense." As an example the Talmud tells that when Rav Chana Bar Chanilai visited Rabbi Huna, he wanted to relieve the latter of carrying a shovel on his shoulder. Rabbi Huna objected, saying, "Since it is not your custom to be seen carrying a shovel, you should not do so now" (Megillah 28a). Rav Chana was willing to forgo his own honor for Rabbi Huna's sake, but Rabbi Huna would not hear of it.

Why does such an attitude merit long life? A person who is not preoccupied with his image, and is not obsessed with receiving honor and public recognition, is free of the emotional stress and frustration that plague those whose cravings for acclaim are bottomless pits. These stresses can be psychologically and physically devastating, and dispensing with them can indeed prolong life.

Aptly did Rabbi Elazar HaKappar say that honor drives a man out of this world (Ethics of the Fathers 4:28). One who pursues honors in this world mortally harms his chance for happiness.

Today I shall...

concentrate on being respectful to others, and avoid pursuing recognition from others.

With stories and insights, Rabbi Twerski's new book Twerski on Machzor makes Rosh Hashanah prayers more meaningful. Click here to order...

Published: May 21, 2009

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